353: Kik Ass-ching

353: Kik Ass-ching
Pork Fried Dice - A Dungeons & Dragons Podcast
353: Kik Ass-ching

May 27 2024 | 00:42:10

Episode 189 May 27, 2024 00:42:10

Show Notes

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Alternate Titles

Hero's Slash Mourner's Choice

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Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're listening to the show about running out of ideas for this intro bit. It's pork fried dice. I'm Eric, and I'm the dungeon master. [00:00:11] Speaker B: I'm Abby, and I play rufina. [00:00:14] Speaker C: I'm Alex, and I play bapwax. [00:00:18] Speaker D: I'm Kt, and I play will. [00:00:21] Speaker E: I'm adam, and I play Roscoe. [00:00:26] Speaker A: Hold on to your haversacks. Let's roll. [00:00:33] Speaker D: I'm gonna pull like an Eric idol. I look like an Eric idol character. That's who I look. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Oh, nice. I love it. [00:00:38] Speaker D: I'm just like. I think that bath back had a lot to do with it too. Just. And I look really sad and scared. I can't tell whether I'm supposed to be scared of the captain, but, like, I'm sorry for interrupting. [00:00:50] Speaker B: And now he's dead. Long live the king. [00:00:55] Speaker A: But he's dead. [00:01:01] Speaker D: Zor. Yes. [00:01:06] Speaker B: Bathwick did it almost single handedly. [00:01:10] Speaker A: He was a great king, a great man. [00:01:15] Speaker B: Wouldn't you say so, Roscoe? [00:01:19] Speaker E: What? [00:01:23] Speaker B: He was a great king and a great man, and he saved the town. [00:01:26] Speaker E: Oh, yeah. [00:01:27] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Right? [00:01:29] Speaker B: It was wild, right, mo? [00:01:32] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I got flung into the sea. [00:01:36] Speaker B: It's not about you, mo. [00:01:38] Speaker A: I know. I wasn't there. I was in the sea. [00:01:43] Speaker B: I was just kidding. Yes, that is what happened. And my eyeballs rove to see how people are reacting. [00:01:53] Speaker A: I shall treat you all to a mourners feast and a hero's feast. [00:02:04] Speaker B: Oh, you are too kind, Captain Pants. [00:02:06] Speaker A: No, not at all. Captain Pants. [00:02:10] Speaker B: Well, I need a nickname. Like captain. Captain Y. Captain. Captain Pants. [00:02:15] Speaker C: Malvolio Pants? [00:02:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:17] Speaker D: What's his first name again? [00:02:19] Speaker A: Malvolio. [00:02:21] Speaker D: His first name is Malvolio? [00:02:22] Speaker C: Yeah, his last name is Paisley. [00:02:24] Speaker D: Oh, riding down Captain Pants. Paisley Pants calls the captain captain Pants. You gotta blush and, like, be like. [00:02:34] Speaker C: Whenever we say captain, we have to. We're like, is it Captain Pants or is it Captain Clockface? [00:02:39] Speaker E: A question for you, captain. When you say you will treat us to a mourner's feast and a hero's feast, is that two separate feasts or one feast serving as both? [00:02:53] Speaker A: You know, that is a great point. And both. [00:02:57] Speaker B: I love cruises. [00:02:59] Speaker E: At the same time or subsequent days? [00:03:03] Speaker A: I mean, I would be thinking at different times, but if you would like to have them at the same time. I mean, heroes, mourners choice. [00:03:15] Speaker E: No, no, I think subsequent meals could make sense. Like a mourner's brunch, mourner's breakfast, mourner's brunch, and then a hero's dinner. [00:03:27] Speaker D: Maybe. [00:03:28] Speaker A: I mean, of course I will be treating you to food on our entire journey, but I'm going to have my. My chefs put in some extra work for you all for. For two feasts. Two feasts. Zorn, come, come. Let us. Let us return to my ship. And he tries to put an arm around you. [00:03:46] Speaker D: Rafid, I want to go on the feast. I want to go to the feast. I just say sadly, and I turn away. I'm not actually trying to get. [00:03:57] Speaker A: Sir, were you part of this battle? [00:04:00] Speaker D: I, like, cower like, he's like a scurry guy. I have a hood that I hide me like. [00:04:08] Speaker