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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello, loyal listeners. If you want to see Pork Fried Dice comics and animated gifs, here's secret bonus behind the scenes content and support us in the process, Just head over.
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You're listening to the show about owlbear courts. It's Pork Fried Dice.
I'm Eric and I'm the dungeon master.
[00:00:33] Speaker C: I'm Abby and I play Rafina.
[00:00:36] Speaker D: I'm Alex and I play Batwack.
[00:00:39] Speaker A: I'm KT and I play Will.
[00:00:43] Speaker E: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:00:48] Speaker B: Hold on to your haversacks. Let's roll.
[00:00:54] Speaker D: Do I recognize the laugh?
[00:00:56] Speaker A: It's Bowser from Mario 64.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: What?
[00:00:59] Speaker A: It's Bowser from Mario 64.
[00:01:05] Speaker B: So long, King Bowser.
[00:01:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:09] Speaker B: You think you might, but the echo and the reverberation in this chamber is. It's almost distorting the sound of it. But something about it rings a bell. You think?
And as the figure continues to laugh, it stands up.
[00:01:35] Speaker D: I'm going to ignore it and walk toward one of the other figures.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: Okay.
The armored figure, as it continues to laugh, it goes up to pull off its helm with both of its hands and it lifts it straight up. And beneath the helm, you see, there's no head at all.
It's just a headless, armored figure.
And it throws the helm down towards you and it bounces down the stairs from the dais that the throne and the seats are on. And it rolls down and skids to a stop a few feet away from your toesies. And from within the helm, a severed head slides out and sort of skids on the floor right in front of you, looking up at you. And it is the severed head of Thrunch Boulder Gutter. And it's looking up at you, and it's still laughing.
[00:02:47] Speaker D: I sort of put a. Put a hand out and, like, between the head and me and keep trying to walk around it with my arm out between my head and my. Yeah, like, so I can't see it.
[00:03:05] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:03:05] Speaker D: And I'm still trying to get to the other figures. Who are they?
[00:03:10] Speaker B: Yeah. So you're closer, and the shadow seems to melt away a bit. You still hear this laughing echoing throughout the chamber. And both of the figures who had their heads bowed, they look up in unison. And they had hoods on, and the hoods fall back, and you can see that the heads are the faces of your wife and child, all today and radiant, but they are Horribly burned. Like their skin is melting off of their faces. And the laughing of thrunch is immediately drowned out by their screams.
[00:03:55] Speaker D: Yeah, I was going to say. And Bathwack screams.
[00:04:00] Speaker B: And then Roscoe, Bathwack beneath you, wakes up screaming.
[00:04:08] Speaker F: Oh, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
[00:04:11] Speaker B: It's me.
[00:04:11] Speaker F: It's me, Rosco. Oh, sh. Shut the fuck up.
[00:04:15] Speaker D: Still yelling and thrashing, Roscoe puts his.
[00:04:20] Speaker E: Hand over Bathwack's mouth.
[00:04:22] Speaker F: You need to maintain some level of secrecy here, buddy. You fucking shut the fuck up.
[00:04:29] Speaker B: And as you, Roscoe, will join in.
[00:04:32] Speaker E: The yelling if he doesn't stop shouting.
[00:04:34] Speaker A: Roscoe, shut up.
[00:04:36] Speaker E: Also, you know.
[00:04:40] Speaker B: And with the screaming, you your attention maybe not. Bathwax, I think he's a little distracted. But Roscoe, your attention is drawn towards.
You're now realizing that there is this to your left of where he's laying. To his right was a small bed, and to the left there was this. About the size of a bed, actually, this wooden crate which now starts to shake and slam against the wall as if something large inside is moving, thrashing about.
[00:05:14] Speaker E: This a crate you said?
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Yeah, a wooden crate.
And I have to pee.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: Okay, nice.
[00:05:22] Speaker E: You have to what?
[00:05:25] Speaker F: Pee.
[00:05:26] Speaker A: There it is.
[00:05:27] Speaker B: So in the courtroom, there was a knock, knock, knocking at the chamber door.
[00:05:33] Speaker C: At the door. Door, door.
[00:05:35] Speaker B: The judge's chamber door.
Oh, yes, come in.
[00:05:40] Speaker A: I just not gonna get like pause as if you heard that. But then just like a bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Like maybe even slightly down the wall. If I can make. If I can place it a little further away, like something weird is happening and Captain Malvolio must investigate.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: Maybe.
[00:05:56] Speaker A: We'll see.
[00:05:56] Speaker B: So he stands up from his benches, his wig floating behind him.
[00:06:02] Speaker A: His wig floating.
[00:06:03] Speaker B: It's just the long part. It doesn't fly off his head. It's the breeze created by his movement pushes the hair up and away from the back of his head and he marches over to the door and swings it open brusquely. Yes, yes.
[00:06:22] Speaker A: In the meantime, can. Is there any, like. Is there anything in this room at all? No, that where if she me had something in his pocket, I could gesture like, go put it in that trash can. You know what I mean? Like, can I see a trash can? Going to be like, just do this.
[00:06:37] Speaker B: Just some ashtrays.
[00:06:40] Speaker A: What? Yeah, put it in the ashtray. It's just like he stole a tuba and it's sitting in the ashtray now.
[00:06:45] Speaker B: Tuba.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: I just. He just steals everything. So I'm assuming it's something bad. I don't know what he Had. Maybe it's the. The lock pick set. It's probably what it is. But that's. I'm just assuming if he's looking freaked out. I'm trying to help him get time to dump whatever he needs to dump if the search happens, if I can't get it to speak. Stopped.
[00:07:04] Speaker B: Okay, got it. So, yeah, he sees you gesturing, and he gives you.
[00:07:11] Speaker A: Oh, and I can message, too. I could just say, dump whatever. If you got something, dump it.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: All right.
And he goes over and he kneels on one of the plush lounge chairs that have been turned around to face the judge's bench, as if he's sort of looking and peering over to see what the captain sees. And if your will's at least paying attention, he sneaks something out of his pocket and sort of shoves it down into the Is Sean looking? Crack.
