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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, listeners, if you go to tinyurl.com supportpfd and subscribe at the Sluglord level, Roscoe will be able to afford gas to power his rutabago.
[00:00:10] Speaker B: Plus, you'll have access to bonus content about his dating app usage.
[00:00:14] Speaker A: So do it.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: Thank you.
You're listening to the show about ferret love at first sight. It's pork fried dice.
I'm Eric and I'm the Dungeon Master.
[00:00:31] Speaker C: I'm AB and I play Rafina.
[00:00:34] Speaker D: I'm Alex and I play Batwack.
[00:00:37] Speaker A: I'm KT and I play Will.
[00:00:40] Speaker E: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: Hold on to your haversacks. Let's roll.
Yep, he's knocked out. Now what? All right, you gonna push a couple buttons before you go?
[00:00:57] Speaker D: No, no, no. I'll blow the ship up.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: The ship's upside down.
[00:01:05] Speaker A: Amazing.
[00:01:06] Speaker D: All right. No, no, I'm good. So I'm gonna just slip back out and. Okay, try not to be noticed, but. Yeah, I mean, like, I know it sounded really rude, but my intention is to give him a. Give him a way out.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: Y.
[00:01:25] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: Are you trying to get anywhere in particular, or are you just trying to go step by step and see what you see?
[00:01:36] Speaker D: I do need to figure out what happened to the captain, so I'm gonna make my way back up. Up the stairs and just.
Yeah, I'll just pretend like I've been lost.
[00:01:47] Speaker B: Okay.
All right, so you head back up the stairs, and you find yourself in a corridor that is empty. Save a.
The corpse of the captain. The metaphorical or literal corpse of a winged owlbear is yet to be determined.
A set of intestines which looks like it was kicked at some point.
Copious amounts of blood is there.
[00:02:19] Speaker D: All right, this is. Now I can finally find out. Is there any chance that I can heal any one of these creatures?
[00:02:27] Speaker B: We will find out in a moment.
[00:02:29] Speaker D: All right, Because I'm going to start right into it if I can.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: Okay, cool. You can give me a medicine check and we'll come back to that result when we come back to you.
Everybody else, you've been herded down the hallway back towards the cabins that you have, or that Will had. Those, the original ones, all next to each other with the portholes, the one that the albatross pooped in, all of those.
And Phileas says. All right, everybody to your rooms.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: I'm going with Rafina.
[00:03:05] Speaker B: Well, fine, fine, fine. Just as long as you just. Here, just go wherever you just. You're going to be put in your rooms and you'll be staying there until further notice.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: Does this guy seem, like as unsure as I feel like he's.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: Babe, he's being played by me.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: Okay, I'm sorry.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: We talk about that sometimes. Like, sometimes I think all of you probably have to figure out whether someone is being weird because they're weird or because it's me.
[00:03:33] Speaker A: Because it's him. I've said that before, where I'm like. I sometimes just don't know if you're nervous because you're nervous as you or you're nervous as the character. That's why I ask sometimes. Sometimes.
[00:03:43] Speaker B: All right, so fine, fine. Go. Whatever room you want. Just go in a room.
[00:03:50] Speaker C: Are they ushering Will into Will's new room, or did they not care which room?
[00:03:54] Speaker A: I took stuff out. I'm holding my stuff, I guess, still. And bathwax stuff. I'm just holding a bunch of it. Yeah.
[00:04:01] Speaker B: Typical valet behavior.
[00:04:03] Speaker A: Yeah, I guess that's true.
[00:04:04] Speaker C: Right.
[00:04:07] Speaker A: And I go wherever Rafina's going. I'll go with you. And I'll gesture to Rosco, like, come on in here, Mo. I. I want everyone to stay together, kind of. If we're helping him. Sure. Yeah. We'll just lead him into wherever he.
[00:04:20] Speaker B: Takes every third step.
[00:04:23] Speaker C: And. And again, Will doesn't even know which one is Will's room. Right.
[00:04:27] Speaker A: I do know my old room. Yes, of course.
[00:04:31] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:04:32] Speaker B: But he did find his new room.
[00:04:33] Speaker A: I found my new room, too. That's when I discovered that all my. Was wrecked.
[00:04:38] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:04:38] Speaker A: At the end of last episode. Basically. Yeah. Okay, so if we all. Yeah. I'm just trying to make sure we all go into the same place, even if that looks weird. If Phileas Balaban thinks that's weird, too bad. I'm trying to get everyone to go in the same room.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: No, I don't think I have a last name for him. So.
[00:04:55] Speaker A: Phileas Balaban.
[00:04:56] Speaker B: It'll be on the way.
[00:04:56] Speaker C: Balabam.
[00:04:57] Speaker A: Very good.
[00:04:59] Speaker C: Writing it down.
[00:05:00] Speaker B: Right under Reed Thorin. So, yeah, they usher you into. I mean, if Rafina's heading to her room, maybe by default, that'll be the room you all go in.
