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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Did you know that? If you go to ko fi.comporphfriidice and subscribe, will won't send goons to your hometown to break your kneecaps.
[00:00:09] Speaker B: Pork Fried Dice now with fun bonus materials for your eyes and ears.
[00:00:14] Speaker A: And you can keep your eyes and ears if you support us. Thank you.
[00:00:19] Speaker B: You're listening to the show about recording intros like this while you're sick.
It's Pork Fried Dice.
I'm Eric and I'm the Dungeon Master.
[00:00:35] Speaker C: I'm Abby and I play Rafina.
[00:00:38] Speaker D: I'm Alex and I play Batwack.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: I'm KT and I play Will.
[00:00:45] Speaker E: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:00:50] Speaker B: Hold on to your haversacks. Let's roll.
[00:00:57] Speaker E: Is Mo okay?
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Oh, nobody knows.
[00:01:01] Speaker E: Mobody knows the trouble. Mo. Sim.
Mobody knows. But Mo.
[00:01:10] Speaker B: Has somehow scrabbled a hold on both Pippa and Oscar and has pulled them to himself. And you all think of Moe at the same time, and you look up just to see him crash back first into the side of the boat that's kind of tilted up. And he skids and rolls down to the relatively flat part of the deck, and he just kind of slumps out on the ground. And his.
[00:01:45] Speaker C: He's got, like, one hit point, and.
[00:01:46] Speaker B: His arms unfurl, and Oscar and Pippa tumble out relatively unharmed.
[00:01:55] Speaker E: Wait, didn't I, at some point make a Poseidon Adventure like, reference? And now this is happening.
What's going on?
[00:02:05] Speaker A: Yeah, what is happening?
[00:02:06] Speaker B: What are the two things that happen with stories on boats? Either they get there or they don't.
[00:02:11] Speaker A: That's true.
[00:02:14] Speaker E: That's a very good point, Eric.
[00:02:17] Speaker C: So binary.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: Am I wrong?
[00:02:20] Speaker E: It's not. It's not. Yacht or not. Yacht or not.
[00:02:28] Speaker B: Oh, that's the yuppie version.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: Yacht or not.
That's great.
[00:02:40] Speaker D: Bathwack's stuff is still one deck below, I think.
[00:02:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:46] Speaker D: Will is carrying it.
[00:02:47] Speaker A: No, I'm not even carrying my stuff. I don't think.
[00:02:50] Speaker E: Fuck.
Roscoe's got all your stuff. Roscoe's all it.
[00:02:54] Speaker B: No, none of you have it. It's okay, let's move on.
[00:02:56] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:02:58] Speaker D: I mean, I was gonna try to go below deck.
[00:03:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:04] Speaker D: I mean, there's stairs. It's just one level down.
[00:03:07] Speaker A: Right. Like, that's the thing.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: Like, there you're on the front part of the boat, which seems to be the part that's less impacted.
[00:03:15] Speaker C: And that's where the other part in the water, already underwater, in the midst.
[00:03:21] Speaker B: Of crashing back down to the. It didn't like fold up over itself. The back sort of crumpled up and up or into and up into the front half and then it settled back down.
[00:03:35] Speaker D: It's like it got hit from below.
[00:03:38] Speaker B: The momentum of the boat was great enough that it. Ostensibly something stopped it immediately to the point that the back of the boat still wanted to keep going. Right. That's like in a car crash. Things just collapse into themselves. But this is long enough that it collapsed into and forward.
[00:04:03] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:04:04] Speaker B: Like if it had more motion, maybe it would have hit this and flipped entirely over.
[00:04:08] Speaker A: So there might be a big hole that we can just fly into and get our stuff.
[00:04:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Like the back half of the boat is raggedly severed from the front half and. Yeah. The back half is kind of on its side and dipping down past the deck that you're on. And things are still groaning and creaking and crashing. Like, this doesn't seem like a very stable situation.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: Yeah, but I still want. I have a lot of shit in there. That would not be good if we lost all my stuff.
[00:04:38] Speaker D: Where? Where's the shit, Will? It's in the. It's in the room in the back. Right. The sinking one.
[00:04:42] Speaker A: It's. Yeah. Where the hell is my stuff?
[00:04:45] Speaker D: Did you take it out in your other room?
[00:04:47] Speaker B: It was. Your stuff was moved to the back.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, I did the new room. I moved my stuff. No, it was moved and then I moved it back. But then when. Wait, but that would have been the new. I can't remember.
[00:05:00] Speaker B: The window room is where your stuff.
[00:05:01] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:05:01] Speaker B: Was moved to by the crew.
[00:05:03] Speaker A: Yes, but then it was. Oh, it was moved to afterwards. No, this is confusing. Oh no. I didn't know if it was gonna be.
[00:05:10] Speaker B: When you were offered a new room by the captain.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: Uh huh.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: And you agreed. Yes, I remember your belongings were moved.
[00:05:17] Speaker A: I know, but then they were moved back because of the hole or something like that.
[00:05:22] Speaker B: I think maybe you didn't want them in there.
[00:05:24] Speaker A: Yeah, but then. But then there was the moment where we were all, oh, my God, this has been so long. It's when we were coming back and I like put myself under a sheet because I was.
[00:05:39] Speaker B: There's no magic.
[00:05:40] Speaker A: There's no magic. I'm trying. I know. I feel like I moved the stuff again, but I don't know where it is.
[00:05:48] Speaker B: I think you probably would have put it back at your first room.
Where else?
[00:05:55] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:05:57] Speaker E: This is like the cup game on the screen at baseball games.
Which cup did your stuff end up under?
[00:06:05] Speaker D: It's fine.
[00:06:06] Speaker C: Let's say it's in the front bathwack. Wait, are you close? Like, can I have a conversation with you?
[00:06:11] Speaker D: I think so. I think we're on the.
