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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're listening to the show about strip duels. It's pork fried dice.
I'm Eric and I'm the dungeon master.
[00:00:10] Speaker B: I'm Abby and I play Rufina.
[00:00:13] Speaker A: I'm Alex and I play Batwack.
[00:00:16] Speaker C: I'm KT and I play will.
[00:00:20] Speaker D: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:00:25] Speaker A: Hold onto your haversacks. Let's roll.
[00:00:31] Speaker B: I'm recapping next time, right?
[00:00:34] Speaker A: I don't know. What's the calendar say?
[00:00:36] Speaker C: Don't make me switch tabs.
[00:00:38] Speaker A: I am looking at the calendar. I am switching tabs. Yes.
[00:00:42] Speaker B: All right, thank you. I just want to make sure my notes are up to snuff, which is.
[00:00:46] Speaker A: Apparently going to be Friday.
[00:00:50] Speaker D: No, I have to dm all of you.
[00:00:53] Speaker C: Dab.
Wait, I'm sorry.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Something's happening.
[00:01:00] Speaker C: Where is it?
[00:01:01] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:01:02] Speaker D: I haven't sent it to you yet.
[00:01:03] Speaker A: Okay, should I play the first sound like. No, no, not yours, the. This one.
[00:01:11] Speaker B: Adam said no.
[00:01:12] Speaker A: Yeah, but he wasn't talking about that.
[00:01:17] Speaker D: Share, copy, Link.
Paste, lean.
Sent.
Alright, I have to do that three more times.
[00:01:33] Speaker C: Oh, lean. Damn.
[00:01:35] Speaker D: Share, copy, link. Click over here, click over here, click here. Message, paste, lean, send.
[00:01:50] Speaker A: What do you have to lean about?
[00:01:52] Speaker D: What's the lean times?
[00:01:55] Speaker C: Far away keyboard.
[00:01:56] Speaker B: Very far away.
[00:01:57] Speaker A: You have to hit enter. Yeah, you can't click send.
[00:02:01] Speaker D: Oh, I don't think so. Copy, Link.
Click over here, click over here.
[00:02:11] Speaker C: He's putting it message every time he does that.
[00:02:15] Speaker D: Paste, lean.
[00:02:19] Speaker A: Is that supposed to be for me or Katie?
[00:02:21] Speaker B: What?
[00:02:21] Speaker D: This one?
[00:02:22] Speaker C: Well, what?
[00:02:24] Speaker A: Cuz there's only one we.
[00:02:26] Speaker D: Oh, what? I sent one to you. I haven't sent one to Katie yet.
[00:02:32] Speaker A: Okay, I just don't know how you're playing that. They're not. They don't have discord on their computer currently.
[00:02:37] Speaker C: Can it. Can it be like.
[00:02:39] Speaker D: Do you have it on there? Like your tablet or anything?
[00:02:42] Speaker C: No.
[00:02:44] Speaker A: Can you email it?
[00:02:46] Speaker C: Wait, what? Wait, I need just discord.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:02:48] Speaker D: Oh, no, no, I can.
[00:02:49] Speaker A: I can just.
[00:02:50] Speaker D: I can send it to you. I can email to you.
[00:02:53] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:02:56] Speaker D: I'm gonna share it with you now, sand. And you should get it in a moment.
[00:03:07] Speaker C: So can I click? Oh, it's. It's words. Okay, cool. All right, it's words. I'm like, do I have to play anything?
[00:03:13] Speaker E: I don't know.
[00:03:13] Speaker C: I don't know what's happening.
[00:03:14] Speaker A: All right, you ready, Adam?
[00:03:17] Speaker D: Yippers.
[00:03:18] Speaker A: Previously on Pork Fried dice.
[00:03:23] Speaker E: If you asked anyone, they'd say it was an otherwise calm day in the city. Of Trent but for one D and D party bathwack Madrak, Will, Pompeian, Rufina Phalangepot, Roscoe Lefleur and their trusty sidekicks, Shimi and mo. A carefully orchestrated conflict was roiling, and an unorchestrated tragedy was about to strike for this adventuring band of virtuous heroes.
Or were they?
This is their story tonight on E. Trent Hollywood story.
It was a quiet morning, and unbeknownst to the residents of Trent, the mysterious group of individuals was in town trying to save the world.
Or were they?
[00:04:36] Speaker B: Okay, first of all, you wait. You guys look familiar. Are you the same crew that did that whole e. True bear toggle thing a little while back?
[00:04:48] Speaker D: Uh, do you want us to be.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: No.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: I heard what those guys did to bathwhack. They made. They really did him dirty. You know, they used fancy schmancy editing and sound design and creepy music to make him sound like a bad guy after he accidentally broke Shimmy's foot. It was downright unethical. And I'll be as darned as a pair as my aunt Tootie's night socks if I'm gonna let anyone do that to me.
[00:05:16] Speaker E: Oh, my God.
[00:05:18] Speaker D: Okay, yeah, that wasn't us then.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Well, good. I'm tempted to roll an insight check, but I trust you.
[00:05:28] Speaker D: Oh, yeah.
[00:05:29] Speaker E: I'm Roscoe Lafleur, and that was a crazy day. You see, we were just minding our.
[00:05:34] Speaker D: Own business at the local tavern.
[00:05:36] Speaker E: You know, eating breakfast, singing collectively improvised songs about how much we loved Trent.
[00:05:43] Speaker D: Even though we'd only been there for, like, a day.
[00:05:45] Speaker E: You know, normal stuff like that.
[00:05:48] Speaker F: Yeah, I remember that day. There was a lot of normal stuff at first. Breakfast, singing. But then I got into a huge fight with Will. I mean, not Will.
[00:06:02] Speaker C: Look, I keep telling you, I don't know why you want to interview me for this one. Cause I wasn't even there that day.
[00:06:09] Speaker D: Where were you?
[00:06:12] Speaker C: That's none of your business.
[00:06:15] Speaker D: Shimmy said you had diarrhea.
[00:06:18] Speaker C: Did he now?
[00:06:21] Speaker D: Mow did, too.
[00:06:23] Speaker C: Great.
[00:06:24] Speaker D: Roscoe confirmed it.
[00:06:26] Speaker C: Oh, fine. Look, I did not have diarrhea. That wasn't even part of the plan.
[00:06:33] Speaker D: Plan?
[00:06:35] Speaker B: What?
[00:06:36] Speaker C: I didn't say anything about a plan.
[00:06:39] Speaker D: I'm pretty sure you did.
[00:06:41] Speaker C: Well, I'm pretty sure you should shut the hell up. And for the record, I was relaxing in my magic inflatable tent. Or trying to, anyway. But luckily for you, I've heard the story about what happened that day many times. And I'd be happy to share with you the things that I've heard specifically about this cool old guy that Bathwack got in a fight with. I've heard a lot about him.
[00:07:07] Speaker D: Great. Who was he exactly?
[00:07:09] Speaker E: Oh, I know this. He was someone named Nat's grandpa. And you would not believe how much of a totally real sound and backstory this guy had with Bathwag. It was impressive.
[00:07:22] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, it was Nat's grandpa, all right. See, Nat was a young boy from Villaki kidnapped by werewolves. Nat's grandfather asked Will, who was disguised as Valaki's baron Vargas Valakovich, to return him safely. Later, he did become a werewolf. And while will tried really hard to save him, Bathwax attitude to the now cursed creature was far less merciful. And this became a source of much chagrin between the two of them.
[00:07:55] Speaker D: Did you just read that word for word off of the pork fried dice with wiki?
[00:08:01] Speaker C: What? No.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Well, yes.
[00:08:04] Speaker D: Okay, make a note. We're gonna have to get approval from our chestnut to use that.
[00:08:08] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Sure thing, boss.
Eric, as assistant.
[00:08:14] Speaker D: Okay, you could have a lot more lines to say later. So are you willing to commit to that voice?
[00:08:20] Speaker C: Sure thing, boss.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: Okay, great.
[00:08:23] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Keep going.
Again, I wasn't there, but I heard that this old guy, nat's grandpa, he was walking through the streets of Trent, casting vicious mockery on innocent bystanders, asking everyone where King Bathwack was. I mean, this guy was demanding respect, and he was getting it pretty cool, if you ask me.
