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Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: You're listening to the show about a vampire zooming away on a surfboard of bats.
Oh.
Oh, it's not.
It's. Wait, it's not 2017. It's 2024.
Oh, sorry. Well, it's still Fort Pride. Dice.
I'm Eric and I'm the dungeon master.
[00:00:28] Speaker B: I'm Abby and I play Rufina.
[00:00:31] Speaker C: I'm Alex and I play Batplex.
[00:00:34] Speaker D: I'm KT and I play will.
[00:00:37] Speaker E: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:00:43] Speaker A: Hold onto your haversacks. Let's roll.
[00:00:49] Speaker D: Not at all. That's what it wants. Well, that's great.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: Well, you don't know if it understood you. You don't know if it understood you.
[00:00:56] Speaker D: Oh, it might just be saying that because we're hitting it. Maybe it's like, the nicest demon guy, you guys. I know.
[00:01:04] Speaker B: It just, like, hit it right away.
[00:01:05] Speaker D: And it was like, hey, I like peace and love. This isn't cool. And then we hit it again.
[00:01:09] Speaker A: It was like maybe something got caught in its throat at the end. And it was also trying to say almost diet. And it's like, really?
[00:01:16] Speaker D: He's an influencer and he must die.
[00:01:18] Speaker B: Let's go.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
He climbs up and down the cliff, bursts out of it as part of his crossfit routine.
[00:01:25] Speaker D: Fuck this guy.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: Yeah, totally.
[00:01:29] Speaker A: Its version of ease burpees.
[00:01:33] Speaker D: Nice. Get it, will. Oh, no, it's my turn.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: You're not sure if you got an answer or not.
[00:01:40] Speaker D: Yeah, but if he's saying that all must die, then I'm not gonna, like. Will's not gonna be like, let's talk this out. I was only trying to figure it out so if I could manipulate it in some way and end this fight.
Fuck. But now I look like one in this orc lady might kill me. I'm gonna. Is there a way for me to tuck myself in the cliff still, as this monster, like, fly down a little bit?
[00:02:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:03] Speaker D: And so that if I cast magic at this thing, the Orc lady might not see me or whatever. Or might not see what magic looks like.
[00:02:11] Speaker A: I'm assuming you're not casting fly or using the boots.
[00:02:14] Speaker D: Yes, because I.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: Which makes you're faster with them anyway, I think.
[00:02:18] Speaker D: I don't think so.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: No, you're slower with them.
[00:02:22] Speaker D: The fly is 60, I'm pretty sure.
60ft. Yeah, but I can't. I don't.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: I think it's just equal to your walking speed. But you're still good. You. Yeah, you can get down Will out of her sight.
[00:02:35] Speaker D: Whether it's his main goal or whether it's in reaction at this point. He's trying to kill us. I don't give a fuck. I don't care if we instigated. He's got. He's got die.
[00:02:44] Speaker A: So I go down here.
[00:02:46] Speaker D: Yeah. Then I cast eldritch blast, and I am gonna twin it.
[00:02:56] Speaker A: Twin it.
And you get advantage on all these, because it's outlined in fairy fire still, right? Doesn't that last until, like, for a minute or something? Rascal.
[00:03:06] Speaker D: What does? Oh, fairy fire.
[00:03:09] Speaker A: It's no longer doing Max damage. That was just for the last round. But you still get advantage.
[00:03:16] Speaker E: Yeah. Fairy fire is a. Yeah.
[00:03:18] Speaker A: Unless. Unless you lose concentration.
[00:03:20] Speaker E: Roscoe, right? Yep.
[00:03:22] Speaker D: Okay, so, um.
[00:03:24] Speaker A: So you're gonna have to give me. If you're twinning it, you're gonna have to give me six attacks with advantage.
[00:03:30] Speaker D: Right. So what the fuck?
[00:03:32] Speaker E: Okay, that's stupid.
[00:03:33] Speaker D: What do I do, really? All right.
[00:03:34] Speaker A: I. Honestly, I would just roll twelve D 20.
[00:03:38] Speaker D: Really?
[00:03:39] Speaker A: And we'll just take each pair. I think that's the easiest way. And then you'll just roll the damage.
[00:03:44] Speaker C: I don't like any of this, Eric.
[00:03:47] Speaker D: Okay, click it one at a time.
Here we go. All right. Wait, wait, wait. That's advantage, though. It's advantage. I'm just doing six, right? That's what you're doing, because it's got to be real. You can't just D 20 it. No, I got to do it the right way.
[00:04:03] Speaker A: Okay.
Or is hit.
[00:04:08] Speaker D: Not do that. One miss.
[00:04:09] Speaker A: Hit.
[00:04:11] Speaker D: I sometimes can't hear the noise, so I can't tell. Didn't do six.
[00:04:14] Speaker A: Hit.
That was six, I think, right?
[00:04:17] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:04:17] Speaker A: Yeah, so, 33226.
[00:04:24] Speaker D: This is why I'm useless, you guys.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: 16 damage.
[00:04:27] Speaker D: I'm like, hey, you want a little chip off your butt? Like, I could give you a little toning.
And I, like, sculpt his ass. And that's all I did. It didn't hurt him. I just made him look more toned.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: The tiny fish that people, you know, pay to have, like, nibble off your feet, the skin off your feet.
[00:04:46] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:04:46] Speaker B: You got a nice little massage. Yep.
[00:04:49] Speaker D: I'm like, where's my tip, demon?
So stupid. God, I'm so useless. All right. Did I kill him? Is he dead?
[00:05:00] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you killed him ten times over again.
[00:05:06] Speaker D: Yay.
[00:05:10] Speaker A: Bath whack.
[00:05:13] Speaker C: I'm gonna flat behind.
[00:05:15] Speaker A: Yeah, go ahead. Sorry.
[00:05:16] Speaker C: Oh, God. What were you gonna say?
[00:05:18] Speaker A: I was just gonna say it fell out of sight to you, but you probably heard it hit the ground.
[00:05:24] Speaker C: Yeah, for what?
[00:05:26] Speaker A: If that matters.
[00:05:27] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna fly up behind Roscoe. Okay, so somewhere on the corner here where I can see it.
[00:05:34] Speaker A: Uh huh.
[00:05:36] Speaker C: Um, so now I know it's climbing.
Um, and it. Let's see. How close am I? 20. Yeah, I need it to hear me. Um, so I guess it's close enough.
[00:05:56] Speaker A: It can hear you.
[00:05:56] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:05:57] Speaker A: It's it's it's like. Like I said, it's got, like, its shoulders up about where the cliff level is.
[00:06:03] Speaker C: Okay. I also don't have my holy symbol, but. No, I am going to.
It's totally up to you whether or not this works, but.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:06:15] Speaker C: I'm gonna try to. I'm gonna present the waterfall shield. I'm gonna raise it up into the air.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:06:25] Speaker C: And I'm gonna do something I haven't done before.
I'm going to. So I speak a prayer that none of you have ever heard me say before. It's not the same thing. And I actually sound a little bit uncertain at the beginning, but what I'm doing is I'm going to cast turn the unholy.
So it's a DC 16 wisdom saving throw. If it fails, it has to take to run away from us as fast as it can for a minute.
[00:07:02] Speaker A: Got it.
[00:07:03] Speaker D: Nice.
[00:07:04] Speaker A: Okay.
Yeah. You guys see bathwax shield light up with this bright, brilliant white yellow light. The sort of the lines that make this waterfall image are emitting this light so that the symbol itself is glowing.
And as soon as you speak this, it snaps its head towards you. Bathwhack. And it has to make a whiz save.
[00:07:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:07:39] Speaker A: What is your DC 16?
Okay, and then, Roscoe, I need you to roll a D four. Because of your spell, it's gonna subtract whatever you roll from it.
1615 -213 it fails. All right, so its red eyes widen, though theyre still kind of dim as this bright light sort of flashes into its face. And it holds up a hand to shield itself from this blinding light.
And it looks like it's about to turn away from you.
[00:08:26] Speaker C: All right, if anyone hits it, it's going to come back, so I might. Ollie. I'll let it run.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:08:40] Speaker E: Let it run.
