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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: It's thank you time.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:00:03] Speaker C: We want to give a big thank.
[00:00:04] Speaker B: You to the following listeners who subscribed to us on our brand new KO Fi.
[00:00:09] Speaker A: Shout out to Monty, Mark Jessen, Steampunk.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: Octopus, and a mystery benefactor who has a vested interest in the Six Rivers story.
So thank you all so much. Your support will help us keep Pork Fried Dice running.
[00:00:27] Speaker A: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Hey, did you hear I'm a Slug Lord now?
[00:00:36] Speaker C: No, I didn't.
[00:00:37] Speaker B: I'm so jealous. I'm not a slug anything.
[00:00:41] Speaker A: Well, you too can become a slug something. Just head to tinyurl.com supportpfd and subscribe to Pork Fried Dice on Ko Fi.
[00:00:51] Speaker D: Awesome.
[00:00:54] Speaker A: You're listening to the show about Darts in youn Eye. It's Pork Fried Dice.
I'm Eric and I'm the Dungeon Master.
[00:01:05] Speaker E: I'm Abby and I play Rafina.
[00:01:08] Speaker A: I'm Alex and I play Bathwack.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: I'm KT and I play Will.
[00:01:14] Speaker F: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:01:20] Speaker A: Hold on to your haversacks. Let's roll.
[00:01:26] Speaker E: Do you need to hear our levels or anything?
[00:01:31] Speaker B: I guess I should look at that. I don't know.
I feel like maybe we turned Adam showing us something at some point, but I don't know because Adam hasn't been.
[00:01:44] Speaker A: I put them back where they should be. Both them and him.
[00:01:48] Speaker B: 100. 100.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Which is what it should be on our end.
[00:01:53] Speaker B: Okay, cool. Yeah. All right.
[00:01:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: Well, I mean, cool.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: If it's not good, you'll be mad in four months.
[00:02:02] Speaker B: I guess it's. It's just right because Abby and Alex are the only people that are on the. The same track in my editing, so.
[00:02:11] Speaker G: All right, I'll talk. Just Abby, talk.
[00:02:13] Speaker E: I'm talking.
[00:02:13] Speaker G: Try to talk over me.
[00:02:14] Speaker E: I'm always talking.
[00:02:15] Speaker G: I dare you to try to talk over me.
[00:02:16] Speaker E: It doesn't matter.
[00:02:18] Speaker G: Wait, are. Can they actually hear you?
[00:02:20] Speaker E: I don't know. Raise your hand if you can hear me.
Oh, Adam can hear me. Yeah, everyone can hear me except for you. But we knew that already.
[00:02:28] Speaker B: It looks good to me.
[00:02:29] Speaker G: Oh, were you talking?
[00:02:32] Speaker E: See?
[00:02:33] Speaker C: Thanks.
[00:02:33] Speaker B: Wa. Still over here.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: Are they good?
[00:02:36] Speaker B: I think so.
[00:02:37] Speaker A: Okay, cool.
Where do you want the notes?
[00:02:47] Speaker C: Oh, the notes.
[00:02:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I want to send them, like, right as a start so they can look at it, because I think having the words always helps.
[00:02:53] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:02:54] Speaker E: Yay.
[00:02:55] Speaker A: I'll put it in the chat for this call.
[00:02:58] Speaker B: Remember that you have the little document. Oh, man. I suddenly don't feel well either.
[00:03:02] Speaker C: Yay.
[00:03:03] Speaker A: We can just play jack box.
[00:03:05] Speaker B: This is the weirdest. It's the weirdest sickness because it is so slow moving.
[00:03:09] Speaker A: Do you want to play the recap or no?
[00:03:12] Speaker B: Yes, I do. I want to.
[00:03:13] Speaker A: All right.
[00:03:14] Speaker B: After all that. Jeez.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: Jesus.
All right, don't read ahead. Previously on Pork Fried Dice.
That's what. All right, one second.
I was trying to paste the. Why is it doing it like that? I don't know.
Okay, hit expand.
[00:03:35] Speaker B: Oh, my God. It's so many.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: I don't know. Whatever.
[00:03:38] Speaker B: Send it somewhere else.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Okay.
Or maybe it's because it was too much. I'll send it in two bits.
[00:03:45] Speaker E: I can expand it, but it's still not everything.
[00:03:47] Speaker A: There's half text.
[00:03:48] Speaker E: Oh, really?
[00:03:49] Speaker A: Don't just ignore that. It was just because it was too much to paste.
This is taking too long.
[00:03:59] Speaker B: I laid out the notes easily so that we could. Easily.
[00:04:02] Speaker A: But it's too much. Your recap's too long.
[00:04:04] Speaker B: I'm sorry.
Oh, Eric.
[00:04:08] Speaker F: Oh, Eric.
Oh, Eric.
[00:04:15] Speaker B: He's just struggling so much. I see him. He's like.
[00:04:18] Speaker A: Previously on Pork Fried Dice.
