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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're listening to the show about a goofy movie. Apparently, it's pork fried dice.
I'm Eric, and I'm the dungeon master.
[00:00:11] Speaker B: I'm Abby, and I play Rufina.
[00:00:14] Speaker C: I'm Alex, and I play bat black.
[00:00:17] Speaker D: I'm kt and I play will.
[00:00:21] Speaker E: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:00:26] Speaker A: Hold on to your haversacks. Let's roll.
Were you ever in a marching band that did those, like, formations with, like, different, like, pictures and stuff? Yeah, of course. Yeah.
[00:00:39] Speaker B: That's what we did in.
Oh, my gosh. Well, like, what else? Like, I.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Well, you march down the road.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: I'm jokingly calling that the sport marching band, but it did actually involve, like, learning the score choreography, and, like, we did this cool one for the west side Story. It was a medley, and it was so awesome.
[00:00:59] Speaker A: Did you make the shape of, like, a snapping hand?
[00:01:06] Speaker B: No. Well, you know, I have no idea what shapes we made because I was just one pixel.
[00:01:11] Speaker D: You were one pixel.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: And I wasn't ever up in the stands looking at us. That didn't really. But, you know, it was mostly, like, X's. And then we'd, like.
[00:01:20] Speaker D: Did anyone ever take a bit, like, an old fashioned video?
[00:01:24] Speaker B: Such a good. That'd be so cool. Alex, were you gonna say something?
[00:01:27] Speaker D: Oh, sorry.
[00:01:28] Speaker C: Just today. Just that I found a video of my high school marching band doing something at Disney World.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: Really? Where?
[00:01:36] Speaker C: What? On YouTube?
[00:01:37] Speaker D: Are you on YouTube?
[00:01:38] Speaker A: Like, you in it, or just the band that you were a part of, but now it's 2023.
[00:01:44] Speaker C: Yeah, not. I haven't found a video with me in it.
[00:01:46] Speaker D: Why not? That's not right.
Alexander Masology.
[00:01:53] Speaker C: Let's see if I put in a Esquire certain date.
[00:01:57] Speaker A: What if I put in Lazarus Sully Moss.
[00:02:02] Speaker D: Electric guitar.
[00:02:05] Speaker B: Electric guitar.
[00:02:07] Speaker D: Information away. Marching band. And with his electric guitar.
[00:02:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:02:12] Speaker C: Yeah. I don't think. I don't think there's anything.
[00:02:16] Speaker B: Womp.
[00:02:17] Speaker E: Womp?
[00:02:17] Speaker C: No, I don't think. I don't see anything.
[00:02:20] Speaker B: Oh, how sad.
[00:02:23] Speaker A: Sorry.
[00:02:23] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I was a downer. Now, how are we gonna start this game?
[00:02:29] Speaker D: We can't.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: Oh, it's nothing. Why isn't that. What do I do? What do I press?
[00:02:36] Speaker D: Did you open your thing?
[00:02:37] Speaker A: Yeah, it's open. I just don't remember the.
[00:02:42] Speaker D: Wow.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:02:44] Speaker D: Nice.
[00:02:46] Speaker A: That's how we start this game.
[00:02:48] Speaker D: That's how we started. Well, we didn't like, last time or the time before we forgot to play.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Just the last time. Was it last time I got the last time.
[00:02:54] Speaker D: I just couldn't remember which session. It was. Sorry.
[00:02:58] Speaker A: Previously on Pork Fried Dice.
[00:03:10] Speaker E: Welcome back to abalonean gladiators, where morning passengers on the funereal cruise ship SS Abalone are pitted against each other in various feats of competition by its weird captain, Malvolio Paisley.
Now, weve just seen a genuinely touching scene between Rufina Falanche pot and some guys named Valencio and kick. And now. What's this? Oh, my God. It's rascal Lafleur emerging on deck and sprinting toward the group. And he is sweaty as fuck, folks. What's he shouting? Something about, everyone hide. There's a cross albatross on board. Not sure what that's about, but okay.
And here's Rufina taking a stand. She says she wants to talk to this albatross, and. Oh, and she hits the lifeboat, sending Moe and Valencio spiraling overboard into the water. You hate to see it, folks, but also you kind of love it. Well, looks like kicks getting his fishing line out. Now, the fishing part of the competition isn't until later, but it looks like he's going to. Oh, my God, he is. He is fishing Valencio Bejeman out of the water. Is Valencio's suit going to hold that hook? Oh, it looks like a double stitch. And that means, yes, it will.
[00:04:30] Speaker D: Nice.
[00:04:31] Speaker E: Okay, well, now, here's Captain Malvolio to announce the official start of the athletic games.
But what's this? Say it ain't so, folks. Valencia Beigeman, angry and humiliated about having been fished out of the ocean like a common snake sea bass, has just stormed off the deck, refusing to participate in the captain's game. And oh, my lord. Roscoe Lefleur, incensed that the captain isn't taking his warning about the cross albatross seriously, is joining Valencio in boycotting the games. And there goes gnar, too, folks. I do not know if the games will be able to go on with just Rufina kick, Shimi and. And mo.
Let's follow and see what happens below deck. Looks like Roscoe and Valencio are having a conversation. Valencio still looking mighty mad. Roscoe looking apologetic, but still ultimately like a deranged goof. Just not helping Valencio's mood. He is shouting at Roscoe to get a grip. Gnar's walking up, and Valencio insults him, too. Yikes. This is not what I call good sportsmanship, folks.
Oh, now here's another passenger who's not participating in the games today. It's Sean Indigo. Looks like Roscoe's asking Sean for help dealing with this albatross. Let's see if there really is a cross bird in Roscoe's room or if he's just been making it up.
Oh, we've got bird shit, folks. We have got bird shit everywhere. Bird shit covering every square inch of Roscoe's corners. And Roscoe is fuming, folks. He looks even madder than Valencia was after falling overboard. He is in fighting mode now, folks, and he has challenged the cross albatross to a fight for shitting all over his room.
Will Roscoe get his fight? I don't know, folks, but with the boy cod over and everyone reconvened on the deck, it is time for the games to begin.
First up, the front to back sprint. Ah, look at Em sprinting.
And sh. And Shimi wins with a natural 20.
Next up is endurance.
Ah, look at him enduring. And shimi the youngster wins again. He is killing it, folks. And finally, we've got the obstacle course. And. Oh, my God. I, ah. Roscoe Lafleur sees the albatross, and it has lit a fire under his ass. He might win this, folks.
[00:07:04] Speaker D: He might.
[00:07:05] Speaker E: Oh, no, never mind. He didn't use the rope to get over the pit, so he's disqualified.
All right, this has been abalone gladiators, the only competitive game show where the lead up to the games gets more actual commentary than the games themselves. But, hey, what's going on with this albatross? Is Roscoe gonna kill this thing? Does anyone other than Roscoe even see it? I don't know. Find out now on pork fried dice.
I'm so tired.
Just so tired. Like, all the time.
It's work. Work is exhausting.
Glad I have friends. I'm glad I have D and D.
It's really kind of what gets me through.
Love it.
I love it.
[00:08:04] Speaker D: I love it.
Amazing.
[00:08:13] Speaker B: No one could hear Alex laughing. He had his microphone away.
[00:08:16] Speaker D: That was so great. Oh, my God, that was so sweet. And then you laughed, and that was a recorded laugh. It was a recorded laugh, but also I was laughing, so it was hilarious with the music. It was so great. Yeah, the music just. I thought it was fading away, but it just faded down and it just kept playing. Hilarious. So good. Oh, my God, the back of my head hurts so good.