[00:08:45] Speaker A: All right, the half orc and the robes looks like she was about to sort of jump onto it, but she steps back away from it and just looks like she puts her hands at her side and just closes her eyes and seems to be just waiting.
Rafina.
[00:09:15] Speaker D: She'S just waiting.
[00:09:16] Speaker A: Demon is climbing up the cliff in front of you. Got blinded by some light from Bathwack. And he shouted, let it run. What are you doing?
[00:09:25] Speaker B: I hate that they.
That he has. What's it called that he's able to use? Okay, I'm being so articulate. The lightning. The lightning. Oh, my gosh. I can't even.
[00:09:40] Speaker C: Okay, I can't. I'm not gonna say anything, cuz. Bethwack can't talk to you.
[00:09:45] Speaker D: No.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: Do you look like bath whack right now, by the way? Beth whack?
[00:09:50] Speaker C: Unfortunately, yes.
[00:09:52] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:09:52] Speaker B: Oh, cuz. Oh, because of that.
[00:09:54] Speaker C: I just haven't had time. I mean.
[00:09:55] Speaker D: Huh?
[00:09:56] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:09:57] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't. I like my spell, but it's not help.
I'm just gonna do it again. Bam.
[00:10:07] Speaker C: What?
[00:10:07] Speaker B: Okay, wait, is that bad?
[00:10:09] Speaker C: You heard me say, let it run.
[00:10:11] Speaker B: Um, but I don't listen to you.
[00:10:14] Speaker C: All right, well, that's fine.
Yep. As long as you heard me.
[00:10:19] Speaker B: I mean, roofing is in her own world.
[00:10:23] Speaker A: That's good.
[00:10:24] Speaker B: All right, so.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: So it has to save.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Yeah. And I don't even have to roll.
[00:10:29] Speaker A: You're gonna have to roll. Damage. Oh, it definitely fails.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: And I.
[00:10:33] Speaker A: Now you have to roll.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: I thought that I had the fairy fire max damage.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: That was just one round.
[00:10:40] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:10:44] Speaker A: Yep. So you do have to roll. 66.
[00:10:46] Speaker B: 60.
[00:10:47] Speaker A: Test 60.
[00:10:48] Speaker B: 1060.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: Ten.
[00:10:55] Speaker B: Oh, not great.
[00:10:56] Speaker A: All right, so 23 halved.
[00:11:02] Speaker B: It's not. Then.
[00:11:07] Speaker A: Lightning'S coming down. Do you stay where you are.
[00:11:12] Speaker B: I'm gonna back up a little bit.
[00:11:14] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:11:16] Speaker B: Like, three spaces.
[00:11:18] Speaker D: Boop.
[00:11:19] Speaker A: If you do, leave the spot next to it. Wait, where were you?
[00:11:23] Speaker B: So I wasn't. I wasn't in that spot. Where was.
[00:11:26] Speaker D: I?
[00:11:27] Speaker B: Was, like, at the edge.
[00:11:28] Speaker C: So you completely negated my spell, by the way.
[00:11:33] Speaker B: Did I?
[00:11:33] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:11:34] Speaker C: Totally.
Well, part of it will have no effect other than the.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: In this room. It's because you're. I have my headphones on, and you're across the room.
[00:11:44] Speaker D: If you genuinely didn't hear him, and that was an issue, like, we can just say that.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: I don't know if you know this about Alex, but he talks really quiet.
[00:11:51] Speaker C: No, I mean, you heard me say, let him run, right? Let him run.
[00:11:54] Speaker B: Well, I heard somebody repeat it through a microphone, but I didn't hear you say it.
[00:11:59] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. That's what I said. That's okay. But you decided to do what you.
[00:12:02] Speaker B: Did, so I'm gonna do what I did. And I guess it sounds like that I might risk taking attack of taking an attack of. What is it called? Opportunity.
[00:12:11] Speaker C: Well, I mean, since it's negated now. I mean, the purpose of that was to cause this thing to run away.
Yep.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: But just so you know, right now, it's gonna. It would have started running towards the town.
[00:12:24] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, no, I know. I know, but. Yeah, but it would give us a few beats to figure out what to do.
[00:12:33] Speaker D: How would it have run towards the.
[00:12:34] Speaker A: It's running away from bath whack.
[00:12:37] Speaker E: But, like, would it have to run toward the town? It would have to climb the cliff.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, that's what it would.
[00:12:42] Speaker D: Been trying to do. Like.
[00:12:44] Speaker E: Oh. Anyway.
[00:12:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Turn means it just has to take all of its action to get as far away from whatever turned it possible. I guess it could burrow through the cliff.
[00:12:54] Speaker E: I definitely thought it would. I guess I was thinking about my earlier plan. It was picturing it running into the ocean.
[00:12:59] Speaker C: That was what I pictured, too.
[00:13:01] Speaker D: Me too.
[00:13:01] Speaker A: If he was standing where the. The monk is. Yes, it would have the monk.
[00:13:09] Speaker E: But. Because Bathwick is over there.
[00:13:11] Speaker A: Yeah. It just tries to get away from.
[00:13:13] Speaker B: Oh, is that a monk? She's a monk.
[00:13:16] Speaker A: Yeah, she's a monk. Yeah.
[00:13:17] Speaker E: Flurry blows.
[00:13:18] Speaker C: Yeah, but. But, yeah, so anyway, so now you understand how that works. But I didn't want to.
You know, if Rafina doesn't know that's how things work, then, you know, all you've got to go on is pathway, saying, let it run.
[00:13:32] Speaker A: This is chaos. Yeah.
[00:13:33] Speaker C: Yeah. So anyway, now my spell has no effect.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: All right, you guys all faintly hear, I.
[00:13:41] Speaker D: Okay.
Oh, mom.
[00:13:44] Speaker A: No, he doesn't sound like that. It's just faint. If you were right next to him, you'd be like, I.
[00:13:48] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:13:50] Speaker B: I don't understand, though. Can I just clarify? So the fact that I attacked him.
[00:13:56] Speaker A: It did.
[00:13:57] Speaker B: It means that it canceled out the turn.
[00:14:02] Speaker E: Yep.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: Even if I'd heard Alex say that.
[00:14:07] Speaker D: Like, the spell that was new, is that. Was this the same term?
[00:14:11] Speaker B: I've never heard of it just described.
[00:14:13] Speaker D: Something that he had never really.
[00:14:14] Speaker A: He's done turn undead a long time ago. And it's the similar. It's a similar.
[00:14:18] Speaker D: I just wonder. Rafina might not have realized. Or maybe didn't he do it on the town?
[00:14:23] Speaker E: The giant scarecrow?
[00:14:26] Speaker D: Did he.
[00:14:27] Speaker E: I believe.
[00:14:27] Speaker C: Oh, did I?
[00:14:28] Speaker D: Did he.
[00:14:29] Speaker C: Oh, I did. I used command on it.
[00:14:30] Speaker D: I used command on it.
[00:14:31] Speaker B: Yeah, the command. Yeah, that for sure.
[00:14:34] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah.
[00:14:35] Speaker B: Rafina just doesn't know.
All right, but I'm not gonna move. Yeah. I'm gonna stay where I am.
[00:14:42] Speaker E: Okay, well, so what's interesting here is that, like, Roscoe will kind of right in the heat of all this chaos, he'll say to bathwatch he'll be like, dude, I've only got a minute of this fairy fire left, so I think we should take advantage of it while we can.
So, like, he was feeling the same way of, like, oh, shit, we're gonna let it run and let my fit my advantage on attacks run out. So that's the lovely chaos of our, like, spells crisscrossing and.
[00:15:15] Speaker D: And us not knowing each other that well. I mean.
[00:15:18] Speaker E: Yeah, totally. Um, also, don't forget that by the end of this, you're supposed to be dead.
Roscoe will. Um.
Let's mix it up.
[00:15:35] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:15:36] Speaker E: He's gonna move on to vicious mockery.
[00:15:38] Speaker A: Sure.
Do you have any insults lined up?
[00:15:44] Speaker E: I don't like?
Something like, you are more rolled and rock.
[00:15:59] Speaker A: All right.
[00:16:01] Speaker E: What?
Igneous? More like ignoramus.
[00:16:07] Speaker A: That's better.