[00:04:22] Speaker C: This Friday at 8:30 7:30 Central, a group of friends needs to find out whether pet shop owner Sean Indigo has a winged owl bear in his possession. Should they just ask or should they send in a paranoid germaphobic urbanite con man who hates all things nature to investigate the animal cages? This won't end poorly, will it?
Only on pfd.
Get me home. A little voice beamed into Will's head so he tried to see which animal said it, but suddenly fear it will. And he noped the buck out of that wild frontier. Yeah, he could not find a reason he should stay.
Natural ones will make you feel that way.
What happens when the intervention you thought was about you was really a reverse intervention and now you have to help everyone else? Roscoe is worried about Sean's addiction to illicit substances. Or is it really Sean that's worried about Roscoe's addiction to brown treat, mustard and wine, Mo's addiction to religion and Rafina's addiction to twig D. Tune in Friday for a very special episode of Whatever happened to secret room activity. When you go in, everybody knew you were taking that brown treat. But Sean Indigo thinks he can go in and out of rooms without suspicion.
Everywhere you look, everywhere Roscoe's got. Roscoe's got a new intervention. Everywhere you look, everywhere Roscoe's got. Roscoe's got some distracting intention.
[00:06:11] Speaker F: Everywhere you go.
[00:06:13] Speaker C: If you want to leave the room that might be Banned. Roscoe will have to check the palm of his hand for the rules to interventions.
That's the rules to interventions.
This Friday on pfd.
[00:06:36] Speaker G: I've cast my rod.
[00:06:38] Speaker C: That's our pick.
[00:06:40] Speaker B: And what is he doing this week?
[00:06:42] Speaker C: Trying to catch another fish. Hope it doesn't turn out to be another boot catch. Kick causing trouble again when he puts four fish in his friend's bureau drawers. This Friday.
Come listen to my story. Bout a lizard name Kick. He sure couldn't think, but man, he kind of fished. He tried to catch a spiky wiggly, iridescent guppy. When the captain asked what fish it was, Kick said he made it uppy. The captain wished him good luck and pinned a ship's wheel intended for cruise traveling toddlers on Kick's clothes. Well, the next thing you know, they're.
[00:07:13] Speaker B: Headed to the fishing spot Philodeck. They invite Willie says I'd rather not.
[00:07:17] Speaker C: But Rafina's there to conversate. And on their merry walk they decide to go g and to have him pick the lock. The lock on Sean Indigo's room, that is. Raphina wants to go into the room full of vicious creatures and give them all a snuggle.
On a very special episode of pfd. The cross albatross wants Shiemi and the Shim shams to free a smile small winged owl bear. And Rafina thinks it's imprisoned in Sean Indigo's private room. But the door is locked. So she asks possibly 14 year old shimmy to pick the lock with disastrous consequences.
[00:07:52] Speaker A: What's going on?
[00:07:54] Speaker E: That wasn't great. You got darted.
[00:07:56] Speaker C: Should small children follow the instructions of weird old ladies they've met only a week ago?
[00:08:02] Speaker E: Oh my God.
[00:08:02] Speaker C: We can tune in Friday and find out.
Don't pick the lock on that door.
Something's waiting for you. He's waiting for you. It's a trio of darts that meet your face. Ouch. And I Boo. Boo.
This cruise has dangerous galore.
They're all in Indigo's room. And they're all in Sean's room. And now the captain himself will invade investigate. I think Sean is doomed.
Will Sheemi's left I ever see again? What guilt will Grafina go through?
Oh, Shawn's too young for this crew. Too young for this crew. What should we ethically do this Friday on pft? What happens when an impression goes too far? Sure, maybe your friends like it, but what about your spouse? Just how many times can a person hear a terrible accent before it ends in murder?
Tune in this week and Find out.
Sometimes you want to go R Nar. Arnar. R Nar. Ar Nar and Arnar. My pip far liar.
You want to talk like a guy who's got pets, both reptilian and mammalian.
You want to do a bad impression of an Australian.
I'm sorry, Monty.
[00:09:35] Speaker B: We're all sorry.
[00:09:36] Speaker C: Even Eric, even if he won't say it, he's so sorry. Monty's in Australia.
[00:09:47] Speaker F: Oh, my God.
[00:09:49] Speaker B: And that was amazing.
[00:09:51] Speaker E: Amazing.
[00:09:54] Speaker B: Epic.
[00:09:54] Speaker E: What do you mean it's not epic? That was epic?
[00:09:56] Speaker B: It was. It was. I don't know.
[00:09:59] Speaker E: Also, you've stolen every single sitcom theme ever.
[00:10:04] Speaker F: I'm.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: I'm.
[00:10:06] Speaker F: I'm legitimately envious that you made that. Like, I like, because it's. It's like you did the melange. It's a medley.
[00:10:15] Speaker A: It's. It's.
[00:10:16] Speaker F: You know, I love it. I love that. I love that approach.
[00:10:19] Speaker B: It was just so many, like. Like, the drama, like. Okay, so the reason that I thought of sitcoms was because after that time we played, I got off and I was like. I felt. That felt like one of the coolest sessions. And now it's been so long. So I don't know if anyone really remembers, but, like, we seemed to drift, like, in and out of different scenarios so well, and, like, go into each other's and out of each other's. And, like, it was so much happening, and it felt so silly, like, that serious things were happening. And also, of course, wacky thing. It just was. It was really crazy. Like, it felt so. I don't know. So then I was like, oh, yeah, it's like a bunch of TV shows. I have to just do that.
