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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello, loyal listeners. If you want to see Pork Fried Dice comics and animated gifs, here's secret bonus behind the scenes content and support us in the process.
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[00:00:20] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:00:23] Speaker B: You're listening to the show about talent shows.
It's Pork Fried Dice.
I'm Eric and I'm the dungeon master.
[00:00:35] Speaker C: I'm Abby and I play Rafina.
[00:00:38] Speaker D: I'm Alex and I play Batwack.
[00:00:41] Speaker A: I'm KT and I play Will.
[00:00:45] Speaker E: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:00:50] Speaker B: Hold onto your haversacks. Let's roll.
[00:00:56] Speaker A: I. I do this thing where I'm like. I'm like, should I offer to.
[00:01:00] Speaker B: And I'm just touching Roscoe's butt ten times.
[00:01:02] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, ah. I don't. I don't wanna. But also, I'm here.
[00:01:06] Speaker E: Ow.
[00:01:07] Speaker F: My gluteal stabbage.
[00:01:09] Speaker G: Oh, sorry.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: Gluteal stabbage. I fly away. I fly up and over the rail.
[00:01:19] Speaker G: Yeah, he fell on my knife. Wait, it wasn't my knife. I don't know. That was weird, that whole situation. Let's not talk about it again.
[00:01:28] Speaker E: Poor Eric.
[00:01:33] Speaker B: All right, everybody's back on board.
[00:01:36] Speaker G: Welcome back, everyone.
[00:01:38] Speaker B: Oh, should we all warm ourselves around a fire? Dry off?
[00:01:43] Speaker E: No.
[00:01:47] Speaker F: No.
[00:01:48] Speaker G: It's.
[00:01:49] Speaker B: Something funny, Roscoe.
[00:01:51] Speaker E: No, just not.
[00:01:53] Speaker B: No, not noy.
[00:01:56] Speaker F: I'm going. I'm going to my room.
[00:01:58] Speaker C: I need a clean towel for my.
[00:02:00] Speaker F: Room to dry off.
[00:02:02] Speaker C: Wring out my hair.
[00:02:03] Speaker F: Yeah, everyone go and dry off, and we'll meet at the.
[00:02:07] Speaker G: Above.
[00:02:08] Speaker F: Over by the. Where the games were being held. We'll meet there at.
[00:02:12] Speaker E: It's a.
[00:02:12] Speaker F: Is it a morning talent show?
[00:02:14] Speaker E: Did we get it scheduled?
[00:02:15] Speaker A: Maybe we can get by making it at breakfast harvest and nobody else will see it.
[00:02:20] Speaker C: What if it's gonna be because we've got to impress the ferret as soon.
[00:02:24] Speaker A: As possible to repair the wall?
[00:02:28] Speaker E: I don't. I don't know who, but. But we have agreed that everybody on the ship is required to participate in the talent show under punishment of death.
And I. I don't know. I like the idea that it's a breakfast talent show, that we have to be the. That everybody on the ship has had to develop their routine or their talent.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: Yeah, but do they know. Did the other people. I'm assuming they were sleeping while somebody had a talent. When are they gonna get this message? They're just gonna have to come up with A talent.
[00:03:01] Speaker E: It's up to the ferret. This is the ferret's like, stipulations that I'm putting in Eric's mouth.
[00:03:08] Speaker A: Sure.
But how did they find out?
[00:03:11] Speaker G: I don't.
[00:03:12] Speaker B: We'll find out.
[00:03:14] Speaker E: Crap. Does the ferret still have a. Like a. Wait, no. The one guy mutinied. Everyone's dead.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: Most people are dead. There's.
[00:03:23] Speaker E: Oh, what about this?
[00:03:24] Speaker A: Surviving. There's Reed Thorin. There's a guy that was in the. That was guarding the bedroom next to ours that we were in while the magic was off. And that might be it. Oh, and the guy in the cage. Sean. Indigo. And then the guests, like the lady who invented something.
Oh, and Gnar.
[00:03:47] Speaker E: Gnar. So let's. Okay, let's just say this. That a part of Roscoe and Moe's planning together in the last session, it did involve them going around to everybody on the ship and giving them a cordial invitation to the required talent show. And explaining. Explaining. Because first they went. They went to the ferret and they.
[00:04:09] Speaker F: Took notes of like, okay, this is happening.
[00:04:12] Speaker E: Okay.
[00:04:12] Speaker F: These are the rules.
[00:04:13] Speaker E: Okay, okay, okay.
[00:04:15] Speaker F: We'll spread the word.
[00:04:16] Speaker E: And they went around and they gave Sean to go, like, through the cage. Like his invitation.
[00:04:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Is he still in a cage?
[00:04:22] Speaker B: He's still in the cage.
[00:04:23] Speaker A: Holy crap.
[00:04:24] Speaker E: You are cordially required to attend.
[00:04:27] Speaker A: That's great.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: You could not find Sue Broadmoor. And you could. And you gave Gnar his.
[00:04:34] Speaker A: Whoa, we couldn't.
[00:04:35] Speaker E: Message. And Sue Broadmoor is going to be killed at sea for not showing up to this talent show.
[00:04:43] Speaker B: That's what happens. Well, aren't around to receive your invitation. Everybody knows that.
[00:04:48] Speaker E: Yep. All right. Easy peasy. Problem solved, everybody.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: All right.
[00:04:52] Speaker A: This is Dndar and Sean. Okay, I'm just writing that down. All right.
Weird. Okay, Weird.
You are cordially required. Required to attend the talent show. Nice. Okay, perfect.