[00:16:12] Speaker E: Metamorphic? More like metamoron.
[00:16:15] Speaker D: Wow. Yeah.
[00:16:18] Speaker E: Sedimentary. More like set a set of stupid things just now.
[00:16:29] Speaker D: Stupid thing.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: All right. It succeeds.
[00:16:40] Speaker E: Oh, and it doesn't get that one d four thing.
[00:16:45] Speaker A: No, that happened once.
[00:16:49] Speaker E: All right, well, then Roscoe will spend the next 6 seconds coming up with better insults.
[00:16:53] Speaker A: Okay, cool. See how that goes.
All right, uh, it's gonna turn to you, Will.
[00:17:03] Speaker D: Fuck. Okay.
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Um, and I'm just his little buddy.
[00:17:09] Speaker D: Hanging out on the cliff.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: Yeah, that just shot him with five of six eldritch blasts.
[00:17:14] Speaker D: Yeah, he better have something to say about it.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: Uh, he says, which you can understand as live in me.
[00:17:27] Speaker D: Ew. Ew.
[00:17:29] Speaker A: And it reaches out to grab you.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: To grab will.
[00:17:34] Speaker A: You're gonna make it. You're gonna need to make a deck save.
[00:17:36] Speaker D: Oh, my God.
All right, that's creepy.
Don't have my lucky stone.
[00:17:51] Speaker A: What does he add to that? Five.
[00:17:54] Speaker D: Not good. Bend. Luck. Fuck.
What do I use for this?
Two sorcery points. I'm doing it. All right, Ben luck. Boop boop. I'm gonna.
[00:18:08] Speaker A: Tracking those sorcery points over there.
[00:18:11] Speaker D: I just did it. Those were the first ones I used today.
[00:18:13] Speaker A: You twinned.
[00:18:14] Speaker D: Also, like, you know, speaking of random things that we never do, there's something that you're supposed to do for me.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: Like meta rant, inspiration?
[00:18:21] Speaker D: No, no, the magic wheel or whatever. It sounded similar. To what? Something he has. It's like wild magic or whatever, which is what I have. Oh, remember that thing?
[00:18:31] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:32] Speaker D: You're always like, damn it, I wish I remembered that.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I never do.
[00:18:35] Speaker D: Yeah. All right, Ben luck. So I'm just going to.
Wait. No, that won't actually. It's only four. You know what? You know what? Fuck it. Never mind. I'm not. I'm taking my sorcery points back and I'm just going to get grabbed by this motherfucker. And then we'll see what happens.
[00:18:53] Speaker A: Okay, he reaches out, he plucks you out of the air, and he shoves you into his chest cavity.
[00:18:59] Speaker D: Awesome. Guys. Bye.
[00:19:02] Speaker C: Whoa.
[00:19:03] Speaker A: Okay, what pinned against the back of his. That stone cavity. In there, you're surrounded by this. It's dimmer, but in there it's still very bright red orange light. And you feel your.
The energy of it just begin to just eat away at you.
[00:19:22] Speaker D: What?
Nice. Okay.
[00:19:27] Speaker A: And then it turns and looks up to see Roscoe and bathwack. And it takes like two steps over there and starts to climb the cliff in front of them.
Uh, will.
[00:19:48] Speaker D: Oh.
[00:19:50] Speaker A: I need you to give me a constitution saving throw.
[00:19:52] Speaker D: Okay.
Okay.
[00:19:57] Speaker C: Should have let it run away.
[00:20:02] Speaker D: You said a con saving throw?
[00:20:04] Speaker A: Mm hmm.
All right, so that's ten plus five from you. Bethwack.
[00:20:11] Speaker C: Yeah, plus five.
[00:20:12] Speaker A: Okay, so 15:00.
[00:20:18] Speaker D: A.M.. I in range.
[00:20:21] Speaker A: So that is enough. So you take.
You only take twelve necrotic damage.
[00:20:30] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:20:32] Speaker A: As this energy that's surrounding you and consuming you eats into your very life essence.
[00:20:38] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:20:39] Speaker A: What own are you doing?
[00:20:41] Speaker D: Dying. Um. Okay, we are gonna.
Man, would I have this on me?
[00:20:51] Speaker A: Are you screaming? Do they hear your screams?
No, lame.
[00:20:57] Speaker D: Not screaming.
I'm thinking.
[00:21:02] Speaker A: Yelping.
[00:21:03] Speaker D: Ow, ow, ow. I know he's probably like this very heavy breathing.
[00:21:11] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:21:11] Speaker D: But thinking the whole time, like, just trying to, like. You know, this is where having anxiety helps. You have a thousand fucking ideas. Yeah, in the best of times. So in the worst of times, I'll be prepared. And he pulls out his immovable rod and he shoves it into where, whatever the fuck. The core.
[00:21:31] Speaker A: I don't know, just like against the wall.
[00:21:33] Speaker D: Whatever seems like to be powering this thing. I shove it right there in the hopes that if he moves against, it's gonna dislodge it or hurt him in some way.
[00:21:40] Speaker A: Okay, cool.
[00:21:43] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:21:43] Speaker A: There's like, you're like, surrounded by rock. Like with those like red lines running through it. Shove it, like at one of those or something.
[00:21:50] Speaker D: Well, so you said I'm in this cage. So my. I probably just am imagining this is always what happens. Just like the corns. The two corns.
[00:21:59] Speaker A: The two corn. Cos they look like corns.
[00:22:02] Speaker D: But like I use. You described this cage and you said I was shoved in it. And I have like, red, this red orange light. But like, for some reason I picture that within it, there's like some kind of, like, solid object.
[00:22:15] Speaker A: No.
[00:22:16] Speaker D: So. No, not at all. So. But it's a cage of rock. And then the. But mo was able to chip away at the lines of.
[00:22:24] Speaker A: He did damage by stabbing those lines.
[00:22:27] Speaker D: You were saying. Yeah, you were saying it sound. I mean, from the way you said it, I thought you said then it kind of chips in between.
[00:22:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:35] Speaker D: So it sounded like it was maybe getting in there. I should.
[00:22:37] Speaker A: Yeah, it was getting in there.
[00:22:39] Speaker D: Red sparks fly as knife digs deep.
[00:22:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:42] Speaker D: That's why I'm taking good notes, buddy.
[00:22:44] Speaker A: Thanks, brother.
[00:22:48] Speaker D: So what do I see then? Like you, it's just rock with lines of red in it.
[00:22:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:53] Speaker D: Okay, so how far apart are the bars? I was able to be pushed through. So the immovable rod, I can't remember. Is it like twelve inches again, you.
[00:23:00] Speaker A: Could push it like it's climbing up. So you could push the rod just. You're in it like.
[00:23:05] Speaker D: Yeah, okay.
[00:23:06] Speaker A: Most of the.
[00:23:07] Speaker D: Yeah, whatever. Momentum. Yeah, yeah. But I would love to be able to put it by, like, what, what seems like to me like a seam.
[00:23:14] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:23:14] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:23:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:16] Speaker D: Hopefully lodged in there or something.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: Cool. It's perfect.
[00:23:20] Speaker D: We're on the same roll for precision because if I roll a natural 20, then maybe it just disintegrates.
[00:23:24] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:23:24] Speaker D: And I'm free.
[00:23:26] Speaker A: Roll a precision check.
[00:23:27] Speaker D: All right, here we go.
I didn't do anything. Because you're being a butthole.
[00:23:33] Speaker A: I am not.
[00:23:34] Speaker D: I try.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: I am not being a butthole. I am not.
[00:23:40] Speaker D: Yes, he is agreeing.
[00:23:42] Speaker A: Let's vote.
[00:23:43] Speaker D: Vote for whether Eric's being a butthole.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: All right, go to the wiki page.
[00:23:48] Speaker D: No butthole.
[00:23:49] Speaker A: We're gonna see.
Go to the wiki page. You'll see. Go to the page for me and it'll say if I'm a butthole or not. That'll be the definitive.
[00:23:59] Speaker D: That's just one person, though.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: It's the wiki.
[00:24:04] Speaker B: Been updated for this episode, but also.
[00:24:08] Speaker A: Yeah, we're gonna edit the wiki.