A: Do you mourn the death of this king? [00:04:12] Speaker D: He saved the town. I don't know. I got some soup cooking. That's all I can eat. I don't have any teeth. And I go like this, and there's no teeth in there. [00:04:21] Speaker A: Ew. Ew. [00:04:23] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:04:24] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what he says. [00:04:25] Speaker C: Ew. [00:04:26] Speaker A: It's under his breath. [00:04:29] Speaker D: Does Rufina hear it? [00:04:30] Speaker A: Yeah, he's got his arm around her. Or he tried. I don't know if she let him. [00:04:35] Speaker D: Yeah. Like, how fast does she slip away? [00:04:38] Speaker B: I love your lack of teeth. [00:04:41] Speaker D: Goodbye. I wink at Rafina if I can. If I think I can do it without the captain seeing. [00:04:50] Speaker A: Sure. [00:04:50] Speaker D: Because I don't think she knows it's me. [00:04:52] Speaker B: No, I don't. [00:04:54] Speaker A: What kind of soup are you having? [00:04:58] Speaker D: Split, split, split. Split pee. It's very soft. [00:05:02] Speaker A: You triple split? [00:05:03] Speaker D: Yes. Triple split pee. I couldn't tell if that was a stutter or. [00:05:09] Speaker E: Nope, a variation. [00:05:11] Speaker D: It was definitely a variation, but, yeah. [00:05:13] Speaker A: Two hyphens in there. Split, split, split. [00:05:16] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:05:17] Speaker A: Nice. [00:05:18] Speaker B: I love it. [00:05:19] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:05:21] Speaker A: Cool. [00:05:21] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm not going that way. Still gonna try to find shimi. [00:05:27] Speaker A: You're gonna sneak on the cruise ship and curl up in the engine room? [00:05:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:32] Speaker D: I'm gonna cling to the side of the ship as it floats away some magnets. Wait, is it made of wood? Made of wood? Why am I think it's made of metal magnets. It says, think of a cruise ship, but it's made of wood. Wooden cruise ship. Yeah. Do you think there are wooden cruise. Like, do you. [00:05:48] Speaker B: Wood. There's gotta be some wood in them. [00:05:51] Speaker D: I wonder. [00:05:52] Speaker B: But they're just lacquered. What's the stuff called? They lacquer it. [00:05:56] Speaker A: Lacquer. [00:05:56] Speaker D: Lacquer. [00:05:57] Speaker B: It's made out of duct tape. [00:05:58] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:06:00] Speaker A: And legionnaires. [00:06:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:02] Speaker D: Oh, geez. Yeah. [00:06:04] Speaker B: Don't forget norovirus. [00:06:07] Speaker A: I just did. I only remembered legionnaires. Disease. [00:06:15] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:06:16] Speaker A: So you all go into town. Captain Paisley is gonna just try to get you guys right to his. His magnificent vessel. If. I mean, will's on his own as gummy gummy gray man. [00:06:33] Speaker D: Gummy gray man. That's my name now. [00:06:36] Speaker A: Gray man kick is down by the docks. Roscoe, Rafina and Mo. And the bones are with the captain. Correct? Does that all sound accurate? [00:06:48] Speaker C: That's right. [00:06:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:49] Speaker A: And I think. Did we ever determine, speaking of captains, where Captain Clockface was during this? Did he come along? [00:06:58] Speaker D: No, he wouldn't have, like, followed us in the battle. That doesn't make any sense. He's just cartwheeling along. [00:07:03] Speaker A: He's that hip dagger. [00:07:05] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. That's what. I'm sure that's what Bathwack would want. I'm positive. Bathwatch. Yeah. [00:07:09] Speaker C: Listen, wasn't there. Yeah. Then I guess we would send clockface with Shimi. [00:07:15] Speaker A: Okay, what was the silly. [00:07:19] Speaker E: When we were meeting for breakfast, clockface probably left behind with Shamey Rah. [00:07:26] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:07:26] Speaker A: What was your question, Abby? [00:07:28] Speaker B: I was