[00:07:43] Speaker A: Like, Will would try to make sure that Sean was not looking, because Sean is the only one in this room that I feel like could betray Shimi. Is Sean looking?
[00:07:53] Speaker B: Give me an insight check.
[00:07:56] Speaker A: Fuck. I didn't think this through. Okay, insight check.
20.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: 20 total. 20 total.
Sean doesn't seem really interested at all of what's going on.
[00:08:10] Speaker A: 20 total.
[00:08:12] Speaker B: Well, I couldn't tell because it didn't. For some reason, the dice are lagging for me on roll. 20 tonight. I just confirming.
[00:08:19] Speaker A: I love you.
[00:08:19] Speaker B: I needed to know if I needed to play a sound.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: I don't. Oh, I thought you were trying to see. You were like, how little can I give you?
[00:08:27] Speaker B: 20 total.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: 20.
So I cast Magic Missile and I kill him. No, I'm just. I need to see if I need to cast something to distract him as well.
[00:08:38] Speaker B: So he doesn't even seem interested in anything right now. He's, like, looking at his nails and, like, picking at something. He doesn't seem concerned at all with what's going on in the room.
So he's not looking.
Who's there? Who was knocking? Hello?
And he leaves when he leaves the room? Yeah.
[00:08:59] Speaker A: Oh, good.
[00:08:59] Speaker B: The judge. The judge. The captain.
[00:09:01] Speaker E: The judge.
[00:09:01] Speaker A: The judge.
[00:09:02] Speaker B: I mean, hey, he's fully embodied the role. I perceive him as a judge myself.
Hello.
Hello.
Oh, my.
Everyone, come quick. I hear screaming.
[00:09:17] Speaker A: Oh, geez.
[00:09:20] Speaker C: Oh, no.
[00:09:23] Speaker A: I'll leave the room.
[00:09:24] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:09:26] Speaker A: But I will. I will. I mean, I'll make as if to leave the room if hopefully other people leave first, and I can get whatever Shimi put out of the cushion and take it myself or something like that.
[00:09:36] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:09:36] Speaker A: You know, to get it out of the room so it's not Here.
[00:09:40] Speaker B: So, yeah, Mo will go out, clock face will go out, Shimi will go out. Or are you gonna go out? Rafina. Yes, definitely with the captain. Ah, gotcha.
[00:09:52] Speaker C: She'll get out with the captain.
[00:09:54] Speaker A: Amazing.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: This has all been a setup.
[00:09:57] Speaker C: Keep going steady.
[00:09:58] Speaker B: This whole podcast feels like it for.
[00:10:03] Speaker A: Rafina to get tricked into a date with the. All right, sweet.
[00:10:11] Speaker B: So, yeah, you go out and the captain, still with his wig on, is his ear pressed up to Sean's door.
He says they were screaming in here. I heard it, I swear.
Let me just.
Where are my keys?
This door is locked. Where are my keys?
[00:10:29] Speaker E: Did we hear him out there?
[00:10:31] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, he's got a booming voice.
[00:10:34] Speaker F: Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Bathwack, We've got a Breaking Bad situation right here.
[00:10:40] Speaker D: I put my hat. My hat back on.
But wait a minute.
[00:10:44] Speaker B: Wait. Which kind of Breaking Bad convers do you have to strap Bathwack to a pole with a bike lock?
[00:10:50] Speaker E: All I know is that Dean Norris is on the other side of this RV door right now.
[00:10:56] Speaker D: Do I look. Do I look?
[00:10:58] Speaker E: Oh, and it's interesting because, like, part of that was, like, the bullet holes in the door.
[00:11:03] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:11:04] Speaker F: Oh.
[00:11:04] Speaker E: Remember that detail?
[00:11:05] Speaker B: So good.
[00:11:06] Speaker E: We don't have dart holes, but it's.
[00:11:08] Speaker A: Kind of similar, but darts. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:11:12] Speaker E: What were you saying?
[00:11:15] Speaker D: No, I just.
Do I look okay?
[00:11:19] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:11:20] Speaker F: You. You look fine. You look sexy. I. But right now, our trouble is we. This guy, we gotta. We can't get caught in here. This.
[00:11:27] Speaker A: Do you know this.
[00:11:28] Speaker F: Is there another way out?
[00:11:31] Speaker D: Yeah, I.
I put a hole in the wall over there.
[00:11:37] Speaker F: Oh. Oh, oh. Okay. Okay. Okay.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: Well, we.
[00:11:40] Speaker F: We gotta go back through that hole and. Hey, do you think. Do you think this crate might have the.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: It's still shaken to high heaven.
[00:11:49] Speaker F: Oh, sh.
[00:11:50] Speaker A: Oh, fuck.
[00:11:53] Speaker D: How do we. How do we talk to it?
[00:11:55] Speaker F: I don't. I. I don't know. I.
[00:12:00] Speaker E: That seems like something Rascoe should be able to do.
[00:12:04] Speaker B: Who's in there?
[00:12:09] Speaker F: That's.
[00:12:09] Speaker B: Why.
[00:12:10] Speaker F: Can you pick up this crate?
[00:12:11] Speaker D: How big? Sure, I'll try.
[00:12:13] Speaker B: It's pretty big.
[00:12:14] Speaker D: I mean, there's no way we're gonna get it out, right?
[00:12:16] Speaker B: It won't.
[00:12:17] Speaker E: It won't fit through that hole, will it?
[00:12:20] Speaker B: It. If Bathwack could fit through. Yeah, you could fit the crate through.
[00:12:25] Speaker D: Oh. So, yeah, play. I thought plan A was gonna be to lock ourselves in this second room, but I think plan A is to try to get the crate out.
[00:12:33] Speaker C: Just a little clarification. The door that was open when Roscoe Went in?
[00:12:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:38] Speaker C: That wasn't opened by. Was that open by.
Yeah, it was. Okay, good. All right.
[00:12:45] Speaker B: I can. I realize I still have this room dark.