[00:08:42] Speaker E: You know, I did try making a recap song set to eye to eye from a goofy movie, since you guys mentioned it.
[00:08:52] Speaker D: But I listen to each other's hearts.
[00:08:56] Speaker A: Finally never too far apart.
[00:08:59] Speaker D: And maybe love is.
[00:09:02] Speaker E: Well, so the last part I got was if kick fishes with his magic line, he'll catch Valencio by his spine.
[00:09:12] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:09:13] Speaker E: And then I gave up.
[00:09:15] Speaker D: That's perfect. It was exactly what was.
[00:09:18] Speaker E: It's nice to be appreciated. Well, it's nice to be appreciated.
[00:09:23] Speaker D: I must have talked to, as I.
[00:09:24] Speaker A: Think I said, I, I think it heard me say I love.
[00:09:27] Speaker D: I love, I love.
[00:09:29] Speaker E: I immediately assumed you were gonna say.
[00:09:32] Speaker D: I love, it's nice to be appreciated.
Weird.
[00:09:39] Speaker A: I love to, I, what I was gonna say is I love Siri.
No, I love this now idea of people sharing their, their outtakes. They're not just like their attention b sides. Yeah.
They're rejected, abandoned recap efforts.
[00:09:59] Speaker D: That's great. God, I love a goofy movie. And also Adam's recap. That was great.
[00:10:06] Speaker B: Stop adding movies to my, listen.
[00:10:10] Speaker D: Like, you don't.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: It's, no, come on. It's a great musical.
[00:10:13] Speaker D: It's a great.
[00:10:15] Speaker B: Goofy was my favorite.
[00:10:17] Speaker D: You would love it. He has a son and it's heartbreaking, Abby. It's so good and sad.
[00:10:21] Speaker E: And we should do, we should do a double feature. I want to watch a goofy, it's been years since I saw a goofy movie. No, no. A goofy movie and a very specific episode of Atlanta, standalone episode.
[00:10:35] Speaker D: You told us.
[00:10:36] Speaker E: Because it is fucking.
[00:10:38] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:10:39] Speaker E: Brilliant.
[00:10:40] Speaker D: I would absolutely do that. That sounds awesome.
[00:10:42] Speaker E: I think that would be great.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: Did we talk about when we talked about a goofy movie, how it's apparently.
[00:10:46] Speaker D: Like a black thing? That's what, that's what the Atlanta.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: Yeah. What, I assume.
[00:10:52] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:10:55] Speaker B: But I want you guys to be proud of us because we finally watched Shaun of the dead last night.
[00:10:59] Speaker D: Oh, wait, like, Alex had also never seen it.
[00:11:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: He had never seen it.
[00:11:04] Speaker D: Oh, my God, you guys. Isn't it amazing?
[00:11:07] Speaker B: And now we're gonna watch hot fuzz.
[00:11:09] Speaker E: Oh, have you seen hot fuzz before?
[00:11:11] Speaker D: Eric's favorite movie.
[00:11:12] Speaker B: We've not seen any of that.
[00:11:14] Speaker D: Eric's favorite movie.
[00:11:16] Speaker B: I know.
[00:11:16] Speaker D: That's what I told.
[00:11:17] Speaker E: I think hot fuzz is. Yeah. My favorite comedy movie.
[00:11:21] Speaker D: Yeah. It's so good.
[00:11:22] Speaker E: Yeah. Like, it is.
[00:11:24] Speaker B: I hadn't realized till we were done watching it that those two, that Ed and Sean in the movie were like buddies who had written the film together.
[00:11:32] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:11:32] Speaker B: I didn't even know that.
[00:11:33] Speaker E: Nick Frost and son of a cross.
[00:11:35] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: That's the first of the Cornetto trilogy.
[00:11:39] Speaker D: Yeah, the Cornetto trilogy one's fine.
[00:11:43] Speaker E: I like the third one.
[00:11:44] Speaker D: Yeah. Like, it's not as good as the other ones, but I enjoyed it. I've seen it.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: I guess it's just you're comparing it.
[00:11:50] Speaker D: To those other hot fuzz is your favorite movie.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: Shaun of the Dead is also amazing.
[00:11:56] Speaker D: Well, so, like, especially if you like zombie movies. Cause there's little references in it, like, to other movies and stuff.
[00:12:02] Speaker E: We're coming to get you, Barbara.
[00:12:05] Speaker D: That movie I grew up with, you know, the original night of the Living Dead scared the shit out of me. Oh, my God, the music.
Oh, man. I have to say this. Somebody reached out to us on Twitter, which I don't even know how to sign into anymore. It's Xdev or whatever now, but, like, on Gmail, like, it's. James Klontz sent us a message that said. And I have to, like, it was like, I don't know, a couple weeks ago or something. It was about an episode that I talked about fright night. But what I was really talking about was lost Boys. I was confusing two movies.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: And he corrected you.
[00:12:43] Speaker D: He corrected me. And I was so ashamed. I was like, what the fuck? How could I get that? Because I love both fright night and Lost Boys. And I cannot believe I.
[00:12:50] Speaker B: Welcome to your forties.
[00:12:52] Speaker D: I can't believe it.
I'm very ashamed. And nobody else. Nobody even knew. So I guess I can be proud of you.
[00:12:59] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: The fact that I know that I'm in my forties, too.
[00:13:02] Speaker C: I'm okay with the forties.
[00:13:04] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm cool with the forties. But I'm not okay with confusing fright night and lost boys. That's. I'm okay with the forties. What the fuck?
[00:13:13] Speaker E: You. Wait. Do you turn 40 this next week?
[00:13:18] Speaker D: I'm already 40. I'm gonna be 41.
[00:13:20] Speaker E: 41. Okay.
[00:13:24] Speaker D: Yeah. Eric just pointed that out to me, and I was like, I'm not unhappy about aging at all, but I'm like. I really like being able to say I'm 40. Like, I. Like, easy to remember now. I'm gonna be like, I'm 40. What?
I'm not gonna remember that shit.
[00:13:45] Speaker C: That's where I am now.
[00:13:46] Speaker D: You're right.
[00:13:46] Speaker C: I have no idea which 40 I am.
[00:13:49] Speaker D: Yeah, it doesn't matter.
[00:13:50] Speaker A: I don't right now. Know which 30 I am. I have to do.
[00:13:53] Speaker D: Yeah, you always have to do.
[00:13:54] Speaker B: Cry me a river.
[00:13:58] Speaker D: I cannot, actually, you guys, I'm terrible. I don't even remember which one of you is older than the other.
[00:14:03] Speaker A: Abby's older.
[00:14:03] Speaker B: I'm older.
[00:14:04] Speaker D: Abby's older.
[00:14:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:05] Speaker B: I am. I'm the grave. The grave robber.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: That's how old I am.
[00:14:11] Speaker C: Already dead.
[00:14:13] Speaker D: She kills him young and then she marries him.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: Yeah, that's right. That's right.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: The people she marries are dead. The young people that she inappropriately marries.
[00:14:27] Speaker D: Are dead of old age.
[00:14:31] Speaker B: Oh, man.
[00:14:32] Speaker D: That's amazing.
[00:14:33] Speaker C: So it's really. It's a legal loophole, guys.
[00:14:38] Speaker A: What is it accomplishing? Nobody knows.
[00:14:40] Speaker C: We don't know.
[00:14:41] Speaker A: It's definitely a legal loophole.
[00:14:42] Speaker B: Just you wait. Just you wait till you find out.