[00:24:12] Speaker D: Yeah, but who could add that right now? I'm going in, Justin. Oh, see, I'm going in. That's what I say when I put the.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: And people who are pro butthole can always change it to make sure it says, I am a butthole. People who are anti butthole can go in and change it to say, I'm not a butthole.
[00:24:29] Speaker D: Who would be anti butthole?
[00:24:31] Speaker B: I know.
[00:24:31] Speaker D: Anti butthole.
[00:24:32] Speaker A: Me. I am.
[00:24:34] Speaker D: I'm just saying, like, even just in life.
[00:24:36] Speaker A: Oh, that's a great question.
The demon stops to think about this.
[00:24:43] Speaker D: Okay. All right. Did I kill it? What? Do you want me to really roll? Like, I'm genuinely trying to be creative.
[00:24:49] Speaker A: Roll an Arcana chair.
[00:24:51] Speaker D: Arcana. Okay.
[00:24:54] Speaker A: You don't like that?
[00:24:55] Speaker D: No, I'm just trying to read from far away. I'm literally squinting.
[00:24:59] Speaker A: It wasn't with advantage. But you did roll. Well, this is the first one, so you rolled 20 total. Okay, so, yeah, you think you have a pretty good sense of where to push this thing to maybe deal some damage if it happens to.
[00:25:13] Speaker D: I just picture him. He shoves me in there, like I said, like, he doesn't scream, but he's, like, panicked, like, you know, like, nobody.
I just, you know, ridiculously distraught grown man, like, doing this, like, backed up to the cage. I feel like his back would be like he's expecting something to happen in this chamber. So his back is towards the outside, and he's, like, trying to figure out a way to get back out somehow. I just can't. Did it seem to, like, open up a little?
[00:25:46] Speaker A: It, like, pushed almost through the bars, and the bars are just still there.
[00:25:50] Speaker D: Ooh, weird. Gross. He's like the gnome king from wizard of Oz. Or return to Oz.
[00:25:55] Speaker E: Yeah, the wiki has been updated.
[00:26:00] Speaker D: Yay.
[00:26:04] Speaker A: Mark, whenever he sees this, would be, like, what, the first edit anyone else has ever made in six months?
[00:26:14] Speaker E: Yeah, it's under Eric facts.
[00:26:17] Speaker A: Yeah, that's where I pictured it.
[00:26:19] Speaker D: Is an ant is a butthole.
[00:26:21] Speaker A: I can't wait.
[00:26:22] Speaker D: No, he's an anti butthole. Butthole is all I'm gonna say.
[00:26:26] Speaker B: I love it. I love it.
[00:26:30] Speaker D: Damn it. What does it say?
[00:26:32] Speaker A: Says I'm a butthole.
[00:26:35] Speaker D: God damn it.
[00:26:37] Speaker A: All right, bath whack, you see, will be grabbed and shoved into this thing's chest. It's trying to climb up to you.
You're right by Roscoe. Who reminds you that you need to be dead. What are you doing?
[00:26:53] Speaker C: Yeah, all that together is not a good story.
I'm gonna fly right out in front of its face. No, no, it's a good story. It just makes batback very unhappy and angry.
So I'm gonna fly right out in front of his face and hit him as hard as I can.
[00:27:14] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:27:15] Speaker C: I've got my long sword out because that's what I. That's what I had when I was fighting will.
It still has the tip on it.
[00:27:29] Speaker D: It has one of those pool chalks on the tip of it that's important.
[00:27:34] Speaker C: Take off a little, like, plastic cover.
[00:27:36] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's. It's peace tied into your scabbard.
[00:27:40] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:27:40] Speaker D: Like, oh.
[00:27:44] Speaker C: All right, I'll just hit him with it until I break the scabbard off. All right, so. All right, there's one. One attack. Oh, actually, I meant to do a different thing, but I guess Bethwick reacted exactly how he should have.
I was gonna. Anyway, I was gonna use a round to prepare, but I didn't. I just dove right in.
So that's one attack.
[00:28:11] Speaker A: Okay, that hits for 16 damage.
[00:28:15] Speaker C: Yeah, so it does.
I'm gonna.
Sorry, I'm being so slow. I'm gonna use.
[00:28:23] Speaker A: You're being as slow as all of us are.
[00:28:25] Speaker C: Uh, limited remaining spell slots, um, to do, um, divine smite, which is an extra, um, an extra. This much radiant damage.
[00:28:41] Speaker A: Okay. Uh, that's for nine.
[00:28:45] Speaker C: Yep.
And I think.
Yeah, I'm just almost out of power. I'll hit him again.
Okay, this is actually really bad.
So there's the second swing.
[00:29:02] Speaker E: These should both be at advantage.
[00:29:04] Speaker A: Yes, that's true.
[00:29:06] Speaker C: So I can reroll this one if I need to.
[00:29:10] Speaker A: Well, we'll say the 20 and the 15 were your two rolls. Okay, so that one hits. And now just. You can keep the damage, but just roll here. I'll just roll two d. Twenty.
[00:29:20] Speaker D: There's.
[00:29:20] Speaker C: There's this five one at advantage. Yep.
[00:29:22] Speaker A: All right, so that hits two.
[00:29:23] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:29:23] Speaker A: Okay, so, bath whack, I need you to describe you delivering the killing blow to this thing.
[00:29:31] Speaker C: Oh, really?
[00:29:31] Speaker D: Oh, shit. Everyone's gonna see you. As against.
[00:29:37] Speaker C: I'm using both. So this is extra damage from the second hit. Now my spell slots are almost completely gone now.
[00:29:45] Speaker D: Hmm.
[00:29:47] Speaker C: Well, I don't know. I mean, I was. I'm upset. I mean, I'm supposed to be dead. The plan is all messed up.
I will is possibly dead inside this thing.
[00:30:02] Speaker A: So there's some upside.
[00:30:04] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:30:04] Speaker C: So, I mean, I'll be free of my contract soon, but I also need to be dead.
[00:30:10] Speaker E: No.
[00:30:11] Speaker C: So I thought, impulsively goes out and just in it, you know, hits this thing as hard as he can across the face. Two quick but heavy swings with the long sword full of, you know, radiant energy, green bright, you know, light. Unfortunately, I suppose this means that everyone can see him.
[00:30:36] Speaker E: Could Roscoe, who fancies himself the director of this, has fancied himself the director of this whole performance?
Could I, like, I don't know if Roscoe can, like, say anything, but, like, it would be cool with if. Like, so, like, bathwalk is dealing this, like, killing blow, and if there's, like, this slow motion, just kind of, like, moment of eye contact between Bathwack and Roscoe. Like, Roscoe wants to communicate, like, just with a nod and wide eyes, like, this is. This is your moment. This is the climax. And they'll kind of, like, jerk his head toward, like, the monster, and he's trying to communicate, like, um, I don't know, like, this is. You have a chance here to, like, this is your. This is your death. You could fake your death right now.
[00:31:31] Speaker C: I see.
[00:31:33] Speaker E: I mean, Roscoe doesn't give notes on the night because that is annoying. He knows that.
[00:31:40] Speaker C: No, yeah, I get it.
[00:31:42] Speaker A: So, here, maybe this will help. So you slash, slash, and this thing, the light goes out of its eyes, and it begins to plummet down towards the beach. Once again, Will, you're in there plummeting. You were expecting this rod to be pushed down as it went up, but instead, it's the other way around. It goes down, and the rod flies up to the roof of this cavern there and goes.
And this thing's descent is halted for a moment, and its limbs fly up into the air, and one of them gets very close to you, beth whack.
[00:32:27] Speaker C: Ah, perfect. Just what I was looking for.
[00:32:30] Speaker A: The force on the immovable rod is not enough. It doesn't withstand this much foot pounds or whatever of the whole weight of this thing crashing down. So it is gonna push and break the rods. Like, effectiveness or whatever, it can be overcome.
It's not infinite in its power, but the resistance it provided sort of made it limbs fly up, and its hands are sort of up by you. Bath whack. As that. And it then continues its fall with you inside, Will.
[00:33:05] Speaker C: So I'm gonna throw myself into a spin and then try to fake a. I don't even have to fake it. I'll just stop flying and spin toward the ground.