[00:06:14] Speaker C: If you find any of Will stuff, just stick it in the terrarium. It's floating around somewhere.
It paddles. So just you can stick it all in there and then you won't have to carry everything.
[00:06:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Where's the terrarium? Do we see it?
[00:06:30] Speaker B: Morphina says that it's almost as if it's magically summoned. You see it paddling up. I mean, the.
[00:06:36] Speaker C: I was not trying to take advantage of my lack of my.
What's the word? The way that I just make things up. And then Eric says it's so. I was trying.
[00:06:48] Speaker A: I like that. The terrarium is the terrarium.
[00:06:50] Speaker C: You don't have to find it right away.
[00:06:52] Speaker B: It swam before. Yum.
[00:06:54] Speaker A: Before.
[00:06:54] Speaker C: No, no, exactly. I definitely wanted to swim. I just didn't mean that it had to show up right away.
[00:06:59] Speaker A: But I love that. I love that every time you mention it, it shows up. I love it. It's funny.
Yeah. I mean, so I guess capricious. I would be trying to go as well. I'd put down if there's a stable place to be for now and go check and fly as fast as I can.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah. So I could either go down the stairs to the.
The cabin.
[00:07:27] Speaker A: Like I said. I think there's a hole. Right. I would just try to check out the whole situation to see if I even recognize any of the rooms if they're gone or what. Okay. Our shit's just floating everywhere in the ocean.
[00:07:38] Speaker C: So.
[00:07:38] Speaker B: Yeah, bathwacken will fly down and. Yeah, there's sort of a gaping hole that you can plunge down into. It's dark down here. There's no operational lights at this point or anything like that.
And you think, yeah, you could probably make it down the hallway. This is a tall ship. If you maybe your stuff were on the bottom. Bottom level. Maybe not at this point.
[00:08:01] Speaker A: Where's Reed Thorin?
I didn't say that out loud.
[00:08:08] Speaker C: He didn't come to the talent show, so he's probably dead.
[00:08:12] Speaker E: Him. It was a free performance too.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: Bath really cared. And I want to make sure that.
[00:08:17] Speaker B: That free performance with a mandated requirement to participate.
[00:08:21] Speaker A: There was a person next to our room also, like some other person. And I don't know if he got killed too, but I know that it was important to bathwack. So I just want to. Like, it is something.
[00:08:30] Speaker B: It definitely is something.
[00:08:36] Speaker D: Well. Well, shoot. But the boat is sinking.
[00:08:40] Speaker A: If you Say that if you know where he is. I don't know where he is. But, like, you, I don't know either. No, like, this all sucks because we don't know. But in reality, we would know. It's been like, goddamn 20 minutes. Eric, help us out. Like, we would know where these things are. So can we go and find them? Would he know where Reed Thorin is?
[00:08:56] Speaker B: Don't necessarily. I mean, last you seen him, he was in the. Knocked out in that, like, control room, which is a level below.
[00:09:08] Speaker D: I mean, the town. We've. We had all night to sleep in the talent show and that's true.
[00:09:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:13] Speaker D: Like, he's. So he's probably up and about doing whatever his thing is. Or he's dead because the ferret killed him.
[00:09:18] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:09:19] Speaker B: You haven't seen him?
[00:09:21] Speaker C: We haven't seen him.
[00:09:24] Speaker B: Last time you saw Sean, he was at a cage. In a cage on the second level, which is at the end, at the very back of the boat, which is underwater at this point.
[00:09:35] Speaker E: All right. Roscoe will try to help Sean. I guess we're all trying to rescue somebody, right?
[00:09:42] Speaker A: I think we would communicate this to be like, yeah, like, okay, sure. I'm gonna go get Roscoe, says Will.
[00:09:49] Speaker E: That Sean is still stuck in that fucking cave. That's Roscoe will try to help Sean.
[00:09:54] Speaker C: It's a good thing that Gnar was chopped up by a helicopter blade, because now you don't have to worry about him.
[00:10:01] Speaker A: True. That's true. Thank goodness.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: Aren't I kind to you for that virgin.
[00:10:08] Speaker A: Virgin record.
[00:10:12] Speaker E: Just as a singing career.
[00:10:16] Speaker A: What the.
Oh, my God.
[00:10:21] Speaker C: In the distance, we see a mushroom cloud. Is the helicopter explodes.
[00:10:27] Speaker E: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
[00:10:28] Speaker C: That's the final, final chapter.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: All right, so I know that Bathwack and Will are going to float down to the level below to save their personal belongings. Roscoe's gonna try to go to the back of the boat to ease human suffering.
Do I have that.
[00:10:58] Speaker E: Specific.
[00:10:59] Speaker C: Human suffering?
[00:11:02] Speaker E: Yeah, he's trying to.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:11:05] Speaker E: He'll put. He'll put Sean out of his miseries.
Oh, yeah.
[00:11:11] Speaker A: Will goes.
[00:11:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:17] Speaker E: Does somebody. Would somebody. Would Beth. Does somebody. Anybody else know about Thor? Read Thorin.
[00:11:25] Speaker D: Well, I was. The first thing I was gonna do is since. Since it's all. We're gonna see what the ship is like.
Can we actually get anywhere?
[00:11:32] Speaker E: It's broke.
[00:11:33] Speaker D: Yeah, it's broke. How broke, though? We'll find out. But the first. I mean, while we're down here getting our crap, we can check the room that had the.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: The guard outside of it with the.
[00:11:48] Speaker D: Other knocked out guard.
[00:11:49] Speaker B: Yeah, inside of it. Okay.
All right.
So you guys zoom down into this dark passageway that used to be your. This grand hall of state rooms.
It is dark, like I said, but not pitch black. You can still make your way through without running into much. It's in disarray. Some of the doors have fallen off the hinges, and it's clearly been subjected to the forces that this ship just went through. But you can make your way down and get into your rooms and gather everybody's or your own things or whatever makes sense. You do feel the ship sort of. Again, groaning and creaking around you.