[00:12:49] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:12:50] Speaker E: Roscoe doesn't want to get caught in either of these.
[00:12:54] Speaker B: Sure, sure.
[00:12:54] Speaker E: In here.
The question. I mean, the thought.
He heard us. He heard the screams.
[00:13:04] Speaker F: I don't know.
[00:13:06] Speaker D: Am I. Eric, am I gonna notice if something's up with my mask?
[00:13:11] Speaker B: I don't think so.
[00:13:13] Speaker E: Oh, that's why you were asking.
[00:13:15] Speaker D: Okay, so I'm not. I'm not concerned about it then.
[00:13:18] Speaker A: Fine. You look sexy.
[00:13:20] Speaker C: You look fine. Thanks, Roscoe.
[00:13:21] Speaker B: How do I fucking.
[00:13:23] Speaker D: All right. Which. Which means bathpack looks great in a theater mask.
[00:13:27] Speaker A: Oh, that's so funny.
[00:13:29] Speaker C: That's right. The mask.
[00:13:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:31] Speaker E: If you're Roscoe.
[00:13:32] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:13:32] Speaker E: Can you pick up this box? You know, I think at a certain point, Roscoe will remember that he's not supposed to look like bathwack. But right now, if you can get.
[00:13:43] Speaker F: That box, I can get this cube with the fungal creature in it and we can save these creatures, I'm assuming.
[00:13:54] Speaker E: Because we looked everywhere.
[00:13:55] Speaker F: In that other room for the owl bear. And this crate is owl bear sized.
[00:14:05] Speaker E: Maybe not full grown.
[00:14:06] Speaker F: Owl bear.
[00:14:07] Speaker A: Yeah, it's supposed to be small. It's supposed to be a small owl bear, Right?
[00:14:11] Speaker E: It's a baby owl bear.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: I think he just said small. Owl bear might be baby, but definitely small.
[00:14:17] Speaker C: Juvenile.
[00:14:18] Speaker D: All right, I'm gonna try to lift it.
[00:14:21] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:14:21] Speaker E: And I will, like. I mean, I guess it's unfair. It's kind of meta gamey for me as Adam to assume that it's.
[00:14:29] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:14:30] Speaker E: The Albert. Should I do, like, a nature check to, like.
[00:14:34] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:14:34] Speaker E: Does it at least track with Roscoe's.
[00:14:36] Speaker B: That sounds like Roscoe.
[00:14:38] Speaker C: Be that curious to be like, well, I don't know what's in here. And there's no, like, breathing holes. So let's take it with us and check it out later.
[00:14:44] Speaker D: That's kind of what I was thinking. It's like there's this thing bouncing around. It got our attention. We have all of three seconds to get it out of the room.
[00:14:50] Speaker E: And I think in our last session.
[00:14:53] Speaker D: Roscoe, see what it is.
[00:14:55] Speaker E: It was established that Roscoe, in his experience in the circus, like, knows at, like, animals kind of.
You laugh. But that literally happened last session. And it gave me advantage on it. Yeah, it gave me advantage on a check.
[00:15:12] Speaker C: I'm only laughing because I'm delighted.
[00:15:16] Speaker B: All right, so you can be a nature check with advantage because you're used to animals being Cruelly imprisoned.
[00:15:23] Speaker E: Yes. Thank you.
[00:15:26] Speaker A: That's so.
[00:15:27] Speaker E: I'll take it.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:15:32] Speaker E: Nature check or.
[00:15:34] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:15:37] Speaker E: How does it grow?
[00:15:40] Speaker F: Crit hit.
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Oh, I get to play sound. I get to play sound. Let's see. Which one do I want to play?
[00:15:50] Speaker E: Nice.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: Yeah. So there are a couple breathing holes, and you can see the desperate attempts for this creature to try to get out. You see a few feathers poking out. You even see a beak poke through one of the holes near the top. So yeah, you're pretty sure this is probably what you're looking for.
[00:16:11] Speaker E: Awesome. Kt, edit this so that this came first.
[00:16:15] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: Right.
[00:16:18] Speaker E: All right, so now. Yes.
Ken, Bathwack, pick this up.
[00:16:23] Speaker B: Yeah, no check needed. You can pick it up. It's a little awkward and it's moving around, but you can pick it up for sure.
[00:16:30] Speaker F: All right, we need to do this is the whole reason that we're in this mess. Okay, you get that, I'll get this little thing and let's go.
[00:16:38] Speaker D: The little thing is right next to the hole in the wall. So I'm gonna try to shove the dresser back out of the way.
[00:16:45] Speaker B: Uh huh.
[00:16:46] Speaker D: To show Roscoe where the hole is.
[00:16:48] Speaker E: And we're trying to be quiet too. As quiet as possible.
[00:16:52] Speaker B: All right. Give me cause.
[00:16:53] Speaker E: Now we're in that main room, like right on the other side of the door from this is our breaking Bad moment.
[00:16:59] Speaker D: Wait, you didn't tell me we were trying to be quiet.
[00:17:03] Speaker B: That's why it's just farting the whole time.
[00:17:06] Speaker D: Oh, but I wrote. Oh, I have an et cetera. Dang.
Just this once.
Once.
[00:17:15] Speaker E: 19.
[00:17:15] Speaker F: Fresco.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: All right, so, yeah, you. You slide about the room like two eels in a room.
So you're taking the whole cube.
[00:17:29] Speaker A: Perfect. Adam, what do you not understand?
[00:17:32] Speaker B: I think my. My description was very illuminated.
[00:17:36] Speaker D: Maybe I should have been fishing an eel.
[00:17:39] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:17:39] Speaker E: Like, can I. Can I use that same nature check that I did for the owlbear? Can I apply it to. Is it safe to, like, hold this thing in my hands? The creature itself?
[00:17:48] Speaker B: Sure. With a natural 20. Yeah. You think this is. You know what this is? This is a myconoid.
Uh oh, guys, I made a little oopsie. I said myconoid. But it's. It's really myconid. Don't be mad, okay?
I fix it later. I promise. I promise. So back off.