[00:33:16] Speaker E: The. The beach ground? Like, down below?
[00:33:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:33:21] Speaker E: Awesome.
[00:33:23] Speaker C: Yeah, like, exactly. What, Ross, right there. Yep.
[00:33:28] Speaker A: Okay.
All right. And so, yeah, you guys see this creature crash to the ground below?
Will, I need you to give me a deck save.
That does save. So you take six. Bludgeoning damage.
[00:33:50] Speaker D: Okay?
[00:33:51] Speaker A: As you're just tossed about inside this rock cavity, you crash to the ground.
So, yeah, you guys are out of initiative. Bath whack, are you? Do you, like, gently lay yourself down on the sand?
[00:34:05] Speaker C: No, I slow my fall enough so that I don't get horribly injured when I hit.
[00:34:09] Speaker A: Sure, sure. Yeah.
[00:34:10] Speaker C: But, I mean, I'm gonna hit the ground hard.
[00:34:13] Speaker A: Okay, and then what? Just lay there?
[00:34:16] Speaker C: Well, I don't know. I. Yeah, I suppose someone else needs to do something pretty fast to make me look very dead.
[00:34:23] Speaker D: Oh, my God.
[00:34:26] Speaker A: So Roscoe and Rufina are up still on top of the cliff. And, will, you're inside this thing.
[00:34:32] Speaker D: Yeah.
Fuck.
[00:34:34] Speaker A: But you're not in turn order anymore. So go.
[00:34:38] Speaker D: But who can see us? Like, who is around? Like, who is where?
[00:34:42] Speaker A: Well, if you. Well, you can't see anybody. You're inside this thing.
[00:34:45] Speaker D: So there's no light anymore from it.
[00:34:48] Speaker A: It is not emitting any light at all.
[00:34:50] Speaker D: Like, so it's just dark and it's nighttime, so I can't see because I'm in morning.
[00:34:54] Speaker A: You can't get a sense of your surroundings. You can see out the front of this thing.
[00:34:59] Speaker D: Like, I'm so curious. Like, so is there just literally, like, one hole, or is it like, a cage? I was picturing, like, a mayor McCheese style cage. Oh, I had no idea.
[00:35:09] Speaker A: No, just a hole in the front.
[00:35:10] Speaker D: Oh, okay. Okay, cool.
[00:35:12] Speaker B: All right.
[00:35:13] Speaker D: Sorry. That's why I was.
[00:35:15] Speaker A: Three walls, ceiling, floor are solid.
[00:35:17] Speaker D: I picture, like, totally different things sometimes. I'm sorry. That sucks. So, one pole. All right.
[00:35:22] Speaker E: To get down there, Roscoe's going to wild shape into a seagull and swoop down.
[00:35:33] Speaker A: That's lovely.
[00:35:40] Speaker E: And then he's going to come over and tell.
Tell Bathwack to pull on the mask. Yes. Someone else. Now put on the mask.
[00:35:56] Speaker C: All right.
[00:35:59] Speaker E: And hopefully. I'm trying to, like, do this. I mean, I know that the orc lady is here.
[00:36:06] Speaker D: Uh huh.
[00:36:07] Speaker E: And there's this hulking monster that just fell. I just want to make sure we're not visible to her.
[00:36:12] Speaker A: Yeah, not yet.
[00:36:14] Speaker C: All right.
[00:36:15] Speaker E: In fact. In fact, um.
Yeah, if we can. If we just happen to be, like, around the corner.
[00:36:22] Speaker C: Do you have the bones ready?
[00:36:26] Speaker E: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got them. All right, we're gonna say that. Yeah, well, you don't. It doesn't. Yeah, well, we're gonna say that just before it hit the ground, some spell went off and disintegrated you. You saw the whole thing, right?
[00:36:43] Speaker C: Whoever you are, I'm gonna. So I'm gonna quickly. I guess I'm gonna have to run around the corner.
[00:36:48] Speaker A: Will, you can hear this.
[00:36:49] Speaker C: I'm gonna. I'm gonna run around the corner, and I'm gonna. Because the mask only hides my face. Right. It doesn't change my entire appearance.
[00:36:57] Speaker A: Incorrect.
[00:36:57] Speaker C: No, it changes my whole appearance.
[00:36:59] Speaker D: You can be a completely different looking person. Yeah. Why? It solved every problem.
[00:37:04] Speaker C: Someone I've seen before.
[00:37:05] Speaker A: Um, not necessarily.
[00:37:07] Speaker D: Like, I. Yeah, we. Like, I feel like we should have like, will would have been like, you need to have a basic idea of, like, a guy. Like, I feel like we would have had a general sketch. George.
George sin.
[00:37:22] Speaker E: George Fisherman.
[00:37:23] Speaker D: Yeah, exactly.
[00:37:25] Speaker C: But I'm actually picturing, uh. I'm picturing someone who's a lizard folk.
That's what I'm picturing. And I'm picturing someone who's wearing, like, kind of. Yeah, like, simple, almost tattered clothing who was just, you know, walking along the beach or something.
Yeah.
[00:37:47] Speaker A: Cool.
[00:37:47] Speaker E: Nice.
[00:37:49] Speaker C: So we can flesh out exactly what I look like later. But that's the idea.
[00:37:53] Speaker D: Mm hmm.
[00:37:55] Speaker E: So once you do that, Roscoe tosses out the bones on the beach and maybe prestidigitates, like, basically, like, smoke around the bones, like, making it seem like this. There was just some powerful spell cast in this. In the space.
[00:38:27] Speaker D: Cool.
[00:38:27] Speaker E: If that makes sense.
[00:38:28] Speaker A: It does.
Rafina, the half orc runs up to you. She says, are you all right?
[00:38:37] Speaker B: I'm okay. How are you?
[00:38:40] Speaker A: I am just fine. I just don't know what's going on here. Where is the evil creature that was attacking the town? Was it destroyed? Did it turn into that thing? What what happened?
[00:38:52] Speaker B: Wait, you're talking about the crab?
[00:38:55] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:38:56] Speaker B: Take it from me, we don't have to worry about the crab.
It became.
Wait, what did the thing say? It said, live in me or something. But she didn't understand that it went. No, it went away. I saw it go.
[00:39:16] Speaker A: Okay, I think we should go down and make sure this thing is dead.
[00:39:23] Speaker B: I agree.
[00:39:24] Speaker E: And Roscoe, you hear Roscoe crying out below.
[00:39:30] Speaker D: Zorn.
[00:39:32] Speaker E: Zorn. My friend Bathwak Madrak is dead.
Foist attacked by a grandpa whose grief was misguided and misdirected, but whose sin can never be punished because he, too, left, ran away because of this giant stone demon who then killed my friend Bathwick Madras. Zorn.
Zorn.
It's a performance of a lifetime.
[00:40:13] Speaker D: What? Zorn.
[00:40:16] Speaker E: I think it's just, like, an expression of.
[00:40:20] Speaker B: I knew someone with that last name in elementary school, so I was thinking.
[00:40:25] Speaker E: Z o r m.
Isn't that a thing?
Why do I think it's a thing?
[00:40:33] Speaker A: Adam has screamed this at so many funerals.
[00:40:40] Speaker E: Zora is a family name of german origin.
Why have I been screaming wrath at funerals?
[00:40:47] Speaker C: From the proto indo european something torn to flay.
[00:40:54] Speaker E: Oh, no. Okay, this is why I'm screaming Zorn, because I remember it from watership down, the book about rabbits.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
[00:41:01] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:41:02] Speaker E: Crazy. In Lapine, the language of rabbits by Richard Adams. Zorn just means, like, destruction or murder. It can also denote catastrophe. So I'm screaming it much the way the one character in watership down who.
[00:41:18] Speaker D: Oh, fuck.
[00:41:18] Speaker E: I don't want to spoil watership down for people. Oh, my God. What a good book. But there's a very unexpected moment where a character is screaming Zorn in the distance, and it's very powerful.
[00:41:29] Speaker D: Anyway.
[00:41:31] Speaker A: Got it.
[00:41:31] Speaker E: And Roscoe is not a turned back into himself when he landed, so.
[00:41:36] Speaker A: Right. He's not screaming it as a seagull.