[00:12:36] Speaker C: Do we see any other passengers?
[00:12:39] Speaker B: Are you going down there too, Rafina? Because you can't fly. Like, what are you going downstairs?
[00:12:44] Speaker C: I. I'm trying to.
What am I seeing up where I am?
[00:12:49] Speaker B: Got it. So up on deck, Shimi has been deposited.
Mo is sprawled out, remember, on his back, having.
[00:12:57] Speaker C: I wanted to go to Mo. Yeah.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: Caught the animals.
Roscoe, I guess you're trying to make your way towards the back of the boat. We're gonna have to figure out how you traverse that in a minute, I think.
[00:13:08] Speaker E: Is. It is. Wait, are we underwater? Are we swimming down? No, no, it's fallen back down, but it's still above water.
[00:13:15] Speaker B: Yeah, well, the back of the boat is further down than the front of the boat. There's like a bit of a chasm in between the front half and the back half now where it had broken.
So you're gonna have to figure out how to get from where you are down to there. So those are the people in the group. Rafina, you see Gnar slowly getting to his feet over a ways. He looks like he took a fall and he's. He's bleeding out of his nose and mouth, but he seems to be. He doesn't seem to be in too bad of a situation. He is again getting to his feet and trying to maybe get his wits about him. And then smashed up in a heap against one of the sides of the boat near one of the lifeboats. You see what you think is the ferret.
It looks like just a jumble of sable colored fur sort of smooshed up against the rail. And as things settle, the ferret flops back from the side of the boat. And you see that its forehead has been caved in.
And he seems to be just lifelessly laying on the deck.
[00:14:42] Speaker C: Like, caved in as in there's nothing there or like you would expect an organic.
[00:14:46] Speaker A: I bet you the ladder. He's literally Related to the boat. Like he just got conked on the head because the boat hit something. I bet.
[00:14:55] Speaker C: I see. Oh, I see. I see. I was trying to understand, but it looks like it's a.
[00:15:00] Speaker B: Like a wound, like a physical injury that you would expect, not something unknowable and unfathomable.
[00:15:07] Speaker C: Yeah, it wasn't like, oh, his head is collapsing in or something.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: Yeah, it's not like an active supernova or something like that.
[00:15:15] Speaker C: Oh, really?
[00:15:16] Speaker B: Okay, good.
[00:15:17] Speaker C: But I'm glad I asked because KT has insight, as usual, into what's probably going on.
[00:15:23] Speaker A: It's just my idea, but, I mean, I think it's because he just. He was on giving a speech about how he's like the boat or whatever.
So.
[00:15:31] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:15:35] Speaker B: So, yeah, if you go to Mo, you. You. He's got. He's shallowly breathing, but he does seem to be alive. He's pretty significantly hurt after that tumble.
[00:15:49] Speaker C: Okay, well, I'm gonna heal Mo.
[00:15:51] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:15:53] Speaker C: How I'm looking.
[00:15:55] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:15:56] Speaker C: I have many choices.
[00:15:58] Speaker D: Oh, we should kiss him.
[00:16:01] Speaker A: I'm not there. I'm getting stuff. Okay.
Kiss my ass. How about that?
You don't even know I can kiss anyone. Shut up.
[00:16:16] Speaker B: Kiss.
[00:16:17] Speaker A: I can't kiss anybody. It doesn't even work.
[00:16:20] Speaker C: If I were a good player, I would rank my spells in order of how powerful, powerfully healing they are. Because I'm always like, oh, I've got to look at all of my healing spells and figure out which one's the best in this situation. Boo.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: Sorry, Abby.
[00:16:37] Speaker C: It's. It's your fault that I'm a bad player. I don't think I'm doing this until I'm doing it, until I'm trying to figure it out. All right, I'm going to use prayer of healing.
[00:16:47] Speaker B: By the way, KT and I were just today talking about how good of a D and D player you are. Just so you know.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:16:53] Speaker B: Just so you know.
[00:16:54] Speaker C: I appreciate you ignoring the parts where I don't actually organize very well.
[00:17:00] Speaker A: We were taught. I was mostly talking about how you're a performer because, like, I know that you have not done plays, I guess. But, like, I was like. I remember when we first started, it was so different. Now Abby's like, Eric talked about the Pineapple wars thing you read and wrote and, like, you're very funny and you have really good instincts.
[00:17:21] Speaker C: Thanks.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Everyone else is shit. Yep, that's what we were saying, too. We were like, everyone else is dumb.
Roasted, man.
[00:17:34] Speaker D: Are those post its on your face?
[00:17:36] Speaker E: No.
[00:17:37] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:17:38] Speaker D: What's wrong? What are you doing?
[00:17:39] Speaker E: They're little popcorn bags. Hand warmers.
[00:17:43] Speaker C: Oh, dear. Eyes hurt.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: Are you playing cornhole with his own eyeballs?
[00:17:54] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: Okay, go to the bathroom. Back to D D. Okay.
All right, so Bathwack and Will have plunged into the bowels of the ship to gather their belongings. Okay, Roscoe, you're heading over to try to make your way down into the back of the boat, which is faring much worse than the front half. What?
[00:18:14] Speaker C: We haven't finished healing Mo. I rolled.
[00:18:17] Speaker B: Oh, okay. How much healing did you give him?
[00:18:20] Speaker E: And I rolled.
[00:18:22] Speaker C: I rolled so far.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: Was that 18?
[00:18:25] Speaker C: Yeah, 18. Healing well. Yeah. Right, because it's plus something.
[00:18:33] Speaker B: Oh, you rolled a bunch of D8s?
Yeah, the spell says 11. Did you cast it at a higher level or something?
[00:18:43] Speaker C: I just.
[00:18:43] Speaker B: I don't know. Why have you had you roll four? Because the.
The screen says a one and a six plus four. Like the. If you hover over the result.