[00:14:45] Speaker A: It'S actually just illegal.
[00:14:49] Speaker D: Your love oh, it's so sad.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: All right, now we have to hear the recap again.
[00:14:57] Speaker A: We listen to each other's hearts.
[00:15:01] Speaker D: Fine. We're never too far apart. And maybe kick lets out his line.
[00:15:09] Speaker A: He'll try to fish up Valencia.
[00:15:12] Speaker D: By spine.
By his spine, by his spine, by his spine, by his spine, by his spine, by his spine.
[00:15:22] Speaker E: Only the most hardcore pork fried dice fans will be singing that song.
[00:15:27] Speaker A: It'll be on the wiki.
[00:15:28] Speaker E: Deepest possible cut.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: I guarantee. It'll be on the wiki.
[00:15:32] Speaker D: Oh, my God, Mark. The best.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: I think my. My Eminem thing is on the wiki.
[00:15:38] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:15:38] Speaker D: Are you serious?
[00:15:39] Speaker E: It is amazing.
[00:15:40] Speaker D: Oh, my goodness. Oh, my gosh.
[00:15:42] Speaker A: Guess who's back.
[00:15:45] Speaker B: You gotta stop lollygagging, folks. Let's go.
[00:15:50] Speaker D: Oh, my gosh. I don't even know where you pulled that word from.
[00:15:55] Speaker E: Yeah. Wow.
[00:15:55] Speaker D: What a.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: 80% of us know what you're talking about.
[00:16:01] Speaker B: The other one's just rubbing his mustache.
[00:16:06] Speaker A: He's trying to find himself in marching bandaid.
Oh, my gosh. All right, d and d, hit it. Roscoe, you graciously allowed me to puppeteer your character in the last moments of last week's session.
[00:16:28] Speaker E: You can keep doing it if you want.
[00:16:31] Speaker A: Actually, I was thinking this week we would do the reverse.
[00:16:36] Speaker D: No, Adam does all the other characters.
[00:16:38] Speaker A: No idea.
[00:16:39] Speaker E: Right now I want to play. Play the albatross.
Perfect.
[00:16:46] Speaker A: No, but I said to kt after, I was like, I hope that's okay that I did that.
[00:16:52] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. No, I was like, Adam.
[00:16:54] Speaker A: I assumed it was, but still.
[00:16:56] Speaker D: Yeah, he was nervous. I forgot.
[00:16:58] Speaker E: Yeah, no, 100%.
[00:16:59] Speaker A: And I heard the resentment in your recap.
[00:17:03] Speaker D: I couldn't even do anything.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: It made Adam very tired.
[00:17:10] Speaker D: Tired.
[00:17:11] Speaker A: Also your hat. I feel like that was the most.
[00:17:14] Speaker D: He was actually. That was what he brought that up.
Oh, because his hat flew off and you said he just let it go. Maybe he. I was like, I think he would understand, though. Like, that was the only thing that I was worried.
[00:17:28] Speaker A: I know that Adam understands the benefit and joys of cooperative storytelling.
[00:17:34] Speaker D: I know, right? Yeah, but still, that's cute. I forgot it completely. But I'm sorry that you were still worried about that, okay? He doesn't give a fuck.
[00:17:41] Speaker A: No, no, I completely forgot about. And then I'm just remembering it now.
So, yeah, you bypassed the final part of the obstacle course, completely giving up your ample lead in order to make a beeline for the albatross. There's some sort of animal pun in there. I don't know what it is.
And so, yeah, the albatross is sitting on a little. I think I said it was, like, on the railing at the very front of the ship, on a little pole there. And so we're gonna start with you. You are headed in that direction.
Hey, maybe Roscoe, for a second, felt his spirit leave his body, and now he's in control. Or maybe this was him the whole time. But what is Roscoe doing at this very moment? What is he. What are his actions, but also what are his thoughts?
[00:18:37] Speaker E: He immediately goes back to get his hat.
[00:18:43] Speaker A: Digs his heels in.
[00:18:45] Speaker E: No. Yeah, he's fumin.
[00:18:49] Speaker A: I'm just gonna have Roscoe shed more clothing.
[00:18:55] Speaker E: Tearing off his clothes.
If Roscoe dives and at the albatross, like, lunges at it, is Roscoe gonna fall overboard?
[00:19:06] Speaker A: Well, I mean, that's for the dice to say. I would. I would believe.
[00:19:11] Speaker E: I mean, let's. Let's keep the energy from. From the end of the last session. Like, yeah, he's just gonna sprint right at him. He's screaming. He's like, ah, scroll the floor. Yeah, and he's trying to tackle the albatross. You're like, grab it by its fucking neck.
[00:19:31] Speaker A: All right, so you're just gonna with, like, are you trying to grab it and pull it off the ship? Like, is that what you're trying to do? Or are you just trying to get your hands on it and damn all else?
[00:19:45] Speaker E: Hands on.
[00:19:46] Speaker A: Damn all h a d A. So I need you to give me.
Let's see. What would this be? Hmm. I wish I knew the rules for D and D.
So to grab it, it's kind of like a grappling thing, which is. I think.
I think it's a strength check or an athletics check.
[00:20:16] Speaker C: But in this special case, it's a religion check.
[00:20:19] Speaker E: Oh.
[00:20:21] Speaker A: Grappling with your faith.
Or maybe most times you're dealing with religion. It's a religion check. But in this instance, when you're grappling with your fate faith. So you can make an athletics check. Just cut the last four minutes out, please.
That's how long that was, right?
[00:20:45] Speaker E: I'm sure it felt that long.
[00:20:49] Speaker A: You're sure it did athletics? Yeah, to grapple.
[00:20:55] Speaker E: Here we go.
[00:20:59] Speaker A: That is a 19. Well done, Roscoe Lafleur.
[00:21:04] Speaker E: He's in pro wrestler mode.
[00:21:07] Speaker A: Yeah. As you get. As you approach the. The albatross, you see just standing. Standing there stoically with its head turned so the one beady eye is looking right at you, and you see the eye perceptively widen.
[00:21:25] Speaker E: Sure.
[00:21:26] Speaker A: Perceptibly.
[00:21:28] Speaker B: Perceptibly.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: Perceptibly. That's it. Perceptibly, perceptibly widen as you near, just without stopping. And it looks like it tries to, like, take a step, but your hands are around its throat. Whoa.
You did not take momentum into account. You just wanted to get your hands on this bird. So I'm going.
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to give me a Dex save to see how well you do at staying aboard the SS abalone. Oh, dear.
15. All right, so, yeah, you slam waste stomach first into the railing. Kind of sends all the air out of your lungs, but the railing holds, and you're able to. The railing is high enough that your center of gravity isn't high enough to pull you over the edge. So you're standing there wrestling with the cross albatross, who lets out a muffled.
As your. Your hands close on its throat.
I'm gonna give you one more action. You can say what you want, but then you can do one more thing, and then we'll see what goes from there.
[00:22:51] Speaker E: Yo.
Shit in my room.
Is that Roscoe's voice?
[00:23:00] Speaker A: Well, this is fuming. Roscoe.
[00:23:02] Speaker E: I'm Roscoe Lefleur.
[00:23:04] Speaker A: That's not his voice.
[00:23:05] Speaker D: That's exactly his voice.
[00:23:06] Speaker C: I am the Roscoe Leflore.
[00:23:10] Speaker A: Alex's next disguise.
[00:23:17] Speaker E: Action.
[00:23:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:20] Speaker A: You've got your hands on his throat. Are you wringing his neck and neck?