So, yeah. The monk hears that as she's starting to descend the cliff, she just, like, starts scaling the bare rock wall near you. Rufina Mo is swimming back to shore.
What are you going to do up there on top of the cliff?
[00:42:00] Speaker B: I'm gonna. I'm gonna go down as well.
[00:42:03] Speaker A: You're gonna just try to climb down?
[00:42:05] Speaker B: I mean, yeah, I'm lucky I'm nimble. What could possibly go wrong?
[00:42:09] Speaker A: I don't know. Let's. Let's see. Give me an acrobatics check. Or athletics.
[00:42:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Though they're both equally as entertaining.
All right, here we go.
What was the first one you said? Not athletics. You said aerobic acrobatics. Let's do that.
[00:42:28] Speaker A: Aerobics. Give me some jazzercise.
[00:42:33] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:42:34] Speaker B: That wasn't great.
[00:42:35] Speaker A: That's not very good.
[00:42:36] Speaker B: No, it's not great.
[00:42:40] Speaker A: Yeah, you start to just climb down this face.
[00:42:45] Speaker D: Roscoe's trying to get everyone's attention to bathwatch death, but what they see is Rafina, just an old lady, tumble down.
[00:42:54] Speaker B: My prehensile ponytails, though, are helping me.
[00:42:58] Speaker E: Are helping slow my fall competes with Rufina. His performance escalates as a result.
Pathwhack was felled much the way that old lady is felling down the cliff.
[00:43:21] Speaker D: Yep.
[00:43:23] Speaker A: So, yeah, you don't make it very far down, and you start to lose your grip, and you start skidding down and are about to lose contact with the cliff entirely when the monk reaches out and grabs you by the back of your dress.
[00:43:42] Speaker D: Phew.
[00:43:43] Speaker A: And she says, grab onto my back.
[00:43:45] Speaker D: Whoa.
[00:43:47] Speaker B: I do so.
[00:43:48] Speaker A: All right. And then she continues climbing down the cliff.
[00:43:51] Speaker B: That first step is a doozy.
[00:43:57] Speaker A: Will.
[00:43:57] Speaker D: Yeah?
[00:43:58] Speaker A: You're no longer suffering necrotic damage whilst inside this thing, but you are still inside it.
[00:44:05] Speaker D: But he's just a rock, so I'm just gonna live in here. Good night, everybody. No. So you said that I can't, like, I can't, with my own form, fit out of the hole.
[00:44:14] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:44:15] Speaker D: Okay, so I think, like, I'm hearing Roscoe doing what he's doing. I'm assuming he is doing it right, like you're saying, like, I don't even know. I just assume, like, I don't want anyone to see me come out of this thing. So I'm gonna turn myself into. Is it dark in here? Even though it's morning, is there any other holes?
[00:44:36] Speaker A: It's not dark. It's. The light is shining in.
[00:44:40] Speaker D: Okay. I was gonna try to use my cloak. Um, I am going to.
[00:44:45] Speaker A: I mean, if you could have laid, landed face down, and then the hole is blocked entirely.
[00:44:51] Speaker D: Yeah, that's pretty scary. I love it. But then I probably wouldn't have been able to hear them at all, so that's why I was just relying on you saying that. I kind of pictured it as. It's kind of facing up, but out towards the ocean. So it's like, I can hear. I have, like, a view of nothing, but I hear what's going on, and, like, this is good. I'm gonna just try to disappear again. Like. Like my original plan to go back into the crowd, assimilate. Hopefully shimi is not, because I need to get back into Valencia beigemin. So I can relate to this. So I'm just gonna turn into, like, a bird if it's morning, like a.
[00:45:29] Speaker A: Like a morning dog.
[00:45:30] Speaker D: Magpie.
[00:45:31] Speaker A: Hello? Hello?
[00:45:33] Speaker D: No, she's squeaking open the door.
[00:45:35] Speaker A: Is that her dog?
[00:45:36] Speaker D: She just poked her head in. I said, no, no. She was like, oh, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Sorry. Shoot. What was I saying? That was cute.
[00:45:50] Speaker A: You turn into a bird or something.
[00:45:51] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm gonna turn into, like, what's. I was just picturing a magpie. The one with a little, like, white here and he. Black, right?
[00:45:58] Speaker A: Asking me, ask Abby or yourself.
[00:46:00] Speaker D: Abby or myself. Right. But I think I know magpie.
[00:46:03] Speaker B: That sounds like a magpie to me. Yeah, with the little, like, the.
[00:46:07] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, because he looks like he has a little suit on, so he, like, goes out like. That's what I picture. The sky kind of open. There was a seagull sound. For a second, I was like, wow.
And then it was Roscoe. Hello, baby. I love you.
Good night. I love you.
[00:46:26] Speaker B: That's not a dog shoot.
[00:46:28] Speaker D: So I picture the, like, open hole, hearing what's going on, trying to figure out, like, what the best thing to do. Like, I don't think I can get out of this hole. So I turn myself into a bird, and the bird just, like, goes up and perches on the hole. So I'm, like, looking around to see what the heck is going on out there?
[00:46:46] Speaker A: Before I do, Roscoe zorning in front of a smoking pile of bones.
Mo is doing a very impressive forward crawl back towards the shore.
[00:47:02] Speaker D: Nice.
[00:47:04] Speaker A: Rufina is being conveyed down the cliff face.
Yeah, it's beautiful morning.
[00:47:12] Speaker D: Beautiful morning.
[00:47:15] Speaker E: Roscoe's morning is beautiful.
[00:47:17] Speaker A: Yes, it is a beautiful morning.
[00:47:20] Speaker B: You're zorning.
[00:47:22] Speaker A: That's what I said.
[00:47:24] Speaker B: Oh, wait, I thought. I thought of it.
[00:47:25] Speaker D: Zorning in the morning.
[00:47:27] Speaker A: Well, to be fair, I said, you're right that I said zorning, but not as a pun on mourning. I was just saying that I was verbizing Zorn.
[00:47:40] Speaker D: Right. Okay.
[00:47:41] Speaker A: I guess gerundizing that is that.
[00:47:44] Speaker B: Thank you for clarifying the subtleties there, because I didn't feel like I was adding something new.
[00:47:49] Speaker A: You were.
[00:47:50] Speaker B: All right, very good.
[00:47:52] Speaker D: If I see, like, that lady, is she close to me? I don't want. I don't want. She's going to see some kind of illusion here. I'm so worried. And do I see, like, do I. Did you say that I see Beth whack? Like, do I see another person with.
[00:48:05] Speaker A: Gospel based on where he is on the map? I think not, but maybe he let him clarify because we. This is a podcast. Where is bath whack in the form of this lizardful?
[00:48:16] Speaker C: Yeah. Well, while everyone was climbing down, I moved further down the beach, and then when I felt like people were getting close to seeing me, I turned around and started slowly walking up the beach. I'm walking right on the water's edge, so hopefully my footprints are covered.
[00:48:32] Speaker A: Nice.
[00:48:33] Speaker D: Nice. Yeah. Will's gonna try to see if he can see a bathwack, whoever bathwhack would be, so we can figure out who bathwhack is. And then he's gonna try to go and see if she me is anywhere or if he can freaking turn into Valencio bejemin.
[00:48:47] Speaker B: Could you repeat to me what Alex said? Because I had a little trouble hearing the description.
[00:48:53] Speaker C: Oh, Fatback walked up the beach?
[00:48:55] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:48:56] Speaker C: As far as he could until people started to. He was worried people would come into sight. And then he turned around and started slowly making his way back, walking along the water's edge so that his footprints were. Wouldn't give away, that he just circled around.
[00:49:11] Speaker B: Okay, thank you for that.
[00:49:13] Speaker A: Plus, your footprints might not match what you look like.
[00:49:16] Speaker C: That's right.
[00:49:18] Speaker D: Bath swack made his feet way sexier.
I've always wanted sexy feet.
[00:49:26] Speaker A: Are they tilted like Barbie's feet?
[00:49:28] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah. They're in permanent art.
[00:49:30] Speaker C: I use all.
[00:49:30] Speaker D: He's walking. That's why he's walking so slow.
[00:49:32] Speaker C: All of the magic to make. To give myself high heels.