just. I couldn't remember what the syllable was, and then I remembered it. I answered my own questions. [00:07:35] Speaker A: All right, so of the people with the captain, are you gonna just go with the captain to the ship or do you? [00:07:42] Speaker D: Yes. [00:07:43] Speaker A: Okay, well, yeah. [00:07:45] Speaker B: How are we taking care of Shimi, though? Am I going. I'm just gonna assume that Will's gonna find Shimi. [00:07:49] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, Will and Bathwack are not with you. [00:07:52] Speaker B: Yeah, that's. That's why I keep trying to chase people away, because I. [00:07:56] Speaker D: Because I feel like we didn't work. [00:07:57] Speaker B: Out the details of this part of the plane. [00:07:59] Speaker D: Yeah, but, you know, we can figure it out because we'll just figure it out. [00:08:02] Speaker A: You're up all night the night before. [00:08:04] Speaker D: Well, it's good. Like, Rafina's gonna have to go around the cruise. Like, just talk to every person. Just try to figure out if it's will. Like, is Will on the ship already? Okay. Hey, butler. Are you will trying to find out where the fuck will is? [00:08:19] Speaker E: Roscoe's keeping his eyes peeled for. For Shemi as we walk through town. [00:08:25] Speaker B: Okay, good. [00:08:26] Speaker D: That's what I have been looking forward to for sure. [00:08:29] Speaker B: And I guess it's not inappropriate for us to be, like, we're looking for our friend Chimi to tell him the news. Because there's no secrets about that. [00:08:36] Speaker A: It's true. It's true. [00:08:38] Speaker B: Capti pants. How would I find someone named she me? We need to notify him. [00:08:44] Speaker A: Oh, you mean your friend that was with you on the ship, I mean. Where did you last see him? [00:08:48] Speaker B: Yes, well, we left him behind when the epic battle was afoot. [00:08:54] Speaker A: Well, let's find him. We can find your friend. [00:08:56] Speaker B: Please. Oh, thank you. Thank you. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Anybody look for she me. Find she me. [00:09:03] Speaker E: Holy moly. [00:09:04] Speaker A: He's a young rapscallion. [00:09:06] Speaker B: Yes, he is a cute little boy. [00:09:10] Speaker A: You'll find him. Just call his name. It's a unique one. [00:09:14] Speaker B: He's puzzle master. [00:09:15] Speaker A: He's a puzzle master. Pose puzzles. Perhaps he will appear to solve them. [00:09:25] Speaker E: Oh, she me. [00:09:26] Speaker D: Boy, is he dead too, Zorn. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so what did you say? So, Ross, so basically, everyone besides Will and Bathwack are with the captain. I'm just trying to. I have to take the notes now. I'm trying to, like, make sure. Yes. Okay. [00:09:46] Speaker A: And she me, and she me. [00:09:47] Speaker D: And we don't know where they are. And Will and Bathwick. Okay. [00:09:51] Speaker A: And there's probably some NPC I'm forgetting. [00:09:52] Speaker D: Yeah. Whoops. Lady. The half orc lady. [00:09:56] Speaker A: She was in amongst the crowd. [00:09:58] Speaker D: She's just like, bye, guys. Whatever. [00:10:00] Speaker B: I'm so interested in her, though. [00:10:02] Speaker A: Yeah, good. So you guys are heading through the town. You don't catch sight of shimi? Will, are you going anywhere in particular to look for him? [00:10:20] Speaker D: Well, so I feel like Rafine is probably. I think this captain's just kind of a doofus. Even though things I'm, like, meta wise, I feel like something sinister is going on. Maybe he's just really likes Rafina. But it's weird. I think Will's, like, okay, because I think I did roll something at some point, and it might, you know, it's been months, but, like, that, he doesn't seem to really have much going on. Like, whatever role I had. So, like, he's not. He doesn't seem like he's a threat. A threat. So I think I'm okay with letting them go off. I don't think Grafina is gonna, like, ruin anything or anything, but I just need to find Jimmy. I need to know. So I think I'm gonna go to the place, I guess, that we were, like, the bar or whatever. The lunch place. I don't remember what it