Not a mike and Ike. And I didn't make up that name. It's called a myconoid.
[00:18:14] Speaker C: It makes sense because that's the, like, mycologists.
[00:18:17] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
[00:18:19] Speaker C: Mushroom people.
[00:18:20] Speaker B: Yeah. You think that myconoids generally are not hostile creatures? They're not inherently. They're not like they're sentient beings. They're not like wild animals.
This one is very small as well.
There are some that can be hostile, but generally they're not something to be scared of.
[00:18:39] Speaker E: All right.
[00:18:40] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:18:40] Speaker E: Roscoe will welcome it to get into his hands.
[00:18:44] Speaker B: Okay, thank you. You hear in your head, and it climbs up into your hands, and you guys can scoot out the hole. Are you going to try.
[00:18:56] Speaker E: Go ahead, Rusko. Put it in his. Like if he has like a pocket, like a front pocket or something, right? Yeah.
[00:19:02] Speaker B: Next. Next to his carnation.
[00:19:04] Speaker C: Oscar is going to be so jealous.
[00:19:06] Speaker E: He does have a carnation. Wait, does he have a carnation?
[00:19:08] Speaker B: I just picture him with one right next to him.
[00:19:10] Speaker A: Carnation Instant breakfast.
[00:19:12] Speaker C: But it's mustard flavored.
[00:19:16] Speaker E: I love that.
[00:19:16] Speaker C: All three of us at the same time thought of it being mustard flavored.
[00:19:22] Speaker A: You're going to love it in an instant. I remember hearing that.
Instant breakfast.
[00:19:29] Speaker C: You're gonna love it in an instant.
[00:19:31] Speaker E: All right, so we're stealthy, we're strong, we're experts on animals. We are getting out of the situation.
[00:19:38] Speaker B: Good rolls, guys.
[00:19:39] Speaker E: And we're making sure. We'll make sure that. That the door that kick opened is shut.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: Okay.
Are you gonna try to obscure the hole in the wall?
[00:19:52] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:19:52] Speaker E: How might we do that?
[00:19:55] Speaker B: Does anybody have a poster of Rita Hayworth?
[00:20:03] Speaker C: Alex. That's a reference to the Hudsucker proxy.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: That's the other sucker proxy.
[00:20:10] Speaker E: Yeah, I mean, Roscoe will put up a poster that. That he has in his pocket. It's. It's a drawing of Rafina that he did.
So it's a poster of Rafina.
[00:20:24] Speaker C: It's not indecent.
[00:20:26] Speaker E: It's not too indecent.
[00:20:33] Speaker C: Now you have to draw that, Adam.
[00:20:35] Speaker A: It's true.
[00:20:37] Speaker B: That's your homework for next time. Or else you'll get caught.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: You'll get caught.
[00:20:41] Speaker E: That's fucky. That's fucky.
[00:20:45] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:20:47] Speaker F: Thank you.
[00:20:50] Speaker B: So, yeah, you squeeze the crate through the hole. Still shaking around like a Tasmanian devil in there. The Mike and Ike is in your pocket. You slide through, you hang up a relatively large picture that Adam, that Roscoe has drawn of Rafina over the hole, and you find yourself back in that other room, back out in the hallway.
What?
[00:21:19] Speaker A: Just when we go in the room, there's just a big picture of Rafina that's been drawn in there.
[00:21:23] Speaker E: That's a whole other Crime for Captain Malvolio to investigate. Sean Indigo. Where did you get this picture of my girlfriend?
[00:21:30] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
All right.
[00:21:37] Speaker B: And so. Yeah, where are my keys? Does anybody see my keys anywhere?
[00:21:44] Speaker E: Oh, the last thing.
Sorry.
The last thing Roscoe does before putting up the poster is he drops the captain's keys on the floor of Sean Indigo's room.
[00:22:00] Speaker B: Wow. Crafty.
Good retcon. All right, I'm gonna have to get my other spare set.
Rafina, watch over everyone here. I'll be right back.
[00:22:18] Speaker C: Aye, aye, Captain.
[00:22:21] Speaker B: And he hustles away towards his chambers, which, you know, are on the same level, but at the other end of the boat.
[00:22:30] Speaker A: Will looks at Raphina like this. Like, just like a. What?
[00:22:37] Speaker C: How many other people are around us? Like, how many people are working?
[00:22:41] Speaker B: No strangers.
[00:22:42] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:22:43] Speaker C: No strangers.
[00:22:44] Speaker B: Indigo's still in the cave. It's Clock Face. Mo and Shimi and you.
[00:22:47] Speaker A: Yeah, it's just us.
[00:22:48] Speaker C: Rafina says to Will, we're gonna have to get off this boat right now. Aren't we, Ruby?
[00:22:54] Speaker A: What are we gonna do, guys?
[00:22:56] Speaker B: This is a little up.
[00:22:57] Speaker A: Rafina, like, I feel like this. You have utter control over the ship right now. I think if anyone has to get off, you could just tell the captain to just fucking jump in the ocean and he would do it anyway.
[00:23:08] Speaker C: I wouldn't do that.
[00:23:10] Speaker F: You should.
[00:23:11] Speaker B: Yeah, maybe. Should.
[00:23:12] Speaker C: Maybe if I gave him a raft, sure.
[00:23:16] Speaker A: But I feel like he's enjoying this power in this core. I don't know, Rafina.
I'm a little unsettled being on this boat.
[00:23:25] Speaker C: Well, I mean, things are coming to a pretty penny.
I don't know.
[00:23:32] Speaker B: I don't think that's a saying.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: This guy, he is so willing to, like, overlook evidence or just, like, side with you. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what the facts are. He's just gonna believe you completely. I'm gonna. You know what? I'm gonna change halfway through that to.
[00:23:48] Speaker C: A message like a miscarriage of justice to me.