[00:49:36] Speaker D: Yep, that's it.
[00:49:37] Speaker A: That's the only difference.
[00:49:40] Speaker D: No one will recognize me.
My calf muscles look so different.
Oh, my gosh.
[00:49:51] Speaker A: All right. So are you then, flying somewhere as the magpie?
[00:49:54] Speaker D: Yeah, I want to fly up to see if I can see Bathwack. Like, would I see him, or was that you saying that I just saw what he was doing?
[00:50:03] Speaker A: Um, yeah, I mean, if you fly out a little bit, you'll see him. Well, you'll see this figure walking up the beach. You might think it's him. I don't know. You're expecting to see him in a different form.
[00:50:16] Speaker D: I am gonna go fly and perch on his shoulder.
[00:50:19] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:50:21] Speaker D: See if. See if it's him.
[00:50:22] Speaker A: Get off, get off, get off.
[00:50:25] Speaker D: And I don't know what. I don't know, but I think I'm just like. I just, like, do that, but it sounds just like Will.
[00:50:33] Speaker E: Will doesn't know it's bath whack, and Bathwick doesn't know it's will.
[00:50:36] Speaker A: Oh, no, not for sure. I mean, Will might suspect.
[00:50:39] Speaker D: Will is suspecting just because it's. Yeah, but, yes. I'm not. I don't know for sure.
[00:50:45] Speaker C: Yeah. My. The hand that's not holding the fishing rod is trying to flap you off my shoulder, and you're dangerously close to the brim of my floppy hat.
[00:50:57] Speaker A: Which doesn't exist.
[00:50:58] Speaker D: Yeah, which doesn't exist. So I I can tell now I know that it's Batwack, because if it. Well. Or I.
[00:51:05] Speaker A: Well, you'd have to interact with the brim of his floppy hat.
[00:51:08] Speaker D: Yes, but that's what I think. Well, I guess I just imagine that. That I'm, like, grabbing. Trying to grab it with my beak or whatever, and it's invisible, or it's. It's passed through a bow.
[00:51:18] Speaker A: It's tangible, intangible.
[00:51:19] Speaker D: I love that.
All right, so now I know I'm. I think it's pathwhack, but I don't have any.
[00:51:26] Speaker A: Someone else with a fake floppy hat.
[00:51:28] Speaker D: All right.
[00:51:31] Speaker C: I mean, you would recognize if you were out shopping with me earlier when we were getting the spell materials, you'd recognize the fishing rod we bought.
[00:51:41] Speaker D: Okay. Hell, yeah. All right.
[00:51:43] Speaker A: Is it a zach I land on.
[00:51:44] Speaker D: The top of the fishing pole.
[00:51:47] Speaker B: Oh, nice.
[00:51:47] Speaker C: Yeah, that's real.
[00:51:48] Speaker D: Grabbing around, trying to. Yeah, trying to get off.
[00:51:52] Speaker C: Get off.
[00:51:54] Speaker D: Catfuck's never going to figure it out.
[00:51:57] Speaker A: I love it.
[00:51:58] Speaker D: So much.
[00:51:58] Speaker A: Oh, he figured it out from the start.
[00:51:59] Speaker D: Wait, magpies can kind of talk? Can I try to roll for seeing if my magpie form can say, sure, he does something.
[00:52:08] Speaker B: They also steal shiny things. Like, they could try to steal something from bat whack and then keep it. Yeah.
You don't have your necklace, though, right? You don't have your.
[00:52:19] Speaker C: No, it's gone.
[00:52:20] Speaker D: No, we gave that away.
[00:52:21] Speaker B: That's right. Yeah, that's what I thought.
[00:52:22] Speaker A: Yeah. You can give me an arcana check to see if you can.
[00:52:25] Speaker D: Okay, cool.
What is it? Natural 20.
[00:52:31] Speaker A: Uh huh.
[00:52:32] Speaker D: Yay. I've rolled such shit tonight. And now for this.
Love you. Good night, sweetie.
[00:52:40] Speaker A: So, yeah, you can communicate pretty well, actually.
[00:52:43] Speaker D: Oh, my God.
[00:52:44] Speaker A: Like one of those super well trained magpies.
[00:52:48] Speaker D: Oh, my God. Amazing.
[00:52:49] Speaker A: You're not. It's not. You're not fluent.
[00:52:51] Speaker D: I'm sorry, but I picture it being like, idiot. Like, he's trying to figure out how to make these larynx work or something. Oh, well, I, like, swoop down and land on your head and, like, peck the top of your head.
[00:53:10] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[00:53:10] Speaker C: But you disappear inside my large, floppy hat.
[00:53:13] Speaker D: Yes, I do. And then I fly. Like, I realize that I fly.
[00:53:17] Speaker A: Oh, get out of my head.
[00:53:20] Speaker D: Fly up. Is anyone looking down at all to see Batwack? Like, would anyone be there at all?
[00:53:28] Speaker A: You think the crowd might be here soon, but they're not there yet.
[00:53:32] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:53:32] Speaker E: I mean, isn't he approaching, like, us? Isn't he walking up towards us?
[00:53:35] Speaker C: Yeah, very slowly.
I might even stop and sort of pretend to. Actually, no, I wouldn't, because I saw what happened.
[00:53:44] Speaker E: Yeah, you need to be a witness.
[00:53:45] Speaker C: But I am. But I'm afraid to get too close. Yeah.
[00:53:49] Speaker A: So, yeah, you guys reunite near.
I guess the bones and Roscoe are kind of the epicenter right now. And the demon laying there. Mo gets out of the water.
Rufina, you get down there with the monk and you head over. Yeah. She inspects this demon to thoroughly to make sure it is inert. And yeah, at this point, there are some figures starting to appear at the top of the cliff, peering down onlookers from the town who've finally caught up to the action and are taking in what's. What's going on below.
[00:54:29] Speaker E: Roscoe's sobbing.
He's weeping. He's keening.
[00:54:34] Speaker B: Morphin is going to be keening too. She catches on quickly.
[00:54:40] Speaker A: Motu.
[00:54:41] Speaker D: What'd you say?
[00:54:42] Speaker A: Motu?
[00:54:43] Speaker B: Motu.
[00:54:53] Speaker A: Beats his breast.
[00:54:57] Speaker D: I want to fly over there and just kind of observe to see, like, overwhelming to where the crowd is. See if I can hear anything. Like.
[00:55:04] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:55:05] Speaker D: Whether people are talking about it, whether they. What they saw, like, what's happening. What's the crowd's vibe?
[00:55:11] Speaker A: Okay. Do you want to get close?
[00:55:13] Speaker D: I'm so. I don't mind if it. If they see me coming from bathwax direction. Like, I might just at some point do this. Like, if we have to go somewhere and we have to. This is a disguise fisherman with a bird. Sounds pretty great.
So.
Yeah, like, I think I'm gonna just. I don't really care if people see me. I'm just flying around the crowd. If I can land on the ground and not get kicked by some dumb little kid trying to just kick a bird off a cliff, then that would be good.
[00:55:44] Speaker A: You spent too much time around eight year old boys today.
[00:55:47] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:55:49] Speaker E: So Roscoe is still, like, while weeping, shouting out the name, like, bath whack.
Bath whack.
And he much the way that, like, will is trying to get a sense of what the crowd thinks. Roscoe's side eyeing the work lady. The monk.
[00:56:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:56:06] Speaker E: To try to get a read on her perception of what's happening right now.
[00:56:11] Speaker A: Got it. Okay.
[00:56:13] Speaker E: And to see if, like, does she. Is she suspicious or does she pretty much believe straightforwardly, like, what's happening right now.
[00:56:22] Speaker A: Got it.
So, will, are you trying to. Are you just trying to get the general sense of the vibe of the crowd? Are you trying to get. Glean specific information, like, hear specific things? I just need to know if you should roll perception or insight, basically, Roscoe, definitely an insight for you.
[00:56:40] Speaker D: Well, like. Like I was describing, like, I feel like if I. I would realize, like, Will's not always used to being a bird, so he's like, I'll just go check out the vibe of the crowd. But I'm flying, so I'm going way faster. So, like, that's why I was saying, if I can land at some point and just kind of, like, you know, that's okay. If they say, see me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, if I understand, like, this, like, whatever.