[00:05:11] Speaker B: All right. So does everybody separate once again?
[00:05:15] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: I might follow Roscoe and try to find out what he's making me do or what his plans are, because I want to know. Or maybe I go into the room. Sure. If I separate, I'll go into the sex room. Sex. Sex. Window room.
Because I have to, like, rehearse a pitch or something. I don't know. Practice what I'm going to before we talent show.
[00:05:37] Speaker C: I want to go up and get a piece of cake. So just let me know when a good time to do that is.
[00:05:40] Speaker B: We can do that right now because everybody's going to rest until morning time.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:05:45] Speaker C: Yay. Yay.
[00:05:46] Speaker B: All right, everybody, go get your cake or whatever the equivalent is in your.
Your brain. So everybody goes and rests again, okay? And you're all awakened again by another mystical note. Who's gonna get kissed this time?
Nobody really does.
[00:06:04] Speaker C: We get mystical notes.
[00:06:05] Speaker B: I mean, who knows?
[00:06:06] Speaker C: Or is it just our invitation?
[00:06:08] Speaker B: You already have that, I think.
[00:06:10] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a pretty mystical note.
[00:06:11] Speaker B: I'm assuming that Roscoe's being very formal about it and making sure that all of them have notes. Do you even make one for yourself?
[00:06:19] Speaker C: Will he waste all that paper?
[00:06:21] Speaker B: Yeah, he would.
[00:06:23] Speaker C: Yeah, I think you're right.
[00:06:26] Speaker B: All right, so you all reconvene in the morning.
You gain the benefits of a long rest.
[00:06:35] Speaker C: Yay.
[00:06:36] Speaker A: Can I before. Let me just look at my spells. Sorry, do I have anything left? Yeah. I am going to create the bones. Even though the illusion on this ship might not matter, I'm going to create it for the people. People who might not know about Bathwack. And if we potentially run into some pirates who want to know about King Bathwack or if Juliet Rusher shows up, I'm going to cast that spell. But then everything's refreshed anyway, so I'm going to just give my spells back.
[00:07:02] Speaker B: So, yeah, you all find yourselves actually relatively near the.
The Kiss, as we're going to call it.
The back of the boat. It's a brisk morning. The sun's just come up over the horizon. You're sailing, I don't know. Into it, away from it. Who cares?
Yeah, there's a bit of a chop to the water. There's a brisk, brisk wind. So I'm gonna bundle up if you're up here for too long, but. Yeah.
[00:07:39] Speaker C: How you feeling? Will.
[00:07:44] Speaker A: Just looks at you.
Is it because we're here? That's what he's thinking. He doesn't say that out loud. Great. I'm doing great. How about you?
I'm super duper rolling a Rafina check. What is her. What is the question all about?
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Do you want to roll insight on Rafina?
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Yeah, roll insight.
He doesn't know what to do.
Insight. Blam.
[00:08:14] Speaker B: 23.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: You'd have a pretty good sense of why Rafina asked that. Maybe.
[00:08:21] Speaker A: Is it because we're in the place where the kids.
[00:08:24] Speaker C: Well, because Rafina, she really did want Will to have a chance to, like, process and, like, have some alone time, not floating in the water and then see if he was going to want to share anything or.
I guess Rafina doesn't know how much he overheard. So.
[00:08:43] Speaker A: Yeah. He doesn't. He's like. It's so embarrassing. I imagine you think you're having a private moment, and then literally everyone was there. That's why he's like, why? Why were you all there? What the hell?
[00:08:56] Speaker B: Like, a curtain pulls back. There's a huge audience.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: Yes, exactly. That was beautiful.
He says, I'm fine. This is a lovely boat ride. And he leans on the railing and he looks at her and he smiles. He grins. He's grinning.
[00:09:16] Speaker C: He grins. Oh, so that's a little different than normal. That's great.
Rafina is happy.
[00:09:25] Speaker E: Good.
[00:09:25] Speaker C: I'm so glad.
So are we gonna see Eldon again?
[00:09:32] Speaker A: Eldon. And I don't know, because also, that was a God, so I don't know what's going on. I. That's. Listen, I don't know what's going on.
El Din.
[00:09:47] Speaker C: But it's spelled with an O, Will.
[00:09:48] Speaker A: So what?
[00:09:51] Speaker C: I don't think he knows how to pronounce his own name. You'd think a God would know. I mean, he's not.
[00:09:57] Speaker A: Let's say the thing.
[00:09:57] Speaker G: It's.
[00:09:58] Speaker A: This is what I'm saying. I don't know. I don't know what to say. That's Zoia. That was definitely Zoerdia, but it just looked like somebody I know, so I don't know what's up with that. That's weird.
[00:10:08] Speaker C: Oh, stop lying. Oh, my goodness. For heaven's sake.
[00:10:13] Speaker A: About what? Rafina, that's somebody you know.
[00:10:17] Speaker C: Did you say you didn't know who it was?
[00:10:19] Speaker A: No, I. It's just somebody I know.
[00:10:21] Speaker G: Didn't.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: It looks like something.
[00:10:22] Speaker A: Oh, it looks like somebody I know. Okay. Sorry. I forget my own lies sometimes.
Yeah, but I'm saying, like, it was a. Eldon doesn't float above in the sky. He doesn't do that. Okay, So I don't. This is Zilberia. I don't know why Zilbertia kissed me. It's not. I did not go after anything. I. This just happened. And he. Zoeria, happened to look like somebody I know.
It wasn't really a lie, what I just said. It just was like, how I'm perceiving all of this. I don't know.