[00:23:52] Speaker A: And then I fold my arms and I look at you like. Yeah, yeah, that's what he's. He's doing. He folds his arms and looks at you, and he's not like. Not in judgment, but just in surprise, kind of, because he's like, well, Rafina Philangepot, never did I ever think that I would be the one pointing out this kind of thing. And you being the one that's okay with it, but here we are. I'm okay with it, too, by the way. I'm just. I just think it's interesting and a little unnerving because hopefully I don't get on the other the wrong side of this captain. Or you at any point of this trip.
[00:24:26] Speaker C: Well, but.
But I know, it's terrible. I got in over my head, but. Yeah, but we're. We're in the right because that you shouldn't jimmy up your doors with lethal darts, right? I mean, that's not. That's against the laws of nature.
[00:24:43] Speaker A: He has precious cargo in there. He's a salesman. I understand all this.
[00:24:48] Speaker B: I'm not on your side.
[00:24:49] Speaker A: Gross. Oh, gross. What do you mean gross?
[00:24:52] Speaker C: You said the kind was our business.
[00:24:54] Speaker A: What?
Don't even know what. I don't understand what you're talking about, but all I'm going to say is that, Rafina, your possessions amount to like a hill of dirt and probably a earthworm somewhere in your pocket. No wonder you don't need any locks to put anywhere. Except probably something weird like you probably have a lock on your pinky toenail for some reason.
Am I right?
[00:25:18] Speaker C: I'll think about that. That'll be.
[00:25:21] Speaker A: Will. What are we gonna do?
[00:25:25] Speaker C: I just make a plan.
[00:25:26] Speaker A: Okay, so all we need. First of all, the fucking topmost plan I look around at everybody. Is to just try to be quiet on this boat so we can get to Gully's End. Okay? I don't care if Sean Indigo gets set on fire or what. We just. Just calm down.
[00:25:44] Speaker F: Now.
[00:25:44] Speaker A: There's also the stupid bird. Who wants a stupid animal? We don't know where it is. There's a room full of wild animals here. It's horrible. Okay, we don't know where it is, but it might not even be in this room. It could be anywhere else. Let's just let Sean in to go get in trouble. How long is this trip supposed to take, by the way? Did anyone ever tell us how long we're supposed to be on this boat? Is it for an hour more?
[00:26:06] Speaker C: A few days?
[00:26:07] Speaker B: Yeah, I think A few days.
[00:26:08] Speaker A: Okay. We have to be on this boat for a few more days.
[00:26:11] Speaker C: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
[00:26:12] Speaker A: Yes, so. So Sean Indigo goes to jail. We find this out. Maybe. Is the out this albatross gonna attack us?
[00:26:21] Speaker C: I'm not gonna tell any more lies about it. I mean, I feel like I've done my quota for the Day of Deception. I don't. How are we gonna put him in jail? Maybe we just need to be honest and say yes. Shimmy was picking around at the lock and I'm responsible.
[00:26:37] Speaker B: I'll keep lying for you, it's fine.
[00:26:39] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:26:40] Speaker E: He's got a much higher quota.
[00:26:42] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:26:43] Speaker A: We shouldn't have. I shouldn't have given her any issue with being on this side of truth.
[00:26:49] Speaker B: Yeah, but I did.
[00:26:50] Speaker A: I did stupidly. What an idiot. Rafina, don't listen to Pat. Will, don't.
[00:26:55] Speaker C: I don't know.
[00:26:56] Speaker A: Was that Shami or you? Oh, okay.
But, yeah, like, you. Wait, what were we saying then if you didn't say that. God damn it, I get all. When you. What did I. What was I saying?
[00:27:09] Speaker B: Oh, Shimi said. Oh, it's all right. I'll lie.
[00:27:13] Speaker A: We just, like, at this point, unless the captain decides that he wants to take his head off for some reason or something crazy like that. Like, I think he's just listening to you. So just tell him to keep Sean Indigo in there and then we. I don't know.
[00:27:25] Speaker C: There must be something that we can actually get him in jail for.
[00:27:30] Speaker A: He's annoying. Raphina. He wouldn't leave me alone. He implied that I had to be having sex with Batwack in order to care about him, which is ridiculous because it's like the king died this morning. Dude, don't give me such a hard time.
[00:27:46] Speaker C: What? Also against nature.
[00:27:49] Speaker A: What is.
[00:27:49] Speaker C: Okay, well, can you imagine? Never mind.
[00:27:54] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. What?
[00:27:57] Speaker C: Yeah, you don't like Batwag.
[00:27:59] Speaker A: Why are we talking about.
What did you think?
[00:28:04] Speaker B: We all thought Rafina was coming out as a homoph.
[00:28:06] Speaker A: That was literally something homophobes say. It's literally like something they say, like it's against nature. So I was like. I thought, wait a second. Rafina.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: No, not Will and Bats.
[00:28:19] Speaker C: Dial it back.
[00:28:22] Speaker A: Dial it back. Agreed, Agreed. Very against nature. But the point is, this guy was like, all. He was all up in my face. He wouldn't leave me alone. He was doing these high pressure sales tactics. I haven't felt that awkward in so long.
[00:28:36] Speaker B: I would love it.
[00:28:39] Speaker A: No, I want him behind bars on this boat so I don't deal with them anymore. Okay, so just put them inside.
Probably farting around somewhere. Sleeping. Pretending to sleep.
Chasing a bird.
[00:28:54] Speaker C: Do we have a detect? Farts spell the. Because maybe there's a development.
[00:29:01] Speaker A: Yeah, somebody screamed in this room.
[00:29:04] Speaker F: Yes.
[00:29:05] Speaker C: Maybe it was Roscoe.
[00:29:06] Speaker B: He's probably screaming, oh, should I pick the lock?
[00:29:09] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:29:10] Speaker B: That was a joke.
[00:29:12] Speaker E: How's the timing of this workout? Because I think as soon as we're able to get.
[00:29:16] Speaker B: You guys are out at this point.
[00:29:18] Speaker E: Where can we leave Will's room?
[00:29:21] Speaker B: Potentially.
[00:29:22] Speaker E: Like, we leave the creatures in There Because. Because that's part of, like, you know, Roscoe's very aware. Like, we just screamed very loudly. The captain came. If we can make it seem like we were outside of the room when that happened. So that's. That's the motivation here. But before we leave, Roscoe will do a double, double take at Bathwack and.