[00:08:46] Speaker F: Like I said, we were just singing and having breakfast, when suddenly, this guy blasts the door down, sending it flying onto our food. I was not gonna let that stand. I mean, I'm a paladin, and I love food, especially fish tacos. Anyway, so I stood and confronted the.
[00:09:04] Speaker C: Guy, and this cool old guy, he, eldritch, blasts the ceiling twice.
[00:09:11] Speaker B: There was rubble everywhere. People could have been hurt. And by the way, I wanted on the record that the very first thing I did was help them clear the rubble and heal anyone who needed healing. I think that's important to note, because it demonstrates pretty clearly, if you ask me, that I'm a healer, not a killer.
[00:09:32] Speaker D: So what did you do?
[00:09:35] Speaker F: Me? I did what any paladin would do. I made myself glow a bright white light and sent that bastard flying out onto the ground.
[00:09:44] Speaker E: Yeah, that's when the fight moved out onto the streets.
[00:09:46] Speaker D: I watched the whole thing. There were some really good lines.
[00:09:49] Speaker E: What were my favorites?
Grandpa said in this really intense voice.
[00:09:56] Speaker C: To bathwack, paladin tricks. You ruin lives.
[00:10:01] Speaker E: Oh, and then Bathwax said to nat's.
[00:10:04] Speaker F: Grandpa, I won't let you hurt anyone else on the risk of your death.
[00:10:09] Speaker E: Oh, and then nat's grandpa called everyone in Trent ferret fuckers and characterized Trent.
[00:10:16] Speaker C: Itself as a shittown.
[00:10:19] Speaker B: I hated it. It was terrible. Will was eldritch blasting batwack, and Batwack was casting flea.
[00:10:27] Speaker D: Wait, you mean nat's grandpa was Eldrich's blasting pathway?
[00:10:33] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: Nat's grandpa was eldritch blasting backpack.
[00:10:38] Speaker A: That's when I decided to step in.
See, I was working the bar that morning when that old fucker destroyed the place. I wasn't gonna take that sittin down, so I pulled out my crossbow, marched right outside, and I fired a bolt at him. I could have really helped, you know. But then this mustard stained old coot came up to me and started talking to me about crossbows and asking me about mine and telling me how much he liked it and how powerful it looked. And then he took it out of my hands and was aiming it all wrong. Just really frustrating stuff.
[00:11:20] Speaker E: Yeah, I still got it.
[00:11:23] Speaker F: Look, my top priority was making sure no one else got hurt. So I started pushing this guy, you know, telling him to leave, get out of here. And in my book, there's nothing more heroic than pushing a grieving old man.
[00:11:39] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
Yeah, of course, Bathwack was doing his dumb hero thing. Meanwhile, this cool old guy is being a badass, floating in the air and saying, I have a problem with you. And so do the dark powers. I mean, come on, that's pretty fucking cool, if you ask me.
I wish I'd been there to see it myself, but I wasn't. I was in my tent, relaxing.
[00:12:03] Speaker E: So I'm telling ya, this fight was wild. Bathwatch was throwing javelins, and that's grandpa was kicking Bathwack in the back. Bathwack was picking up Nat's grandpa and throwing him and casting thunderous might.
And then Ruffina got involved.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: Of course I got involved. I had to. Nat's grandpa had just grabbed a random lady in the market and tried to stab her. He was creating fires everywhere. He transformed into a giant crab and started chasing Bathwack. People were in danger. My friend was in danger. I had to help.
So I pulled out my crossbow, and.
[00:12:48] Speaker E: That'S when it happened. Serafina, phalangepot, exuberant, hospitable, halfling life cleric from the city of bertabil fires her crossbow at Nat's grandpa. But instead of hitting her target, she hits an innocent bystander instead.
The question is, was Rufina, really just trying to help. Did she see her friend Bathwaq Madrak in need and try to offer well intentioned support in a totally real fight?
Or was Rufina Falanchpot a willing participant in an elaborate, orchestrated murder?
See, my producers don't want you to know the truth. I was just reading their script before when I caught this tragedy unorthestrated. But now I'm here to tell you this entire fight was staged.
[00:13:47] Speaker D: Okay, Paul, no, we. We talked about this, okay? We are not including your conspiracy theories. Okay?
[00:13:54] Speaker E: No, no, no. Hear me out, okay? The javelins path back was throwing. They didn't have any tips. Why wouldn't they have their tips? And where was will? Why wouldn't will be there? Maybe he was, but just in disguise.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: Right?
[00:14:07] Speaker E: And why would the mustard stained old coot be talking about backstories, hmm? I'll tell you why. The whole thing was a performance.
[00:14:17] Speaker D: Why, Paul? Why would anybody do that?
[00:14:20] Speaker E: Why? I'll tell you why. Because that random man in the marketplace who ruffina shot wasn't random at all.
He was Nat.
They were out to kill him because they didn't finish the job the first time around. Don't you get it? Nat never died. That's just what they want you to believe.
[00:14:41] Speaker D: What? Who wants us to believe, Paul?
[00:14:43] Speaker E: The church of Silberdia, the Desert mothers, Ricardo, Ulysses.
[00:14:47] Speaker C: See?
[00:14:48] Speaker E: It's all connected. They're all in on it. They have to be. The mustard guy. He took these fake bones out of a terrarium and then hopped on the crab and started riding it. Why? Because that mustard stained old coot isn't what he seems, either. There is something going on with him. And don't get me started on the.
[00:15:03] Speaker D: Half orc who bunched a crab. Okay, that's enough. Paul, you're fired. You have to go.
[00:15:09] Speaker E: You. You can't fire me. I'm the only one here asking the right questions. Who's the half orc in the emerald green robes? Who punched the crab?
[00:15:17] Speaker C: Huh?
[00:15:17] Speaker D: Paul, stop. Security, can you please remove him from the studio?
[00:15:21] Speaker E: No, no.
[00:15:22] Speaker A: Let me go.
[00:15:23] Speaker E: Who is the half orc in the emerald green robes? Who punched the crab? Ha. Who is the half orc in the emerald green robes?
[00:15:30] Speaker C: Who punched the crab? Ah.
[00:15:37] Speaker D: Okay, I hate to say it, but I think each rent Hollywood story might be a bust. Yeah, I mean, we can't release this. That. That conspiracy theory was nuts.
[00:15:51] Speaker C: Yeah, way nuts.
[00:15:55] Speaker D: Obviously, Rufina didn't mean to shoot that guy. I mean, Bathwick wanted her to cast Rey's dead on him.
[00:16:01] Speaker A: Totally.
[00:16:02] Speaker D: Granted, she refused to do it because, according to her, they had plenty of time, but come on, it's not like she's some ruthless killer, right?
[00:16:09] Speaker A: Right.
[00:16:10] Speaker D: Yeah. We should just delete the whole thing.
[00:16:14] Speaker A: Are you sure, boss?
[00:16:17] Speaker D: Yeah, I am. Will you press the delete button over there?
[00:16:22] Speaker A: Sure, if you say so. Um, which one is it again?
[00:16:28] Speaker D: It's over there, right next to the publish button.
[00:16:31] Speaker A: Gotcha. Click.
[00:16:34] Speaker C: All right, done.
[00:16:36] Speaker D: Oh, good. Thanks.
[00:16:38] Speaker A: No problem, boss.
[00:16:41] Speaker D: And you're sure you pressed the delete button and not the publish button?
[00:16:45] Speaker A: I think so.
[00:16:48] Speaker D: Because they are right next to each other.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: I know.
[00:16:54] Speaker D: So you're sure you didn't publish it, right? You deleted it?
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Uh, yes, I am sure.
[00:17:09] Speaker D: Great.
[00:17:10] Speaker C: Hey, boss?
[00:17:12] Speaker D: Yeah?
[00:17:14] Speaker A: Why is it called E. Trent Hollywood story? I mean, what's Hollywood?
[00:17:22] Speaker D: Oh, it's like a forest outside of Trent.
[00:17:27] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:17:31] Speaker D: The end.
[00:17:32] Speaker C: Amazing.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: I'm convinced.
[00:17:36] Speaker C: Yeah, I know. Oh, my God. That was so amazing.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: So excited that Nat is alive again.
[00:17:41] Speaker C: I know. But then you killed him.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: Was alive again.
[00:17:45] Speaker C: Was alive again.
[00:17:47] Speaker B: Yeah, I guess that's true.