[00:23:25] Speaker E: No, I don't. I feel. It feels. I mean, God, is Roscoe just a bird murderer? Is he a murderer?
[00:23:33] Speaker B: It's a God, too.
[00:23:34] Speaker D: Yeah, but he doesn't give.
[00:23:36] Speaker C: I mean, there are tons of them.
[00:23:37] Speaker E: So, so many of these.
[00:23:38] Speaker B: We haven't seen the open, the, like, the overt murder of a God that we don't even know what its intent is.
[00:23:44] Speaker C: That's.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: That's the thing, okay?
[00:23:45] Speaker E: Roscoe will be holding him here, and he's kind of, like, trying to use the. The grip on his neck to, like, to make the. The albatross's eye even wider. Like, bug out. Like, bug out, like.
And he'll say, I demand an apology.
[00:24:12] Speaker A: All right, give me just a straight up strength. Check to see how far out the albatross's eye bugs.
Another 19. Holy shit. You are fuming.
All right.
[00:24:34] Speaker C: Get hit in the face by the eye.
[00:24:36] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:24:39] Speaker A: It fills the boat eye to eye.
[00:24:41] Speaker E: It's my.
[00:24:44] Speaker D: Eye.
[00:24:46] Speaker A: All right, whoever's doing the recap next week. Me. You can start with that song and then switch to another one.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
Okay. Thanks for the help.
[00:24:57] Speaker D: We're the only ones who have to.
[00:24:58] Speaker A: Say between now and then for the help.
All right, so, yeah, it lets out strangled something sound, and it begins to flap its wings.
And the gusts of wind that are released from these flaps are significant. Let's put it that way. This is not what you would expect from a run of the mill albatross. Your. You know, your day to day albatross wing flaps are not even close to the magnitude of these flaps. So I.
[00:25:43] Speaker D: It's got some flaps.
[00:25:46] Speaker A: You love the word flaps. It's babies.
[00:25:48] Speaker D: You know, it's weird. Personal joke. Because we talk about flaps. We're like, flaps. Got some flaps.
[00:25:54] Speaker A: They're just like, flaps, basically are just like, a stand in for any, like.
Like an anatomical like part. Yes, but especially, like, one that's a little, like, one that may be, like, not an arm, but like, something a little more intimate. Not necessarily sexual. Yeah, but just like, something you don't talk about.
[00:26:19] Speaker D: So for him to say flaps too many times, that's.
[00:26:22] Speaker E: Why. Are you trying to think of the word flab?
[00:26:24] Speaker D: No, no. Flap.
[00:26:26] Speaker B: Like an earlobe, maybe.
[00:26:30] Speaker D: It could be, like, a flat.
[00:26:31] Speaker A: Flat.
[00:26:32] Speaker D: I could totally see myself being.
[00:26:33] Speaker C: But it's not covered in clothing, so I. You know how intimate it is. It's just out there, you know?
[00:26:39] Speaker B: I mean, definitely the chicken wings between the elbows and the shoulder. That's a flap for sure.
[00:26:46] Speaker D: Abby doesn't have enough flaps. She doesn't know all the flaps down.
[00:26:50] Speaker B: I have one big flap.
[00:26:51] Speaker C: Oh, Adam doesn't like this. The presence of clothing.
[00:26:55] Speaker E: I think that's fascinating. It is the presence of clothing that renders something intimate. It is the presence of it being covered, because there's a mystery.
[00:27:04] Speaker D: Yeah, a flap. Flappy mystery.
[00:27:06] Speaker A: Women showing their ankles during.
[00:27:09] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:27:09] Speaker A: The time period. That.
[00:27:12] Speaker B: That's why they're called flappers.
[00:27:15] Speaker D: Flappers.
Oh, my God.
[00:27:19] Speaker A: You can maybe salvage that.
All right.
[00:27:23] Speaker D: The flaps are significant.
[00:27:26] Speaker A: So I'm gonna say I like.
[00:27:28] Speaker C: I mean, see? Did you. Did any of you watched the albatross? Albatross. Albatross.
How they flap their beaks.
[00:27:36] Speaker A: Yeah, you played the sound last week, but we got the video Alex watched.
[00:27:42] Speaker B: It for, like, 20 minutes.
[00:27:43] Speaker C: I couldn't stop watching.
[00:27:45] Speaker D: That's what I do too. I love.
[00:27:47] Speaker B: They were fascinating.
[00:27:49] Speaker D: They're amazing.
[00:27:50] Speaker A: You've probably seen, like, tons of people doing dubbing, of. Of people speaking over albatrosses clacking their.
[00:27:57] Speaker D: Maybe, but Eric, really. So here's the thing. Here's a completely irrelevant fact, but except for the thing you just said, eric doesn't like, we already know this, right? It's like, why he kind of feels ambivalent towards mystery science theater 3000. He is not a huge fan of, like, dubbing stuff. Whereas in the past, when I have found a particularly funny video of, like, somebody actually saying something clever over an animal video, I'm like, this is pretty funny. And he has a fucking bias against it. He's like, listen, none of this shit is funny. That's the only time he ever talks like that, you guys. I swear, that's exactly how he talks. None of this bullshit.
[00:28:36] Speaker A: The only time I have that voice.
[00:28:38] Speaker E: It'S your pro wrestler mode.
[00:28:40] Speaker D: Yeah, that makes him go into pro wrestling mode.
[00:28:45] Speaker B: We had a weird experience the other Friday. Was it really more than a week ago or was it yesterday? Anyway, I don't know, but we were watching one of the new MST three ks, and it was a special episode where they were having some of the writers commenting on it. So there were three layers of tracks, and Eric would have exploded. Like, it was almost too much for me. I'm like, wait, which, like, is it the movie? Is it, you know, the robots? Or is it the writers that are speaking right now? It was really kind of crazy, Eric, it could get worse.
[00:29:22] Speaker A: Just know you should do, like, a podcast where you record yourself time.
[00:29:27] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah.
[00:29:28] Speaker E: I always wanted to write a movie that is like, like the dvd commentary that you would see, like, on a movie. Like, when it's released. Like, the movie itself. Like, there is a movie that exists, but the actual story of the movie is happening in the room of the people recording the commentary. And so it's like the director and, like, one of the actors, like, at first you just hear them talking, and. But then you hear the relationship between them, like, crumble. Like, there's clearly an animosity. And eventually, like, it ramps up to, like, a physical fight. You hear them, like, fighting in the, like, in the commentary while the movie just keeps on, like, playing.
[00:30:06] Speaker A: That reminds me of two things. It's kind of like noises off. If you know noises off, it reminds me of. It's not exactly the same, but then also, do you know doctor horrible sing along blog.
[00:30:16] Speaker E: Yeah, I. Sure. Yeah, I don't. I spent a long time, and I don't think I watched all of it.
[00:30:21] Speaker A: There was a commentary for that, and it's a musical.
[00:30:25] Speaker E: Oh, yeah. The commentary is a musical.
[00:30:28] Speaker D: Correct.
[00:30:29] Speaker A: Yeah, that's a whole set of songs.
[00:30:31] Speaker D: It's great. Yeah.
[00:30:34] Speaker C: All right. My search turned up nothing. Someone dubbing words over an albatross clacking its beak.
[00:30:40] Speaker A: Oh, I thought you were talking about you.
[00:30:41] Speaker C: No meaningful hits.
[00:30:42] Speaker A: Oh, I know.
[00:30:42] Speaker D: I was doing the real work, Alex.