[00:29:46] Speaker F: Say, oh, hey, you've got some. Got some bath whack on you.
[00:29:53] Speaker D: Oh, actually, it feels the same.
[00:29:57] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:29:59] Speaker D: All right, I'll just believe Roscoe. What did I do? I just used the mask, right?
[00:30:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:30:05] Speaker B: It lets you cast disguise self at will.
[00:30:08] Speaker D: At will. Oh, good. I do it.
[00:30:11] Speaker E: In fact, we should. That should happen, like, just before we turn the corner to, like, wherever they are.
[00:30:16] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:30:17] Speaker D: But, yeah. And, I mean, I'll take an extra second to try to make sure that the door doesn't look too broken to Will's room before we leave.
[00:30:24] Speaker B: All right. And so you're leaving the crate in that room.
[00:30:28] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:30:29] Speaker B: But you're taking the myconid with you?
[00:30:32] Speaker E: No, the creature will also leave in that room.
[00:30:34] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:30:35] Speaker E: We'll put it in the crate. The outbear won't eat it.
[00:30:37] Speaker B: Okay, cool.
You come in. The myconid is just patting its giant belly.
[00:30:42] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:30:44] Speaker E: That's really good. That's very good. No, Roscoe would have put it down.
[00:30:48] Speaker F: And be like, stay here and stay very quiet.
[00:30:53] Speaker B: You. You'll be back.
[00:30:57] Speaker F: I'll be back.
[00:30:59] Speaker B: You'll be back.
[00:31:02] Speaker F: Yeah.
Unless I get terminated or something. No.
I don't know.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: No.
[00:31:12] Speaker F: Maybe I'll get robocoped.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: No.
[00:31:16] Speaker E: Okay.
[00:31:17] Speaker B: I hate Detroit.
[00:31:23] Speaker F: We all do.
[00:31:26] Speaker B: You both nod sagely.
Robocop is set in Detroit.
[00:31:32] Speaker C: No, I knew that. I mean, I inferred that.
[00:31:34] Speaker B: Okay, thank you.
[00:31:36] Speaker A: I don't hate that. Doesn't.
[00:31:37] Speaker E: That doesn't justify any of.
[00:31:39] Speaker B: That's the only thing I know about rebel cop. Actually, his name is Officer Murphy.
[00:31:46] Speaker E: All right. Okay, so we come around the corner as they're. And join the group.
[00:31:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Guys, look, you were just saying, where's Roscoe? Look, there he is.
[00:31:55] Speaker A: All right, let's spread out, because I'm not with you people. Really kind of. Right, Kick. Get away. Get out of here.
[00:32:00] Speaker F: Where's the captain?
[00:32:01] Speaker E: He was just out here.
[00:32:02] Speaker A: Pose naturally. I flattened myself against the wall.
[00:32:07] Speaker B: You almost inspect the woodwork again.
[00:32:11] Speaker E: Yes, yes.
[00:32:12] Speaker D: I'm just gon. You know, excuse me and just, like, pass everyone in the hallway and go down the stairs to the fishing alcoves.
[00:32:20] Speaker F: That's good.
[00:32:21] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:32:22] Speaker B: Roscoe, they were screaming in there.
[00:32:27] Speaker F: Yeah, I heard it. That's wild stuff. I wonder who was screaming in the room.
[00:32:34] Speaker B: I don't know. And the captain lost his keys, so he went to get him.
[00:32:38] Speaker A: Can.
[00:32:39] Speaker F: I wonder what happened to the captain's keys?
[00:32:43] Speaker B: You don't.
[00:32:44] Speaker A: Strange.
[00:32:46] Speaker B: Oh, God. Yeah.
[00:32:46] Speaker E: Ross does not. Try not.
[00:32:48] Speaker A: You were in the room. What was it?
[00:32:50] Speaker F: And I. And I wonder, what if the Albert was in there? What could have happened to it or where it might be?
I wonder.
[00:33:01] Speaker B: Suddenly, Roscoe's holding a giant lollipop.
[00:33:05] Speaker E: Yeah, I wonder.
[00:33:09] Speaker F: I'll never tell.
[00:33:12] Speaker E: Except for right now.
[00:33:17] Speaker B: And then he doesn't say anything.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: All right, so wait, so was it in this room? Was it in the room?
[00:33:24] Speaker F: Oh, yeah, yeah, it was in there. It's in a crate.
[00:33:26] Speaker A: Wait, if we go in there, are they gonna see, like.
[00:33:30] Speaker F: No, we thought we got it out of there. We snuck out. We got the. We got the out bad. Just like the. Just like the. The albatross asked. And it's. We put.
And we put it in some room. Some room that was right next to this one.
A friend kick had created a little hole. So anyway, so the things are in the room. There was like a shelf in there.
[00:34:01] Speaker B: All right, everybody relax. I have my set of keys, my spare set.
The captain comes charging back up the corridor. His wig is a bit askew at this point, and says, step aside. Step aside. Has there been any more sound issued from the chambers within?
[00:34:21] Speaker A: No, I didn't hear anything in the first place.
[00:34:24] Speaker B: Oh, I did. There was. I heard it from the door. You were too far away, Valencio.
[00:34:29] Speaker A: Okay, why do we.
[00:34:31] Speaker B: Okay, well, you have to investigate. Screaming on your ship. Someone could be in. In harm's way.
[00:34:38] Speaker A: Yes. This whole situation seems very harmful to me, though, with the lock and the darts and the animals. I'm just not comfortable.
[00:34:45] Speaker B: I understand. Well, please, you can feel free to separate yourself, Valencio, if you need to even have a lie down. You were talking about re. Excusing yourself previously.
[00:34:55] Speaker A: I'm like 75% of the way through this trial. I want to see what happens.
[00:34:59] Speaker B: Oh, this is. We're about 2%.
[00:35:06] Speaker A: This is Mary time long.
[00:35:08] Speaker B: I couldn't commit to that one.