[00:10:57] Speaker C: Yeah, but Zolberdia is your own creation, right? So what's the deal, Rufina?
[00:11:02] Speaker A: What are you even talking about? What?
[00:11:05] Speaker C: No, wait, is Mo right there?
[00:11:07] Speaker B: Everybody's there, I guess.
[00:11:08] Speaker C: I guess everyone's right there.
[00:11:12] Speaker A: That's not true. Ask literally, the thousands of people that follow Zoberia. That's.
[00:11:19] Speaker C: I. I Don't think they would know.
[00:11:22] Speaker B: I mean, also, Will, like last night he said you created him.
[00:11:28] Speaker A: Okay, again, we're in a weird world right now where albatrosses are also named Randy. Two weeks ago. So I don't know what's happening. I did not. I don't know what you're talking about. That I created Zoberia.
[00:11:42] Speaker B: Deception.
[00:11:43] Speaker A: Okay, yeah, I definitely have to roll.
[00:11:44] Speaker C: Deception.
[00:11:49] Speaker A: Roscoe has definitely been suspicious of this before. And also, this is a big deal. Oh, no. There are people that are gonna kill me over this.
[00:11:58] Speaker B: Guys, roll inside Abby if you want. Or anybody.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:12:04] Speaker D: Yeah, sure.
I'm passively listening.
[00:12:10] Speaker B: 20 insight from Batlle finally gets. That's a rare insight.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: Oh, geez.
[00:12:19] Speaker B: Rafino.
[00:12:21] Speaker C: I know.
[00:12:24] Speaker B: Oh, Will, come on. You're full of.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: I'm full of. Okay, because the thing is.
Yeah, sure, I've had a lot to do with more and more people finding out about this God that has blessed Tavoli. Okay, come on.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: He said you made him.
[00:12:44] Speaker A: What do I look like? I'm just a guy, okay? I can't make a God. He was floating over the ship.
You guys can believe whatever you want. It doesn't matter. There is enough movement to sustain Zoberia for thousands of years. But all I'm saying is that good thing, right? Yeah.
[00:13:01] Speaker G: Do you see?
[00:13:02] Speaker B: Do you get any cut of that?
[00:13:03] Speaker A: Yep. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Yes, I do. Because I am like his hype man. Okay? I'm the one that contributed to the spread of this God. Okay, so.
[00:13:15] Speaker G: And does it. Do you get to kiss him because of that? Or is that like a perk? Or is that like a payment?
[00:13:25] Speaker D: Did you. Did you make him out of Elden? Like someone made the albatross out of Randy?
[00:13:34] Speaker A: No.
[00:13:36] Speaker D: How'd you do it?
[00:13:38] Speaker A: I made him. Like he was saying that I. Like, you know how somebody says I'm a self made man? Well, Zo isn't necessarily a self made anything. He. He needed a little help in promoting his ideals.
[00:13:54] Speaker B: Deception.
[00:13:55] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, I know. You were the marketer. I know.
So another deception.
[00:14:03] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: 17.
Oh, geez.
Okay, if anyone gives him a second look after this, like, if anyone succeeds and understands, like Will knows he's on very oak. Who is that she?
[00:14:21] Speaker B: Me.
[00:14:21] Speaker A: Oh, so Jimmy's looking like that and bathwack. The fact that bathwack is also saying like, yeah, these may. Or you know. So like he's just.
[00:14:29] Speaker B: She's got his arms crossed and just looking at you smiling and nodding.
[00:14:33] Speaker A: He.
[00:14:33] Speaker D: Did you.
Did you make him with an orb.
[00:14:38] Speaker A: Oh, my God. I kick.
[00:14:40] Speaker D: Is fishing, by the way. Now he's starting to imagine the shape of an orb while he's fishing.
[00:14:45] Speaker A: Oh, that's not a good idea. Don't do that. But I can't hear your thoughts.
Will says. All right, listen. I am not at liberty to talk anymore about Zolbertia on this ship. And he tries to make eye contact with every person in the party.
[00:15:08] Speaker B: It's hard.
[00:15:09] Speaker E: Roll.
[00:15:09] Speaker C: Deception.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: I mean, I guess, but he's trying. I mean, yes, he is at perfect liberty to talk about whatever he wants to talk about, but also, there is a risk there, and he's.
[00:15:21] Speaker B: I don't think that one requires a deception, to be honest.
[00:15:23] Speaker A: Yeah, he's just, like, knowing what I know. Says after he looks at. He's like, saying that as he looks everyone in the eye, and then he's.
[00:15:29] Speaker B: Like, it's hard to look Shimi in the eye because he's found his way next to you. Oh, and he's, like, looking at everybody with you.
[00:15:37] Speaker G: Oh, yeah, everybody.
[00:15:39] Speaker B: Just back off. Will doesn't have to talk about this, Shimi.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: I'm saying that I. How about in a couple of days, when. Or whenever that is, when we get on land, we. We can talk about other things if you'd like. Yeah, you can have. We can talk about other things right now. We don't have to talk about this.
I.
[00:15:59] Speaker C: It's fine. I don't. Listen, I know that gods are people and that people are gods and that it doesn't matter. It. That's not what I'm talking about. I know other people care about that, but what I wanted to talk about was how you were feeling after your experience last night with the floating guy whose name is spelled with an o N at the end.
[00:16:20] Speaker A: It is. It is. What about Bat Thwack? I mean, like, why don't we call him Bat Quack?
[00:16:26] Speaker C: Diversion. Diversion. Roll a diversion.