[00:17:48] Speaker C: Oh, no. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. That's so great. Oh, my God.
Theorist who is in on it, who's, like, figured it out. I love it.
[00:18:00] Speaker D: He's figured out some of it.
[00:18:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
It's just so great, though. That's such a great idea.
[00:18:07] Speaker D: I knew I had to bring back that format when I got another session that ended with something so dark, I was like, oh, fuck. And so now it's a trilogy. Now I'm waiting for some dad in, like, two years.
[00:18:18] Speaker C: I can do part three next time I kill someone.
[00:18:21] Speaker A: True carnivore story.
[00:18:22] Speaker C: Oh, my God. The true carnivore story.
This is amazing.
[00:18:28] Speaker B: Like, that was also a really helpful recap.
[00:18:30] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:18:31] Speaker C: Like, it was so deep. Like, what an amazing. That was amazing. Incredible.
[00:18:36] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:18:36] Speaker C: Yay.
[00:18:37] Speaker E: I'm glad you guys liked it.
[00:18:38] Speaker D: Good reading. Well done, everybody.
[00:18:39] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:18:40] Speaker C: I feel like I have no idea what words are when I'm reading them out loud. I'm like, what words? Saying, especially words.
[00:18:46] Speaker D: And I force you guys to do a cold read. Alex gets the line of the night about the pushing and grieving.
[00:18:51] Speaker C: That was so funny.
So great. Right, E. True.
[00:18:59] Speaker A: Nope. What was it? E. Trent.
[00:19:02] Speaker C: Hollywood. Trent.
[00:19:02] Speaker A: Because.
[00:19:03] Speaker D: Because each Trent story does not roll up the top.
[00:19:06] Speaker C: Yes. No, it's perfect.
So great.
[00:19:12] Speaker D: Okay, but all the music cues are exactly the same. Yeah, from the first one.
[00:19:17] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:19:19] Speaker D: And a bunch of the openings.
[00:19:21] Speaker A: Different crew, right?
[00:19:24] Speaker D: Yeah, different crew.
[00:19:24] Speaker C: Shirts.
[00:19:26] Speaker B: Time.
[00:19:31] Speaker A: All right.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: Oh, crap.
[00:19:34] Speaker A: Welcome everyone.
Yeah. Now you're. That's the play, Abby. You're now kneeling over a dead person.
[00:19:41] Speaker C: Oh, no. Yeah.
[00:19:43] Speaker A: Once again, bath back still right there. Nope. He was running away to try to get the fight towards where you guys wanted to go, and.
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Oh, there was a person running up.
[00:19:56] Speaker A: And upset the woman about the dead person, and there was another person who ran out and punched the crab.
Wap, wap, wap.
So that's where we are.
[00:20:11] Speaker B: All right.
[00:20:13] Speaker A: I don't remember exactly where we were in the initiative order, so I'm just going to start at the top, unless anybody does remember or cares. Good. Uh, will.
[00:20:22] Speaker C: Well, it was the. The initiative was that this lady had suddenly punched me.
[00:20:26] Speaker A: Yeah, I know that.
[00:20:26] Speaker C: So wherever that is in the air initiative.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: Well, I.
That where we. Not in my list.
[00:20:31] Speaker C: Oh, dang. All right, well, it doesn't help at all, then.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: Yep.
So, will, you've just been punched in the crab. Would crabs have thoraxes? They probably don't have thoraxes.
[00:20:44] Speaker C: No, it's probably, like, the stomach plate or something like that. I don't know. I don't know.
Oh, man. I almost had a term that was related to something within the ocean. Wouldn't have been correct, I'm sure. Anyway, go ahead.
[00:21:00] Speaker A: You go ahead. Oh, you got punched in the. Well, yeah, the boob plate in the crab. What are you doing?
[00:21:07] Speaker C: The boob.
So I don't have, like. I think you've always done this for me, like, when I do an attack, but, like, I would just try to grab this lady if she just tried to pinch.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: You need to look up a dire crab.
[00:21:22] Speaker C: Okay.
Oh, this is just crab.
[00:21:25] Speaker E: Nope, not just crab.
[00:21:28] Speaker C: Not just crab.
I looked up diagrab. It's my default. It's Google's fault.
[00:21:34] Speaker A: Well, I found it. First result.
[00:21:36] Speaker C: Thanks. Well, good for you.
[00:21:38] Speaker A: How do I send this to you?
[00:21:40] Speaker C: Oh, it was my first result, too. It just was looking weird. I haven't looked at Google really? On this Apple computer very much. Okay.
[00:21:47] Speaker A: Since a.
[00:21:48] Speaker C: Well, I know I am.
[00:21:50] Speaker A: I haven't looked at the Google on.
[00:21:52] Speaker C: Apple computer computer box.
[00:21:58] Speaker A: So that tells you what you can do.
[00:22:01] Speaker C: Okay.
Claw. Yeah, can. That's what I'm saying. Can I? Yeah. Grapple. I want a grappler.
[00:22:09] Speaker A: Yes, you can.
Claw.
[00:22:13] Speaker C: Yeah, claw.
So what do I do? Escape DC 13?
Well, first you have to hit melee weapon attack. Interesting. Wait, I don't understand how that's. I'm looking here. Claw. Where it says the grappled stuff, but it says melee.
[00:22:30] Speaker D: That's just.
[00:22:30] Speaker A: That's what it's called. It's a melee weapon. Attack of attack.
[00:22:34] Speaker C: All right, cool. So what do I do?
[00:22:35] Speaker A: So you roll a D 20 and add five to it. Cool.
[00:22:42] Speaker C: 21 that hits.
[00:22:44] Speaker A: So then you roll two d six. Plus three.
[00:22:48] Speaker C: Nine.
[00:22:50] Speaker A: Okay.
And then this person is grappled. So you've got them grabbed in your claw, and you can make another claw attack on him.
[00:22:59] Speaker C: Well, her. Okay, so what? I I don't know if you said nine, right? Yeah, I said nine.
Yes, because I rolled a six out of it was plus three.
So what will wants to do is toss this lady away.
Can I crab throw? Is that something a crab can do?
The crab can breathe air and water.
[00:23:23] Speaker A: Okay, great.
[00:23:25] Speaker C: Transfer that skill into the ability to throw a half orc.
[00:23:29] Speaker A: You're immune to being charmed.
Yeah, I'll say. With your other attack, instead of attacking with your claw again, you can throw her. Sure. Okay, so give me a strength check.
[00:23:45] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:23:47] Speaker A: I think it would be a plus 622. Plus six.
[00:23:53] Speaker C: No, no, no. 16 plus six.
[00:23:54] Speaker A: Okay.
Oh, yeah. You rolled a 22 on your d 20.
[00:23:59] Speaker C: No, I was six.
[00:24:01] Speaker A: Wow.
All right, and where are you trying to throw her?
[00:24:08] Speaker C: So we're in a bunch of stalls, or have we turned the corner somewhere else?
[00:24:11] Speaker A: Not. Didn't quite turn a corner. She stepped out, like, at the end of the market street. So you're, like, right at the end.
[00:24:17] Speaker C: So we have moved down this market street. We're down.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: I think you went back. We're going back.
Was trying to lead you towards Demon's leap.
[00:24:26] Speaker C: Oh, okay.
[00:24:27] Speaker A: All right, so you're where I put you.
[00:24:30] Speaker C: So, basically, is there enough of a crowd?
Like we exploded a stall? Yeah, there's people everywhere.
[00:24:40] Speaker A: People are freaking out. There screams. There's.
[00:24:42] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:24:42] Speaker A: People are rushing around. You think maybe some people are trying to gather weapons to defend themselves or their town?
[00:24:49] Speaker C: Okay, so this lady, is there anything dangerous looking around?
[00:24:54] Speaker A: What, like a TNT factory?
[00:24:56] Speaker C: Yeah. Is there a scissors shop?
[00:24:59] Speaker A: Sand pile.
[00:25:00] Speaker C: A quick sand pile.
[00:25:01] Speaker D: There is a giant crab.
[00:25:03] Speaker C: I throw it out myself.
I. Is there a dumpster?
[00:25:09] Speaker A: She killed a guy.
[00:25:10] Speaker C: Oh, she did?
Maybe I just throw her, if. You know what? If there's enough of a crowd, the.
[00:25:18] Speaker A: Biggest crowd is probably behind you.