was. [00:11:07] Speaker A: Trent Ale house. [00:11:08] Speaker D: Trent ale house? Yeah, that's what I think. [00:11:10] Speaker A: It was just the ale house, actually. [00:11:12] Speaker D: Okay. Gummy Graymond goes to the train. [00:11:15] Speaker A: Gummy. [00:11:18] Speaker D: The Trent ale house. That's the next Limerick Alex has to write. [00:11:24] Speaker B: Gummy Graham once was a gummy named Graymond. [00:11:31] Speaker A: So you go in the ale house, and there is Valencia, bejeman. [00:11:36] Speaker D: Okay. [00:11:37] Speaker A: Trying to help clear some rubble and things like that. If you recall, a big chunk of the ceiling fell down. [00:11:42] Speaker B: Okay. [00:11:43] Speaker A: And clock faces, they are helping as well. [00:11:46] Speaker D: Okay. [00:11:46] Speaker B: Oh, very good. [00:11:48] Speaker A: And you hear out in the street, some. Some random people yelling, shimi, shimi. [00:11:56] Speaker D: What is she me's reaction to that? [00:11:58] Speaker A: He looks up, and then you're still gummy, right? [00:12:02] Speaker D: Yes. I'm staring right at him, though. Very. Like, obviously, I'm not trying to hide that. I'm staring at him. [00:12:07] Speaker A: Clockface, did you hear that? [00:12:08] Speaker D: Oh, God, shut up. I send him that message. [00:12:13] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you can message now. You're not a bird. [00:12:15] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm not a bird, so at least I can say that I heard someone. Yeah. And then I. And then I. As soon as he looks, if he's panning around, trying to see who sent him a mental message, I make that scary face again with no teeth. I'm like. But then I wink. [00:12:35] Speaker A: Face run. I think he's after you. [00:12:37] Speaker D: And then I just chase him out the door, like, as a joke. Like, I'm like, I guess it's scarier. [00:12:43] Speaker A: Than I pick up. [00:12:44] Speaker D: I made myself scary. [00:12:45] Speaker A: He tries. He's too heavy. [00:12:47] Speaker D: Wow, he's coming. Heavy. [00:12:49] Speaker A: Yeah, he's dense. [00:12:50] Speaker D: Okay, cool. Well, I run out because I'm just trying to get him out of here so I can talk to him. Maybe in a alley somewhere, break his feet. Just find a private place where I can say, okay, let's end this illusion so I can be Valencia now and let me get back to. [00:13:06] Speaker A: Right now, he's running away from you. [00:13:09] Speaker D: Well, I would stop him with a message. It just says, like, she me. It's me. [00:13:15] Speaker A: Oh, wait, he stops. [00:13:17] Speaker D: Yeah, he turns back, and then I make the face again. [00:13:20] Speaker A: Stop it. [00:13:23] Speaker D: I laugh like. Like that. And then I'm like. I look around. Are there a bunch of people around us? [00:13:32] Speaker A: I mean, it's a busy day, and it's a very busy day. You know, in that there was a giant. [00:13:38] Speaker D: So there's just a bunch of crazy thing. [00:13:39] Speaker A: Yeah. People are milling about everywhere. There's conversations happening, like no normal business is going on. This is some crazy shit going down in this town. [00:13:48] Speaker D: Okay, well, I just try to find a place where I can switch disguises with them. [00:13:52] Speaker A: Okay. Like, if you message him, he'll be like, should we go back to our rooms? [00:13:57] Speaker D: So, distance wise, where are the rooms compared to where everyone else is? [00:14:02] Speaker A: The rooms are just down the street from where you guys are. [00:14:04] Speaker D: Yeah, sure, yeah. I just nod. I don't even reply. And then I waggle my fingers like, I'm gonna chase him down the street. [00:14:12] Speaker A: Into the hotel. Into a room. [00:14:14] Speaker D: Yes. [00:14:15] Speaker A: Creep. [00:14:17] Speaker D: Ew. I didn't mean that just because it's funny. I like this creepy, weird character. [00:14:23] Speaker A: Come on, clock face. Let's go. [00:14:25] Speaker D: This guy's gonna get us. [00:14:27] Speaker A: Let's go back to our rooms. Our private rooms. [00:14:31] Speaker D: Loud with his accent as Valencia Beigeman still. [00:14:33] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:14:35] Speaker