[00:10:57] Speaker F: Well, you killed it.
[00:10:59] Speaker B: You really did. Thank you.
[00:11:01] Speaker E: Amazing.
[00:11:02] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:11:04] Speaker A: Well done.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: Thanks, babe.
[00:11:06] Speaker A: And I think everybody knows what's going on. It was a very.
[00:11:09] Speaker E: I hope, definitely remember better.
[00:11:12] Speaker B: I had the. The only thing I do want to say is that the last time I remember Abby as Rafina saying, will's gonna kill me. But I will say that I went back and I listened to the conversation, and, like, while Raphina thought of Shimi picking the lock, Will was like, yeah, let him pick the lock. So, like, Will is definitely, you know, so you can feel bad if you want, but it's definitely not just Rafina, if you want.
I did not want you to think that it was all you're doing, for sure.
And also, the drinking room is actually called the lounge. That was another fact that I don't know if you remember that funny moment where we were like. Because you were like, the lounge. We were all like, oh, the drink.
[00:11:58] Speaker A: The drinking room.
[00:11:59] Speaker B: We kept calling it the drinking room.
Yeah.
[00:12:03] Speaker A: Anything else? Any other addendum, errata?
[00:12:06] Speaker B: One of the funny things is also that I realized only after we played that I didn't at any point actually tell anyone about the voice I heard. I was too, like, freaked out. I think, like, the natural ones really made me all, like, discombobulated, because I could not. I didn't remember when poor Rafina, like, Abby did a great job of just being like, what's going on? And then, like, I didn't even communicate.
[00:12:30] Speaker A: What was going on.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: I didn't say what was going on. I just said, there's a bunch of scary animals in the room. Like, that's too scary. Don't go in there. I didn't say anything about this voice. Well, no, I just feel bad because Abby did a great job calming down.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: A little bit now.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: Still get it? Still get in there? I guess so.
[00:12:45] Speaker A: Maybe get him some of that brown tree.
[00:12:49] Speaker B: But she means eye is white and disgusting.
[00:12:52] Speaker E: Yeah, that's the worst. It's the worst.
[00:12:54] Speaker A: Disgusting. That's subjective.
[00:12:58] Speaker F: His mom told him so.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: Yeah, he's gonna dart.
Yes.
[00:13:05] Speaker F: We also ended on a Roscoe cliffhanger.
[00:13:08] Speaker B: Yes, Roscoe. Adam needs to decide if Roscoe giggles and runs away. Next time on Pork Fried Dice. Is one of my notes here?
Perfect.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: So we're going to pick up right there. Very good memory.
[00:13:22] Speaker B: All nice.
[00:13:25] Speaker A: You're in the lounge, AKA drinking room, Roscoe, with Sean, Indigo, and Captain Clock Face and Mo.
And you were.
The conversation. It was about.
It was about religion, right? Gods and gods and things.
I don't remember what the exact question was, but, yeah, that was asked Sean.
[00:13:53] Speaker B: How he feels about gods, what he.
[00:13:55] Speaker F: Thinks, how he feels about gods.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: The last thing asked was how Sean feels about gods. And Sha had closed his eyes.
[00:14:00] Speaker A: Oh, that's right. He closed his eyes.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: Sorry. I should have said that whole note, dummy.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the important part.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Sorry.
[00:14:08] Speaker A: Oh, well, when I think about gods out on the. In the outback of where I'm from, I think, you know, the gods are there and they can help us out.
[00:14:25] Speaker F: Who are you talking to?
[00:14:27] Speaker A: What?
You asked me.
[00:14:32] Speaker F: Yeah, but there's a decision point that I don't know if Rosco's there to hear this.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: Oh, well, I was just starting to.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: His eyes are still closed.
[00:14:40] Speaker A: Yeah, he's got his eyes closed and he's talking.
[00:14:43] Speaker F: All right, well, Rosco's not hearing any of that. Rosco's eyes Also close in a. In a moment, he imagines a whole future starting with him.
He. He sees it all. He sees it. He lives a whole life. He sees himself waving and gesturing to Mo and Clock Face and giggling and motioning to them all to. To run away giggling and, And. And. And. And in this. In this future, he.
[00:15:22] Speaker A: They.
[00:15:22] Speaker F: They run away and they leave Sean alone. And.
But Roscoe also remembers that he did the same thing to the. The. The cross albatross.
And so in this future, like something he. It's not even clear in his imaginings, but something horrible happens like.
Like Sean, there's some kind of apocalyptic, destructive event that happens because of this offense that he causes to Sean by running away giggling. And in this. In. In the aftermath of all this devastation and loss, Roscoe is remembering back to how he offended the. The albatross with that same thing. And he's. And he's regretting.
[00:16:08] Speaker D: He's thinking to himself, oh, I.
I should. I.