[00:30:45] Speaker A: So now he's gonna be busy while we're playing. Recording his own.
[00:30:48] Speaker D: Recording his own albatross Dubai.
Oh, my God.
[00:30:53] Speaker A: All right, so the flaps.
Good job, everyone.
I need.
[00:31:01] Speaker C: What were we talking about?
[00:31:02] Speaker D: The flaps.
[00:31:04] Speaker A: Flaps.
Look, I have flap written right there.
[00:31:08] Speaker D: Flap shit too. I saw the word shit there too. Okay, sorry.
[00:31:14] Speaker A: I need you to give me a strength saving throw.
[00:31:17] Speaker E: Who?
[00:31:18] Speaker B: Oh, just Roscoe.
[00:31:19] Speaker A: Roscoe.
[00:31:19] Speaker D: Oh, my God, poor Roscoe.
[00:31:21] Speaker A: And while he does this, I want the rest of you to describe what you're doing.
[00:31:27] Speaker B: That means we have to remember, many.
[00:31:29] Speaker A: Of you are in the middle of an obstacle course race.
[00:31:31] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:31:32] Speaker A: Most of you, in fact. Well, I mean, wow.
[00:31:35] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:31:36] Speaker A: It's up to them if they want to continue obstacling.
[00:31:38] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:31:39] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, definitely. I'm making a big show of trying to throw my legs over various obstacles.
[00:31:46] Speaker E: This is. I think this is the most important thing you guys can do as his parents. Okay. As soon as possible, we need to make a pork fried dice movie, and Harvey should play Shemi.
[00:31:58] Speaker D: Oh, my God. Yeah.
Okay, so, Adam, for literally a couple years, I have told Harvey, I'm like, you're my Shemi. Like, when we go to the grocery store and he is she me and I'm will. It literally happens in our real life. Harvey, my middle son.
[00:32:13] Speaker E: Yes, yes.
[00:32:15] Speaker D: Absolutely. He foils me all the time. He now does it. You know what? You want to know the sheamy will story that happened yesterday? So I'm exhausted. My husband goes to a magic the gathering thing. I've been parenting the kids all day. I'm very excited. He got to go. I'm very happy that he did. But when you parent all day, because that's, you know what you do, and then you have to do it all.
[00:32:35] Speaker B: Night, it's like, okay, there was no school yesterday, right?
[00:32:38] Speaker D: So I was like, ah, you know what I mean? Like, where you're going insane. Anyway, so I eventually get to this point where probably a lot of parents have gotten to where you're just like, okay, no more screens. If you guys are on another screen, like, guys, no more screens. Like, stop it with the screens. You played video games for a solid 100 years today. Please do something else. Because they're all getting on each other's nerves. They're all jerks. So, like, Harvey decides to with Conan playd Luigi's mansion three in real life. So that. But Harvey, Harvey is so extra that he comes up. Harvey and Conan, both of them actually came up with these elaborate costumes with their clothing, and they made cardboard guns with, like, a light coming out of it. And, like, they were so creative and it was so fun. And I, and this is me. I'm like, laying in a chair, like, God damn it, when is the stay, like, over? Like, I just was, like, I was still enjoying things, but I was also exhausted. And Harvey comes around the bend. He has this whole outfit on. He has this gun that he's made out of cardboard, and he has a mustache painted on his face. And I go, Harvey, what did you use to paint the mustache on your face? He goes, oh, marker. And I'm like, wait a second. We have face paints. You guys know this? We have face paints. I paint your face for multiple school days. Like, this is a thing we have. I have always wanted you guys to do it. Why aren't you using face paint? He's like, it says it's washable. I'm like, okay. He goes, let me show you. And he walks over to the table, and he comes over to me and he hands me a sharpie.
And I, for a second, the parent in me looked at the marker, and a jolt of adrenaline goes through my heart. And then I fucking realize who's talking to me? And I look up at him, and I'm just like, harvey, what the fuck? And he goes, nah, it was like, it's crayola. And he hands me his other marker that he's holding.
Yes, it's she me. It's like he is. He is absolutely. Like, he pranks me all the time, constantly, to the point where I'm like, harvey, can you say r1 thing? Like, ever? Just like one thing that's with sincerity and isn't meant to make me insane.
[00:34:52] Speaker A: I think we've had this conversation before.
[00:34:54] Speaker D: Me.
[00:34:55] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:34:56] Speaker D: That's where it comes from too. Absolutely. Such a combination of both of us. It's insane. Yes, but, oh, my God, that kid. Holy crap. We've said it for so, I mean, I don't know how much you actually use him for inspiration, but I have said it so many times. That he is my sheen in real life. Holy moly.
Oh, my God.
[00:35:16] Speaker A: And then we saw Roscoe on midnight mass.
[00:35:19] Speaker D: Flaps. Yeah, we did.
[00:35:20] Speaker E: We saw Roscoe.
[00:35:23] Speaker A: Did you not see that clip we shared in the telegram?
[00:35:26] Speaker B: Oh, yes. I didn't know what it was from.
[00:35:30] Speaker A: So good.
[00:35:30] Speaker D: An albatross looking at me or what he said.
[00:35:34] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:35:34] Speaker D: Can't remember what it was. But we were like, even looks like Roscoe. This is amazing.
[00:35:39] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:35:39] Speaker D: So great. And it was right after we, like, didn't we watch it? Like, right after we played or something?
[00:35:44] Speaker A: It might have been that, like, I.
[00:35:46] Speaker D: Was yelling at Roscoe for something and I'm just like, the sheriff. Like, Roscoe's like, well, there was an albatross. I'm like, all right. Yeah, the albatross.
[00:35:54] Speaker E: That's amazing.
[00:35:55] Speaker D: So I. That was hilarious. It's so great. All right, flaps. I'm sorry, flaps.
[00:36:01] Speaker E: Roscoe rolled a six straight save against the flaps.
[00:36:04] Speaker A: All righty. So a gust of wind pushes you back away from the cross. Albatross.
Roscoe with a six. You are knocked prone and are slid back 20ft.
You actually sort of bump up into one of the. There's like a.
It's like a mast. But this isn't like a sailing ship.
Why is there a master to be? It's just like, you know, it's a to be.
Abby. You know, nautical terms. What's that big pole called? But it's not a mast.
[00:36:42] Speaker B: The stick.
[00:36:42] Speaker A: Yep, exactly. The stick.
And the albatross continues to flap its wings and lifts off of. So you're not that far back. You're way up here. Way up here.
[00:36:57] Speaker E: Oh, that's where the stick is.
[00:36:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:00] Speaker E: Okay.
[00:37:01] Speaker A: You see the stick? You see the albatross?
[00:37:03] Speaker E: Yeah, I got it.
[00:37:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay.
So, yeah, you all see Roscoe slam into the stick, and the albatross lifts up off of the railing and goes up to a height of about 20ft. And it goes.
Now I'm angry.
[00:37:35] Speaker D: Oh, goodness.
[00:37:38] Speaker A: So did we hear what Valencio's doing?
[00:37:42] Speaker E: We didn't really go through what everybody stopped doing.
[00:37:44] Speaker A: Talking. When Alex got up. I think you were gonna say something and then you talked about some other things.
[00:37:51] Speaker D: Well, so, like, the last things that have been happening are these races and I was dealing with the oranges and I was eating oranges. So I think that, like, I'm just still watching. I'm enjoying these nice, fresh oranges. I'm assuming they're nice.
[00:38:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:03] Speaker D: They're not.
[00:38:03] Speaker A: They're nice and they're fresh.