D: I will is gonna be like, I. [00:14:37] Speaker A: Think he was trying to do a. I think he was trying to impersonate you. [00:14:41] Speaker D: Does he? [00:14:41] Speaker A: So I think he was before when we were. [00:14:44] Speaker D: Okay. But right now, I just still don't want him to. I don't want it to be some weird voice coming out of Valencia. [00:14:49] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I think he was trying to put on a will accent. [00:14:52] Speaker D: Okay, cool. So we. I chased them to the hotel. [00:14:56] Speaker A: Okay. [00:14:56] Speaker D: And then I. Whatever. Change it to somebody else that looks normal and walk into the room. [00:15:02] Speaker A: Whatever. [00:15:03] Speaker D: Who do we have in our group? [00:15:04] Speaker A: Mo. [00:15:04] Speaker D: I make myself look like Mo, and I go into the hotel into the room. [00:15:09] Speaker A: Got it. All right, you go through a couple different doors, Scooby Doo style, and emerge. There's three clock faces at one point, and then. [00:15:19] Speaker D: Yeah, yeah. [00:15:20] Speaker A: And then you all emerge normal, but you're all three different. The one that looks like Will is clock face. The one that looks like she me is Will. [00:15:28] Speaker D: Jeez, I've used all my magical powers. I'm like, well, I'm done for the day. But it was worth it. It was Scooby Doo style, guys. Yeah. I high five myself, and then I walk away and jump off a building. [00:15:38] Speaker A: Sweet. That was the real will. [00:15:41] Speaker D: Yeah. No, yeah. So I dispel whatever illusion that was making Valencia. I think it's whatever seeming, I think. And then I changed myself into Valencia. Beijing. And I. [00:15:54] Speaker A: And she comes out. Oh, boy. I slept in. Oh, what? I miss anything going on? Hey, Valencio. [00:16:05] Speaker D: Wait, so did we just come out of the room? Because I was already. I need to just. I don't know. All this sounds. [00:16:10] Speaker A: You went back to the room to get a new pair of underwear, and then you came back out, like, okay, all right. [00:16:16] Speaker B: Yeah, he said our private rooms. [00:16:18] Speaker D: Okay, all right. [00:16:19] Speaker A: But then Shimi comes out as Shimi, who hasn't been getting all day. [00:16:22] Speaker D: There are too many people that I've been in the past three minutes. Okay, so I come out. [00:16:30] Speaker A: You accidentally come out as a bird? [00:16:32] Speaker D: No, like, I'm like, what the hell's happening right now? So. Yes. So I come out, and you're saying, she me, comes out into the lobby or whatever. Okay, I'm sorry. And he's stretching, and he said, I'm sorry, what did you say? [00:16:43] Speaker C: Oh, I slept in a magpie head. On Fellangelo Bejeman's body? [00:16:49] Speaker D: Yes, absolutely. I'm terrifying. So. But. And Valencio has witnessed bathwick. Wait, this doesn't even make any sense. So was anyone paying attention to Valencio? Shit, I'm trying to think. [00:17:06] Speaker A: He's a beige man. [00:17:08] Speaker D: No, but he looks nice. He's not like, what was the original one? Brownman. Mister Brownman is indescript. Like, you meet him and you forget who he looks like. Valencia Bejeman is handsome guy. He just wears beige. [00:17:22] Speaker A: Okay. [00:17:22] Speaker D: And he has, like, jewelry and shit. So he is noticeable. So hopefully, you know. Yeah, sure. He stopped to go get underwear. It's to compose yourself. I don't know, just to get something. [00:17:32] Speaker A: What jewelry does he have? [00:17:33] Speaker D: I think it was, like, clay beads or something. I said something like that in the past description. Interesting. But I'm just trying to think now. I need to figure out, like, how to worm my way back into this and be dramatic and, you know, get people to pay attention to bathwax death, but also had to go put on some doubt about it. [00:17:52] Speaker C: Some more comfortable beads. [00:17:55] Speaker D: Yes, slip into some more comfortable beads over private areas. But because Valencia doesn't know that Bathwait's dead yet, because he's just. He's in this thing, and then he goes back to the hotel. So