[00:18:57] Speaker C: Yeah, 2D eight plus four. Yeah. That's really weird, actually.
What do you suggest we do?
[00:19:06] Speaker B: Well, they. They also get. And you get four hit points thanks to your life.
[00:19:11] Speaker C: But I can't use them.
[00:19:12] Speaker B: I'm already full maxed out. Good.
[00:19:15] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:19:17] Speaker B: So, Mo and Mo, you're a hero.
[00:19:24] Speaker C: Thank you for saving the animals. How do you feel?
[00:19:29] Speaker B: Okay. What happened?
[00:19:32] Speaker C: We're not really sure. The boat has a problem.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: Yeah, it stopped.
I don't think they're supposed to stop like that. Do we get where we're supposed to go?
[00:19:42] Speaker C: And it's kind of broken too. Oh, no. Yeah.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: Oh, Where's Roscoe going?
[00:19:48] Speaker C: He went. He didn't tell me, but he seems like he's on a mission. Should we go follow him?
[00:19:54] Speaker B: Okay. He may need help.
[00:19:57] Speaker C: It could be. Lots of people might need help. Let's go.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: Okay. And he picks you up and runs towards Roscoe. Oh, yay, Roscoe. You get to the. The back of the front half of the boat, and there's a jagged hole, and the back half of the boat is, like, further down and far away from you and slowly sinking into the. The bay. What do you do? What are you doing?
[00:20:24] Speaker E: Who? Does Raina have flying boots?
[00:20:28] Speaker C: No.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: No.
[00:20:31] Speaker E: There doesn't happen to be some kind of mast or secondary mast near here?
[00:20:37] Speaker B: Not even a tertiary mast?
[00:20:39] Speaker E: I have the tertiary mast.
[00:20:42] Speaker B: This is a massless boat.
[00:20:45] Speaker E: Roscoe's gonna use the. The fishing line. That is presumably. There must still be some fishing line here.
[00:20:51] Speaker B: Oh, it's still tangled around you. Yeah. You're a mess, Rascoe.
[00:20:55] Speaker E: Be like. Okay, okay. You Two, you tied this over to that quadray master over there.
[00:21:04] Speaker C: Okay, you mean quaternary.
[00:21:06] Speaker E: And I'm gonna lower myself down here and go over to the other. To the back end of the ship just to that. I want to go ask Sean why he didn't come to show.
[00:21:17] Speaker B: Are you sure you don't want me to go?
[00:21:22] Speaker E: Oh, are you offering?
[00:21:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:28] Speaker E: While I think that might make. That might be easier. Wait, can Mo breathe underwater?
[00:21:34] Speaker B: He can breathe. He can last for a long time underwater.
He can't. Not in depth, no.
[00:21:42] Speaker E: You know, I do feel. I feel like I need to do this, because, honestly, I know I blamed Rafina, but.
Hey, Rafina, I blame you earlier, but I'm pretty sure it was my job to go get Sean out of the cage for the show.
And so if he's stuck in there and about to, like, drown or something, that makes me feel bad. So I'm gonna go do that.
You guys just. Yeah, let's fasten this fishing line here, and I'll lower myself down.
[00:22:14] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:22:16] Speaker C: Man, this is long fishing line.
[00:22:18] Speaker E: Yeah, it like.
[00:22:20] Speaker B: It magic.
Roscoe's eyes slightly, slightly cross, and he just looks off at nothing.
[00:22:33] Speaker A: Jeez.
[00:22:35] Speaker B: And then he lowers himself down the too long fishing line.
So, yeah, you get down there, you are able to kind of skirt around. You go to where the boat is still, like, half conjoined. And anybody watching is kind of impressed by Roscoe's nimbleness.
It betrays his age a little bit. He's able to, when focused on this task, sort of make his way across over to the. The sinking half of the. The ship rather adeptly.
[00:23:10] Speaker E: You mean it belies his age?
[00:23:12] Speaker A: Yeah, belies. Because betrays, I think, which would imply that you're it. He couldn't do it because he's older. Like, it's shot.
[00:23:19] Speaker E: I only correct you because that. Because the. The distinction between belie and betray is something I think about at least once a week.
[00:23:26] Speaker C: Wow.
[00:23:27] Speaker E: Like, it is constantly. I'm like, betray the liar. Betray is something I think about the mouth.
[00:23:33] Speaker B: So the lie means, like, gives away.
[00:23:37] Speaker E: No, it gives a false impression. Betray gives away. It betrays. Betrays. Like would be.
[00:23:43] Speaker B: Well, I was saying that he is moving in a way that you would not expect a man of his age to move.
[00:23:48] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:23:49] Speaker E: Yeah. Belies his age.
[00:23:50] Speaker B: That's what I said.
[00:23:51] Speaker A: No, you said betrays.
[00:23:52] Speaker B: Really?
[00:23:53] Speaker A: Yeah, we all heard it. We all heard it.
[00:23:55] Speaker E: But this is. But this is a lie.
[00:23:58] Speaker A: It's okay. It happens as you get older.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: No, I'm not feeling.
[00:24:02] Speaker A: It's Weird.
[00:24:03] Speaker E: This is why I think about it so often, is because I. It is something that weirdly, even if you know the difference, it's easy to just kind of say the other one.
[00:24:12] Speaker B: And then there's belay, which is a whole other thing.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: I.
What'd you say?
[00:24:18] Speaker B: And there's belay, which is a whole other thing.
[00:24:20] Speaker E: Well, he did. He just did that down the other side of the ship.
[00:24:25] Speaker A: Nice.
How do you spell that? Is it like B, L, A, Y. Oh, okay. I didn't know if it was, like.
[00:24:31] Speaker E: B E. Well, no, no, no. The original spelling is B E, L, L, Y.
[00:24:40] Speaker A: I want to call. Oh, man. I really hope that that's what you call your ballet, Adam.