[00:38:04] Speaker D: Okay. Nice, fresh oranges. I'm just eating some oranges. It's nice to eat something that's not just, like, a wrinkly old apple that bath wack carries around and I steal from his bag sometimes. So what I'm thinking is, he's like. He's eating an orange, and then all of a sudden, he sees Roscoe shoot off and, like, attack a seagull, and he's just like, what the fuck? And, like, he's eating an orange, and it just kind of, like. It's like a very. It's very John Hughes eighties movie where somebody's just, like, eating something, and you cut to them, and the orange just falls out of my mouth. And that's all I do. But I'm just, like, staring at Roscoe, like, bewildered. Like, what the fuck is going on? And the orange pops out of my mouth.
[00:38:46] Speaker A: Got it.
[00:38:48] Speaker D: I'm not helping you. In other words, not yet.
[00:38:54] Speaker A: I will note that all of you, while you do not need to save or anything like that, you all feel the wind from the flaps of this gull's birds.
[00:39:04] Speaker D: That's what blows the orange out of my mouth.
[00:39:07] Speaker B: Perfect.
[00:39:08] Speaker E: Yes.
Can Roscoe yell out? This is the cross albatross.
[00:39:17] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:39:19] Speaker D: I wanted to meet him.
[00:39:22] Speaker A: Me, too. Me too.
[00:39:24] Speaker B: Did he meet. Did he. Did we hear that? It yelled. Now I'm angry. Probably, right?
[00:39:28] Speaker A: Yep, you did.
Come on, Rafina, let's go.
[00:39:34] Speaker B: Okay, let's go.
[00:39:35] Speaker A: Mo picks you up, and he completes the. He works on completing the rest of the obstacle course. With you slung under his arm.
[00:39:47] Speaker D: He just tries to complete the obstacle course.
[00:39:50] Speaker B: And Morfina's ponytails are all because of the wind gusts. They're like in a propeller at this point. It might give us a little speed, probably. Yeah.
[00:40:00] Speaker A: How about kick?
Are you still trying to throw your legs over things?
[00:40:06] Speaker C: Um. Something exciting is happening. Something exciting is happening.
[00:40:13] Speaker A: I'm kick.
[00:40:15] Speaker C: I'll.
I'll cut the act a little bit so that I can kind of keep up with mo, but I don't want to look too proficient. Just.
I'll follow every once in a while or something.
[00:40:31] Speaker A: Okay.
And so the albatross, like, do you.
[00:40:41] Speaker D: Want us to roll initiative or something? Is that what you're like? Would that help at all? Okay.
[00:40:47] Speaker A: Would that help? No, it never helps.
[00:40:49] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:40:52] Speaker A: All right, so we assume Abby rolled a 20?
[00:40:55] Speaker B: Yep.
Wait, do you want me to roll?
[00:40:57] Speaker A: No.
[00:40:57] Speaker B: Oh, for initiative. Very funny.
[00:41:00] Speaker E: Yeah, thanks.
[00:41:02] Speaker C: Oh, really? We're going into initiative?
[00:41:04] Speaker D: No.
[00:41:05] Speaker B: Try to keep up. Alex.
[00:41:07] Speaker C: I'm lost.
[00:41:08] Speaker A: I'm lost.
The albatross is up in the air, and it pulls its wings back and basically kind of dives at you. Roscoe, it, pew. Swoops down right in front of you, then pulls its wings back at the last second to sort of stop a few inches from your face, and it goes.
[00:41:39] Speaker D: Whoa.
[00:41:40] Speaker A: And I need everybody to make a constitution saving throw.
[00:41:44] Speaker D: Oh, my goodness.
[00:41:45] Speaker A: And, Roscoe, you're gonna have to do so with disadvantageous.
It's a 19 from Rafina.
[00:41:54] Speaker C: No one is my ally.
[00:41:58] Speaker D: Oh, my gosh.
[00:42:00] Speaker A: A 20 from kick and from Valencia.
[00:42:05] Speaker D: Oh, goodness.
[00:42:08] Speaker C: That'S a.
I don't know if I should. I think I have to use my bonus. Can I skip my bonus? So there's no magic going on?
Not clear to me.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: I mean, it's not. I don't think it's magical. Oh, you mean your paladin bonus?
[00:42:26] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, like, to be car of protection.
[00:42:29] Speaker A: Like, I don't know that. Have you. Do you picture it that, like, it's something that people would be able to detect?
[00:42:36] Speaker C: I don't know.
Can they?
[00:42:39] Speaker A: You've been doing this look around five years, to be fair, I don't know either.
[00:42:46] Speaker C: Has no idea.
It just turned on one day. I mean, is it just, like, this general, like, good luck that kind of strikes from being around me, or is it really, like, this aura of, like, people feel something, you know, push them or, like, lift them up in something, or they feel like they can do something they can't usually do?
[00:43:09] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:43:09] Speaker C: You know, like.
[00:43:11] Speaker A: And how does that translate when you're talking about yourself?
[00:43:15] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:43:16] Speaker A: You're around you. You feel like you can do anything.
[00:43:19] Speaker C: I can always. I can do anything. Especially when I'm trying to fall over during an obstacle course.
Well.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I will say in this instance, it is. It does not matter.
But maybe you want to think about that for the next time. We have to decide.
Yeah.
[00:43:44] Speaker D: Write a sonnet about it.
[00:43:46] Speaker A: Write a villain.
[00:43:47] Speaker C: I mean, I was gonna also ask the Internet what people think.
[00:43:51] Speaker A: Don't do that.
[00:43:52] Speaker C: Don't do that.
[00:43:53] Speaker A: I mean, you can if you want. I'm not gonna stop you, but don't feel like you need to.
[00:43:58] Speaker C: Well, anyway, for this moment, no one is my alley, because Bathwatch.
Suspicious of his aura.
[00:44:09] Speaker D: Okay, I'm writing it down, but it's.
[00:44:12] Speaker C: But it's plus five for bathwag, so that's 25.
[00:44:15] Speaker A: Cool.
[00:44:15] Speaker D: Wow.
[00:44:16] Speaker A: All right, so, Roscoe and Rufina, you are overwhelmed with a sharp ringing in your ears. And for the moment, you are unable to hear anything.
[00:44:32] Speaker B: Even with a 19?
[00:44:33] Speaker A: Even with a 19.
That is not true for Kik and Valencio.
[00:44:40] Speaker D: Oh, my goodness.
[00:44:41] Speaker B: So they can hear?
[00:44:42] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:44:43] Speaker C: What?
[00:44:46] Speaker A: Son of a bitch.
[00:44:52] Speaker D: Ah. Cannot hear. I. Rafina, what happened? Oh, no.
[00:44:57] Speaker A: But you can't hear that?
[00:44:59] Speaker D: Oh, no.
Rafina, answer me. Oh, no.
[00:45:08] Speaker B: Rafina looks puzzled at Mo. Why isn't anything coming out of your mouth?
[00:45:14] Speaker A: You're still being carried under his arm, by the way. But you can. You can probably see it. Yeah, maybe you're looking up at him and you see his mouth go. He's looking down at you.
So. But yeah, so, Roscoe, you've. This bird shrieked in your face. You just hear this ringing. What are you doing?
[00:45:34] Speaker E: Roscoe has a sling.
Does that imply that he also has things to sling?
[00:45:47] Speaker D: I don't think you've ever slung anything. So. Yeah, let's assume you have something and decide right now. Because you know what? I do remember you saying something at some point where you didn't ever really finish your character sheet. So.