why would Valencia. Sorry, guys. Is this neurotic? Like, a little bit? It is, isn't. It's KT making sure that everything makes plot holes. Why would he go back to the hotel? He cares about bathwack. But, like, maybe he's, like, my king will defeat him. I need to go back to the hotel to make sure King Bathwak has this medicine kit. [00:18:31] Speaker A: His fresh underwear? [00:18:32] Speaker D: Yeah, like, whatever I do after he has a battle, like, I need to have what he has. So I have, like, a. Something I am carrying with me, like, a towel. And that's all you need, some bandages? Yeah, it's just a towel. He likes to take a shower after battling. So I'm getting ready to go and towel him off. [00:18:47] Speaker A: Shower him. [00:18:48] Speaker D: I gotta go shower him and towel him off. As is my fucking duty. As the. Whatever. What is he called? The valet. [00:18:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:57] Speaker D: So, yeah, so, okay, so that's what I've prepared. And then Shimi comes out. I'm sorry, I have to just like you guys. This is pathetic. [00:19:03] Speaker A: Like, I a few minutes longer sleeping in than I initially thought. I came out, saw you milling things over in your mind, went back in. [00:19:14] Speaker D: Oh, I'm back out. [00:19:16] Speaker A: Oh, Valencio. Nice towel. What did I miss? [00:19:22] Speaker D: Excellent job, Shimi and I. I'm gonna give him, like, ten gold. Yes, I know. I'm just, like, giving the DM gold for no reason. [00:19:33] Speaker A: I don't even have to track it. [00:19:34] Speaker D: I know. You don't even. You're what? Ridiculous. Where's my gold? There we go. [00:19:39] Speaker A: But you do. [00:19:40] Speaker D: I tell him, good job, I give him the gold, and then I'm like, king Bathwack was fighting some horrible person that entered town, so now we have to go. I mean, I have to go do that. [00:19:52] Speaker A: A horrible person. [00:19:54] Speaker D: It was a scary old man who was making everyone faint in the street. Then he turned in, or actually, I don't know how much I saw of the battle. I look around, I have no idea who's listening. It doesn't really matter. There's nobody in the lobby. We're just performing this whole thing for no reason. Anyway, that's the thing. I would make sure that we're walking, and Valencia is concocting the story about. Yeah, everything's fine. I'm going to make sure that King Bathwax is good. That is my job. Let's go. Let's go to the battlefield. Or let's go see what's happening. [00:20:30] Speaker A: Let's do it. [00:20:30] Speaker D: Always wins. Bathwag always wins. That's what I'm saying. In the street, like, king. The king always wins. He's never. I'm not that worried. Although that was a very dangerous foe. Like, you know, talking as though Bathwag is still alive. [00:20:43] Speaker A: Got it. [00:20:43] Speaker D: And as we go through the city. [00:20:45] Speaker A: And you hear some more people calling out she me's name, and if someone's near, she'll go, oh, yep, I'm she me. What? What? Who's looking for she me? Oh, the captain said that he wants you to meet him at his ship. Your friends are waiting for you. Oh, Valencia, do you know about that? [00:21:07] Speaker D: Uh, no, I don't. I guess the battle's already over. [00:21:11] Speaker A: Oh. All right, well, let's go. [00:21:15] Speaker D: And shimi knows what's going on, right? Cause your face right now doesn't give anything away. Shimi's usually so like, all right, let's go, wink. [00:21:23] Speaker A: Listen, this is important. [00:21:25] Speaker D: He's doing a good job. High five, sheenie. I slip him 5000 more goals. No, I'm just kidding. [00:21:30] Speaker A: I'm writing that one down. [00:21:31] Speaker D: Don't have that much. Only Roscoe has that much. Yeah. I'm acting like things are normal. Unless somebody really loudly is talking about, you know, bath whack dying. Or if it becomes obvious, I'm just going. [00:21:50] Speaker A: Got it. Okay. Now, speaking of bath whack, we've got kick down at the docks. [00:21:56] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:21:57] Speaker A: Do you. It's. What you doing? [00:22:01] Speaker C: Oh, well, for a