[00:24:45] Speaker B: That's my ballet on my ballet.
[00:24:52] Speaker A: I really hope that's true.
[00:24:55] Speaker B: I'm gonna picture that if it is true. It. It belies your. Wait, it belies your. I don't know.
[00:25:07] Speaker A: Let's move on.
[00:25:08] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:25:09] Speaker C: Moving right along.
[00:25:14] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
And you head down into the guts of this broken half of the ship. You're able to make your way to the correct level.
Kind of matches up with how you're able to traverse over to that other side. And you're kind of on a bit of a cant. The floor is rather. As you head down into the back of the boat, and eventually you plunge into the cold water of Dasqueni Bay and heading into the darkness of the stern of the ship.
Thankfully, you are able to breathe easily underwater, so the claustrophobia you may normally have felt while heading into an enclosed space full of water doesn't strike you. You slide past the room with the sex window in it.
[00:26:13] Speaker A: Damn it. You worked really hard on that sex window.
[00:26:18] Speaker B: You glance in, it's in pieces now. The whole thing is just in shambles.
And the door to the drinking room. Courtroom.
[00:26:31] Speaker A: The drinking room.
[00:26:35] Speaker B: Is open beneath you, so you can sort of just slip down into the water.
It's getting darker and darker as you head down and down into the back of the ship. And you get to the cage, which still stands at the far end of the room, and you see the door is hanging ajar.
And you can, at the bottom of the cage, see a few odd shapes wrapped in khaki, which you can recognize as pieces of Shawn Indigo's clothing.
[00:27:14] Speaker A: What about all of Shawn Indigo's animals, you guys? Eric, you're cruel. We're gonna spend 45 episodes on this fucking sinking ship now.
[00:27:23] Speaker E: Oh.
[00:27:24] Speaker B: You all see the crates from his room bobbing away in the current, out of reach of any story, but also out of reach of any harm.
[00:27:34] Speaker E: Is that canon?
[00:27:35] Speaker B: Yay.
[00:27:36] Speaker E: Okay, then also canon is like. I guess before Roscoe went underwater, he pulled out the myconid and asked it like, hey, are you able to go underwater?
[00:27:51] Speaker A: No, I'm not.
[00:27:54] Speaker E: All right, do you want to. Wait, wait, wait right here. And he puts him on a.
I don't know, on like a thermostat. If there's a thermostat.
[00:28:07] Speaker A: Thermostat is the funniest choice.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: Putting it into a thermos, it makes me think that. I don't think this is true, but it makes me think Adam just hid Easter eggs.
[00:28:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I know, because you put him on the thermos.
[00:28:27] Speaker E: Yeah, he puts. He. He puts it. He puts him on something.
Some. Some kind of, you know, like a.
[00:28:35] Speaker B: Like a. Something.
[00:28:37] Speaker E: A wall sword or.
[00:28:40] Speaker C: Did you say a wall sword?
[00:28:42] Speaker A: Sword.
[00:28:42] Speaker B: Wall sword.
[00:28:43] Speaker E: They. They had. Didn't. The other ship, the last ship had wall swords.
[00:28:47] Speaker B: The last ship.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: There was a sideways knife chandelier discussion. I don't even know what that meant, but it was in the last ship, I think. Or maybe it was this one.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: What are we doing with our lives?
[00:28:58] Speaker A: I don't know what we're doing with our lives. Eric, what the fuck? This is your world. You're the one that makes it up.
[00:29:03] Speaker B: How do we have tens of listeners? Tens.
Woo.
[00:29:10] Speaker E: Look, my point is, I'm not drowning the mic now.
[00:29:14] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, I got it, but.
[00:29:15] Speaker E: So Roscoe goes down there. He. He will do a closer investigation because he doesn't have to hold his breath or anything. He can get closer. He's investigating these shapes wrapped in khaki.
[00:29:26] Speaker B: Yeah. There are various human limbs and appendages.
[00:29:36] Speaker E: Okay. All right.
[00:29:37] Speaker B: Morsels.
[00:29:39] Speaker E: Roscoe holds, like looks at him. He holds him in his hands. He hangs his head for a bit and then he's like, hey, Sean, where are you?
[00:29:54] Speaker B: I'm over here mourning these appendages.
[00:30:01] Speaker A: That poor guy. He's dead because we just. Him over right too. Like, we.
[00:30:07] Speaker E: No, I think the ferret. The ferret killed him.
[00:30:09] Speaker A: Yes, I know. I know that the ferret killed him, but he killed.
[00:30:12] Speaker B: He wouldn't have been in that position.
[00:30:16] Speaker A: We were breaking. We weren't breaking into his room. We were just like it just shot random darts at this kid's face. And now he's in parts at the bottom of a cage at the bottom of the ocean. Bye.
[00:30:27] Speaker C: I think that he still would have killed him overnight because he seemed to be very indiscriminate about who needed to go.
[00:30:34] Speaker A: But I think we're the villains of this.
[00:30:37] Speaker B: Also, why did the captain die? Cuz this owl bear was released into the boat.
[00:30:42] Speaker E: Nobody ever give Rafina Abby absolution. Mustard ever again.
[00:30:49] Speaker B: That's okay.
All right, well, do the ends justify the means? That's the question.
[00:30:56] Speaker A: Well, yes. You know that Will thinks. Yes, they do. He doesn't.
[00:31:00] Speaker E: Well, for the second time, I'm pretty sure I had Russ. Roscoe must have done this. I feel like he did. He did a Ernest or nine aside, an adventure thing. But he'll now it actually feels appropriate. He'll say over the remains of Sean Indigo.
Well, I'll just say, you're a lot of guts, Sean Indigo. A lot of guts.
[00:31:27] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
Oh, my. Good effort.
Nobody's there to see it.
[00:31:36] Speaker E: Oh, Rosco will tell you all about it.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: Okay, good.