[00:05:08] Speaker C: It's about convenience for Rafina. She's looking for a room that no one else is in that is going to fit us all. But it makes sense for her to go to a room that we know. So whatever. Whose room do we come across first that we know?
[00:05:22] Speaker B: Roscoe's. But it had poop in it.
Moe's room. Almost go in, but it had an albatross. In it.
[00:05:30] Speaker E: Is that room still not cleaned?
[00:05:32] Speaker B: I. You haven't checked.
[00:05:34] Speaker A: Maybe that's why there's a mutiny.
We draw the line at the gingerbread Shit everywhere.
[00:05:42] Speaker C: Smelled good. Yeah.
[00:05:44] Speaker A: We'll go in Rafina's room. That's fine.
[00:05:46] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah, we're going to Rufina's room.
[00:05:47] Speaker E: How much of the crew, like, escorted us down here?
[00:05:51] Speaker B: All of them.
[00:05:52] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:05:52] Speaker E: It's the captain and 10 crew.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: Yeah, well, the. If you're calling him the captain, I mean, that's one step closer.
[00:06:01] Speaker E: Whatever. Fuck you. He doesn't hear me.
[00:06:03] Speaker B: Legitimacy.
[00:06:04] Speaker E: As we're going into the room, Roscoe will open one eye and kind of look at the captain and the crew, and he's. I. He just wants to get like, a.
A read on, like, how prepared this. These crew members are to be like, a violent crew. Like, is this a crew that. Like, are they, like, pirates? Are they ready to stab like, the passengers on a funeral cruise? Or Slash.
Slash hero cruise? Right. There were two. We never got our hero's face.
[00:06:51] Speaker C: Didn't we?
[00:06:52] Speaker B: No, you decided to attack a God.
There's another point in the chain. Abby, you can add that to your analysis of where we went wrong or right or these.
[00:07:09] Speaker E: Like, are they kind of sure? Is this kind of. Are they in over their heads?
[00:07:14] Speaker B: Right. Have none of them ever killed anybody before? Sure. Or somewhere in the middle.
Insight.
If anybody else wants to join in, that. That's something they would maybe be considering. Maybe not at this point, but in the past, you know, 10 minutes.
[00:07:28] Speaker A: That's what I thought. I was trying to do that.
But, yes, I'm joining in for sure.
[00:07:34] Speaker C: Me, too.
[00:07:35] Speaker B: It's an insight party.
[00:07:37] Speaker A: Insight party. Insight.
[00:07:39] Speaker B: For all your insight, keys in a bowl.
[00:07:44] Speaker C: Oh, great.
[00:07:45] Speaker E: Now, you guys did way better than Roscoe. That's only because Roscoe only has one eye open.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: Yeah, it's true.
[00:07:54] Speaker B: All right, so Will and Rafina, you think this is certainly not a bloodthirsty crew, but you think that they're not.
Certainly not. All of them are necessarily.
They've experienced violence in their lives. They. They haven't necessarily led easy lives. So some of them may have had to resort to some of that in the past and may be willing to do so to maintain their current positions.
Some of them seem a little more uneasy than others.
Specifically both of the kitchen staff. Who you recognize. Any of you who had peaked in the kitchen, or I guess they came out to serve the food. There was a male dwarf and a female half orc. They both seem relatively uneasy.
I'm Just counting again, make sure I have the right count of who's there. Okay, so wait. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
[00:09:07] Speaker A: He's like, oh, wait, there are 24 crew members.
[00:09:10] Speaker B: I love you.
So there were 11, counting Phileas, there are now 10 because Reed left.
[00:09:19] Speaker C: Yes. Okay.
I can't see how we're gonna get off this ship with all our lives.
[00:09:28] Speaker E: No, no. Disarmament.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: Jeez, I'm. I'm still gonna do that. I'm still gonna do that.
[00:09:45] Speaker B: So, yeah, there's a, Like a trio of dwarves who look kind of similar to each other. You think they might be related?
They seem to be maybe the.
The most comfortable with the current situation.
Then the other four that you see, aside from Phileas, are kind of in the middle.
[00:10:10] Speaker E: Are the three dwarves named Dory, Nori, and Ori?
[00:10:14] Speaker B: No, but one of them is named Saldoro. That's the closest one.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: Oh, that's funny.
[00:10:20] Speaker E: Okay.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: And Roscoe, you with a 12.
Yeah. You think you could. These are all.
These are all. Bunch of pansies. You could take them.
[00:10:33] Speaker E: Okay, well, I guess as we're going into the room, I guess Ras would be like, please at least leave some gods to protect us from any other animals who might be around.
[00:10:55] Speaker B: No, the. The. Well, I mean, yes, we'll.
[00:10:57] Speaker E: We'll.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: We'll be patrolling these. These hallways. Don't. Don't you worry. We'll be out here. So also, don't try any funny business.
And she me says, Mrs. Captain, do you want us to come in the room with you, too? Me and Mo here, or should we go into.
[00:11:16] Speaker A: Yes, please do.