[00:16:28] Speaker A: Check. And why doesn't Roscoe have an E on the end? You know what I'm saying?
[00:16:33] Speaker F: Hey, Roscoe doesn't have any on the end.
[00:16:37] Speaker A: I know.
[00:16:38] Speaker D: That dead guy again.
[00:16:39] Speaker A: The dead guy.
[00:16:41] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:16:41] Speaker A: That's why King Bathwack, who I mourn a lot. Okay, let's.
[00:16:46] Speaker C: Let's talk about this. So. So I do want to kind of read the party. Like, is anyone freaked out by the.
By this thing about Zolbertia being created by Will? Rafine is not freaked out.
[00:16:58] Speaker E: This is not news to Roscoe, Right? What? Didn't we see something? It was something after the. The captivating Coyote Some handwriting of sober deal. That was Will's handwriting.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: Yeah, but you didn't know that he had, like, made anything. It was just that you were. You were already disillusioned with Gods, and so you're like. Whatever Cuz Will had said he gets money from, he has an investment in the house of Zia. So this is as, I don't know, confirmation that you might not have received before.
[00:17:30] Speaker C: Okay, so the rest of the part, like bath wax. Not losing his mind or anything?
[00:17:37] Speaker D: No.
[00:17:38] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:17:39] Speaker G: I mean, I might freak out if someone I knew, someone who made God, but right now we have a show to do.
[00:17:47] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. All right. Did everyone have some breakfast before we have our show?
[00:17:54] Speaker G: Yeah. Kick threw me a fish.
[00:17:57] Speaker C: Will eat a fish.
[00:17:58] Speaker A: No.
[00:18:00] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Didn't you make anything? We have our scripts.
[00:18:06] Speaker F: Yeah, to be clear, most of you actually don't have any lines. It's mostly just juggling.
You can do what you want. I've incorporated moments for artistic license on your parts, and I just got a quick go through and change it every instance of Will to Valencia Page.
[00:18:33] Speaker A: So just bear with me.
[00:18:36] Speaker F: Oh, boy. Everyone, anyone have eyes on Mo? Cuz we got to make sure Mo's ready.
[00:18:42] Speaker G: I mean, I do.
[00:18:43] Speaker A: Yeah, he's ready.
[00:18:44] Speaker G: I have eyes on me.
[00:18:45] Speaker F: Hey, Mo. Two of them ready? You feeling good?
[00:18:49] Speaker G: Yeah, I'm good. I eat fish that Kick throw me.
And like I said, I may be freak out about God thing, but right now I focus on show.
[00:19:00] Speaker F: Right, Right.
All right, well, I will just hand out everyone's copy in a moment after I dig them out of my pockets. My wet pockets.
It's still wet from last night. I don't know.
[00:19:23] Speaker C: Why didn't you ring out?
[00:19:28] Speaker A: No, no.
[00:19:31] Speaker G: It's probably hard for like 40 sheets of paper all stacked together to get dry.
Especially when you have folded them up.
That's like 160 sheets.
[00:19:43] Speaker F: So, yeah.
[00:19:45] Speaker E: Table level, like, yeah. I did not have as much time as I would have liked to work on this.
And it is mostly just Moe talking.
[00:19:56] Speaker G: I told you I needed lots of rest.
[00:19:59] Speaker E: And the rest of us. So, like, we can basically pause.
Mo basically has something to say about each of us after we enter the talent show stage.
And so I would say, let's have Mo read it like Eric reads it as Mo. And then you listen to it and then maybe describe what you. What your character like, did silently, artistically on stage is kind of the best I can offer you.
So is the. Is. Is the captain there? Is. Is everybody there?
[00:20:37] Speaker B: Nobody's there yet.
[00:20:38] Speaker F: No, Nobody's there.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: You're preparing early.
[00:20:42] Speaker E: Well, Roscoe hasn't given the scripts.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:20:45] Speaker E: To the characters yet.
[00:20:47] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:20:48] Speaker E: Well, maybe I. I guess I don't really care, but, like, I don't know. I want there to be, like, some sense of, like, there's a show about to happen. I want people to be showing up when the.
[00:21:00] Speaker F: What the.
[00:21:01] Speaker E: What time is the talent show?
[00:21:02] Speaker B: Where is it?
Is this where we're having the show? Says nar.
[00:21:11] Speaker F: Yeah. Yeah, this is right.
[00:21:12] Speaker E: You're.
[00:21:13] Speaker F: You're in the right place if you're here for the talent show.
[00:21:15] Speaker B: Yeah, you gave me the. The required invitation. I think you phrased it last night.
[00:21:23] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:21:24] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:21:24] Speaker F: We can all sit. This is where the audience will sit.
[00:21:27] Speaker E: And we're all basically going to be.
[00:21:28] Speaker F: Each other's audience because we're all there is. And so.
[00:21:34] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:21:34] Speaker F: Grab a seat. No.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: All right.
[00:21:37] Speaker F: You're ready? You got your act ready?
[00:21:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I think so.
[00:21:42] Speaker G: Great.
[00:21:43] Speaker F: Can't wait to see it.
[00:21:47] Speaker B: And then from the stairs, near the prow of the boat emerges the flirtatious ferret himself. Captain flirtatious ferret.
And he prances over to you guys. Classic ferret fashion.
Hello.
This is still strange.
[00:22:17] Speaker E: Ferret has little to no buy in. Buy in into this whole fucking thing.
Whose idea was it?
[00:22:26] Speaker C: It was Rafina's, of course.
[00:22:29] Speaker F: Well, the ferrets.