[00:31:41] Speaker E: He'll go. He'll go back. He'll go back the way it came, and he'll.
He'll say that he'll stop at the sex window. He'll be like, you had a lot of guts. Sex window. A lot of guts.
[00:31:54] Speaker B: And you scoop the micon it off the carbon monoxide detector, and.
[00:32:05] Speaker E: You'Ve got a lot of guts, Mike in it. Creature. A lot of guts. Does he get it? Does the micone it get it?
[00:32:11] Speaker B: Yeah, he nods.
[00:32:15] Speaker A: Poseidon adventure. Yeah.
That's wonderful. Oh, my goodness.
[00:32:22] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:32:24] Speaker E: Oh.
[00:32:25] Speaker B: All right, so you all reconvene on the. The top deck.
[00:32:30] Speaker A: Oh, we were successful. Like, did we find three Thorin?
[00:32:34] Speaker B: No, you didn't find re Thorin. You didn't find that other guard.
[00:32:38] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:32:40] Speaker B: Okay.
Rafina can have shown.
[00:32:43] Speaker A: Can we find our bags? Yeah, okay.
[00:32:45] Speaker B: You find your stuff. I'm not cruel.
Jeez.
[00:32:52] Speaker E: Well, guys, I gotta say, Sean Indigo is now Sean Indigon.
Okay, no, hold on, hold on, hold on. No, Shawn in the go. Is now Shawn in the went.
[00:33:06] Speaker A: That's what I thought you were gonna say the first time.
[00:33:08] Speaker B: Me too.
[00:33:10] Speaker A: Who are you?
[00:33:11] Speaker C: Me?
[00:33:11] Speaker B: Three Shimi.
[00:33:14] Speaker A: Oh, Shimi. Your voice just changed.
[00:33:16] Speaker E: I mean, I think. Yeah, in the wet was where. It was where my mind went first. But then I thought, well, Indigon seems more obvious. I should say indig. Gone.
[00:33:25] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't know.
[00:33:28] Speaker E: I don't know.
[00:33:29] Speaker B: I don't know.
[00:33:29] Speaker E: All right, well, if you didn't like that one, get. Get a load of this. I said you're a lot of guts.
[00:33:36] Speaker B: I don't get it.
[00:33:37] Speaker E: Guts.
All right, well, have you ever seen.
[00:33:40] Speaker B: No.
[00:33:41] Speaker E: Have you ever seen the.
[00:33:42] Speaker A: Okay, well, he lived underground. Roscoe, you got to understand this mo. This. This elegant creature Right here. This guy, this man of society, was born underground and lived underground.
[00:33:52] Speaker B: Yeah, the rest of us terrestrials have all seen the Poseidon Adventure, right?
[00:33:57] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:34:00] Speaker E: Didn'T you guys do any, like, shadow plays down there, like, in your caves?
You know, my life was shadow play.
[00:34:09] Speaker A: Yeah, Roscoe, it was intense down there.
[00:34:11] Speaker C: It was not very philosophical. Philosophical shadow play?
[00:34:15] Speaker E: Like in a kinky way or.
[00:34:21] Speaker B: Elaborate.
[00:34:25] Speaker E: Like some people like water play.
[00:34:28] Speaker B: Yeah, I know about that.
[00:34:29] Speaker A: What?
[00:34:29] Speaker B: Shadow play? Tell me.
[00:34:32] Speaker E: Shadow play is when you're about to move in with someone and they accuse you of having a dark shadow follow.
[00:34:39] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, we do that all the time.
[00:34:45] Speaker C: We'll just have to leave that to the podcast listeners, our tens of listeners. Imagination.
[00:34:50] Speaker B: That's what it takes for me to really get consumption on sex window.
[00:34:54] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:34:59] Speaker B: You get it.
[00:35:01] Speaker E: All right, well, that's my update anyway. What did you guys all do in the aftermath of this insane thing that just happened?
[00:35:08] Speaker A: Yeah, what is happening?
[00:35:10] Speaker D: Is this called the fire department to get Mo off of the sex window before the ship sinks.
[00:35:18] Speaker C: Someone break the seal.
[00:35:20] Speaker B: I can't help it. Someone triple dog dare me.
[00:35:24] Speaker E: Yeah, I was thinking Christmas story, too.
Well, I guess that's what the reference was. That was the firework. Yeah, I forgot that part. Stick a mo. Stick a move.
[00:35:35] Speaker C: Stick a move. Stick a move.
[00:35:36] Speaker B: Will I stick and I move you like.
[00:35:39] Speaker A: Oh, God, Yikes.
Will dumps whatever of other people's stuff he's carrying. He just dumps it in front of everybody and then goes and flies and sees. Tries to see what we hit because, like, sure. Is anything happening? Is anything attacking us?
[00:35:57] Speaker B: You see that? The ship has grounded itself on a small circular islet.
[00:36:05] Speaker A: What?
[00:36:05] Speaker C: What?
[00:36:06] Speaker A: A small circular, like a normal one or like, made of metal or something? What does it look like?
[00:36:10] Speaker B: It's not made of metal. No.
[00:36:12] Speaker C: And how small are there things growing on it?
[00:36:15] Speaker B: There are a couple of scrubby bushes on the southern edge of the islet.
It's pretty small, though. It's maybe, you know, as islets go, it's let's say like 150 yards diameter.
[00:36:33] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:36:34] Speaker C: I don't know what a yard is.3ft.3ft.
[00:36:36] Speaker B: So 750ft is.
[00:36:39] Speaker A: That is small. And it just presumably maybe wasn't here before. Wow. All right, cool. Hey, guys. We crashed on an island in the middle of the bay. What a great captain. He's dead, right?
[00:36:51] Speaker C: Well, let's check on him. He doesn't look so great.
[00:36:54] Speaker A: Yeah, you check on him. I don't want to check on him. Okay.
I fly Further away from the boat.