[00:46:00] Speaker A: So as a reward, so as you can have whatever you want.
[00:46:04] Speaker E: That's something that really stuck with you, apparently. That really. That really made an impression.
[00:46:10] Speaker D: It was more because it was. I don't even know if I kept it in. It was something I edited. I feel like I probably.
[00:46:16] Speaker E: It was something about some, like, spells or something. Oh, I was supposed to like.
[00:46:21] Speaker D: Yeah, maybe I didn't. Did I keep it in? I don't know if we published it. I tried to. There was a lot of, like, silence and weird stuff around that, and I didn't know what to keep in. But I was like, you know, I thought it was endearing enough, especially because you play him so well. It doesn't. You know, it's a character sheet, but, like, I can totally see if we ever get.
If we ever start playing D and D. Yeah, it's true.
[00:46:47] Speaker E: Yeah. Roscoe wants to try to. As it went, once it stops and there's, like. And squawks down it at everybody.
[00:46:55] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, right in front of you.
[00:46:58] Speaker E: Oh, like melee range.
[00:47:00] Speaker A: Uh huh. Like I said, he's like a few inches from your face.
[00:47:04] Speaker E: Oh, I missed that.
[00:47:05] Speaker A: I thought that that's why you were at disadvantage.
[00:47:09] Speaker E: I see. Well, fuck the sling shit.
Oh, God. Roscoe attacks the albatross with. With his quarter staff.
[00:47:27] Speaker A: Do you try to stand up first?
[00:47:29] Speaker C: Oh, man.
[00:47:29] Speaker E: Oh, I'm prone.
I hate this D and D prone shit.
[00:47:35] Speaker A: All you. It's easy. You just need to take half your movement. And that lets you stand up.
[00:47:40] Speaker E: Yeah, I mean, I'm not.
[00:47:41] Speaker C: And then you can hit it.
[00:47:42] Speaker E: Roscoe staggers to his feet.
[00:47:44] Speaker A: All right, cool.
[00:47:46] Speaker C: This is crazy. You're going to attack the.
[00:47:48] Speaker E: God, this thing's shit all over his room. It's unacceptable behavior. Especially.
[00:47:56] Speaker C: It's. Oh, it's okay, though, Roscoe. I mean, no one else can actually see it or hear it.
[00:48:04] Speaker E: So, yeah, Roscoe. Roscoe gets to his feet and tries to hit the albatross with his quarter staff.
[00:48:11] Speaker A: Okay, give me an attack roll.
This wouldn't be a disadvantage, but your first roll was a.
[00:48:26] Speaker E: Oh, boy, I love it.
[00:48:29] Speaker A: Oh, boy. Okay, so you rear back with your quarter staff, and where are you trying to hit it? Like, describe Roscoe's ideal.
Like. Like, what ideally happens.
Like, what does he picture about to happen as you're swinging this quarter staff?
[00:48:54] Speaker E: I want Blanca's head.
[00:48:58] Speaker A: Just picture, like, a tap.
[00:49:00] Speaker E: What's the bonk? It, knock it out, give it a concussion.
[00:49:04] Speaker A: So, like, an overhand, like, down, or like a baseball on a tee.
[00:49:09] Speaker E: Like, well, I guess it's fly. It's still, like, in the air, hovering.
[00:49:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:49:16] Speaker E: Yeah. How about. Yeah, about a baseball? Like. Yeah.
[00:49:21] Speaker A: Uh huh.
[00:49:21] Speaker E: Okay, a baseball bat. Got a deal.
[00:49:24] Speaker A: All right.
[00:49:25] Speaker E: Right upside the head.
[00:49:26] Speaker A: Okay, so, yeah, you. You picture this. This.
This Albatross skull as a. As a nice round baseball. Baseball is a thing in six rivers, right? And you wind up and you take a swing right at the albatross's head.
Your quarterstaff connects soundly with the albatross's head and shatters.
[00:49:55] Speaker D: Oh, my corn stuff. Oh, my God.
[00:50:02] Speaker A: Okay, those of you who can hear and Roscoe, you can see its beak moving, but the beak moves in this rapid.
And it goes.
[00:50:16] Speaker D: Oh, my God.
[00:50:18] Speaker A: And then it flaps up, like, maybe, like a foot or two, and it sort of tilts its bot, like, its head back.
And I need you to give me a dexterity saving throw as a torrent of white, brown, viscous liquid shoots at you.
[00:50:49] Speaker D: Oh, wow.
[00:50:50] Speaker E: There's not gonna be much opportunity for dialogue after this.
[00:50:57] Speaker A: You can take off disadvantage. You can just make a regular old deck save.
That is a six.
[00:51:06] Speaker D: Oh, jeez.
[00:51:07] Speaker A: Okay, so you are coated in albatross droppings.
The top half of you. No, most of you.
And while you are coded with these droppings, your movement is halved. And you now have disadvantage on any checks that involve movement at all, whether it's attacking physically or, like, athletic stuff, things like that. Not like.
Like insight, you know, but anything where your movement would be impeded.
[00:51:49] Speaker C: So I just thought I would mention that I was playing with the new Dali model, and I asked it right now to describe the valiant fight that's going on between our party and the cross albatross.
[00:52:02] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:52:03] Speaker C: And it's really quite, quite different from what you just described.
Oh, jeez.
[00:52:09] Speaker B: Oh, look at that.
[00:52:12] Speaker E: Wow.
I'm sure that's how the albatross views itself.
[00:52:16] Speaker D: Yeah, exactly. What a piece of shit.
[00:52:22] Speaker C: It just suggests some revisions.
[00:52:25] Speaker D: Whoa.
[00:52:27] Speaker A: And, Roscoe, I will mention that this substance, it smells almost exactly like gingerbread.
[00:52:39] Speaker D: What?
[00:52:40] Speaker A: And the rest of you can hear the albatross say, that'll teach you to run away from me when we're having a conversation.
[00:52:51] Speaker B: I believe that gingerbread is the exact opposite of mustard. So this all makes sense.
[00:52:57] Speaker E: Is that so scientific?
[00:53:02] Speaker C: I asked it to please edit the picture to show the albatross crapping on the party, and it said, I'm sorry, but I can't fulfill that request.
[00:53:12] Speaker D: So sad. That's why real artists are important.
[00:53:15] Speaker E: Yeah. Don't do anything.
You should know that, Alex. You can't do anything sexual like that. Okay?
[00:53:28] Speaker A: Adam knows.
[00:53:31] Speaker E: I don't like that. I'm not into scat. Just for the record, I know we make a lot of jokes on here about my onlyfans and stuff. I don't do scat.
[00:53:38] Speaker A: Hey, we're not yucking your yuck.
[00:53:41] Speaker E: I don't have it.
It's a good yuck. It's my yuck, and I yuck scat.
[00:53:47] Speaker D: It's a good yuck.
[00:53:48] Speaker B: I yuck, scat.
[00:53:50] Speaker D: I want that on a bumpy sticker.
[00:53:55] Speaker A: Listeners, should that go in the pork fried dice merch shop?
[00:54:00] Speaker D: I yuk. Scat. Yes, definitely. Eight months from now, 1000 t shirts will be ordered. I yuck, scat.
[00:54:10] Speaker A: What will our listeners think when they go to download this episode and they see the title is I yuck?
There's no way. It won't be.
[00:54:20] Speaker D: He'll know his last episode.
[00:54:22] Speaker B: They finally jumped the shark.
[00:54:26] Speaker A: They finally yucked the scat.