I shouldn't have done that. I should have learned my lesson from when I. When I did the same thing, the albatross. Because then he. He was all mad at me and he up my. My quarter staff and. And then there was a big fight and it was bad. And now I'm. All my friends are dead and I'm alone, and I wish. I wish I could go back and change my mind about running away and giggling like I did.
[00:16:45] Speaker F: And he closes his eyes really tight in this. In this barren future.
And when he opens them, he's back. He's back in the lounge on the SS Abalone.
[00:17:02] Speaker A: And you see Sean open his eyes and he says, gods.
Do you agree, Roscoe?
[00:17:10] Speaker C: Oh, no.
[00:17:20] Speaker D: I guess I hadn't really thought about it that way.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Oh, so you do agree.
That's surprising.
[00:17:29] Speaker D: Oh, I'm saying it gives me something to think about. That's all.
[00:17:38] Speaker B: I guess.
[00:17:39] Speaker F: Did Roscoe really just live a whole life?
[00:17:42] Speaker A: Is this.
[00:17:42] Speaker F: Did he just have a Picard. A Picard moment in the. What's that episode? The Inner Light? Did Roscoe just have an inner light?
If so, he's traumatized forever.
[00:17:58] Speaker B: Oh, no. All right, well, get a new character going.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Is that the time where he, like, rides on a horse without a shirt or something? Or is that another episode that might.
[00:18:08] Speaker B: Be something else that was.
Yeah, I know, right?
[00:18:12] Speaker F: Notorious pork fried dice listener, Vladimir Putin.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: Infamous.
[00:18:18] Speaker F: So, okay, so we don't know what Sean said.
[00:18:21] Speaker A: I mean, Mo does.
[00:18:23] Speaker F: Oh, oh, oh, okay.
[00:18:26] Speaker A: Clock face does.
Sean does Ra.
[00:18:31] Speaker F: The important thing is that Roscoe has, in this moment, prevented A disastrous timeline from branching off and he's gonna go take a nap.
[00:18:48] Speaker B: Phew. All in a day's work.
[00:18:50] Speaker F: He's just.
[00:18:55] Speaker A: So satisfied with themselves.
[00:18:57] Speaker F: He's just looking wide eyed at everybody.
[00:18:59] Speaker D: And he says, I do not know whether I agree or disagree.
All I do know is that I'm a hero.
[00:19:16] Speaker A: That's a good way to look at it, mate.
I. I'd say I feel the same. Well, yeah, we're on the same.
[00:19:25] Speaker D: Well, good.
And you'll note that I am still here.
[00:19:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:31] Speaker D: Paying attention to you.
[00:19:32] Speaker A: Right.
[00:19:34] Speaker D: Like I said, I'm a goddamn hero.
[00:19:41] Speaker A: And the. The doors to the lounge burst open and in strides, Captain Malvolio Paisley followed by.
I can't remember who went with him.
[00:19:53] Speaker B: I don't think we actually decided that that was one thing. It kind of. He was leaving and the rest of us were. He was. I think he left.
[00:20:00] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: To deal with it. And we didn't decide.
[00:20:04] Speaker A: All right, well, do you want to. Okay, we'll cut down to the fishing spot.
Captain Malvolio Paisley has stroned Stroden strudeled out of the spot and Strudel, did you say?
[00:20:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I gotta write that down.
[00:20:21] Speaker A: Left behind his Kick and Valencio and one eyed Shimmy and Rafina.
[00:20:30] Speaker B: Kick had asked, are you okay? And Sheemi says, he's fine, but he can't see and the captain's going to investigate. We accused Sean Indigo of having dangerous animals.
And we said, everyone get your nautical pitchforks, your tridents.
[00:20:47] Speaker A: It's great.
[00:20:48] Speaker C: And.
[00:20:48] Speaker B: And you said, we can follow or not. So that was. That was basically the last thing. Sorry, I'm just trying to make sure.
Okay.
Would anyone say anything? The captain just left.
[00:21:02] Speaker A: You all stared at each other.
[00:21:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:04] Speaker E: What happened?
[00:21:06] Speaker B: Wait, wait.
[00:21:08] Speaker C: No.
[00:21:08] Speaker B: We don't have to worry about anybody being in the room. We're all here. Except for Rosco. Hopefully Roscoe isn't in the room, I guess. Wait, no. He couldn't get in the room because he didn't pick the lock.
[00:21:16] Speaker C: Wait, what happened?
[00:21:18] Speaker B: What?
[00:21:18] Speaker A: I picked the lock, okay? And a dart shot into my eye. And now I can't use my eye anymore. And you guys say it looks gross.
[00:21:25] Speaker B: Oh, I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't have said that out loud.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: You mean you kind of went.
[00:21:30] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I definitely did that.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: I could see out of this eye. And that's the face you made. Oh, that's a gross eye.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: Well, like you were looking at the.
[00:21:37] Speaker A: One that I'm not looking out of.
[00:21:39] Speaker C: It's an alarming.
[00:21:40] Speaker A: Eye.
[00:21:40] Speaker B: It's. It's alarming. It's new. You look different.