[00:37:03] Speaker C: He was pretty slimy. And I mean, he's gonna have. I mean, his head is bashed in slimier.
[00:37:12] Speaker D: All right, fine. We're gonna check on him.
[00:37:14] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, I'm. I'm like walking over to him.
[00:37:18] Speaker D: Medical check. Dead God, Living God.
[00:37:22] Speaker C: Yeah. Really?
[00:37:24] Speaker B: Let's see.
[00:37:29] Speaker D: Oh, I have to click something.
[00:37:30] Speaker A: Yeah, let's see. And we just sit here.
[00:37:33] Speaker D: It just said medical check.
[00:37:35] Speaker B: You thought you had one of those neuralinks, declare bankruptcy.
A16 as far as you can tell. I mean, you've not medically checked many gods, but you've medically checked other beings. And this seems similar to other dead beings you have medically checked, but this.
[00:38:03] Speaker C: Is not the first time he's died. Remember the time he was a human and he died?
[00:38:09] Speaker E: What's his final boss form?
[00:38:12] Speaker B: Ferret Dorf.
But actually Ganon is the final form. Usually Ganondorf.
[00:38:21] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna fly him over to the islet and leave him here with his ship.
[00:38:28] Speaker C: Oh, I like it.
[00:38:32] Speaker A: Does he pick him up?
[00:38:34] Speaker D: They can both be wrecked on this islet.
[00:38:36] Speaker E: I have a question. Who was supposed to be steering the ship? Was that. Would it. Would that have been Reed Thorne's job?
[00:38:45] Speaker D: Might have been the crew. The crew's job.
[00:38:48] Speaker C: But the captain killed them all, so he was in charge of steering the stupid thing.
[00:38:54] Speaker E: I honestly think that that guy was not just like a jerk, but also like maybe kind of an idiot.
[00:39:01] Speaker C: Bad at his job and a bad.
[00:39:03] Speaker E: Talent show judge too.
[00:39:05] Speaker A: I want to fly over to the islet too, because I want to see what the deal with this thing is. Does it look brand new? Is it. Does it look like something that popped out of nowhere?
[00:39:15] Speaker B: Give me an investigation check, I guess.
Or nature, maybe. Nate.
[00:39:25] Speaker A: Nature is terrible.
[00:39:26] Speaker B: Nate.
[00:39:27] Speaker A: I rolled an investigation, all right?
[00:39:29] Speaker B: You rolled an investigation.
[00:39:31] Speaker A: Oh, I got a 20 bin.
[00:39:33] Speaker B: Teventy ven.
The island has a cruise ship crashed into one end of it with a 21 investigation. The things that you would notice is that it seems almost perfectly round and it seems wetter than you would have imagined an islet just sitting out here in the middle of the bay to be. It hasn't been raining recently or anything like that. And you don't see significant waves crashing over it or anything like that.
[00:40:14] Speaker A: I land on it.
[00:40:15] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:40:17] Speaker A: I'm just looking at other people. See what? The bathwack's bringing the ferret dead body over. Does that do anything?
[00:40:25] Speaker D: I don't know. Does the eyelet have a mouth? That's where I'M going to deposit.
I'm just kidding. You said it was circular.
[00:40:33] Speaker B: Circular. It's sort of this smooth, like stone.
[00:40:37] Speaker A: Oh, smooth stone.
[00:40:39] Speaker B: Weird.
[00:40:39] Speaker A: What color?
[00:40:40] Speaker B: Like a light tan. Like a khaki almost.
[00:40:45] Speaker C: There are bushes on it, though.
[00:40:46] Speaker B: Yeah, there's like some scrubby. Some kind of bushes growing on the. Along the southern edge perimeter of the island islet.
[00:40:57] Speaker E: I don't want no scrubby bushes.
[00:41:00] Speaker A: Scrubby bushes are some guys that don't get no love from me.
[00:41:06] Speaker B: Hanging out the passenger side of his ferret ship.
All right, Alex, you're just content left and right. You can even pull these clips. If you need me to pull them, just tell me. I'll send them to you.
[00:41:22] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
I stamp my foot on it. Like I stamp my heel into it. Does it feel like stone?
[00:41:30] Speaker B: Yeah, it's like a. It's a. It's like a. Like a sandstone kind of feel like it's not like a shale or a granite or something like that. It's a softer stone.
Okay, the rest of you can make your. Your way down. You look up at the massive height of the ship above you. It's starting to cant a little bit to the right.
[00:41:58] Speaker A: Can we get a boat? Can we get one of the lifeboats off?
[00:42:00] Speaker E: Yeah, I was gonna say.
Yeah. Is this the only land we see around?
[00:42:05] Speaker B: You can see the distant gully's end shore to the south. I'm trying to orient myself in my brain kind of south, south, east or west? I can't remember.
[00:42:17] Speaker E: Yeah, we. Yeah, certainly. Roscoe's not leaving this ship without. Without getting the.
[00:42:23] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:42:23] Speaker E: Is it a lifeboat? Like a big lifeboat for all?
[00:42:26] Speaker B: Yeah, there's a couple of them you can lower down on either side. One of the ones in the back was gone, and then the other one is sort of lost to disaster. But you can lower two of them down and get them over to the. To the islet.
[00:42:42] Speaker A: God. Is there any, like, water that's you're surrounded by water? Well, no. So like, will suddenly is like, what the. Like do we need to. Do we need to worry about, like, how long is this distance? Does anyone boat. Rafina, help boat situation math calculations. How long is it going to be to get to that shore?
[00:43:03] Speaker C: Is this something that Rafina would be able to calculate based on her knowledge of the width of.
[00:43:09] Speaker B: Give me a boat check.
[00:43:12] Speaker C: Did you just say boat check?
[00:43:14] Speaker B: You figure it out.
[00:43:15] Speaker C: Sure.