[00:11:18] Speaker C: She waves. She waves them in.
I think we should stick together in these uncertain times.
[00:11:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, sure. Oh, plus, it'll be easier for them to guard us, right? Guards?
And he goes in the room.
[00:11:42] Speaker A: Once again, we're all, like, crammed together because it's not meant to hold 25 people.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: It's not like you're not on top of each other, but it's. You don't have to sit on each other's laps. But yeah, it's. It's.
It's relatively close quarters.
It's a state room, for goodness sake, on a boat.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: I don't know what that means.
[00:12:04] Speaker B: All right. And no funny business.
[00:12:08] Speaker A: Who said that?
[00:12:09] Speaker B: Phileas Balaban.
And then they close the door, and you hear it clearly, lock.
[00:12:16] Speaker C: From the outside.
[00:12:17] Speaker A: Door locks from the outside.
[00:12:20] Speaker C: That's unsafe.
[00:12:22] Speaker B: And then three darts shoot out into your eyes. Abby.
No guff. It's another no guff night. I decided right this second, plenty of guff. You can guff all you want.
All right, Batwack, you've done a medicine check. You rolled a 12.
I regret to inform you that these two figures are now confirmatly, literally dead.
[00:12:56] Speaker C: I quit.
[00:12:56] Speaker D: This could have had such a nice resolution.
Yeah, well, I raised the lockdown so Rufina can jump in the lake.
[00:13:09] Speaker A: Yeah, like, when do we hear that? Not yet. We just didn't hear anything. Okay.
[00:13:13] Speaker D: All right, they're dead.
There's nothing else to do here.
I'll make my way upstairs and upper deck.
Back? Yeah, back to my. Whatever their expectations are.
[00:13:33] Speaker B: To your room.
[00:13:36] Speaker D: I'll go to my room. Not to my room level.
I'm gonna go. Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna go up into the. Into the hallway where all the rooms are.
[00:13:48] Speaker B: Okay, so you're headed that way. Good. All right, then I have to cut back to you guys.
So the door is locked behind you, and you are. I think you're alone now.
[00:14:01] Speaker A: All right, this is fun.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: Guys. We're in a pickle.
[00:14:05] Speaker A: We're not in a pickle. Kick is somewhere. He is going to probably kill some people. If he knows we're in trouble, he'll come and see if there's a fire.
[00:14:14] Speaker C: We will roast in this room. I am not comfortable with this door being locked from the outside.
[00:14:19] Speaker A: Rafina, we can bust down the door. If they fucking put a hole in the wall, we can knock the door down. I'm not really worried about that. I'm thinking any of us maybe could mo. Maybe you could start working on that. Not yet. Just kidding.
[00:14:31] Speaker C: Fair point.
[00:14:31] Speaker A: Just kidding.
[00:14:32] Speaker B: Oh, wait. Okay, I won't.
[00:14:34] Speaker A: Kidding.
[00:14:35] Speaker B: Should I be ready?
[00:14:36] Speaker A: Yes, be ready. Because here's the thing. I don't.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: He gets up and kneels on the bed facing the wall with his dagger out.
[00:14:43] Speaker A: I don't like. The reality is, I think we could probably overpower these guys. There aren't that many of them, but I guess we never really got. I'm a little nervous because we never really got a full, like, census of the ship. I don't know who the fuck else is on the ship. If this is all there are, I think we can probably take them. But the other thing is, where is Kick and what does he look like right now? And are we going to have to kill all these people anyway?
[00:15:11] Speaker C: I think we know what he looks like now. If there's no magic. We know.
[00:15:15] Speaker A: Right, Exactly. That's what I'm saying. So who has seen him and what kind of ruckus is going on? Wherever he is at this moment, I am positive that he's fine, because he will never die. Annoyingly to me.
So I'm sure he's somewhere on the ship kicking someone's ass.
But, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what to do because, you know, I. My first inclination, kind of, you know what I wanted to do? Just stab Phileas and see if they would turn the magic back on to save Phileas. But I decided to go the other route, which didn't help.
I can't believe how wimpy I am without my magic powers. I am absolutely disgusting. How have I survived 35 years without magical powers?
[00:16:00] Speaker C: Will. Valencio. Will. Whoever you are. Yeah, you're experiencing the second arrow.
You are wounding yourself when you've already been wounded. Let's focus on the problem at hand.
[00:16:12] Speaker A: Okay. What do we do?
[00:16:14] Speaker C: We shoot other people with arrows.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: Yeah. So? Yeah, exactly. Like. So, Rufina, I'm assuming that you can't drive the ship on your own, because otherwise, I would have just killed everybody. I'm assuming you would need a crew.
So what should we do? We have ticked off this crew with our shenanigans. I look around at Roscoe, Roscoe falls to the floor. Uh. Oh. All right. What's going on with Roscoe?
[00:16:41] Speaker E: Just, like, a funny way.
[00:16:43] Speaker A: Oh, a funny way.