[00:21:44] Speaker A: All right. Do I look hot?
[00:21:47] Speaker B: Well, that's weird.
[00:21:50] Speaker A: Sorry. Do I look distinguished? Is that more acceptable for a 14 year old to ask?
[00:21:57] Speaker B: Sure. Yes, you do. I look at Rafina like this. Like.
[00:22:06] Speaker E: Does it hurt?
[00:22:09] Speaker A: No, it doesn't hurt.
These ones down here hurt. These holes kind of sting.
This one, though, I can't feel anything.
[00:22:18] Speaker E: Starts so chilling.
[00:22:20] Speaker B: Ah, stop doing it. He's doing it in real life. Stop it.
Jeez.
[00:22:24] Speaker A: Look, I'm an immersive dm. What can I say?
You'll check in under your seats. There's an eyeball you could all poke.
[00:22:35] Speaker B: I think that. I think Will is nervous that the captain is going somewhere. So I think he's going to shuffle on out the door while looking at everyone like this. He's going to strudel out the door holding his hands up like this.
We got to control this somehow. And I'm going to go.
[00:22:51] Speaker A: All right, let's go, Will.
[00:22:53] Speaker E: Okay, okay. Let's all go then.
[00:22:56] Speaker A: Where are they going to follow with the captain.
[00:22:59] Speaker G: I'm. I'm fishing.
I'm gonna get this fish.
The.
The one. I'm gonna get the one kick.
[00:23:08] Speaker B: You were supposed to do that like 30 minutes ago. I think we've lost that plan.
[00:23:13] Speaker G: Working on it.
[00:23:14] Speaker B: Oh, wait.
[00:23:16] Speaker G: Oh, did you guys find it?
[00:23:19] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:23:20] Speaker G: You don't need my help anymore.
[00:23:22] Speaker B: You can stay here, you fish smelling fuck. Just stay here. I don't care. I just gotta follow this guy. Whatever.
[00:23:29] Speaker G: All right, all right, I'm going. You're right.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: Batwack remembers that he's Batwack.
[00:23:37] Speaker A: Yep.
He's getting in too deep.
[00:23:41] Speaker C: Yeah, he's like.
[00:23:41] Speaker B: Yeah, he's gonna turn into.
[00:23:43] Speaker G: Can't stop thinking about this fish.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: What is it like when. Like there's super deep undercover.
[00:23:49] Speaker B: Daniel Day Lu. Oh. Undercover cops.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: Like there's like a word like or like a phrase for, like when you get like so deep into it. Yeah. Like, I don't know, whatever.
[00:24:02] Speaker B: You lose who you are.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: It's called.
[00:24:04] Speaker F: It's called Heath Ledgering.
[00:24:06] Speaker E: Heath Ledger.
[00:24:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Joke ring. Yeah. Too soon. Forever too soon. Oh, Heath.
[00:24:12] Speaker A: Oh, Heath. You were a candy.
[00:24:15] Speaker G: A long term spy. Also called a penetration agent.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:24:21] Speaker A: That's their experts in error correction.
[00:24:25] Speaker B: Can't keep those things in, can I?
[00:24:28] Speaker E: I don't see why not.
[00:24:32] Speaker A: You can't keep those things in, can you?
[00:24:36] Speaker B: Whoa. That's what she said is.
Oh, my God. Okay.
[00:24:44] Speaker A: All right. So you all hustle after the captain, who is On a.
He's on a mission, so you gotta hurry up to catch up to him. But, you know, you can hear him stomping, clomping, and, yeah, you were able to catch up with him as he bursts into the lounge.
Where's Sean? Indigo. Oh. What?
Oh, no. What's wrong?
You, sir, are under arrest.
I, as the captain of the SS Abalone, do hereby by the power invested in me.
He's striding up to him this whole time, and he pulls out. He has, like, a.
A length of hemp and rope.
[00:25:34] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:25:37] Speaker A: You will surrender yourself to me under charges of deadly assault.
Hey, ship locking mechanisms.
[00:25:51] Speaker D: Now hold on. I, I, I, I gotta say, like, I may not agree with, with what Sean believes about God and gods, but I will defend to the death his right to believe it.
[00:26:06] Speaker A: Well, sir.
Sir, if you get in my way, I will have to use force on you. Whoa.
Now, please, sir, Mr. Indigo, present your hands to me behind your back. Ow. What's it all this about?
You, sir, have installed a weapon of deadly force, unauthorized, on the outside of your room, and you have caused grievous harm to one of my passengers, for whom I take upon myself complete and utter responsibility.
[00:26:46] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:26:47] Speaker A: I don't know what you're talking about, but, Voyn, here's my hands.
[00:26:53] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:26:53] Speaker A: And he sticks his hands out behind him. I'll comply. I'm sure the truth will out.
And the captain roughly grabs him and ties his hands together behind his back.
[00:27:06] Speaker B: Will's looking at Rafina. What does Rafina think of the captain being all sexy?
How sweaty is he? I look at him. How sexy is he?
[00:27:15] Speaker A: Oh, how sweaty is she? I thought you were wondering.