[00:43:20] Speaker B: 12 insight. You think it is kind of hard to judge. Distance at sea is always difficult without your proper instrumentation. Of course, no fairy person is found Without a sextant. And you are found without a sextant.
But you think that a trip from here to the shore on a lifeboat could take anywhere from six to 18 hours.
[00:43:48] Speaker A: Oh, so pleasant.
[00:43:49] Speaker C: I'm confident it's under a day of straight sailing.
Rowing, whatever.
[00:43:59] Speaker B: I think it matters. You'll find it matters around hour seven.
[00:44:02] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[00:44:05] Speaker C: I used it figuratively. But fine, I'll let you win this one. Eric.
[00:44:10] Speaker B: Do I get the thumbs up?
[00:44:12] Speaker C: Oh, you're in the dark so you can't get your little thumbs up. So I relayed the news to the. To the. To the team. To Shimmy and Shimmy and the Shim Shams. So there you go. You got it.
[00:44:22] Speaker B: I did it. See me in the Shim Shams.
[00:44:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:29] Speaker C: Wait, so here's my estimate.
[00:44:31] Speaker A: 18 hours.
[00:44:34] Speaker C: Yeah, not so bad.
[00:44:35] Speaker A: Yeah, not so bad. Not so bad. Who's gonna row that whole time?
What are we gonna do?
[00:44:42] Speaker C: Well, we'll take turns.
[00:44:44] Speaker A: Okay. Also, like, what about food and water and.
[00:44:48] Speaker E: Wait a minute. Clock faces Arms don't get tired, do they?
[00:44:52] Speaker B: He looks at you, puts his hands on his hips and his head sa.
[00:44:59] Speaker E: Just saying.
Is that 18 hours to get to. Is that the closest land that we see?
[00:45:06] Speaker B: Yep.
That's really the only direction you see land at this point.
[00:45:14] Speaker E: We're gonna die out here.
[00:45:17] Speaker C: No, we're not.
We have our water skins. We can nibble each other's toenails or something until we get there. It's fine.
[00:45:28] Speaker B: Rafina, you mean to like pass the time?
[00:45:30] Speaker E: Oh, geez, you fucking weird.
[00:45:33] Speaker A: Is there any alcohol left in this part of the boat that's still above water? Let's go get it, Chimi. No, you stay here.
[00:45:40] Speaker B: Get what?
[00:45:41] Speaker A: Alcohol, I said.
[00:45:42] Speaker B: Oh, I got some. Pulls out a half a bottle of whiskey. Buffalo whiskey.
[00:45:49] Speaker A: Oh, she me.
I can't believe Bathwack didn't just high five you. Right then.
[00:45:59] Speaker B: He grabbed it out of my hand.
His mouth's full.
[00:46:05] Speaker A: Oh my God.
[00:46:06] Speaker B: So you're all standing around despairing your lot in life.
What are the odds that you would just run into the only seeming body of land out in the middle of Duquesne Bay?
[00:46:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:46:21] Speaker B: What a captain. I don't know. Don't tell me them, because they probably won't make sense in the world that I'm creating.
[00:46:31] Speaker E: Never tell me the odds because they're irrelevant.
[00:46:39] Speaker B: And all of a sudden, anybody who's making paying attention at all to their surroundings will notice that a crack appears in this sandstone like surface below your feet, running from the east side of the islet to the west side of the island.
[00:47:03] Speaker C: Does it make a noise?
[00:47:05] Speaker B: Perfectly bisecting the circle.
A noise? Sure. It makes a slight sound.
And the two sides of the island islet begin moving away from each other and down into the water.
[00:47:29] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[00:47:30] Speaker B: What?
And in the widening gap in between them is revealed ever so slowly.
You can move back with the khaki sandstone if you'd like, or I'd jump.
[00:47:45] Speaker A: Onto a lifeboat or just hover off.
[00:47:48] Speaker B: The ground or whatever it might be. You can see within this gap, appearing again very slowly, what appears to be some sort of an eye staring up at the sky with a beautiful purple iris and the deepest black pupil you've ever seen. The sclera is white, shot through with red orange veins.
And the eyelids of this eyelet fully retreat back into the bay.
And you're not sure if your very soul is being peered into by this ocular apparition or if you're looked directly through as if you don't exist.
One way or the other, we're gonna find out exactly how you feel and what this means. Next time on Pork Fried Dice.
[00:48:54] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:48:56] Speaker C: Oh, the eye looks creepy.
[00:48:58] Speaker A: That's pretty great.
[00:48:59] Speaker E: Wow.
[00:49:00] Speaker D: Is this an eyeball ball?
[00:49:02] Speaker C: Eyeball?
[00:49:02] Speaker E: Is it an eyeball ball? Is this one of the eyeballs?
[00:49:07] Speaker D: Lovecraftian eyeball Trampoline.
[00:49:13] Speaker C: I'm excited.
[00:49:14] Speaker E: Is this like the eye that saw bathwack?
[00:49:19] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness.
[00:49:22] Speaker E: Interesting.
[00:49:26] Speaker A: Creepy.
[00:49:28] Speaker E: I'm so glad the ferret's dead. That is. Honestly, the ferret might be my least favorite character.
[00:49:33] Speaker C: I could tell that Eric couldn't wait to kill him off. Eric, I don't think was enjoying playing.
[00:49:37] Speaker E: Eric was like, please, let's just go above board. I have a plan to get rid of this guy. Please just trust me.
[00:49:45] Speaker C: We have to be slimy.
[00:49:49] Speaker B: I've been accused more than once of just sitting here and hoping other people talk.
[00:49:56] Speaker A: Oh, babe.
[00:49:58] Speaker B: Fuck you, Alex.
Hey, everyone. If you like what you hear, please leave us a kind review wherever you listen to us. Also consider supporting us by subscribing to us on ko [email protected] support port PFD, where you can gain access to lots of exclusive treats and behind the scenes goodies. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time.