[00:54:29] Speaker D: The yuck.
[00:54:30] Speaker A: That'll be the trope.
[00:54:31] Speaker D: Holy moly.
[00:54:34] Speaker A: Oh.
All right. So those of you taking any interest. Well, I guess maybe kick isn't quite there yet, but Mo Ruffina, after a harrowing swing on a rope across a.
A pit under the arm of Mo, you find yourself. I only say harrowing.
Maybe I'm putting feelings into your brain. You never at any point feel like he's gonna drop you. His grip is steady, so maybe it wouldn't be harrowing at all. It would be for some. But you're good. He carries you right over. He has skidded to a stop next to Roscoe, who is largely.
What's the word when you can't unrecognizable.
[00:55:24] Speaker E: At this point, Roscoe's trying to wipe it off of his eyes, at least.
[00:55:29] Speaker A: Yeah. And none of you can hear. I will remind you.
[00:55:33] Speaker D: No, none of us.
[00:55:34] Speaker A: No, none of those three. Sorry. That have congregated.
And so Roscoe says, ah, what happened, Roscoe? Mo says, what happened? But none of you. Neither of you can hear that.
[00:55:47] Speaker B: Mo.
[00:55:47] Speaker D: Speak up.
[00:55:49] Speaker B: Roscoe. Do you need a tissue?
[00:55:54] Speaker E: Roscoe's just lumbering around.
He can't. He can.
[00:56:00] Speaker A: I love. I'm picturing, like a stuntman on fire. Yeah, like that kind of.
[00:56:07] Speaker D: Poop.
[00:56:08] Speaker B: My spells are just not prepared for this situation. I got nothing.
[00:56:13] Speaker A: Does Rafina say that out loud? Not that anybody can hear her. Or is that Abby?
[00:56:17] Speaker B: Rafina is thinking this loudly in her head.
[00:56:19] Speaker A: Got it.
[00:56:20] Speaker E: But Roscoe, his lumbering. He does. He wants to.
He's trying to tackle the bird again.
[00:56:30] Speaker A: Okay. It is not really within reach. It's. It's kind of flying above your head.
[00:56:37] Speaker B: I have a question. When the bird yelled, that'll teach you. Blah, blah, blah, conversation. Yeah, he couldn't hear that, right?
[00:56:43] Speaker A: Correct. And neither could you. And neither could Moe.
[00:56:46] Speaker B: Right? Right.
[00:56:48] Speaker A: Neither could she. For that reason. For that.
[00:56:51] Speaker B: If there wasn't a. An exception, since that was something that had.
[00:56:56] Speaker A: He was running the race.
[00:56:57] Speaker D: Is he still up there, though?
[00:56:59] Speaker A: He's trying to get up there. Yeah, he's. Nothing's happened to him.
[00:57:02] Speaker D: So, based. I was trying to use this map, like, obviously, this is not right at all, but, like, am I always. I could try to make it right. I'm just more curious how far away I am from everything.
[00:57:12] Speaker A: That's where the race obstacle race course started, was at the back.
[00:57:16] Speaker D: So, like, I am far away. I don't know. I don't even exist.
[00:57:20] Speaker A: Oh, you're still in the bottom here.
[00:57:21] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:57:22] Speaker A: There you go. So I will set it to how I picture reality to be at this point.
[00:57:30] Speaker D: Okay? Thank you. Because that will help me understand where I am and whether I can even get close. Like, I mean, I want to. You know, I always want to help. So I'm trying to figure out whether I can get close, you know, close enough. Like, I just. I'm worried about.
About Roscoe. I'm worried I want to get up there really close to all the shit, see if I can do something about it.
[00:58:01] Speaker A: You always get confused about nautical terms.
You're like.
[00:58:13] Speaker D: Right. I'm like, that I could go that direction, but I'm pretty sure Stern is this way, and I turn around and walk the other direction.
[00:58:20] Speaker B: There's something about Stern and cross albatross. I really want to make a joke there.
[00:58:25] Speaker A: Do it.
[00:58:26] Speaker D: We should just keep pointing out the jokes we could make and then be lazy.
[00:58:29] Speaker A: That's humor.
[00:58:30] Speaker E: The albatross.
[00:58:31] Speaker D: And also, we don't need to think of jokes.
Are they on the poop deck? Everyone just waved their hand.
[00:58:42] Speaker E: It would be low hanging fruit for us to actually make the buns.
[00:58:45] Speaker A: There's probably even a joke involving low hanging fruit.
[00:58:50] Speaker E: I don't know. Whatever. We all.
[00:58:52] Speaker D: It was there. We pointed it out. We did the work. Okay?
[00:58:56] Speaker A: We did the work.
[00:58:57] Speaker D: Anyway. How genuinely I'm looking at this. This looks like a mile. How far? How long do I think it would take me to get there? A whole five turns. Like, there's no boxes or anything round wise.
[00:59:08] Speaker A: That's a great question.
[00:59:09] Speaker D: I just want to know, like, where I should be sneaking to, but keeping a thing between me and the poop source.
[00:59:18] Speaker A: I mean, it's pretty far away.
[00:59:21] Speaker D: I'm sorry.
[00:59:23] Speaker A: You're certainly not in the splash zone.
[00:59:25] Speaker D: Guys, why did you have to do this? I was enjoying oranges on the deck. It wasn't a poop deck before.
I blame all fina.
[00:59:34] Speaker B: Oh, wait, we're on Will and Will's throw away, so never mind.
[00:59:37] Speaker D: Go ahead. If you have something to do. I'm fine.
[00:59:39] Speaker A: Go ahead.
[00:59:40] Speaker B: I mean, all the ruffina can do is talk, and no one can hear her. But she says to Roscoe, that was amazing how that bird managed to propel with such targeted precision that poop all over you. That was really amazing. Like, did you see.
[00:59:57] Speaker E: Did you see that Roscoe was lumbering toward you? Because he can. He can't.
[01:00:03] Speaker B: Shambling.
[01:00:03] Speaker E: The shit still keeps falling into his eyes. Can't see where he's lumbering. But I'm. I'm saying he is lumbering toward you, Rafina. He can't hear you, he can't see you, and he's about to fall on you covered in poop.
[01:00:17] Speaker A: I will note that it does not sting at all.
Yeah, it smells like gingerbread. It would be. It'd be like. I mean, it's like if you got eye drops in your eyes, but not like medicated ones that sting. Like, lubricating eye drops.
[01:00:33] Speaker E: Everything's eyes.
[01:00:36] Speaker A: Yeah, like, everything stings eyes.
[01:00:39] Speaker D: He's correct. Like, even when you put. Like, even if. Okay, if your eyes are irritated. Every time I've ever put. Yeah, but it's still like the drop. It's making your eyes go up, you know, just because it.
[01:00:52] Speaker B: Something touches them.
[01:00:53] Speaker D: Yes.
[01:00:54] Speaker B: So they would be bothered because something's in there. But it's not a sting.
[01:00:57] Speaker D: So everything that this shit doesn't do that.
[01:01:02] Speaker B: Everyone put something in your eye. Right now. Let's test it.
[01:01:07] Speaker D: Ow.
A fork.
[01:01:13] Speaker B: Adam had a fork.
[01:01:14] Speaker A: Commit to the bit. Commit to the bit.
I know he does.
[01:01:24] Speaker D: Hey, everyone, if you like what you hear, please consider leaving us a kind review. You, wherever that sort of thing happens. Also, support us by sending us a tip on Kofi. You can find all of our social media [email protected]. thank you for listening and we'll see you next time.