I didn't want everybody to have a heart attack.
All right.
[00:35:17] Speaker A: All right. So. No.
[00:35:18] Speaker B: Well, let's see what's going on in here. Click, click, click, click, click.
He opens the door.
He strides in. Hello? Hello? Is anybody in here?
[00:35:33] Speaker F: Oh, hey, look there. Your keys. They're on the floor right there. You must have dropped them earlier.
[00:35:37] Speaker B: Oh, my. How did I Do that picks them up. Yep. These are. These are my keys.
[00:35:44] Speaker A: Hmm.
[00:35:45] Speaker F: Oh, hey, look at this poster of rathina.
[00:35:50] Speaker B: That bears careful inspection.
[00:35:54] Speaker A: So it appeared within 10 minutes of us being in here before. Is that like. Like, is it.
[00:36:00] Speaker C: It was dark, though, right?
[00:36:01] Speaker A: Okay. All right. Was it.
[00:36:03] Speaker B: We'll see if he had noticed it before. Okay, maybe I'll roll.
[00:36:07] Speaker E: All right. It is weird. Where did.
[00:36:09] Speaker B: That's what.
[00:36:11] Speaker A: That's what I've been like. So I prepared for this. Be a ridiculous reveal for, like, 20 minutes. I'm like, well, he's gonna come in and see this poster. It's hilarious.
[00:36:20] Speaker C: Here's the thing. He was using candlelight. So, I mean, does he, like, illuminate the lights in the room when he comes in? And he wouldn't have seen it before, right?
[00:36:30] Speaker F: And so.
[00:36:31] Speaker E: Roscoe. Yeah, Roscoe, I'm an idiot. Be like.
[00:36:34] Speaker F: Oh, yeah, look, I didn't.
[00:36:36] Speaker E: You. I don't know if you noticed it before, but it was totally. Iroh.
[00:36:40] Speaker B: Deception.
Oh, no.
[00:36:44] Speaker C: Come on, Roscoe.
[00:36:45] Speaker E: All right, here we go. Here we go. Here we go, Here we go.
[00:36:48] Speaker B: Now make sure advantage is turned off.
[00:36:55] Speaker F: Yeah, yeah.
Submit O22.
[00:37:07] Speaker B: Oh, wait, you. And you saw this before? What? Did I not.
[00:37:13] Speaker A: Who?
[00:37:13] Speaker F: Well, I. I didn't make out who it was before. I. Before I thought it was this. This famous circus performer named Rita Awaith.
[00:37:22] Speaker B: But you think this is supposed to be Rafina? Rafina, is this you?
[00:37:28] Speaker C: I mean, the drawing is, like.
[00:37:31] Speaker B: How would you describe it?
[00:37:34] Speaker C: Voluptuous. No, she doesn't say that.
[00:37:36] Speaker B: Abby does.
[00:37:37] Speaker C: It's just what the captain is thinking, right?
How would I describe it? How would I describe that illustration?
[00:37:45] Speaker B: Yes, the.
[00:37:47] Speaker C: It's of a.
[00:37:49] Speaker B: Take notes.
[00:37:49] Speaker C: Adam halfling cleric with a colorful dress and pigtails coming out of the top of her head. Yeah, that I could see. Why you might think it looks like me.
[00:38:01] Speaker B: Why would. Why would.
Why would he have a drawing of you? Do you think he drew this?
[00:38:09] Speaker C: I cannot pose for him.
[00:38:14] Speaker E: This is a classic Titanic situation.
[00:38:18] Speaker C: And. And just. Just so you. I mean, outside of the game here, Rafina really does not want to say any lies, so she's being very, very careful.
[00:38:27] Speaker E: Rafina did meet her quota.
As in, she has to lie a certain number of times per day.
[00:38:33] Speaker B: But no more.
[00:38:35] Speaker C: You'll never know when I've been rolling Deception.
[00:38:39] Speaker B: Did he. Did he make you pose for him like one of his carnivore girls?
[00:38:46] Speaker C: Oh, no, I've never done anything like that.
[00:38:49] Speaker F: Oh, I must have done it recently.
[00:38:55] Speaker A: Will is looking around like, who in this Fucking group did this.
[00:39:01] Speaker B: It signed Roscoe with the body.
No, it's just covered in mustard is probably more accurate.
[00:39:08] Speaker A: It's drawn in.
[00:39:09] Speaker C: Smells like mustard.
[00:39:10] Speaker E: The yellows are definitely mustard.
[00:39:12] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:39:13] Speaker B: And the greens and the reds and the blacks.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: Like, I think Will is, like, a little nervous. Like, what has happened? Why is.
[00:39:19] Speaker E: Because this is insane. This is like, why did you guys let me do this? When did Roscoe do this?
[00:39:26] Speaker B: The only person there was Batwack. And he was fine with it.
[00:39:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:30] Speaker E: Oh, sure.
[00:39:32] Speaker B: Stop it.
He's too freaked out by his bad dream.
[00:39:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Will is like, well, who was screaming, though?
[00:39:45] Speaker B: Hello.
[00:39:47] Speaker E: The worst thing about this whole.
Roscoe covered the hall with the mo. With the one thing that would be most likely to be.
[00:39:58] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:39:59] Speaker A: Like, let's take this poster. Yep.
[00:40:04] Speaker B: So the captain goes over and opens the other door, the inner door. Hello. Is anybody in here?
[00:40:12] Speaker A: Will? It just whirls around like, what is this? Does anyone. What the fuck? He looks at Rafina. Yeah. And then he does it. Because I always do that, as Will. Like, he remembers that he's able to not just whisper. He's not used to sending message yet.
[00:40:29] Speaker C: I didn't do that.
She said in a staged whisper.
[00:40:33] Speaker B: You can reply.
[00:40:34] Speaker A: I look around like this, just doing this gesture, hands up in the air.
[00:40:38] Speaker E: Roscoe's tapping his nose at you, and.
[00:40:43] Speaker A: But his face just falls like he has no idea, like, what. What the hell is that?