[00:25:19] Speaker C: Yeah. In the market, I was thinking of throwing her, but I don't want her to hit Rafina. Do I think I could throw her further than Rufina being a crab, or is that too far?
Picking up crab baseball. Fast pitch speed.
[00:25:39] Speaker A: I'm just trying to look up. Just general rules I don't like.
[00:25:42] Speaker C: Just say I can do it.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: Whatever.
You definitely throw her with, especially with a 22.
[00:25:49] Speaker C: Okay. I'm just saying, do I think I could throw her past Rafina and make sure that she doesn't.
[00:25:55] Speaker A: Probably not past her.
[00:25:57] Speaker C: Oh, okay. Well, then I. Is there water? Oh, no, just a river.
Okay. Can I throw her through a big plate glass window, literally, of a store? The florist. Is this where the florist was?
[00:26:12] Speaker A: No, but you see, behind.
Behind one of the stalls, there's a jeweler's. So you can throw her through there?
[00:26:18] Speaker C: Oh, hell, yeah. I throw her through there, and then I reach out my crabby hand, and I put on a diamond bracelet, and then I go, Rafina, we got an extra diamond. Don't even worry about it.
[00:26:29] Speaker A: You're so shiny.
[00:26:30] Speaker C: Did that work? Oh, I'm so shiny. Yeah.
[00:26:33] Speaker B: Oh, perfect. Wow, I love that.
[00:26:35] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:26:37] Speaker A: Yeah. She chuck her. Wait, I have a sound for that.
[00:26:40] Speaker C: Cool glass, probably.
[00:26:44] Speaker A: Yep. And she goes, yeah. And smashes all the way through the glass. I'm just gonna take some damage here.
Okay.
Okay.
All right, and then what? You gonna move?
[00:27:06] Speaker C: Yeah, I'll back if I. But. And what I'm gonna do is I can sacrifice my mood. I know. Yeah, that's true. But do I. Did I notice that you said, do I let him do that?
[00:27:19] Speaker B: Right.
[00:27:19] Speaker C: Like, that was a conscious effort. It's like I didn't make it harder for him.
Yeah.
[00:27:24] Speaker A: You know, he's there.
[00:27:25] Speaker C: Okay, well, what I'm trying to do is just, like, I'm a big old crab as I turn the corner. Corner to go after bath. Whack. Because I'm assuming I'm probably faster than Bathwick in this form, or at least he's pretty close to me. I mean, is he not. Is he far?
[00:27:41] Speaker A: You're not faster than him.
[00:27:43] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:27:43] Speaker A: You guys have the same.
[00:27:44] Speaker C: Maybe. I don't know that, okay. But I know that I don't necessarily want to catch or do I want to catch up to bethwack? I think I just do a big show of, like, kind of climbing onto the buildings with my legs, like, half legs on the ground, like, doing it. Popping a wheelie or something. Like, as a crab popping a crabby that. Like, my leg.
My legs. Like, I want them to poke through windows and shit if I can. Like. So people, if they're inside and they haven't heard anything or there's, like, a deaf guy in there, like, I poke him in the face because.
[00:28:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Someone's holding a baby, watching out the window. Right?
[00:28:17] Speaker C: Oh, God. I spear the baby with one of my fingers? No, sorry.
[00:28:21] Speaker A: The baby was just scared of crabs.
[00:28:23] Speaker C: Oh. I just. I've given it a phobia forever.
[00:28:26] Speaker A: It can never eat crab legs.
[00:28:28] Speaker B: Did you literally get a diamond through that jeweler's window, or was that a joke?
[00:28:32] Speaker C: No, that was a joke.
[00:28:34] Speaker B: I'm trying to take notes here. And also, I really wish that happened.
[00:28:37] Speaker C: I know it would make things a lot simpler.
[00:28:40] Speaker A: Yeah. You could run towards bath whack. Remember combat, even though it happens. Stop, stop, stop. You're all kind of moving at the same time. So if you're trying to, you know, you can move up to where he is.
Bat thwack.
The crab behind you, if you were watching, picked up that lady and chucked her through a window and then is running after you, I think you're kind of on your own right now. Yeah, because mo's not with you and she me's not.
[00:29:13] Speaker F: I'm just gonna bolt. I mean, I use my action to run.
[00:29:16] Speaker A: Okay, cool.
[00:29:20] Speaker F: Especially if. I mean, I'll take a moment just to make it.
[00:29:25] Speaker E: I don't know.
[00:29:25] Speaker F: Let's see. The crab is just following me, so I'm not. There's no reason to do anything else. I'll just run.
[00:29:30] Speaker A: Okay. See how you can run towards the demon's leap? Yep. So you can go 60ft, so you can get to about here ish.
[00:29:39] Speaker D: Oh, shit.
[00:29:39] Speaker E: He's.
[00:29:40] Speaker C: What the fuck? Well, you're like, I moved just a little bit. Okay. All right. I just was.
[00:29:44] Speaker A: That's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, you got to where he was as he gets to there.
[00:29:48] Speaker C: It's very cool. I get it.
[00:29:49] Speaker A: Yep.
And then we've got Roscoe.
So, Roscoe, you're on the crab.
[00:29:59] Speaker D: I sure am.
[00:30:00] Speaker A: It's like you're getting crab popped almost completely off.
You're getting crabbied.
Crabbies are being popped, but you're hanging on. What else are you doing?
Um.
[00:30:17] Speaker D: Not much. I think Roscoe's just along for the ride here. Um, he's got the bail, the bones in his pocket or in his bag or wherever he'll. And I guess Rufina is now out of sight.
[00:30:37] Speaker E: I guess so.
[00:30:38] Speaker D: I can't even look back and check on Rafina.
[00:30:41] Speaker A: You could have before the crab turn the corner.
[00:30:44] Speaker D: Yeah. As we turn the corner, he will turn back and look at Rafina. What does he see? Abby?
[00:30:52] Speaker B: Rufina is lying on the ground right next to the dead body and weeping angrily.
[00:31:06] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:31:07] Speaker D: That sucks.
[00:31:09] Speaker B: Yeah, I know it.
[00:31:16] Speaker A: So you're just chilling?
[00:31:17] Speaker D: Yeah, Russ just holding on. He'll hold an action. And if he. For, like, if.
If something happens and he, like, his grasp on the crab is shaken, I'm literally holding the action for, like, I don't know, being able to do a check to hold on.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: Okay, cool. So I'll give you, like, advantage if that happens.
Okay, so, Rafina, we got the brief summary of you. I mean, is that the gist of it?
[00:31:48] Speaker B: So I need to know what happened to the person who came up and was upset about the dead person.
[00:31:55] Speaker A: She's just kind of sobbing over him.
[00:31:58] Speaker B: Um, I say, did you know this person?
[00:32:03] Speaker C: It's my brother.
Oh.
[00:32:10] Speaker B: Yeah, that sucks.
[00:32:17] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:32:20] Speaker B: Please take me to jail.
Please put me on trial.
[00:32:24] Speaker E: This is so bad.
[00:32:26] Speaker B: Oh, I'm totally responsible.
[00:32:29] Speaker C: Oh, uh oh, we have. We're not gonna have a boat anymore.
I'm just kidding.
[00:32:37] Speaker B: A boat.
[00:32:38] Speaker C: No, I'm just joking. Like, she. I love that Rafina's.
[00:32:41] Speaker B: Oh, the boat.
[00:32:42] Speaker C: I was like, Rafina's gonna go to jail, and then we don't get a free cruise anymore. Damn it.
We'll just have to kill the captain. It'll be okay, Rufina. Don't worry. More innocent lives will be lost, apparently. Oh, Rafina, yell at all of us. You deserve it. I'm sorry.
[00:33:00] Speaker A: And so then mo, he runs up to you, Rufina, and he says, come on, rafina, the crab's getting away, and he tries to pick you up.
[00:33:11] Speaker B: Oh, does he have to do a Rafina handling role?
[00:33:17] Speaker A: I paused for dramatic effect, but also to kind of open the door for you to let us know how that goes over, basically.
[00:33:25] Speaker B: Well, Rafina has no spine at this point. Like, she's doing that toddler thing where she's floppy. Okay, she's distraught.
[00:33:34] Speaker A: Yep. So he just hefts you up fireman's carry style over his broad, muscular shoulders beneath that wonderful suit that will gave him. Don't forget, Moe's in a suit, guys.