[00:16:44] Speaker B: Oh, like a pound.
[00:16:45] Speaker A: I was gonna say. There's, like, a clown honking sound like. Like when he hits the ground.
[00:16:51] Speaker C: And the bladder of mustard behind the flower goes splat.
[00:16:56] Speaker E: There's no reason to panic. It's just a slow Chevy Chase fall.
[00:17:00] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Sound effect. Okay, so, well, anyway.
Yeah. What do we do, Rafina? I think maybe the best option is to kind of maybe convince them. They seemed a little convinced. Maybe about the captain's wife thing. I don't know. We just get that.
[00:17:21] Speaker C: Am I actually married to the captain now?
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Rafina, please. Yes, please be. I will work on will. Takes out paper right away and starts working on, like, a contract and starts working on a way to, like, forge signature. You know what I mean? That's what.
[00:17:35] Speaker C: I'm not sure that I'm not married to that pirate on the other ship.
[00:17:40] Speaker A: It doesn't matter. Nobody knows. I don't.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: It doesn't matter. Just forget about the pirate. This is all fake.
I'm just. But okay. What do you mean? Yeah, most of it. Okay. The captain's really dead, though. I don't know if you care. Rafina, did you care at all about him?
[00:17:57] Speaker C: Of course I cared.
[00:17:58] Speaker A: Of course okay, well, then pretend to be married intestines.
[00:18:03] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: I'm writing as I talk to her. I'm just scribbling down, like, a marriage license.
[00:18:08] Speaker C: First, I want to know what Roscoe was saying. Roscoe?
[00:18:12] Speaker E: I think the dirty writer is right, and this is all fake.
There are stories and there are tricks and there are journeys that we take.
[00:18:23] Speaker C: Why is he rhyming?
[00:18:25] Speaker A: What is going on with Roscoe? What the fuck, Roscoe? What is going on with you?
[00:18:31] Speaker B: And Roscoe's about to explain it all, when all of a sudden, Chunk, Chunk, Chung, Chung, chunk. You hear all this chunking all around you. And one of the chunks is the whatever was shielding the porthole closed in this room flies away. And now all of a sudden, you can just. The sunlight streams in from the porthole and the physical lockdown is lifted.
[00:18:59] Speaker A: Will's like, are they this stupid? They just end the lockdown right now? What the fuck are they doing? What is this crew? What kind of coup is this? They were so mad about the captain, who's just like a nice guy. Kind of like a doofus a little bit, but just a nice guy.
[00:19:14] Speaker C: Yeah.
Was it a mutiny, or were they just fed up a little bit?
[00:19:19] Speaker A: I mean, I think they were planning a mutiny. I get. Yeah. I don't know.
[00:19:23] Speaker E: I guess that's a great exercise in semantics.
[00:19:27] Speaker B: It wasn't a mutiny.
[00:19:28] Speaker A: We just got fed up a little bit. Yeah, yeah, it might. It might be just that they got fed up a little bit because, like, they didn't actually kill the captain, but they were way too slow in doing anything about it. I know. So what the fuck?
Again, Raphina, I'm gonna leave this up to you. Are you willing to participate in a little shenanigans? Yes, of course. Minus the intention.
[00:19:54] Speaker C: Don't I always?
[00:19:58] Speaker A: It depends on the nicety of the shenanigans, Rafina. But I'm very happy that you played along so well right away. That's what I'm saying, though. Like, would you be a queen of the ship? I think that we could convince them. I mean, I think they already kind of bought it a little bit. They just don't know what to do because they're a bunch of idiots. Yeah.
[00:20:19] Speaker C: Yeah, I think that's true.
[00:20:21] Speaker B: And you say bunch of idiots.
[00:20:23] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:20:24] Speaker B: And all of a sudden, will you hear this sound?
[00:20:31] Speaker A: No.
[00:20:32] Speaker B: And all of a sudden, only I do. The center of the room.
[00:20:37] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:20:38] Speaker B: On the floor appears a glass orb with a purple swirling mist within it. Oh, crap.
[00:20:46] Speaker E: What?
[00:20:47] Speaker C: What do we see?
[00:20:49] Speaker B: We'll get there.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: I think that's a good point to take a small break.
[00:20:56] Speaker A: Oh, my God. What the fuck?
[00:21:00] Speaker E: Oh, you.
[00:21:04] Speaker A: Oh, jeez.
I don't want to move anywhere. I'm, like, frozen. Okay. But I do have to pee, so I will gratefully pee, but. What?
[00:21:13] Speaker C: Me too. Gratefully peed. Gratefully peed. Okay.
[00:21:16] Speaker A: Save us all. No.
[00:21:22] Speaker E: Okay, well, let's see what's going on with this.
[00:21:24] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:21:24] Speaker E: Fucking orb.
[00:21:25] Speaker B: Here we are. Okay. All right. So this sound was heard, and an orb appeared on the floor full of purple swirly mist.
And it seems like in that instant, time stops. Will.