[00:22:30] Speaker C: I cannot control her.
[00:22:32] Speaker E: Rafina, right?
[00:22:33] Speaker A: Oh, geez. I think he wants to. Everybody.
[00:22:37] Speaker C: She's no longer available.
[00:22:40] Speaker B: Listen, you all, table level. You all need to remember that flirting is different than okay. I've tried to teach all of you this separately during our. What's personal, you guys?
[00:22:53] Speaker E: What's the difference?
[00:22:54] Speaker B: We've each had private conversations about this.
[00:22:57] Speaker A: What?
[00:22:59] Speaker C: Personal training.
[00:23:00] Speaker A: So weird.
[00:23:01] Speaker D: Where the ones where you're like, this is not flirting.
[00:23:10] Speaker E: Yeah, I remember that conversation.
[00:23:16] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
Holy moly. I think had so many private conversations. Babe.
[00:23:23] Speaker B: Yeah, babe.
All right. It's okay. I wasn't flirting.
[00:23:30] Speaker A: Okay, cool.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: In any of them.
[00:23:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I know.
[00:23:37] Speaker B: So how long is this going to take?
[00:23:42] Speaker A: If you don't want us to do this, we don't have to. That was just a suggestion. And I have fixed the wall. If you would rather go look at that instead. Said of this.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: Well, I mean, we're all here. I don't want to go down there and then come back up here. Do you?
[00:23:59] Speaker F: Yeah. Well, you know, I think. I think we can do this. I. I think we should probably get started.
We can start with no, since he's here.
[00:24:13] Speaker B: Okay. Do I just go?
[00:24:18] Speaker F: No, I guess I'LL it's not too much of a conflict of interest, I guess, for me to be the official for tonight this morning. Hello and welcome to the talent show, everybody.
As you may or may not know, this talent show is intended to demonstrate the inherent wife and value of everyone on this, but especially me and my friends.
And so, yeah, it's also just a little bit of fun to fill the time, as we say, along toward Gully's end.
And so, yeah, now, without further ado, let's bring out our first act.
[00:25:07] Speaker G: No, no.
[00:25:08] Speaker F: Come on up here, everyone give no applause. Round of applause.
[00:25:15] Speaker A: Mo is very excited.
[00:25:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
All right. Well, here I go.
[00:25:23] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:25:25] Speaker B: And he delivers a hauntingly beautiful aria.
He is apparently a talented operatic singer.
[00:25:37] Speaker A: Whoa.
[00:25:38] Speaker C: What voice part is he? Is he a tenor or baritone?
Contralto.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: Contralto.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: He.
[00:25:44] Speaker C: He's not a castrati?
[00:25:47] Speaker B: No, he's not a castrati.
[00:25:50] Speaker E: Can we hear a bit of an Eric.
[00:26:13] Speaker B: Spartron?
Rafina is crying in nominee Patri A spirit to sanctum.
[00:26:45] Speaker E: All right.
[00:26:46] Speaker B: Sorry.
[00:26:47] Speaker G: You said some of it.
[00:26:48] Speaker B: I. I didn't mean to do all of it. I apologize.
[00:26:51] Speaker C: Rafine is in tears. That was so moving.
[00:26:54] Speaker F: That was all right. That was fine. It was fine. Everybody was fine.
To be clear, I guess one of the Is there. I guess the. The captain for dishes. Ferret, you are go. You are going to render judgment at the end of a talent show as to the winners. I guess maybe you could offer, like, first, second toy place, and then, you know, decide who wins. What, like, maybe, like, in terms of, you know, because you kind of were gonna, like, punish us and maybe. Maybe our reward could be. You're not doing that. But anyway.
[00:27:36] Speaker A: But only out of first and second and third, only three of us. Only three of us don't get punished.
[00:27:41] Speaker F: Oh, to be clear, no, we are signed up as a group.
[00:27:46] Speaker E: We.
[00:27:47] Speaker C: We.
[00:27:47] Speaker F: We win or lose together.
[00:27:50] Speaker C: I see.
[00:27:52] Speaker B: So it's really just first and second.
[00:27:55] Speaker E: Is there any. Wait, where's. Did somebody go get Sean Hindica?
[00:27:59] Speaker A: Is he still.
[00:27:59] Speaker B: Oh, nobody tried.
[00:28:01] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[00:28:04] Speaker C: Well, should we go to him and he can do his act from within the cage?
[00:28:10] Speaker B: Who's. Who's asking who?
[00:28:15] Speaker C: I'm captain. How are we going to see. How are we going to see Sean Indigo's act?
[00:28:24] Speaker B: Oh, um, don't worry about that. Why don't we go on to the next thing?
[00:28:31] Speaker C: Oh, God, he's dead.
[00:28:32] Speaker E: So is it literally just Gnar and us, huh?
[00:28:35] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:28:37] Speaker F: All right. Well, that was great, Gnar.
[00:28:39] Speaker C: We got a good shot.
[00:28:41] Speaker A: I want to Say, I'm just wondering. Batwack must have made sure that Reed Thorin was okay during the resting period. Do we know anything about that? And that might make Bathwack nervous about Reed Thorin or the other person he knocked out.
[00:28:58] Speaker D: I didn't check.
[00:29:04] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:29:06] Speaker B: Anyway.
[00:29:10] Speaker F: All right. Well, yeah, I guess we'll get started.
Everyone, without further ado, I welcome to the stage half of the amazing duo.
[00:29:26] Speaker E: Mo and Roscoe will scarp her off stage and join the rest of the group behind the curtain.