And he turns and starts running in the direction of the fight.
No.
[00:33:57] Speaker B: I need to go to jail.
[00:34:00] Speaker A: No, Rafina. We go to wherever crab goes.
[00:34:07] Speaker B: I'm so tired of this.
[00:34:08] Speaker D: What's that part of the plan?
[00:34:11] Speaker A: Well, he just sees that she's there on the ground.
[00:34:15] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I guess the original plan was that Rafina's supposed to go up there.
[00:34:19] Speaker B: Maybe he.
[00:34:19] Speaker A: She was supposed to go with the bottom or whatever.
[00:34:22] Speaker C: She's not supposed to stay in town. And Mo is probably not a good improviser when the plan. I don't know.
[00:34:27] Speaker D: Sure he doesn't know that. Rascoe has taken.
[00:34:32] Speaker A: Okay, so, Rafina, as Moe is carrying you, you see that the. I mean, you might not see if you have your eyes pinched shut. Who knows with. Or they're. If they're clouded with the tears of. Of guilt, but, um.
The tears of guilt. That should be your. Okay. Cupid username Adam.
[00:34:55] Speaker D: It was my last one.
[00:34:57] Speaker A: Yeah, the, um. The half orc in the robes bursts out of the broken window. She's bleeding from a myriad of small lacerations from her plunge through the plate glass, and she begins booking it up the street towards the crab.
But before she does, she passes you, Roscoe and ruffina, and she, like, skids to a stop.
She turns.
It's almost as if she's cocking her head to listen at something. Listen to something. And then she puts her hand on your hand, Rufina, which is flopped limply over Mo's right shoulder, and she says, you are absolved. And then she keeps running.
[00:35:55] Speaker D: Oh, wow.
[00:35:56] Speaker E: What?
[00:35:57] Speaker A: And that feels a little good, Rafina. You feel some of the weight lifted off of your heart?
[00:36:03] Speaker B: Oh, my goodness.
[00:36:04] Speaker A: Not completely, but that's really interesting.
[00:36:07] Speaker B: Well, you have to understand just a little backstory here, that Rafina knows that she is not the only guilty party in this, and she's. You know, there's a lot of complicated emotions here, but she. In a way, she's trying to get back at the. The people that she's really angry with for causing this problem by going to jail.
[00:36:26] Speaker A: So the patriarchy, right? That's who you're mad at?
[00:36:29] Speaker B: Listen, patriarchy is part of a system.
[00:36:31] Speaker A: Uh huh.
[00:36:32] Speaker B: Let's talk about the system.
So. But that being said, absolutely, she does feel a little better, because she. She's getting a little bit of that. Like, I don't know if it's like a community, like an understanding. She feels like someone understands and has lifted a little bit of the weight, sharing that. Sharing that burden.
[00:36:56] Speaker C: Also. What the heck?
[00:36:58] Speaker A: Yeah. So she dashes up, and she is very fast. She almost reaches you, Will. Oh, do I see her? Yeah, I mean, she's coming up behind you. If you're paying any attention, if you have one of your eye stalks turned around backwards or something like that, or she's. She's probably gonna catch up to you.
[00:37:20] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:37:21] Speaker A: Is the feeling.
[00:37:22] Speaker D: Oh.
[00:37:22] Speaker A: Might have already if she hadn't had to extricate herself from this dumb lady. The. The shop that you threw her into.
[00:37:29] Speaker C: Somebody's got it.
[00:37:32] Speaker A: But it is now your turn in the initiative. So what are you doing?
[00:37:36] Speaker C: My turn?
[00:37:37] Speaker D: Your turn can I use my held action for something other than what I said I was holding it for.
[00:37:41] Speaker A: No, really?
[00:37:44] Speaker C: I didn't know how that worked.
Okay, so do you not have a figure for her?
[00:37:52] Speaker A: No. I can put one if that helps.
It probably does.
[00:37:56] Speaker C: Okay, let's see.
[00:37:57] Speaker A: Who do I want?
How about this?
Gummy snake?
That could be her.
[00:38:08] Speaker C: Wow. Looks just like her.
[00:38:10] Speaker A: How you pictured her. I know.
[00:38:11] Speaker C: Yes, you did say gummy snake.
[00:38:14] Speaker A: I did. In my defense.
[00:38:18] Speaker F: So I was just checking. And if we're bolting as fast as we can up toward demon's leap, we'll get there in 88 turns. If it's a mile away.
[00:38:30] Speaker A: Yeah, so I'm not planning on making us go through each and every turn. Yeah, of course.
[00:38:37] Speaker B: That's.
[00:38:38] Speaker A: No, once you guys have a path, that'll happen. Yeah, but that's not true yet.
[00:38:44] Speaker C: Okay, so, like, I don't know. Are you saying I see her, so if I. Like, somehow I'm crabbing my way around? I'm. Look, I mean, Will is not actually chasing bath whack. This is all orchestrated. So I imagine myself looking around, trying to perceive, like, what's the crowd doing? What's happening? Is anyone else gonna shoot anything at me? And then I see this lady coming back, and I'm like, fuck. If this lady follows us up there, that's really not gonna be good.
I can't cast spells as a crab, can I? Guess I'll try to grab her again and throw her again.
I don't know, because I can't.
[00:39:29] Speaker A: You could also just keep her grabbed.
[00:39:31] Speaker C: That's true, but I don't want her. Oh, well, I could drop her off of a high ledge or something.
[00:39:36] Speaker A: You would know that for her to get out, it's gonna take an action.
[00:39:41] Speaker C: For her to get out of my grass. Yeah, that will be her action, whatever it is. But I'm. Well, okay, but I'm just saying, like, I think.
I think Will is like. Okay, either this lady needs to be beat up enough that she doesn't follow us, or I need to kill her. And Rafina looks very distracted, so.
[00:40:03] Speaker A: Yeah, you also see Mo and Rufina coming out of the market street back down.
[00:40:09] Speaker C: Okay, well, can I throw her towards them?
[00:40:11] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I mean, you could try to first hit her and grab her.
[00:40:15] Speaker C: Yes, that's what I have to do.
[00:40:17] Speaker A: Right. So make your. Yeah, attack.
[00:40:20] Speaker C: It's 20 plus what? Three.
[00:40:22] Speaker A: Five, I believe.
[00:40:23] Speaker E: 513.
[00:40:23] Speaker A: 13 plus five.
[00:40:27] Speaker C: No, a 13.
[00:40:28] Speaker A: Oh, that misses. No, you get another. You have another claw attack. But you're not gonna be able to throw her this turn.
[00:40:33] Speaker C: Damn. Well, I'll do it again.
Natural 20.
[00:40:40] Speaker D: Whoa.
[00:40:42] Speaker C: Uh oh. I figured out exactly how my claws work, and I'm like, wait a second.
[00:40:48] Speaker A: So roll two. D six.
Okay, we have my janky critical role. Critical hit rules. So you're gonna deal 15. No, you're gonna deal 18 plus whatever you roll three. Oh, 21. Okay, so, yeah, you've got her grappled.
So, yeah, she is pinched between your pincers. You could also move if you wish.
[00:41:13] Speaker C: Okay, I will, I guess.
Man, this lady is throwing a wrench. Like, what's around me. Dm.
I need to know what is around, because I'm trying to. Is there a. Well, I can throw her down? Like, district. You know what I'm saying? A commercial district. Okay, so what would be almost factory. You're almost to the shop. Can I throw her? Are there nine knife chandelier. What was the sideways knife chandelier from the boat? That was from, like, some other episode. Sideways knife chandelier, I think is what Abby said at one point on the boat with the houseboat Ricardo. With Ricardo Disius. Yes, on the houseboat.
Yeah.
[00:42:00] Speaker A: You see a. There's a pillow shop. There's a. I.
[00:42:04] Speaker C: Look, I love that. Pillow shop, mattress shop, cotton therapeutic hot tub shop.
[00:42:14] Speaker A: A shiatsu massage parlor.
[00:42:19] Speaker B: Putting pudding boutique.
[00:42:23] Speaker A: A puddingary.
[00:42:25] Speaker C: Puddingary, definitely.
[00:42:27] Speaker B: I want to go to a puddingary, man.
[00:42:29] Speaker A: Yeah, you don't see anything that's just overtly dangerous to be flung into, necessarily. But who knows? If you keep going, maybe you'll see something.