[00:40:48] Speaker E: Roscoe switches to his other index finger on his other hand and taps it with that one, hoping that that's clearer.
[00:40:55] Speaker A: And Will sends a message, like, what happened in here?
[00:41:02] Speaker F: Message, Valencio, Mission accomplished.
Just picture this. This ship and Captain Malvolio Paisley standing there. And behind him is a banner that reads, mission accomplished.
That's what this is.
[00:41:28] Speaker A: Will doesn't know whether Roscoe is being. Is like.
Like, whether this is one of Roscoe's weird things that he's done or said before or if it's, like, really a good thing. And so he's not sure whether he should get people out of the room or whether he should just act natural. He has no idea what's going on. So he's kind of panicking. Panicking inside. He goes over to the room with Captain Malolio in order to shield him from anything.
[00:41:54] Speaker B: If he's coming, he's turning and coming back out. There's nobody in here. Who. Who was screaming?
And why is this picture here? I cannot get over it.
[00:42:04] Speaker C: What? Is it possible that there were animals in here screaming from maltreatment?
[00:42:10] Speaker F: Look at These animals in here. Look at all these animals.
Any one of these or a combination could have been screaming. And one time in a circus act, I did see a.
[00:42:23] Speaker E: What are the animals in here? There's a pseudo something.
[00:42:26] Speaker B: Pseudo dragon. There's a Sturge. There's a couple willow wisps. There's a. I think a crawling claw.
[00:42:33] Speaker E: Whichever animal is closest to the.
[00:42:37] Speaker B: The hole poster.
[00:42:39] Speaker E: The hole.
Which one is it, you think? The crawling claw.
[00:42:44] Speaker F: You know, I did see a circus.
[00:42:47] Speaker E: It doesn't have to be the closest one. I don't care. I did see a circus act once. We're.
[00:42:50] Speaker F: A crawling claw painted a picture.
So I don't know, maybe this crawling claw crawled over there and painted the picture.
[00:42:59] Speaker B: Well, I mean, it's trapped in this cage.
[00:43:02] Speaker F: And maybe the other animals screamed as. Like.
Like a reaction to odds.
[00:43:09] Speaker A: Captain, should we be alarmed at. At what's happening? Like, are these animals escaping their cages? Do we need to.
[00:43:19] Speaker B: I don't see any animals running about in here, do you?
[00:43:22] Speaker A: I don't know. All screaming. And. And I. I mean, I was already.
[00:43:26] Speaker B: Nervous when I sounded like a person. For sure. I. I mean, I know my person screams, but can you be sure?
[00:43:33] Speaker C: Can you be sure?
[00:43:34] Speaker E: I know my person screams.
[00:43:36] Speaker B: I'm glad you appreciated that.
[00:43:38] Speaker F: Look, I don't know, but obviously there are some weird things going on in this room. There were dots, there were screams, there were mysterious pictures showing up.
[00:43:48] Speaker B: You're right.
[00:43:49] Speaker F: Keys falling in pockets when they should.
[00:43:51] Speaker E: Not have fallen out.
[00:43:53] Speaker F: I think we need to seal up this room.
[00:43:55] Speaker B: I agree. We have more evidence we need to present at the trial to Sean Indigo. And he reaches over and he pulls the poster off the wall.
[00:44:03] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:44:04] Speaker B: And beyond the poster is this gaping, ragged hole in the wall leading to the other room.
[00:44:12] Speaker F: But Captain Malvolio's too busy marching out.
[00:44:15] Speaker E: Of the room to see it.
[00:44:17] Speaker B: He whispers, torn it.
[00:44:19] Speaker E: And he just walks away. Right.
Right, Eric.
[00:44:23] Speaker B: He rips the poster off the wall. And among those uninitiated to what's going on, the captain most strongly. It elicits a large.
I didn't mean to hit that twice. Sorry. You can edit that one out.
[00:44:44] Speaker A: There's three times so many. I can't edit that. I'm trying to make you hyperventilate.
[00:44:52] Speaker C: I'm hyperventilating.
[00:44:53] Speaker A: I'm gonna back.
[00:44:56] Speaker B: So the captain's jaw drops to the floor, and he's just staring dumbfounded at this hole in the wall.
[00:45:06] Speaker A: The animals must be out. I say some animals, they're. Oh, God, the ship. I have no idea what's going on? I'm just trying.
[00:45:14] Speaker B: Who did this to my ship?
And he turns and looks at everyone in the room. Everyone. Even you, Rafina.
And we're gonna find out what happens next time on Pork Fried Dice.
[00:45:32] Speaker C: Pork Fried Dice.
[00:45:34] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. Why didn't you let me do that, Adam?
[00:45:39] Speaker C: I didn't know that you.
[00:45:41] Speaker B: It's because 99% of the time, there are no consequences to your accident.
I have trained you to do that.
[00:45:48] Speaker E: Yes.
[00:45:51] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:45:52] Speaker E: This is great.
[00:45:54] Speaker A: I love it. I love it so much. We get a poster wall ripped to reveal a hole in our podcast.
[00:46:00] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:46:01] Speaker C: I love that he doesn't care that someone has rigged up darts in someone's doorknob. But if you put a little teeny hole in the wall.
[00:46:09] Speaker E: Well, I think he does care.
[00:46:11] Speaker A: He's making for Rafina's sake, though. In this case, he's looking at Rafina. And that's a little weird. This guy is in love with his ship. Is that what's happening? This guy's been weird the whole time?
[00:46:22] Speaker C: I'm still.
[00:46:22] Speaker A: Is he in love with the ship? Does he.
[00:46:24] Speaker C: Well, what about the ferret? I mean, that was weird.
[00:46:29] Speaker B: Yeah, she's dead.
[00:46:34] Speaker A: Did the ship kill the ferret because it was jealous? Because.
[00:46:41] Speaker B: Hey, everyone, if you like what you hear, please leave us a kind review wherever you listen to us. Also, consider supporting us by subscribing to us on ko [email protected] supportpfd where you can gain access to lots of exclusive treats and behind the scenes goodies. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time.