[00:21:48] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:21:49] Speaker B: Everyone around you is frozen in place.
The light gets dark.
The light gets dark. Wow.
[00:21:57] Speaker A: The light gets dark.
[00:21:59] Speaker B: And I am going to mute us if everybody can give me some patience.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:22:12] Speaker E: You know what this means?
[00:22:15] Speaker C: Time to play the game.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: Time to play the game. We're gonna have to. Yeah, probably.
All right, all right.
This is scary.
[00:22:27] Speaker B: Okay, so, okay, this orb appears with a whip crack.
And in your head, will you hear, hello again.
[00:22:46] Speaker A: I look around. Nobody is reacting because you have.
[00:22:49] Speaker B: Everybody's frozen. Everyone is completely, literally frozen.
[00:22:52] Speaker A: What does everyone look like? What is the expression on people's faces?
[00:22:58] Speaker B: Look, I don't know exactly what the last thing that was said before this happened.
[00:23:02] Speaker A: I said something about idiots. Right.
[00:23:03] Speaker B: Idiots.
[00:23:04] Speaker A: They look like. They seem like a bunch of idiots.
[00:23:07] Speaker B: So everybody's just, like, maybe about to say something. Mo is still ready to poke a hole in the wall. Sheemi's looking at you admirably.
[00:23:17] Speaker A: Oh.
Oh, that's a good point. Okay. He's looking at me admirably.
[00:23:23] Speaker B: Clockface is standing there with his hands on his hips.
[00:23:25] Speaker A: Okay, I don't.
[00:23:27] Speaker B: Rafina would have to say what she looks like. I'm not going to speak for her.
But I'm assuming you're asking, wondering if they are aware at all of what's happening.
[00:23:37] Speaker A: Yeah. They seem frozen, though, you said.
[00:23:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:42] Speaker A: What do you want? And why are you here? And how are you here? I thought Rafina killed you.
[00:23:48] Speaker B: You think she can kill me that easily?
[00:23:54] Speaker A: You sure screamed a lot.
[00:23:57] Speaker B: Well, I mean, it wasn't pleasant.
[00:24:01] Speaker A: Mmm.
[00:24:03] Speaker B: But you can't get rid of me like that. As for why I'm here, I mean, you and I have a connection, Billy.
I can hear what you're thinking.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: What?
[00:24:17] Speaker B: You're frustrated, aren't you?
[00:24:23] Speaker A: I just am. Quiet.
[00:24:25] Speaker B: You're here, supposed to be saving the world, and you can't make it a day into a pleasure cruise without someone screwing something up for you. Despite Your best efforts.
Why do you stick with these incompetent morons?
[00:24:45] Speaker A: Listen, I don't know what you think is going to happen here, but you coming in as one of the dark powers or whatever is not going to change anything about what I'm doing.
[00:25:01] Speaker B: Okay? I'm just wondering if maybe you want.
I don't necessarily.
You and I have similar goals, more than you might think.
[00:25:10] Speaker A: Oh, yeah?
[00:25:12] Speaker B: And I would like to see you be able to succeed in this goal that you have writing the world.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: Oh, yeah? Oh, I'm sure that's what you want.
[00:25:24] Speaker B: I'm just wondering if maybe you want a little leg up with your idiotic friends.
And even though there's no physical body, you see, you can hear the quotes around that word.
Maybe give you a little more control. Just a little something.
[00:25:47] Speaker A: I don't know who you think you are. Get the fuck off of the ship.
[00:25:51] Speaker B: Come on. No. You haven't been frustrated at all with these fools.
What just happened?
I. I know what you're thinking.
You don't have to say it out loud.
[00:26:08] Speaker A: Yeah, what am I thinking?
[00:26:10] Speaker B: You're thinking, what were they doing? You even just said it to them here. Or at least to Raphina and this old man who seems to be half in a trance about why would you go and take such drastic measures when you don't even know what the hell the situation is? Like, are they trying to sabotage you? Maybe they are.
[00:26:33] Speaker A: No, they aren't.
Well, don't.
[00:26:35] Speaker B: Don't you think that maybe, like. Like I said, if you like, I can give you a little more control over the situation.
[00:26:44] Speaker A: And what for?
[00:26:47] Speaker B: I just told you so you can.
[00:26:49] Speaker E: No.
[00:26:49] Speaker A: What do you want in exchange?
[00:26:51] Speaker B: I want you to succeed.
It benefits me as well, okay?
[00:26:59] Speaker A: How so?
[00:27:01] Speaker B: I don't necessarily align myself with these powers, as you call them.
[00:27:09] Speaker A: I thought you were absolutely part of them.
[00:27:13] Speaker B: I am.
[00:27:14] Speaker A: Aren't you Madam Eva or something?
[00:27:16] Speaker B: I am apart, just as you are from these creatures.
[00:27:22] Speaker A: Apart?
[00:27:23] Speaker B: Oh, that's why I picked you.
[00:27:25] Speaker A: I'm apart from these creatures.