[00:27:17] Speaker C: No, no.
[00:27:18] Speaker B: How sweaty is he? Like, you got to give her a description.
[00:27:20] Speaker A: He's red faced.
He has rolled his sleeves up. You can see his bulging forearms.
[00:27:28] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:27:29] Speaker E: She doesn't like bulges because Roscoe, she.
[00:27:31] Speaker B: Doesn'T like a bulge.
[00:27:32] Speaker A: You can see his perfectly smooth forearms.
[00:27:35] Speaker B: David Bowie's bulge. Would she like David's bulge?
Would she?
[00:27:40] Speaker E: COD pieces are different.
[00:27:42] Speaker F: Would Roscoe C. Notice Shimmy's eye?
[00:27:47] Speaker A: Maybe. I mean, it's not. He's not hiding it. He's in the room. His eyes are open.
Potentially. I could see that being plausible. Anyway, if you're assessing the presence of your.
[00:28:02] Speaker F: Yeah, Roscoe looks at everybody.
[00:28:04] Speaker A: Yeah, sure.
[00:28:04] Speaker F: It's noticeable, right?
[00:28:06] Speaker A: Yeah, totally.
[00:28:06] Speaker F: His eyes, all, like, pale and milky or something.
[00:28:10] Speaker E: It's white. Yeah, it's white.
[00:28:13] Speaker A: But, yeah, look at my eye. That's what he did to me.
[00:28:16] Speaker D: So wait, this Is what? Wait, is this what happened?
[00:28:19] Speaker F: What happened? Is this what the locks were about?
[00:28:21] Speaker A: There was a projectile that shot out of his door and struck me in the ocular orb. And look, I can't see out of it. And it apparently. It looks gross.
[00:28:34] Speaker D: I thought our friend was.
[00:28:36] Speaker F: It was in there.
[00:28:37] Speaker D: I thought Will cut him.
[00:28:39] Speaker A: Are you actually whispering or are you just talking across the room?
[00:28:41] Speaker F: Whispering. Yeah, put like off to the side. Yeah.
[00:28:44] Speaker A: To Shimmy or to.
[00:28:47] Speaker F: And if. And if.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: I mean, Will's there.
[00:28:50] Speaker F: Beige.
[00:28:51] Speaker A: Everybody's there. Everybody's there.
[00:28:53] Speaker B: Will is standing off to the side. I want to. I'm just very closely observing. Kind of like the law and order on the ship. Like what the captain's all about.
I mean, this is interesting. And Will is happy about it. He doesn't care if there's injustice or whatever because he wants to. You know, if we're supposed to get some prize from getting a creature that might be in that room, then getting this guy out of the way is very helpful to us. But also I'm trying to see whether I think the captain is like unbalanced or like if this seems. Does this seem appropriate? I think like it's a danger to the passengers. Like he's. And he likes to.
[00:29:29] Speaker A: He didn't come in and like kill him, right?
[00:29:31] Speaker B: Yeah, he's just. He's. He's trying to figure out what's going on. Okay. So I'm just standing.
[00:29:37] Speaker E: I wish the captain would have asked him about the darts. He didn't ask him about the darts.
[00:29:43] Speaker A: Do you say that out loud? Yeah, we'll get to that, Rafina. We'll begin the trial momentarily. I just needed to apprehend the suspect in order to make sure that he doesn't flee.
[00:29:59] Speaker G: Is. Is Rafina gonna be the sexy witness?
[00:30:03] Speaker A: Oh, I hope so.
If she would be so kind. Did you witness anything about being.
[00:30:10] Speaker E: Being a sexy witness? And we've got a white eyeball in. In Shimmy's head right now.
[00:30:16] Speaker A: Shimmy. Cover that up. It's disturbing. Raphina.
[00:30:19] Speaker B: Oh no, that's not what I mean. Hey, I think the evidence needs to stand on display. And I look at Shimmy and I win.
[00:30:27] Speaker A: Interferes with my witnesses ability to testify sexily.
[00:30:31] Speaker B: But you can't. You can't yell that at a victim of something of this magnitude.
[00:30:35] Speaker A: You're right. Cover up Shimi's eye.
[00:30:38] Speaker B: Captain, that's very inappropriate. That is not a kind thing to say. This a 14 year old child. I think I'm. I'm not really sure. I'M not sure.
[00:30:47] Speaker A: I mean, he's so distinguished, it's hard to tell.
[00:30:49] Speaker B: Yeah, he's like 65 or something, but, you know. You know, about that. You're distinguished, too. I think we talked about that last time. You were, like, saying that I couldn't judge his age because he's, like, young or something.
[00:31:00] Speaker D: I don't know.
[00:31:00] Speaker A: I'm Dan Aykroyd.
[00:31:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:06] Speaker A: Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I'm just. I'm a little worked up. Something like this has not happened on my craft before, so I am finding myself needing to work decisively and quickly to ensure this matter is put to rest.
[00:31:24] Speaker E: I'm glad we're acting quickly.
[00:31:26] Speaker A: Shimi, would you feel put upon if I asked you to for the sake of those around us, to cover your injury?