[00:42:41] Speaker C: Okay.
I will wave her around in an effort to be disorienting, as I kind of.
[00:42:52] Speaker A: You can go half the distance.
[00:42:54] Speaker C: That's fine. I don't know if I can. Here we go.
I don't really. There's no squares, so it's just eyeball it.
[00:43:01] Speaker A: It's fine. Okay. I'm just trying to get a general sense. Okay. Bath whack.
You see, Will has this lady now pinched in a pinchery type manner and is coming after you, but he wasn't able to move as quickly as you did. What are you doing? Are you just still running?
[00:43:20] Speaker F: All according to plan, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna run, like. Like the boy and the incredibles, like, just fast enough to stay, you know, a little bit ahead.
[00:43:29] Speaker A: Okay, do something.
[00:43:31] Speaker C: Will's waving the lady around like.
[00:43:35] Speaker A: I.
[00:43:36] Speaker F: Don'T know who she is.
[00:43:37] Speaker C: Yeah, and you can't say anything, so it's just a crab waving a lady.
[00:43:40] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. The universal sign language for I'm king.
[00:43:45] Speaker C: I'm king crabbing it.
[00:43:49] Speaker F: I'm almost out of town. I'm passing the bed.
[00:43:53] Speaker E: Yep.
[00:43:53] Speaker C: I love Pathwack's inner dialogue. Like, this crab is totally fine. Will is great. He hasn't gotten hit at all. Everything is great. And I'm gonna make it to Demon's leap. And Will's like, there's a thousand guys on me.
[00:44:08] Speaker A: Okay, Roscoe, she's right there. Like, she is grabbed in this claw.
She's probably close enough to.
Certainly close enough to speak to. Or if you try to maneuver yourself a little bit on the carapace of this crab, you might be able to get within. I don't know what your plan is, but striking distance, if you wanted to do anything along those lines, but let's find out. What are you doing?
[00:44:38] Speaker D: Roscoe will call out to this person and say.
[00:44:49] Speaker E: Oh, are you trying to help my friend, too?
[00:44:53] Speaker A: I will try to do what I must to help this town from this threat.
[00:44:57] Speaker D: Ow.
[00:45:01] Speaker E: Sounds good to me. I'm on your side.
[00:45:07] Speaker D: Roscoe will hold his action for.
[00:45:13] Speaker C: Because.
[00:45:13] Speaker D: Well, so the crab is holding on to this person.
[00:45:18] Speaker B: Wait, you have to roll for roll deception or something?
[00:45:22] Speaker A: Well, yeah, you definitely do. Of course. I thought that went. Did you not already roll?
[00:45:26] Speaker C: I thought it was just your side.
[00:45:30] Speaker D: Okay, well, that's. Touche.
[00:45:33] Speaker C: I love it.
I mean, I know he'd make me roll a deception for that, too.
[00:45:41] Speaker E: 15.
[00:45:42] Speaker A: Okay, let's see here.
Gotta do an insight check.
[00:45:47] Speaker C: Oh, jeez.
[00:45:53] Speaker D: I shouldn't have said anything.
[00:45:55] Speaker C: This is bullshit.
[00:45:58] Speaker A: Abby shouldn't have said anything.
[00:45:59] Speaker B: Yeah, I was. Yep. I shot another innocent bystander.
Sorry, Adam.
[00:46:06] Speaker A: Well, then why aren't you striking it with all your might?
[00:46:11] Speaker E: Ow.
Okay.
Yeah.
[00:46:18] Speaker D: Roscoe punches the crab without trying to do minimal damage.
[00:46:23] Speaker B: That always goes well.
[00:46:25] Speaker C: Okay, amazing.
[00:46:28] Speaker A: I mean, you're on the back of it, so, yeah, you can punch it. Sure.
Like, are you trying to not hurt him at all?
Like, just describe you hitting me, like, in the arm.
[00:46:40] Speaker C: He gives the crab a noogie.
[00:46:46] Speaker D: I'm trying to make it seem to this person that I'm trying to hurt the crap.
[00:46:53] Speaker C: Mm hmm.
[00:46:54] Speaker A: Okay, so if that means doing a.
[00:46:57] Speaker D: Little bit of damage to the crab, Roscoe is willing to do that.
[00:47:02] Speaker A: Okay, so then you'll do half damage with your punch. Do you have unarmed strike as an attack on your.
[00:47:10] Speaker D: I do not. Okay, should I just do, like, a strength, or should I just want you.
[00:47:18] Speaker A: To roll damage arms. Strike five. E.
Oh, it just does one. Plus your strength modifier.
[00:47:29] Speaker D: My strength mod is zero. All right, so I'll do one damage.
[00:47:33] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:47:35] Speaker E: Take that, you, Sebastian.
[00:47:38] Speaker C: Fuck, yeah.
[00:47:42] Speaker A: Okay. And you're still holding on?
[00:47:44] Speaker E: Yep.
[00:47:45] Speaker A: Okay.
All right, Rafina, you're on Moe's shoulders.
He is. Seems like he's trucking along, just trying to keep up with the action.
Are you as limp as you were before?
[00:48:01] Speaker B: Yes. Because I'm sort of dangled around over his arm or whatever. However, he has me.
[00:48:07] Speaker A: Fireman's carry.
[00:48:07] Speaker B: Do you know what that is? So I'm like, over his shoulder, then.
[00:48:10] Speaker A: You'Re over, like, both shoulders, but sticking out. He's.
[00:48:13] Speaker B: Oh, it's like where you put them.
[00:48:15] Speaker A: Like, kind of drape them over your shoulders. Yeah.
[00:48:17] Speaker B: I didn't know that's what it was.
[00:48:19] Speaker C: I learned something new.
[00:48:20] Speaker B: Thanks, Eric. You're welcome.
So she says, sort of almost as if she's drunk because she's so upset. She's like, mo, what do you want me to do?
[00:48:35] Speaker A: Just you hold on.
[00:48:37] Speaker E: I get you there.
[00:48:37] Speaker A: Wait. Wait. Where you need to go?
[00:48:41] Speaker B: I don't remember the plan. I'm supposed to pronounce him dead.
I don't know. Wait, the bones.
I don't know where the bones are.
[00:48:54] Speaker A: Okay, we. We find them or we ask or. Wait. We not.
[00:48:59] Speaker E: Should not talk about this. Okay.
[00:49:01] Speaker A: I run more.
[00:49:02] Speaker B: Too close. They can have my bones. I don't need them.
[00:49:07] Speaker E: Stop it.
[00:49:08] Speaker A: Rafina, you. Great.
[00:49:13] Speaker B: She cries.
[00:49:14] Speaker A: I kill lots of people.
[00:49:16] Speaker B: Aw, that doesn't make me feel better.
[00:49:19] Speaker A: You, too?
No.
[00:49:27] Speaker B: She stiffens a little.
[00:49:29] Speaker A: There we go. Yeah.
Okay. And. Yeah, he runs to keep up.
[00:49:34] Speaker B: Um, yeah, but no action, really? From Rufina.
[00:49:37] Speaker A: Okay.
Where's my fucking mat? There it is.
[00:49:41] Speaker E: Okay.
[00:49:42] Speaker A: All right, so this woman you have pinced is gonna do something. What is she gonna do?
She is going to try to escape.
So it was a DC 13 to escape.
So that's gonna be Dex. Check. Okay, she does not escape. So she is still pinched.
[00:50:13] Speaker C: Nice.
[00:50:13] Speaker A: And.
Yeah, that's about all she can do.
Mo, let go of me right this instant, you beast. But she can't get out.
[00:50:23] Speaker C: Nice, Will. Oh, okay.
[00:50:26] Speaker A: So you've got her grabbed.
[00:50:27] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:50:28] Speaker A: So, as a crab, now that you have someone grabbed, you can use your constrict action before making your claw attacks, if you're planning on hurting her at all.
[00:50:38] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:50:39] Speaker A: Constrict means you make a. Basically, it's like you grab. So it's like a claw attack. And then you could still hit her.
[00:50:45] Speaker C: Yeah.
How wounded does she seem to relatively.
[00:50:53] Speaker A: Have wounded, pretty significantly.
But you also think that this is kind of meta. But not really. You'd have a sense of this must that. Like, it's not like someone you basically could kill outright with vicious mockery.