while, just enjoying fishing. [00:22:08] Speaker A: Are you actually trying to fish? [00:22:10] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, I'm actually trying. He's filled everything. [00:22:13] Speaker A: What's the. What's the role for fishing in d and d? [00:22:15] Speaker C: I don't know. I don't know if bath whack is. Oh, animal handling. [00:22:20] Speaker A: I don't think so. [00:22:21] Speaker C: That doesn't make sense. [00:22:22] Speaker D: Animal handling as you just kill a fish. [00:22:25] Speaker C: I need to, like. I need to. Survival fish. [00:22:29] Speaker A: It's survival. [00:22:30] Speaker C: Yeah. It's survival. If I have to ride a fish, it's animal handling. Yeah. [00:22:34] Speaker D: Cool. We're about to go, like, on the ocean. Maybe you can find a marlin. That's why I can ride a marlin to Gully's end. [00:22:41] Speaker A: Draw that. [00:22:42] Speaker D: That's like riding a marlin. [00:22:44] Speaker A: I want that on a hat. [00:22:46] Speaker D: Oh, like a cute little embroidered bathwag riding a marlin on a hat. I want that, too. Oh, well. Oh, well. [00:22:57] Speaker E: Know those shirts with, like, the four names, like, blank? [00:23:00] Speaker D: Yes. [00:23:02] Speaker E: I was thinking about earlier when. When Eric said Roscoe and Grafina and Mo and the bones. [00:23:08] Speaker D: Oh, my God, that's hilarious. That's brave. [00:23:14] Speaker B: That's perfect. [00:23:16] Speaker A: So I'm writing that down. [00:23:18] Speaker D: I want to make it. [00:23:19] Speaker A: Give me a survival check. [00:23:20] Speaker C: Did you do seven for fishing? [00:23:22] Speaker A: Oh, boy. Oh, and actually, it was initially a five. Wait. [00:23:30] Speaker C: Oh, I rolled it with. Is that rolling with advantage? [00:23:33] Speaker A: I think you rolled it with advantage and got a seven. [00:23:35] Speaker C: It should be a five, so it's just a five. [00:23:38] Speaker D: Do I still have his lure? Because I never gave it back. I was holding it. Do I still have it? Is that okay? [00:23:45] Speaker A: Well, no wonder you got a five. [00:23:47] Speaker C: All I've got is a hook, I guess. [00:23:49] Speaker A: Oh, shit. Do you still have it? [00:23:51] Speaker D: Yeah, sure. When I. [00:23:53] Speaker C: Of course. Of course you do. [00:23:54] Speaker D: A person. [00:23:54] Speaker A: I just was, like, Eric idle then. [00:23:56] Speaker D: I just, like, pocketed it because I'm like, whatever. It's just a lure. It's. Does it look special? I guess, like, proactively? Yes. He says it's an upside down dragon. I don't know. I mean, I know what that refers to, but was there anything special if I looked at it? Like, what color is it? [00:24:12] Speaker A: It's not special at all. [00:24:13] Speaker D: Alex, I'm asking you. [00:24:15] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. No, it's not special. [00:24:19] Speaker D: You've made a point to say it. [00:24:21] Speaker C: It's very special, too. Bath wack. Because he picked it out. [00:24:26] Speaker D: Really? Is that it? [00:24:28] Speaker C: Well, because it's cool. [00:24:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:30] Speaker D: But, you know, it's just a regular dragon. You just picked it up and it was upside down. [00:24:35] Speaker C: Yeah, that's right. I picked it up and I hooked it up upside down. [00:24:38] Speaker B: Yeah, that's probably what happened. [00:24:40] Speaker D: I love that. All right, cool. [00:24:41] Speaker C: But I'm sure that that's how it's supposed to go. Yeah. So, yeah, it's a five. It's definitely a five. [00:24:48] Speaker A: Yep. [00:24:49] Speaker C: I'm fishing with no bait. I don't have anything actually, in my pockets that will help me fish that. [00:24:55] Speaker A: You're not enjoying yourself? [00:24:56] Speaker C: I'm definitely enjoying myself, but did I catch anything? [00:24:59] Speaker A: No. All right. Sorry. [00:25:02] Speaker C: Then I'm kind of hungry, but. Okay. I mean, that's pretty much what I'm doing. If I. If no one shows up for an extended period of time, I'm probably gonna go and, like, do a little bit of shopping and maybe ask where I can get a ticket to go on the