[00:29:35] Speaker B: And there's no curtain.
[00:29:38] Speaker G: Thank you, Eric.
[00:29:39] Speaker A: I wish there was.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: Look, you picture one?
[00:29:42] Speaker A: Certainly.
[00:29:42] Speaker E: I mean, behind a barrel, then a lifeboat.
[00:29:49] Speaker B: So Moe walks onto the stage, kind of not really looking at the audience, and then Mo turns suddenly and says, oh, hello, Moe.
[00:30:01] Speaker G: Did not see you there.
What's that? You want to hear about Mo's talented friends? Well, well, well. Take a seat and stay a while and allow Mo to share.
[00:30:15] Speaker A: We should mention that Adam wrote this as a script.
[00:30:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm reading.
[00:30:18] Speaker A: Anybody who is listening? Yeah.
[00:30:21] Speaker G: Okay. One of my newest friends, Roscoe. Roscoe Lafleur.
[00:30:27] Speaker E: Roscoe enters.
[00:30:33] Speaker G: Roscoe, talented at lots of things.
Thriving vegetables, throwing dogs, fleeing the circus, and doubting gods.
He also like mustard Roscoe. Mustard expert Roscoe, good at worrying, but also not give any fucks at all. Sometimes. Sometimes, same time. This make Roscoe what he call existentially versatile.
Is that right, Roscoe?
[00:31:06] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:31:06] Speaker F: Good job.
[00:31:07] Speaker G: Okay, thanks.
[00:31:07] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:31:08] Speaker G: Roscoe's existential versatility challenges Mo to step beyond Mo's preconceived notions about the world.
[00:31:21] Speaker E: So during that, yeah, Roscoe would have done this lovely interpretive dance. Acting out, driving the rutabago and throwing Oscar slash Roscoe, he acts out.
When Mo says fleeing the circus, he acts out like a little game of Doc Doc Caboose that takes four hours and then looks horrified and runs across the stage.
But, yeah, and then when Mo's talking about, like, worrying but also not giving any fucks at all, sometimes Rascal will be do these big clownish, like. Like a worrying pose, and then like a. Like a shrug pose. And.
And then he remains on stage, standing the opposite end of the stage for Mo, looking ambivalent, kind of shrug and worried at the same time.
[00:32:20] Speaker B: It's not an act, Right?
[00:32:25] Speaker E: And then now Bathwack enters.
[00:32:27] Speaker B: Yeah. Moe gestures to Kick.
Hi.
[00:32:34] Speaker G: Hello. Kik. Kik is another one of my friends.
We meet very recently. Kick is Fisher, obviously, so he very good at fishing, but he also good at being leader and giving orders like king. But remember, he no king. He just fisher. Wink, wink, wink, wink.
[00:32:59] Speaker E: Russ goes off to the side. He's like, ugh.
[00:33:02] Speaker F: No.
[00:33:04] Speaker G: He also liked to use sword, which is totally normal for a normal fisher type guy. Once he chopped two guys in half at same time.
But Kick, not just killer. He also care about helping people. Moe never meet anyone as helpful as Kick and Mo's entire life.
Kick even tries help people who no want help.
[00:33:27] Speaker E: So I. So I have a beat scripted at the end. At the end here. But, Alex, if you have any ideas for what Bathwick might have done during all that.
[00:33:35] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah. So when you said he's good at fishing, he would cast the fishing rod out into the audience, which is nobody.
[00:33:45] Speaker E: It's just gnar and the ferret and.
[00:33:50] Speaker D: And. And then reel back nothing.
And then. And then as you start talking about being a leader, he. He kind of sidles around behind Mo and gives him bunny ears.
And. And then when you say he also likes to use the sword, he starts just whipping the fishing rod around in a very clumsy way that's clearly supposed to be a sword pantomime, but without any skill whatsoever.
[00:34:22] Speaker E: That's great.
[00:34:23] Speaker D: And then he falls off the stage.
[00:34:30] Speaker E: After. I do have it scripted, but after. After Mo says Kick even tries help people who know what help that bath slash. Kick goes up to Roscoe and tries offering him help, but Roscoe shakes his head and steps away.
[00:34:47] Speaker D: So I'll fall off the stage over to wherever Roscoe is. Did Roscoe exit stage or is he still there?
[00:34:51] Speaker E: No, we. We. You'll join. You'll basically be, like, a couple feet away from Roscoe, but stay. Ultimately stay on stage. We. We'll all stay on stage, like. And the group will accumulate.
[00:35:04] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:35:05] Speaker G: Which bring Mo to.
[00:35:08] Speaker E: Rafina enters, and she'll have the same opportunity.
[00:35:14] Speaker G: Rafina is cook. She make weird drink things with anything she can find. She like to sing and yell real loud, too. She kill guy with crossbow, too. One shot.
[00:35:25] Speaker A: Pow.
[00:35:27] Speaker G: She also make people like each other and like worms. Rafina, what Roscoe's old circus friend Malcolm Gladwell would call a connector.
Rafina see connection everywhere. Rafina look. Even where it looked like no connection exists.
[00:35:45] Speaker E: Now Rafina brings Bathwack and Roscoe together. But before that, if there's any Rafina anything leading up to that that you would.
[00:35:53] Speaker C: Rafina is grinning like a maniac and curtsying, like, running around the stage, curtsying as if there's a large audience to every facet of the.
[00:36:05] Speaker B: Even the kill guy with crossbow.
[00:36:08] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:36:08] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:36:09] Speaker C: At that point, she pantomimes like going, oops. And puts her hand up to her face.