[00:51:09] Speaker D: Right?
[00:51:10] Speaker A: Like, if you hurt her enough that she is knocked out, she'll probably be fine.
[00:51:14] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:51:15] Speaker A: Like, if someone tends to her.
[00:51:19] Speaker C: And I can't remember if from the last session. Roscoe, do you remember if we somehow communicated? Like, yeah, like, do I know that he has the bones? Like, I'm just gonna assume that.
[00:51:31] Speaker B: I don't think so.
[00:51:32] Speaker A: I don't think that happens.
[00:51:33] Speaker C: So I just kind of have to assume. Like, I don't. I don't know what to do.
Like, I don't. I guess, like, I want to, like, roll or. I don't know. I don't know what's a good d and d way to do this, but, like, would will be quick enough, because, like, this is literally, like, the kind of stuff that they have done before. You know, he has done this kind of thing before.
[00:51:55] Speaker A: Big killed people.
[00:51:57] Speaker C: No, like, shows fake confidence tricks, kind of things. Like, where you got to act and you got to think on your feet because unexpected things happen.
[00:52:06] Speaker A: Correct.
[00:52:07] Speaker C: So, like, I saw that Rafina killed somebody, right? Could I presume, like, how? What do you. How. This is the other problem. I don't actually remember if will actually saw these things. Like, did he see that? Does he know that Rafina is upset?
[00:52:21] Speaker A: You weren't, like, in the stall. She was ostensibly aiming and shooting at you, right?
[00:52:26] Speaker C: So I could assume that she might be upset about that, especially since she was, like, laying on the ground and stuff. But I don't know. I don't know how much I'm metagaming. I don't want to.
[00:52:33] Speaker A: You're probably not paying a ton of attention to.
[00:52:36] Speaker C: Right. Okay, so, like. So, but Roscoe is hanging onto me with a satchel or something, but I can't necessarily see that. Is he hanging onto my big crab ass? Like, I don't know how I was picturing him.
[00:52:46] Speaker A: Like, grabbing onto the top, like, your collarbone kind of area. That's what I was picturing.
[00:52:52] Speaker C: Okay, well, crabs are flat, so.
[00:52:55] Speaker A: What do you mean?
[00:52:55] Speaker C: You mean, like, in front of me?
[00:52:57] Speaker A: Like, crab has, like, a top shell and a bottom shell, right? No, it's one piece, but, like, you know what I mean. A top and a bottom. They're flat. They're like pancakes.
[00:53:05] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:53:06] Speaker A: So, like, the front edge, like, where the eye stalks come out above the mouth.
[00:53:11] Speaker C: Different kinds of crabs. So, anyway, sorry I'm such a bio nerd. No, I'm such a bio nerd. I like.
[00:53:17] Speaker A: You're a crab.
[00:53:18] Speaker C: It's also because I was trying. Yeah, I know. Well, okay. I was just assuming it was the one that I was kind of drawing. Trying to draw. Yeah, right. Well, whatever.
[00:53:25] Speaker A: What the fuck?
[00:53:26] Speaker C: I don't know why this is getting so complicated.
[00:53:27] Speaker A: I don't know. It's mostly the cowie.
[00:53:29] Speaker C: What I'm trying to do is determine, like, I don't want a metagame, but, like, I'm like, would I know that, Rufina? Like, should we all end up there? I don't think so. I thought the plan was somebody was gonna stay behind and kind of drum up everybody look and point everybody to the direction that that was happening. So I feel like Will is going to assume that, like, everyone else knows what they're doing and that will somehow stop each other if we don't have the materials we need or the right person isn't there. So he's just going to take her and throw her backwards again, probably through another window. Okay, if that will hurt her more or whatever.
[00:54:09] Speaker A: Without hurting her, without trying to kill.
[00:54:12] Speaker C: Her, but, like, if. Well, I mean, no. Like, to knock her out if I think I could.
[00:54:16] Speaker A: You want to give her a squeeze before you go and smack her with your other claw, like you have? I'm letting you use one of your claw attacks to throw her so you could, before that, constrict and smack if you wanted to. I just want to make sure you have your options.
[00:54:28] Speaker C: I'm gonna kill her. Like, I don't know if.
[00:54:32] Speaker B: Can't you do it in a way that you don't intend to kill?
[00:54:34] Speaker C: Like, that's my crap self as your crab self. But I want to knock her out. Oh, man. Man. I'm sorry, guys. I really don't know what to do. This lady is throwing a wrench into everything.
I don't want her to follow us.
I guess I gotta knock her out. Yeah, I'll just try to knock her out with, like, I'll try to take one claw and bonk her on the top of the head. So you're not gonna constrict like, I've seen Curtis? Sure, just bonk, you know, jog somebody like Andre the giant.
[00:55:04] Speaker A: Uh huh.
[00:55:05] Speaker C: That's what I'm trying to do.
[00:55:06] Speaker A: Boom. Okay, so not constrict. You're gonna do one claw attack and then thrower.
[00:55:10] Speaker C: Is that stupid?
[00:55:11] Speaker A: I'm just asking. It's nothing. Okay, great.
[00:55:14] Speaker C: I'm worried about a chopper in half.
[00:55:16] Speaker A: Or something, so Rafina's right behind. Give me an attack with advantage.
[00:55:22] Speaker C: An attack with advantage.
[00:55:24] Speaker A: So just roll two d twenty and tell me the higher. And it's plus five.
Seven or 13. Neither hits.
[00:55:33] Speaker C: That's.
[00:55:33] Speaker A: She's, like, dodging out of the way, even though you've got her pinned.
[00:55:37] Speaker C: Okay, so then can I just throw her? Okay, I'll just do that. What I said before.
[00:55:42] Speaker A: So, strength check. So d 20 plus six.
[00:55:47] Speaker C: Oh, my God. What a bunch of shitty rolls.
[00:55:50] Speaker A: Okay, so two plus six is eight. So you throw her back, you aim at a window, but you're not able to get that far with that throw.
[00:56:00] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:56:01] Speaker A: It's actually kind of right near where mo is. Okay.
She does take some damage, though, just from the throw itself.
Okay, and then what? You go? You run?
[00:56:19] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, I am, but now I'm not. I know that before I leave town, I'm not. I'm not going to let her leave the town with me. Okay, so I won't go too far.
[00:56:30] Speaker A: Yeah. You don't think, as you see, like, she's starting to slowly get to her feet if you look back.
[00:56:34] Speaker C: Yeah. Great.
[00:56:35] Speaker A: She's not out.
[00:56:37] Speaker C: Um, I'll go up to bathwhack. Maybe we can just kill her together. Right.
Let's do it.
[00:56:47] Speaker A: Bathwhack.
You're not even that close.
[00:56:54] Speaker F: Crab's getting really close, man.
[00:56:58] Speaker A: Okay, so you're going. Okay. Yep.
Almost off the map. Team sleep.
[00:57:04] Speaker F: Team sleep. Team sleep.
[00:57:06] Speaker A: Roscoe.
Okay, this woman was chucked over your head. She's getting to her feet. Behind you. What are you doing?
[00:57:21] Speaker D: I would like to have Roscoe cast a spell.
Specifically, I'm looking at the spell puppet.
[00:57:37] Speaker C: Ooh. What the hell?
[00:57:39] Speaker A: Pop it.
I don't know this one.
[00:57:43] Speaker D: Yeah, it's unearthed Arcana, so it has the.
There's a risk of it being overpowered, but there's a note with it about how to make it not overpowered. So my gesture forces one humanoid I can see within range to make a constitution saving throw on a failed save, the target must move up to its speed in a direction I choose. Okay, the overpowered part is that, in addition, you can cause the target to drop whatever it is holding.
I'm not doing that. I just want to. Yeah, I just want to cause her to move.
[00:58:21] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:58:21] Speaker D: Have to move in another direction.
[00:58:22] Speaker A: That's great. Okay, so con. Save. I can do that.
[00:58:27] Speaker D: And is it against my spell?
[00:58:29] Speaker A: Save DC.
[00:58:32] Speaker D: 14.
[00:58:33] Speaker A: Okay, here we go.
Oh, she just fails. She rolls a 14.
[00:58:43] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:58:45] Speaker A: All right.
[00:58:47] Speaker C: Yay.