[00:57:00] Speaker A: So role perception.
[00:57:02] Speaker D: Okay.
If there's, like, a family nearby or if there's a couple. What if people in a crowd are. What are they saying?
[00:57:10] Speaker A: Elderly bankers?
[00:57:13] Speaker D: Is that the right. Okay, I hope I saw that right. Oh, my God. The natural one went from a natural 20 to a natural.
[00:57:20] Speaker A: All right, so you land and a little boy tries to kick you off.
[00:57:28] Speaker D: That's so good.
[00:57:31] Speaker A: That's great. You take.
Oh, shit. Two bludgeoning damage.
[00:57:38] Speaker D: What does that mean? Wait, what happens if I. Okay, it doesn't matter.
[00:57:41] Speaker B: Right?
[00:57:42] Speaker D: Yeah, sure.
[00:57:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:57:43] Speaker D: Yeah. Okay.
Okay, cool.
[00:57:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Technically, if you lose all your health, whatever health a magpie has, you do transform back into person. How much. How many hit points does a magpie have?
[00:57:56] Speaker D: I don't know.
[00:57:59] Speaker E: If this kid.
[00:58:03] Speaker D: I'm gonna be so disappointed if I somehow just messed up everything.
[00:58:10] Speaker A: This one I see says you have three.
[00:58:12] Speaker E: Oh, thank God.
[00:58:13] Speaker D: All right. I fly the fuck away.
[00:58:15] Speaker E: That's hilarious.
[00:58:18] Speaker A: Oh, my God, that's so scary.
[00:58:23] Speaker E: Raska wrote a 13 insight.
[00:58:25] Speaker A: Oh, right. Okay, so, yeah, once she determined that the threat seems to be neutralized, she has sort of distanced herself from you guys. Keening in unison.
[00:58:43] Speaker D: It's like midsommar.
[00:58:48] Speaker E: Roscoe's wearing a flower dress.
[00:58:51] Speaker A: This isn't the bottom of a cliff. It is at the bottom of a cliff.
[00:58:55] Speaker E: And an old lady did just roll down.
[00:58:57] Speaker D: That's so true.
And the bones are all burned and shit. Oh, my God.
[00:59:04] Speaker A: You finally realize where I'm stealing all of my stuff from.
[00:59:07] Speaker D: Wow. It's just a plot of Midsommar.
[00:59:10] Speaker A: That's what my whole campaign has been.
[00:59:12] Speaker D: Sounds great. I love it.
[00:59:14] Speaker B: Now we know.
[00:59:15] Speaker A: So, yeah, this monk who's named Florence Pugh steps back.
[00:59:20] Speaker D: Yay. We haven't known her name yet, right?
[00:59:23] Speaker A: That's not her name. I have her name. That's not her name. Sorry.
And she she strikes you as very stoic with a 13 insight.
She's hard to read.
She seems to be kind of giving you guys your your space to do what you're doing. She's not, like, crossing her arms and furrowing her brow or anything like that.
She's just sort of standing there, really with not much emotion at all on her face, which might just be her norm. You saw the way she sort of stepped back in the middle of battle when Bathwax said, let it run, and just, like, stood there. Like, it's reminiscent of that.
[01:00:05] Speaker E: Well, Roscoe needs to make sure everybody knows the same story, so he's gonna. While crying, he's gonna be like, oh, did you see that?
Did you see that? Oh. Just as it fell, the big one and hit the ground, the last thing that happened was that the small one came out of its chest and tackled bathwac. And as the big one died, the small one exploded right after it grappled.
[01:00:43] Speaker A: My friend, you hear some gasps from up on top of the cliff.
[01:00:49] Speaker E: It was almost like it was the big one's last gasping command to its minion tragedy. Zorn.
Zorn.
I saw the whole thing from over there.
[01:01:10] Speaker D: Oh, God.
[01:01:17] Speaker A: Oh, Jesus.
[01:01:20] Speaker D: Our king. Our king is dead.
[01:01:23] Speaker A: Shouts, moving Keating, is fisherman bathwack joining the group? Or, like, what. What is this figure doing? Is he just gonna skirt around and just keep walking past?
[01:01:44] Speaker D: Excuse me?
[01:01:46] Speaker C: No, I imagine he's slowly gonna walk up, but, like, I don't really want to be noticed. I just want to be part of the crowd that's gathering.
[01:01:58] Speaker A: No.
[01:01:59] Speaker E: Immediately, Roscoe, like, goes up to you. Did you see? Did you see, stranger?
[01:02:05] Speaker D: What happened?
[01:02:07] Speaker E: I've never met you before, so you'd have no reason to lie.
[01:02:12] Speaker C: Something horrible. Something horrible. I saw something horrible.
[01:02:22] Speaker E: Roscoe's eyes shift back. Well, yes, it was horrible, but what were the details?
They must surely align with the ones that I just shouted.
[01:02:40] Speaker C: Wait, what did you say? Something exploded?
[01:02:44] Speaker D: Yes.
[01:02:44] Speaker C: Oh, I'm sound like. I sound like homestar.
[01:02:49] Speaker A: Explode. I smoked.
[01:02:54] Speaker E: Yes, something exploded. It was my friend Pat walked the drag.
[01:03:01] Speaker D: The king is dead.
[01:03:05] Speaker E: Long live the king.
[01:03:11] Speaker A: And magpie will.
The crowd looks like it's heading towards that path that leads. Sort of wraps around and down here.
So they're gonna be down there in a little bit.
Some people stay up top just to look down, but the people who have a little bit more hike in them are gonna be coming down to investigate everything that's going on down here. As these whales continue to overcome even the sound of the crashing surf, the storm cloud above dissipates.
Sun is streaming down onto the scene. It's quite beautiful. It's a nice, beautiful morning. So this crisp salt air coming in off of the bay.
[01:03:56] Speaker C: Just how I thought it would be on the morning that I die.
[01:04:02] Speaker A: And we're going to find out what happens. Next time on pork fried dice.
Yeah, we did it.
[01:04:09] Speaker B: Time to bring back to life the person killed. And by we, I mean me.
[01:04:14] Speaker E: That. That will be the first thing in Rafina's mind.
[01:04:17] Speaker B: Yes. That needs to be. Yes. Otherwise, Alex, in real life will never.
[01:04:22] Speaker E: You go back.
This guy's sister is already buried in.
[01:04:26] Speaker B: Well, and that's exactly what I said.
[01:04:28] Speaker D: But, like, he was waiting for that insurance money. He's like, hell, yeah, but it's only.
[01:04:35] Speaker B: Been, like, a minute and a half since then, so that's gonna be great.
[01:04:38] Speaker C: Cause, like, they'll bury him, and he'll be all legally dead, and then you'll resurrect him and. And he'll be basically a new person. He'll like. He's gonna be like, thank you. Like, I can start over again.
I don't know.
[01:04:52] Speaker D: Yeah.
[01:04:53] Speaker C: Shouldn't even tell his wife.
[01:04:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
I've been meaning to leave behind my seven children. Anyway, this is perfect.
I was thinking about faking my death this morning.
[01:05:05] Speaker D: Oh, God.
[01:05:11] Speaker C: No. I'm sure it won't go like that.
[01:05:13] Speaker B: I'm so excited that we got through it.
[01:05:17] Speaker D: Yeah, hopefully people will care.
Hopefully people will care.
[01:05:24] Speaker A: Nah, they're gonna get halfway down the path, like, forget.
[01:05:27] Speaker D: You know what? That was too far of a walk. Yeah, he saved our town. Or whatever. Fine. All right, bye.
[01:05:34] Speaker B: That was such a big beast, though.
[01:05:37] Speaker C: Why would it doing here?
[01:05:41] Speaker B: This was not a.
[01:05:42] Speaker C: Now it's like its bones are going to be sticking out of this beach forever.
[01:05:46] Speaker D: Right?
[01:05:47] Speaker C: Those horns are the size of. These are huge peaks.
[01:05:53] Speaker D: Hey, everyone, if you like what you hear, please consider leaving us a kind review wherever that sort of thing happens. Also, support us by sending us a tip on Ko fi. You can find all of our social media [email protected]. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next time.