[00:27:28] Speaker B: I mean, you're. You're a cut above. Let's put it that way.
[00:27:31] Speaker A: Okay, sure. But I don't know if I would judge you as the same. How are you a cut above? I've met all kinds of gods at this point.
[00:27:40] Speaker B: You've met animals, okay.
[00:27:43] Speaker A: And they seem to have kind of miraculous powers. What can you do? You're in stuck in an orb that I put you in.
[00:27:49] Speaker B: You've been so impressed with all of them, haven't you?
[00:27:52] Speaker A: And I'm So impressed with you. Stuck in that orb that I put you in.
[00:27:55] Speaker B: Seem to appear wherever I want and know what you're thinking.
Just a little edge, that's all.
[00:28:07] Speaker A: What would the edge be? And what would I need to give you?
[00:28:10] Speaker B: You don't have to give me anything. Just agree.
[00:28:12] Speaker A: I don't believe you.
[00:28:14] Speaker B: Well, basically it would just let you have a little more control over some of their actions if you wish.
[00:28:25] Speaker A: It's voluntary control over their actions?
[00:28:29] Speaker B: Uh huh.
Either to get them to do something or stop them from doing something. Probably more likely maybe know what they're doing at certain points. They wouldn't know about it.
[00:28:49] Speaker A: Will is quiet again.
From what I understand, nothing is going to be fixed without the rest of these people. So I'm not going to.
[00:29:02] Speaker B: That's what I'm not saying.
I'm going to kill them or whatever. I'm just saying if you have to be stuck with them, why not make it a little easier on yourself?
[00:29:13] Speaker A: What do you want?
[00:29:15] Speaker B: I want you to do to the rest what you did to Savnok.
[00:29:23] Speaker A: What? You want us to kill the Dark Powers?
[00:29:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:27] Speaker A: You want us to kill the Dark Powers?
[00:29:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:32] Speaker A: Why?
[00:29:36] Speaker B: They don't deserve what they've got currently.
[00:29:39] Speaker A: Okay, so basically it sounds like maybe if we knock them out. Do you benefit from that somehow?
[00:29:45] Speaker E: I just.
[00:29:46] Speaker A: Great.
I think I should talk to Rafina.
[00:29:58] Speaker B: You can talk to her after.
[00:30:00] Speaker A: After what?
[00:30:01] Speaker B: After we're done here.
[00:30:03] Speaker A: I think we are done here. You're not. You think you're messing with a stupid person. I guess. Like I'm insulted by how stupid you think I am.
[00:30:10] Speaker B: Mess with you.
[00:30:11] Speaker A: I'm not stupid. I'm not going to make a po a deal with the Dark powers.
[00:30:16] Speaker B: You're not.
[00:30:17] Speaker A: That's what you are.
[00:30:19] Speaker B: No, come on. I'm more than that.
[00:30:23] Speaker A: You're more than that.
[00:30:26] Speaker B: You've known that.
No different how I always have been. Haven't I?
[00:30:36] Speaker A: Roll to see how he's been different?
[00:30:38] Speaker B: I mean, come on. These other fools were stuck in some temple they.
[00:30:45] Speaker A: And you're not stuck in that ball?
[00:30:47] Speaker B: Well, I mean, like I said, you and I have a special connection.
[00:30:51] Speaker A: What the fuck does that mean? So I've trapped you in that ball. You are trapped.
So why would I ever do anything to help you out of there?
[00:31:00] Speaker B: Because it would help you.
[00:31:02] Speaker A: I think I have help right now.
[00:31:04] Speaker B: Oh yeah, A lot of help they are, huh?
You could be just trucking your merry way along to the next Dark power to extinguish it.
But no, now you have to deal with all this shit.
[00:31:22] Speaker A: Situation will have to be a lot more dire for me to agree to any kind of deal with you, bud.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: Oh, well, I'm. Then I'm sure we'll be talking soon.
[00:31:29] Speaker A: Oh, great.
[00:31:33] Speaker B: I played the whip, but I realized you don't have your headphones plugged in or on.
[00:31:38] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Okay. So he whips away.
[00:31:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
Hi, guys.
[00:31:44] Speaker C: Eric is saying, do I really look like Nicholas Cage? Oh, he didn't move his mouth.
[00:31:52] Speaker D: KT saying, here's how this is gonna go. You're going to walk away and go home. And he does to your child.
And Eric's like, step out of the car.
[00:32:06] Speaker E: Nice, Right? Are you gonna watch it? Are you?
Alex? It's so good.
[00:32:12] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:32:13] Speaker C: Oh, they put their headphones back on. What's happening?
[00:32:15] Speaker B: Hi, guys.
[00:32:17] Speaker C: Hi.
[00:32:19] Speaker B: All right, so you all saw the orb appear with a whip crack sound.
Then there's another whip crack, basically a split second later, and the orb is gone.
And it all seems to happen basically instantaneously. But in that instantaneous moment, you all hear what I'm about to play. And this. Actually, I didn't mention this before. This includes Bathwack.