[00:31:37] Speaker B: That's all right.
[00:31:38] Speaker E: I think maybe it needs to breathe.
[00:31:40] Speaker A: Oh. I mean, I could just, like, hold my hand over it.
It doesn't matter. I can't see out of it.
[00:31:48] Speaker E: Would you like a pirate patch? I'll make you A pirate patch.
[00:31:50] Speaker B: Has insurance.
[00:31:51] Speaker A: What's a pirate patch?
[00:31:54] Speaker E: It's an eye patch. It's like a little peekaboo.
Oh, scrap of fabric.
[00:32:01] Speaker A: Sounds like something a sexy witness would give me.
[00:32:07] Speaker E: I'm just gonna tear up some of my boob tube socks here and.
[00:32:11] Speaker A: Oh, shit.
[00:32:12] Speaker E: Yeah, and make you a little eye patch here.
[00:32:17] Speaker A: All right, that's fine with me if it'll help you get through this.
[00:32:22] Speaker B: It's gonna be so sweaty. Will looks sashimi like this, like he's revolting. It's her boob tube socks. She just said. I'm assuming that's your boob socks. The ones that go around your neck.
[00:32:31] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:32:32] Speaker A: No, they go around their television.
[00:32:34] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. I know. It's.
[00:32:35] Speaker A: That's.
[00:32:35] Speaker C: That's the thing.
[00:32:36] Speaker B: Unless it was something that I do.
[00:32:37] Speaker E: Socks with boob socks.
[00:32:39] Speaker B: When Will looks at Raphina like, oh, no, the sock. The boob socks. And then he looks at Chibi, who's okay with it. He's just like, what is happening? Okay, good luck with those.
[00:32:47] Speaker A: I mean, it's just salt, Jimmy.
[00:32:49] Speaker E: I just want to be clear. It's not that I find your visage revolting. I'm merely worried about the eyeball, and I want it to be resolved.
[00:32:59] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:32:59] Speaker E: So don't feel like I can't look at you.
[00:33:02] Speaker A: I mean, you don't have to cut up your clothes then. I mean, I'm. Okay. I can't see it.
[00:33:07] Speaker E: Okay.
[00:33:08] Speaker A: It's the rest of you.
I haven't even seen A mirror yet.
Maybe that's a good thing. Judging by the silence that fell over this drinking room.
[00:33:22] Speaker B: Can I cast message and say you look cool? I can't say that as Valencia. Like, I'm. I'm Valencio. I don't know. She me. She me.
Sorry, I'm losing my voice.
[00:33:33] Speaker A: You want to say you look cool?
[00:33:34] Speaker B: Yeah, just, like. Can I say that quietly?
[00:33:36] Speaker A: Does Will believe that?
[00:33:40] Speaker B: I think that Will was alarmed when he first saw him, but, like, he's. He's just trying to say something generically nice. Like, he. I don't know if he believes that he looks cool, but he's like, don't worry about it. You look cool.
[00:33:54] Speaker A: I'm just wondering if I need you to roll Deception. That's why I'm asking.
[00:33:59] Speaker B: I don't think he looks. I mean, do I think he looks ugly?
[00:34:02] Speaker C: I don't know.
[00:34:02] Speaker B: I don't know how to.
[00:34:03] Speaker E: It doesn't feel manipulative. It doesn't feel like you're trying to gain something by it.
[00:34:07] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm not trying to gain any. I'm just trying to, you know. It's okay. Don't worry about it. Okay. I don't know.
[00:34:13] Speaker A: Sorry. I just sometimes try to bring it around to D and D. Apologize.
[00:34:16] Speaker E: Why don't you?
[00:34:18] Speaker A: Me?
[00:34:18] Speaker F: How dare you.
[00:34:19] Speaker A: Sorry, Abby.
[00:34:22] Speaker E: I guess I accept your apology.
[00:34:25] Speaker A: Adam, is that a wand?
[00:34:26] Speaker B: I know. He keeps waving it around. I like it when he's being Roscoe with this. It's very cute.
[00:34:31] Speaker A: Little conductor's baton.
[00:34:33] Speaker F: Not either of those things.
[00:34:35] Speaker A: This is a long chopstick.
[00:34:37] Speaker F: I forget who you killed with it. Yeah, I forget where it came from, but I found it. Now I'm playing with it.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:34:47] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:34:47] Speaker E: Looks nice in your hair.
[00:34:49] Speaker F: Thank you.
[00:34:51] Speaker E: Anyway, knock over your wine with it.
[00:34:57] Speaker A: Well, I'm glad we spent a few minutes on that. Now, let's see here.
Right. Everybody step towards the center of the room here. And he gestures towards a point kind of in the middle of the lounge. What does everybody comply?
[00:35:15] Speaker B: I do in the center of the room.
[00:35:18] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, just generally. Here.
[00:35:20] Speaker G: Kick. Slips out the door.
[00:35:22] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:35:22] Speaker G: Slips out the door if that's permissible.
[00:35:27] Speaker A: None of my characters stop you.
[00:35:33] Speaker B: Which room are we in?
[00:35:35] Speaker A: The drinking room.