[00:36:15] Speaker E: Wow, you're so glad she's really. You really got that absolution.
You said way too much absolution.
[00:36:24] Speaker A: Amazing.
[00:36:24] Speaker C: She knows she's on stage.
She's gonna act.
[00:36:29] Speaker E: So then that all builds up to even where it looked like no connection exists. So Rafina brings Bathwack and Roscoe together.
[00:36:35] Speaker C: She shoves them together.
[00:36:37] Speaker E: Yeah. And then you stand with them, and we're a trio now. And then Will enters.
[00:36:43] Speaker C: Can she drag Will on stage, please? Because that feels in character.
[00:36:50] Speaker E: Yes, yes. But then. Yeah, pull. Pull Will on stage. But then go and join the group.
[00:36:57] Speaker C: Okay. Of course.
[00:36:58] Speaker A: I like that. It says. It says, will enters and strikes a grumpy slash obstinate pose away from the group. I think what happens is Will is just watching what's happening. Most of the time. He barely looked at what he was supposed to do or what his part was. So he gets on stage, he's look. He looks at the part for a second, like, and he's grumpy about it, so he naturally just does it. And then he realizes he's doing the part anyway. Susan. He strikes a grumpy obstinate. Right. God damn it. Oh, wait, you accidentally. I just did exactly what he said I would do.
[00:37:28] Speaker E: That's hilarious. That's great.
[00:37:31] Speaker G: This Valencio Beigeman. Valencio so smart. He knows magic, stabbing spells and lying spells. Yeah, he good at lying. He no fashion look at suit. He buy for me. He also good at being mama lizard.
Valencia also no want help. Mo never meet anyone, as no one helps Valencia in Mo's entire life.
But last night, someone very important to Valencio encouraged Valencio to let friends help. So we will see. Maybe Valencia just need little push off the ship.
[00:38:13] Speaker E: Yeah. So, yeah. Is there anything during that that Will would. Would do or would it?
[00:38:18] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So, like, I. I mean, he realizes this is supposed to be a talent show, so he is hearing these things. He knows magic stabbing spells and lying spells. I think that instead of actually stabbing anything or doing anything like that, he's gonna just do a couple of, like, little swirly magic lights or something and then kind of think. And then make. Like, I could cast. I'm gonna cast eye bite.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh. It is a talent show. I gotta spend. I think I'm gonna spend the spell I'm gonna cast.
I guess it has to be major image. I think that's the only one that would work to. And I'm Risking this. But I don't know, I think it, I think it's maybe a good move to make it look like a ferret is dancing up to the captain. Like caper. Just like I watched the giant ferret come towards me and Will might not have any idea of how regular ferret it's. I'm sure it's smaller, but like, you know, might not be as small as a normal ferret, but makes like a smaller ferret.
Scamper up or whatever to the captain and then come back magical looking one. The one that I'm not trying to trick him or anything. It's more like a, you know. Yeah, a very magical looking fantasy drawing of a ferret.
[00:39:42] Speaker B: Like you clearly cast a spell. Like it's on.
[00:39:45] Speaker A: Look at this talent. Yeah, he's wearing a bikini.
She's wearing a bikini.
And then maybe like at the fashion thing, like I make it, I don't change my face, but I make my clothes look different a couple times.
And then when he says let friends help, I'm just kind of irritated. Like, I'm just like, like I shrug. Like, how is everybody here have to know about this all? Besides all the people who were up on deck now everyone else has got to hear about this. Including Gnar, the only person in the audience.
And then he like, yeah, he's like looks at nar probably for a second. Like, did he. Hopefully he didn't see anything. And then. And then it says a little push. And then, yeah.
[00:40:32] Speaker E: So yeah, Mo said maybe Valencia just need little push. And that's when Shimi enters and strikes a heroic, heroic pose.
[00:40:39] Speaker G: And finally, shimmy, shimmy. Good at puzzles. And he looks super cool with his gross ugly eye.
He is our cook, but I don't think I ever see him cook. He also like to talk, talk, talk. He want life to be big adventure. But most important when it comes to adventure, Shimmy good at giving everyone around him little push they need.
[00:41:06] Speaker E: So Eric, I don't know if you want Shimmy to be doing anything during that. Before he does the scripted action, he.
[00:41:14] Speaker B: Will make different muscle poses at first and look cool and stuff like that. He just looks just different poses involving hands on hips.
[00:41:29] Speaker A: Eric did. But his one, his one elbow out, his hand on his hip.
[00:41:34] Speaker B: So cool.
[00:41:35] Speaker A: This is a cool pose.
[00:41:36] Speaker D: So cool.
[00:41:38] Speaker B: And yeah, then as per the the stage direction, he will at the end of that push will toward the rest of the group.
[00:41:46] Speaker E: And the group now stands together in a teamwork pose.
[00:41:53] Speaker B: What does that mean, Adam?
[00:41:54] Speaker E: I don't know. I don't know I wrote that.
[00:41:59] Speaker D: The word team.
[00:42:00] Speaker B: Yeah, like ymca.
[00:42:02] Speaker A: Can I. I still have major image cast. How long can I make the ferret come back up to us and, like, hang out with us? Make it look like, yeah, good people.
[00:42:09] Speaker E: But this is also. This also is not the final pose yet, so.
[00:42:12] Speaker A: Okay, but I don't know that the.
[00:42:15] Speaker E: First stage of the teamwork pose, Mo will keep talking.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: It lasts for 10 minutes. So. Yeah, I could have the ferret, like, come up with us and scamper around us.