[00:32:53] Speaker A: Oh, Bathwack hears it, too. Oh, gosh.
[00:32:56] Speaker B: So you hear this. So let me find the right. I'm gonna cue this up. And here I played what KT and I had just recorded as Will and the Swirly man for the group. But we're not going to replay it here because you're listening to a podcast and you can just go back and listen to it for yourself.
[00:33:14] Speaker C: So we hear that entire discussion.
[00:33:16] Speaker B: Yes, you hear that in its entirety, including you, Bathwack.
You've just stepped away from these corpses that you've identified as, in fact, corpses and are starting to head down the hallway when you hear that in an instant in your head.
[00:33:35] Speaker D: So I just. I just hear the words. Like, it's as if someone.
[00:33:40] Speaker B: Yeah, it's as if you heard the conversation. The only weird thing about it is, one, it was in your head and you don't. Two, you don't see the people. And three, it seemed like it happened instantaneously.
[00:33:56] Speaker D: Shake my head. I mean, Will. Will's talked to me before. I'll try to reply to his brain text.
Will, is that you?
[00:34:08] Speaker A: Hmm.
[00:34:09] Speaker B: You don't hear him and you don't get a reply.
[00:34:13] Speaker E: It's almost like we. We have. We instantaneously get the memory of having heard that whole conversation.
[00:34:20] Speaker C: We download.
[00:34:23] Speaker B: Yeah. The information there.
[00:34:24] Speaker E: Like.
[00:34:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:28] Speaker B: And actually, Batwoman, you don't get a reply, but you. Well, Maybe you do. You do hear a noise, but it's not Will talking.
It's this kind of slithery, sloopy.
[00:34:52] Speaker A: Oh.
[00:34:59] Speaker B: Gurgly sound.
[00:35:01] Speaker D: I don't like that.
[00:35:02] Speaker B: And it's coming from behind you.
[00:35:04] Speaker D: Oh, I'm gonna turn around.
[00:35:09] Speaker B: I mean, you turn around and I.
[00:35:12] Speaker D: Have my hand on my belt. I'm ready to draw my sword.
[00:35:15] Speaker B: You're ready to take it off.
You turn around and Malvolio's body is in fact moving.
[00:35:27] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:35:29] Speaker B: You see, it's almost like. You think, like, is he struggling to get up? But he's. You're sure he's dead? You were sure. 100% positive he was dead, dead, dead, dead.
And then you realize, no, that's not. It's weirder than that. He's not trying to get up.
And if you recall, his method of death was to the distaste of, I'm sure, some basically disembowelment from the wound that felled this fair captain.
You see something poke out. What?
[00:36:10] Speaker C: The ferret.
[00:36:12] Speaker E: Wait, I think I know what this is. It. An intellect devourer.
[00:36:17] Speaker B: You see something poke out from the viscera.
[00:36:23] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:36:25] Speaker B: And it's hard to make it out because of it being coated in copious amounts of gore, but it's something that looks like it's trying to free itself from the body and it. More and more of it appears and it looks like it.
[00:36:49] Speaker D: Is anyone around me? Is anyone else here?
[00:36:51] Speaker B: No?
[00:36:52] Speaker D: I'm going to draw my sword out and step toward it.
[00:36:55] Speaker B: Okay.
You take a step toward it and you make out it's some sort of. You think it's a head of something.
And you take a step and it slowly turns towards you and you find yourself facing again, dripping in blood and probably bits of guts and things like that.
The beady eyes and small. Well, proportionally small nose. Pink nose of a sable mask colored ferret.
[00:37:39] Speaker A: What the.
[00:37:39] Speaker C: I told you. I told you. I win.
[00:37:41] Speaker A: I win.
[00:37:41] Speaker C: Tonight.
[00:37:42] Speaker A: I win.
[00:37:43] Speaker B: But the head itself is much, much larger than any ferret head you've ever seen. What the fuck?
[00:37:53] Speaker A: What are we in? The thing. It feels like the thing.
[00:37:57] Speaker B: And it looks at you and it says, oh, kick.
[00:38:01] Speaker A: What?
[00:38:02] Speaker B: In Captain Malvolio Paisley's voice.
[00:38:05] Speaker A: What?
[00:38:06] Speaker B: We're gonna find out what happens next time.
[00:38:09] Speaker A: What the fuck?
[00:38:10] Speaker B: On pork fried dice. Oh, my God.
[00:38:13] Speaker C: Look at the type of people that Rafina attracts.
[00:38:17] Speaker A: Holy crap. Oh, Rafina. Makes sense, though. A ferret. A ferret piloting a human body falls in love with Rafina. Sounds about right.
I don't know if it's piloting a human body. I have no idea what's going on. It sounds like the thing to me. It sounds like it's a, like a, like a cross DNA situation. I don't know.
[00:38:35] Speaker D: Big giant nightmares.
[00:38:38] Speaker A: What the hell? What the hell?
What is happening?
[00:38:43] Speaker C: O Jeez.