[00:35:36] Speaker B: Drinking room that's over.
[00:35:37] Speaker A: It's the one. I'll put all your stuff there.
[00:35:39] Speaker B: See, like, how big it is? What is the center? What Will would do. Is it this one? The one with the chairs. I see.
[00:35:48] Speaker D: Wait a minute.
[00:35:49] Speaker F: Are we having the trial play?
[00:35:52] Speaker B: That's what Will is trying to. Yeah. Can we like, what is his intention? Can we tell?
[00:35:57] Speaker F: Roscoe is just asking.
[00:36:00] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:36:00] Speaker A: Like, does this.
[00:36:01] Speaker D: Are we already having the trial?
[00:36:02] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I'm going to get the room set up for the trial, then we'll be gathering evidence, and then we'll be presenting arguments, and then the verdict will be decided. So I assume, in a sense. Yeah, in a sense of. In which a sense is the truth and fact, then yes.
[00:36:21] Speaker B: What?
[00:36:22] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:36:25] Speaker D: You said that things like this haven't happened on your ship.
[00:36:30] Speaker A: Well, nothing so grievous. I mean, there's always the need to enforce maritime law.
[00:36:36] Speaker D: When's the last time you had a trial like this?
[00:36:38] Speaker A: Like, again, like this? Never. But we've had civil disagreements and certain disputes that needed to be arbitrated, so we were.
[00:36:50] Speaker D: You didn't even have one to get to the bottom of what happened to Chloe.
[00:36:58] Speaker C: Ooh.
[00:36:58] Speaker B: What is his reaction to that?
[00:37:01] Speaker A: Didn't have a she.
That wasn't a criminal matter, sir.
[00:37:09] Speaker F: Aw.
[00:37:10] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:37:11] Speaker E: Captain. What happened with Chloe?
[00:37:13] Speaker A: It was a tragic accident. She and I were.
We were having our morning walk on the top deck, and there was a bit of the decking that was slick and I mean, you know how ferrets gamble about. And she slipped, spun about, tumbled off the side of the boat.
[00:37:43] Speaker E: Did she have any enemies?
[00:37:49] Speaker B: What did you say? Was it a burp?
[00:37:51] Speaker C: Did she have any enemies?
[00:37:53] Speaker B: I didn't hear.
Oh, my God.
[00:38:00] Speaker E: You can get away with asking anything.
[00:38:02] Speaker A: I can't imagine anyone who would have a ferret as an enemy. Do you? That almost sounded like a leading question, though. Rufina.
[00:38:12] Speaker E: I just want to rule everything out because I was very concerned when I heard about the ferret's death, that perhaps there was someone who was jealous of your relationship with Chloe. Do you have another pet?
[00:38:23] Speaker A: No, I do not.
I had actually been thinking about talking to this one here, and he grabs Sean's arm and shakes him a little bit.
But I don't think that's happening now.
Hey, I mean, we could still do business after this. Innocent until proven guilty and all that.
[00:38:47] Speaker D: So we've got motive, Sean Indigo knowing that he could give some business to or get business from Captain Malvolio. If Captain Malvolio was in need of a new pet.
Moidered Chloe the ferret.
[00:39:06] Speaker A: Wait.
[00:39:07] Speaker D: The trial has begun.
[00:39:11] Speaker F: Captain Malvolio.
[00:39:12] Speaker A: What?
[00:39:12] Speaker F: You are the next witness.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: What?
[00:39:14] Speaker D: Sit down.
[00:39:15] Speaker A: No, no, no. This isn't how this works. I'm sorry, but if you have evidence to present that pertains to any of the participants in the forthcoming proceedings. Yes, you should feel free. And I would encourage you to present it when the time is right.
[00:39:35] Speaker F: Just.
[00:39:36] Speaker D: Just to be clear, you're not going to let me, like, take over this whole situation in a goofy way?
[00:39:43] Speaker A: In any way?
[00:39:45] Speaker D: All right, well.
[00:39:46] Speaker A: But you can. You will certainly be a participant, a full participant.
[00:39:52] Speaker E: How do we find jury members?
[00:39:55] Speaker A: Well, there is.
[00:39:56] Speaker D: Yeah, what's the.
[00:39:57] Speaker F: The. It's a. It's a.
There's a whole process.
[00:40:01] Speaker D: It's called Vo Deer v.
[00:40:07] Speaker A: No, there's no jury. I'm sorry.
[00:40:08] Speaker C: V. Deer.
[00:40:10] Speaker F: No.
[00:40:11] Speaker A: I will be deciding the fate of.
[00:40:12] Speaker D: The John Voya dia.
[00:40:16] Speaker A: Are you looking at your palm, sir?
[00:40:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:40:19] Speaker F: I've got rules for trials on this hand. I got rules for interventions on the other.
[00:40:30] Speaker A: Hey, everyone, if you like what you hear, please leave us a kind review wherever you listen to us. Also, consider supporting us by subscribing to us on ko [email protected] supportpfd where you can gain access to lots of exclusive treats and behind the scenes goodies. Thanks for listening and I'll see you next time.