[00:42:24] Speaker E: Oh, the magical ferret.
[00:42:26] Speaker G: Yeah, but that not even everyone. Moe also know loyal clockwork man named Captain Clock Face.
[00:42:34] Speaker E: Captain Clock Face enters.
[00:42:36] Speaker G: And Roscoe's dog, Oscar.
[00:42:39] Speaker E: Oscar enters and jumps into Roscoe's arms.
[00:42:42] Speaker G: And Rafina, skeleton cat, Pippa.
[00:42:44] Speaker E: Pippa enters and jumps into Rafina's arms and her terrarium.
[00:42:49] Speaker G: Terrarium.
[00:42:51] Speaker A: Mono.
[00:42:51] Speaker G: Think terrarium had name.
[00:42:54] Speaker E: Terrarium enters and shakes his little terrarium butt at the audience.
[00:42:58] Speaker G: Amazing that everyone.
Oh, what Rafina did. Did. Did I leave someone out?
[00:43:09] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:43:10] Speaker G: Who?
[00:43:12] Speaker C: You, you silly goose.
[00:43:14] Speaker G: Oh, I forgot.
[00:43:16] Speaker C: Moe, get over here.
[00:43:19] Speaker E: Mo proudly over to the group.
[00:43:21] Speaker G: Last but not least, there's me, Mo. I guess I'm good at stabbing. Oh, and I can sleep. A lot of Moe's friends can't do that.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: Oh, my God, that's sad.
[00:43:33] Speaker G: But I think they're used to it. And no matter what happens or how little sleep we get or how many fights we have about gods or anything else, we have the greatest talent of them all. Each other.
[00:43:49] Speaker A: So fucking stupid.
[00:43:51] Speaker E: Everyone stands together proudly in a big, like, presentational group hug.
This is so fucking dope.
[00:44:00] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:44:01] Speaker D: Ferret's gonna love it.
[00:44:02] Speaker B: And we're gonna find out what happens next time on Pork Fried Dice.
[00:44:07] Speaker E: Eric needs time to process. How would the ferret react to this? Is this. This is going to be like a. Like a Billy Madison moment where the judge is like, that was the dumbest. The stupidest thing I've ever heard.
[00:44:22] Speaker A: Everyone in this room is now dumber having witnessed it. Yeah.
[00:44:27] Speaker B: For having listened to it, I award you no points.
[00:44:30] Speaker A: And may God have mercy on your soul.
Oh, my God, that's so funny.
[00:44:40] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, what do you expect with writing a script overnight or, like, in.
[00:44:46] Speaker A: 10 minutes or whatever?
[00:44:47] Speaker E: But also, props to Eric, for he did write a decent. Like this. Like, a lot of chunks of this.
[00:44:55] Speaker B: Of. What would Mo say everybody's talents are?
[00:44:59] Speaker E: So that was extremely helpful. Like, I could not have actually done done this today. Like, I had Eric's to kind of, like, build around, but it is very silly, and I. I don't know if it's actually gonna move the ferret. I bet the ferret's gonna be like, okay. What?
[00:45:19] Speaker A: We have the greatest talent of them all. Each other. Each other.
The ferret is like, what?
[00:45:28] Speaker B: All right, so is Will.
[00:45:30] Speaker E: Yes, I know.
[00:45:31] Speaker A: Will is like jazz hands.
Somebody start taking off your clothes right now. Otherwise, we fail this talent show.
[00:45:43] Speaker E: Oh, my God. Look, I. I can't win them all.
[00:45:47] Speaker A: No, it's perfect, Adam. It really is. Especially because I love Roscoe getting high on brown treat and writing this.
It's so great.
[00:46:00] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:46:00] Speaker F: All right. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is good.
[00:46:03] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I love Roscoe. While this is happening, doubting it all completely, like, what the did I write last night?
[00:46:12] Speaker E: He's like, his eyes are so wide.
This is not nearly as good as.
[00:46:21] Speaker A: I thought it was when I wrote it.
Oh, it's so cute. Everyone stands together proudly in a big group hug. That is such a funny talent show entry.
It's just.
[00:46:41] Speaker G: Well, NAR wins.
[00:46:55] Speaker A: Oh, like b.
He could have like. Like this once. He chopped two guys in half at the same time. That almost could be a talent, but because he can't even pretend to be bathwack, he's just inept.
It's such a funny talent show.
[00:47:13] Speaker E: I'm done.
[00:47:14] Speaker A: Holy moly, my face hurts.
Oh, my God.
Oh, thanks, Adam. That was great.
[00:47:25] Speaker C: Yeah, that was.
[00:47:26] Speaker A: She killed guy with crossbow, too.
[00:47:28] Speaker G: Oops.
[00:47:30] Speaker E: That's amazing.
[00:47:36] Speaker A: I'm so sorry. What were you gonna say?
[00:47:38] Speaker D: I was just imagining that the ferret's gonna have all of us get in one lifeboat and Nar get in the other lifeboat and, like, hang them over the side and then.
[00:47:48] Speaker B: And then drop one.
[00:47:49] Speaker D: Drop one of them in the water.
[00:47:51] Speaker E: That's. That's how he renders his judgment.
[00:47:57] Speaker A: Oh, my God. I'm dying. Oh, my God.
[00:48:03] Speaker B: Hey, everyone, if you like what you hear, please leave us a kind review wherever you listen to us. Also, consider supporting us by subscribing to us on Ko [email protected] com supportpfd where you can gain access to lots of exclusive treats and behind the scenes goodies. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next time.