[00:38:45] Speaker A: Oh, I'm glad that he's not dead, but he's weird. That's weird.
[00:38:49] Speaker E: That's.
[00:38:50] Speaker C: I'm so excited that the ferret is coming back. That the ferret.
[00:38:53] Speaker A: You're not dead.
[00:38:54] Speaker E: You're weird. That's even worse.
[00:38:58] Speaker A: Oh my God.
[00:39:00] Speaker D: Wait, wait. Yeah, but there's so many questions.
[00:39:03] Speaker A: Very so many questions.
[00:39:05] Speaker C: I can't wait. I can't wait.
[00:39:07] Speaker A: Oh my God.
This is. That's. Oh my God. I really don't know what to say or do.
[00:39:15] Speaker D: Wait, it said hi. Bathwack.
[00:39:17] Speaker B: It said hi?
[00:39:17] Speaker C: No, it's a high kick.
[00:39:19] Speaker D: High kick. Okay.
[00:39:20] Speaker E: It didn't say hi. That's. It said, oh, kick.
[00:39:23] Speaker A: Oh, kick.
[00:39:24] Speaker D: All right.
[00:39:25] Speaker B: But you do. Wait, no. You look like kick.
[00:39:29] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:39:30] Speaker C: Yeah, because the magic's back on.
Oh, it's weird.
[00:39:36] Speaker D: Oh my gosh.
[00:39:36] Speaker E: Cool session.
[00:39:38] Speaker A: That is a bunch of stuff.
[00:39:41] Speaker E: I love it.
[00:39:42] Speaker B: As always.
[00:39:43] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:39:44] Speaker B: You guys never just get a chance to sit. I'm sorry.
[00:39:47] Speaker A: Well, we often do, but.
[00:39:50] Speaker D: But like that was a real. I mean. Well, okay, maybe the captain was just constructed out of human like looking parts. Maybe, maybe the captain isn't a dead person that's been piloted by a ferret, like, because that raises too many questions.
[00:40:08] Speaker C: Raises a lot of questions.
[00:40:10] Speaker D: You know what, when you're, when your body is possessed by a ferret, does.
[00:40:15] Speaker B: It kill its host or is it simply symbiotic or. Yeah, it's the one where it's one sided.
[00:40:22] Speaker A: Parasite. It's a parasite?
[00:40:24] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:40:25] Speaker C: Or is it just a remora?
[00:40:27] Speaker A: Oh my God. It makes me think of the Saturday Night Live recurring sketch, like once every seven years where they have like a holiday wish and there's an animal. Like Adam has probably seen these. I did. You haven't seen them. But like, did you see the one? It's like there's one from probably seven or ten years ago with Amy Adams and she's singing with like Cecily Strong and maybe Kate McKinnon. And they're like three glamorous girls and they're singing like in a bar and they're singing like old fashioned Christmas music. And at the end they're actually just three raccoons that have been turned into people for the one night, but they keep Talking about how they want to eat garbage. And the men are like, we don't need you to eat garbage. And they're like, don't worry, we'll eat all the garbage. It's such a weird sketch. And then there's one that. There's one that happened recently where they're.
[00:41:14] Speaker B: On like a train.
[00:41:14] Speaker A: They're on a train. And it's very reminiscent of White Christmas because there's the song where it's like, I want to wash my hair and with snow. You know that Snow. You know that song from White Christmas? Well, they sing that basically. But. But Cecily Strong. Wait, is it Cecily Strong? Am I saying her? Am I?
[00:41:30] Speaker B: That's one of the SNL people. I don't remember the lady.
[00:41:33] Speaker A: She left. She's so gorgeous. She's tall and dark haired and she has a great voice. She's so funny. But she's like, I want to wash my hair, my cheeks and ass with snow. And then they. They're. They're bears. Like, it's the weirdest. It's the weirdest, like, recurring sketch that's only happened a couple times. Really funny, but, like, I wonder if that's what's happening here. He always wanted to be the captain of a ship, and that's why he's so weird. He doesn't know how to be a human. He's just like, yeah, let free. Free passage to Gully's End. I love Rafina because she's doing boat stuff. Boat stuff? Boat people like boat stuff together, right?
[00:42:11] Speaker D: Oh, no. Oh, no. But the captain and Rafina, like, they got along so well, no?
Is Rafina posting a ferret?
[00:42:22] Speaker A: Yeah, maybe.
[00:42:23] Speaker C: Possible.
[00:42:24] Speaker A: A hedgehog. Waldo. Her hedgehog from Where's Waldo?
[00:42:31] Speaker B: Oh my God.
[00:42:33] Speaker A: That's what's piloting Rafina.
[00:42:37] Speaker E: Raphina's the ferret piloting the world.
[00:42:43] Speaker C: I'm the ferret at the core of the Earth.
[00:42:47] Speaker A: I want there to be a fear.
[00:42:48] Speaker B: See the ferret of enormous girth on its back? On its noodley back it holds the.
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