[00:58:47] Speaker A: So she's kind of at this intersection. Do you want her to go back towards the market? Or do you want her to go south towards the river?
Or do you not care if she.
[00:58:59] Speaker D: Goes back towards the market? Is she going to, like, run into.
[00:59:02] Speaker A: Rufina and she's kind of right by them right now?
[00:59:06] Speaker D: Oh, she's. Oh, I see, I see.
[00:59:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:59:09] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, south. Yeah, I see where she is. She's going south as far as her speed will take her.
[00:59:14] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, she's fast. Just so you could visualize it, the normal speed in D and D is 30ft. Like, that's the kind of the average. The default halflings are 25ft.
She has a speed of 50ft.
[00:59:28] Speaker D: That's wild.
[00:59:32] Speaker A: No, she doesn't quite get that far.
[00:59:36] Speaker D: I would also.
I don't. I. Yeah.
[00:59:41] Speaker A: What is. Can you give us a description at all? Is there anything about the puppet spell coming from Roscoe Lafleur?
[00:59:52] Speaker D: This is another, like, instance where Roscoe is tapping into.
He's tapping into something that he's not fully aware that he has, you know, but it's more of an intuition. Like, it's almost like he. He saw Will as the crab, kind of holding on to this. This person and tossing her.
And it inspired him to, like, deep down he knows that somehow he has the power to also, like, kind of control the movement. Like, almost pick somebody up if he makes a claw out of his hand or something. Like, he has this ability. And so he. It's kind of this vague flashback that he has to his own inner past or something. So that's what happens. He almost mirrors, like, the claw shape of Will's crab and kind of causes and moves his hand to, like, make her. Make her turn around and run the other way.
[01:01:06] Speaker A: The claw. You're scared of the claw.
All right, cool.
[01:01:16] Speaker C: All right.
[01:01:16] Speaker A: Very cool.
All right.
[01:01:19] Speaker C: I love that.
[01:01:20] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:01:21] Speaker D: I would say that, like, Roscoe's trying to hide the fact that he's the source of the spell, but I think because it's so. Just kind of reflexive.
[01:01:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:01:30] Speaker D: I don't think. I couldn't, in good conscience sure have him also be able to, like, juggling the arcana of having to disguise the source of the spell.
[01:01:39] Speaker A: I mean, there's a lot going on. You're not sure if she noticed it came from you or anybody else, but we'll see. Rafina, you're slightly more rigid.
[01:01:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
Where are we in relation, like, in our running?
[01:01:56] Speaker A: So if you look at the map, you guys are at this kind of intersection near the tavern, the ale house.
Will and Roscoe are up near the inn where you stayed. You don't see Bathwack anymore if you were looking.
He just turned the corner up there and is basically out of town. And then that woman in the robes strangely ran south away from you and away from the action.
And Mo is just.
He's running towards the crab.
[01:02:29] Speaker B: All right. Rafina says, mo.
[01:02:35] Speaker A: What?
[01:02:38] Speaker B: Can you go any faster?
[01:02:40] Speaker A: I could try.
[01:02:42] Speaker B: All right, let's catch up to the crab. I just saw the lady leave that was trying to assault him, and I'm trying to figure out what's going on.
[01:02:52] Speaker A: Yeah, I thought about maybe stabbing her, but I don't think that's good for optics.
[01:02:57] Speaker B: Not good for optics.
This is true.
[01:03:01] Speaker A: All right.
[01:03:02] Speaker B: I think I saw him throw her through an optometrist window.
[01:03:07] Speaker A: So you can try to urge Mo to go faster.
[01:03:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:03:13] Speaker A: I'm gonna let you pick a skill that you would like to use, and you can justify it to me.
[01:03:20] Speaker B: Oh, can I?
[01:03:21] Speaker A: Well, I mean, you may attempt to justify it to me.
[01:03:25] Speaker C: Well, wowie. Zowie.
[01:03:28] Speaker B: Zwow. Zowie.
So let's go with.
[01:03:35] Speaker A: Animal handling.
[01:03:39] Speaker B: Intimidation. Just kidding. I had that thought.
No, I also have persuasion, though. Actually, I have the same.
Yeah, I guess it's gonna have to be. It doesn't actually matter because it's the same.
[01:03:54] Speaker A: Let's call it, see, modifier. So, modifier.
[01:03:58] Speaker C: That's.
[01:03:58] Speaker A: You can tell us. You can give us the flavor. What's. What flavor do you prefer?
[01:04:05] Speaker B: Actually, here's what's going to happen.
Rafina is going to realize how not aerodynamic this current situation is because she is in a fireman's.
Is that what it's called? Carrie, you're learning.
[01:04:26] Speaker A: It's okay.
[01:04:27] Speaker B: I am learning.
[01:04:28] Speaker A: You'll get it in no less than three tries.
[01:04:33] Speaker B: Okay, do that to me.
Don't make me correct you when you're trying to be nice.
So Rafina's gonna use acrobatics to make herself more aerodynamic as part of this. This Mo vehicle. Moving towards.
[01:04:53] Speaker A: Yeah, like, maybe, like, dangle yourself more. So you're blocked by his broad shoulders.
[01:04:58] Speaker B: Precisely. She'll turn herself more vertical. Cool. And she's. And so that she's sort of just hanging off of his shoulders and says, mo, I bet you can go faster now, because I'm hanging as a cape.
[01:05:10] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:05:11] Speaker A: Let's do it. All right, give me an acrobatics roll.
Now. Are you dangling by your hands or your legs or your hair?
[01:05:23] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[01:05:25] Speaker B: I love that you gave me that. Those ideas. Because as I picture it in my head, I can totally see Rufina letting, you know, just, like it's totally her feet, because just letting go of with her hands and, like, pointing down his and then putting one leg over the other, you know, over the other shoulder.
[01:05:46] Speaker A: All right, skin the cat on mo's shoulders.
All right, twelve. Okay, so now Mo is going to try to run, and we'll see if he can go a little faster. He can.
Then he's able to basically catch up to the crab and Roscoe.
All right, Derpy.
[01:06:10] Speaker C: Derp.
[01:06:12] Speaker A: If any of you are looking back, you see the woman turn the corner and start to make her way up the road towards you again. Uh huh.
[01:06:22] Speaker B: So she did a U turn you.
[01:06:24] Speaker A: As soon as she could. Once she was done being puppeted, so will Mo and Rafine are right behind you. Roscoe is even more right behind you, seeing as he's on your behind and Bathwack is ahead of you.
What are you doing?
[01:06:42] Speaker C: Hmm?
[01:06:47] Speaker A: If you do a. If you pop a crabby, you can look over the people and see that woman still coming.
[01:06:54] Speaker C: Oh, I can?
[01:06:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:06:57] Speaker C: I. Then I gesture with my crab leg like, I act like I'm. I mean, I'm a crab, so I guess we'll see. I have to roll for, like, performance or something to show how expressive I am with my crab antennae and mouth parts.
Like, have annoyed mouth parts right now. They're, like, flinging themselves all over the place.
[01:07:19] Speaker A: Roscoe, you're getting a little mist on your face.
[01:07:22] Speaker C: It smells like a sea breeze.
And so. But I try to, like, act like I'm swiping at one of the people behind me, like Rafina. Like I'm turning around and swiping at Rafina and Mo or something like that.
[01:07:35] Speaker A: Okay.
[01:07:36] Speaker C: But then I, like, shake my arm a little bit, like, look back there at the lady coming at us.
[01:07:43] Speaker B: Okay?
[01:07:44] Speaker C: And then I bring my other claw up, and I snap it like that. It's like a whole big performance, but I'm not hitting them.
[01:07:52] Speaker A: Okay, give me a proposal.
[01:07:54] Speaker C: Tell them to somebody to take care.
[01:07:56] Speaker A: Of you guys or Roscoe. And I guess anybody who's. If you're looking back, like, you can to roll an insight to see if you can glean their performance.
It's not about beating it. I just need to look at the numbers. Yeah, performance.
[01:08:19] Speaker C: Oh, a natural one on my performance.
Oh, man.
[01:08:25] Speaker A: I'm sorry, guys.
You have no fucking clue.
[01:08:36] Speaker C: Hey, everyone, if you like what you hear, please consider leaving us a kind review wherever that sort of thing happens. Also, support us by sending us a tip on. On Ko fi. You can find all of our social media [email protected]. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next time.