ship. [00:25:21] Speaker D: Okay. [00:25:22] Speaker A: Are you. Are you, like. Are you trying to be near where you would see people going on the ship? [00:25:28] Speaker C: Um, yeah, I mean, close enough that I can see them, but not right up at the. [00:25:32] Speaker A: Okay. [00:25:33] Speaker C: Edge of the ship, because. [00:25:34] Speaker A: Yeah, eventually you would see the. The group of those four people on that shirt that we were just talking about. [00:25:42] Speaker D: The four people. The bones. [00:25:44] Speaker A: Hey, they're fake bones. [00:25:45] Speaker D: They're not even real bones. A person. [00:25:47] Speaker A: How long do they last? [00:25:48] Speaker D: A day, I think. Oh, shoot. See, I will. Well, I can. That's the thing I'm planning on. It's gonna take up a spell, like, at my major spell every day. But I'm. [00:25:58] Speaker A: Till you learn paper Machia. [00:25:59] Speaker D: Whenever. Yeah, exactly. Whenever we need it, I can cast it. [00:26:03] Speaker A: I said paper Machia at first. Did anybody hear that? [00:26:06] Speaker D: Paper Machia? I did. [00:26:07] Speaker A: I told you I didn't mean to do that. Like, I did with. [00:26:10] Speaker D: Is 18 hours. It's only 18 hours. [00:26:14] Speaker B: Oh, man. [00:26:15] Speaker D: Good to know. Should we write down the time when the bones were formed? It was before. Oh, I cast the spell before. [00:26:20] Speaker A: We're very good at tracking time in this game. [00:26:22] Speaker D: No, I just know. I know that it was before dawn because I did it right before our powers would re slot. So. So that's just an interesting thing, just pointing it out. It's probably gonna be to my disadvantage, but. Okay. [00:26:39] Speaker A: So, yeah, you would see that. That group with the captain make their way down the dock to the gangplank, up to the ship. The SS abalone. [00:26:48] Speaker D: Abalone. [00:26:53] Speaker C: Can I pack up and walk over there and get close enough before they get on the ship to. [00:27:02] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. You don't have much to pack up. You don't even have any bait. [00:27:05] Speaker C: Nope. [00:27:06] Speaker A: Nope. [00:27:07] Speaker C: So I just pull in my fishing rod and hook the hook on the end of it or something. All right, I'm going to kind of walk a little bit normally until I start to get kind of close to the captain, and then I'll kind of somewhat nervously walk a little bit sideways and, like, not quite looking at the captain, but then looking over at him, and I'll go, captain? [00:27:36] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:37] Speaker C: Okay. I'm sorry to bother you. No, no, not at all. My name is Kick Hess Jing. [00:27:47] Speaker A: How. [00:27:47] Speaker C: I need to go to Gully's end. How do I get a ticket? [00:27:58] Speaker A: Well, I mean, we are going to. [00:28:00] Speaker C: Look away. [00:28:02] Speaker A: We, uh. We are going to. To Gully's end. I mean, this was to be a funereal trip. Voyage. Um. Rafina, in the words of a true. [00:28:18] Speaker C: Captain, I'll stay out of the way. I'll stay out of the way. [00:28:25] Speaker A: Rafina, what do you think about allowing this. This man. What was it? Kick ass ching? [00:28:37] Speaker C: He does that? He does exactly that. He coughs, he goes. Doesn't answer you? [00:28:44] Speaker D: He doesn't answer. Yes. [00:28:46] Speaker A: Kick ass ching. Should he be allowed to join us? [00:28:49] Speaker B: Oh, my God, yes. I do not wish to exclude anyone who has a sincere wish to mourn. [00:29:00] Speaker A: It's good. All right, then. [00:29:06] Speaker C: I mean, I heard something happened. [00:29:09] Speaker A: King Batwhack is dead. Zorn. Zorn. [00:29:13] Speaker D: Zorn. [00:29:14] Speaker C: Oh. Oh, that's terrible. [00:29:18] Speaker A: We're taking his bones to be laid with the. The remains of his ancestors, which is in Gully's end, which is where you're going. [00:29:30] Speaker C: Oh, I. I hope, uh. I hope that the bones make it there. [00:29:45] Speaker D: You mean you hope you make it there. You're on the same boat. I wish I was there. I'm not. [00:29:51] Speaker A: Nope, you're not. I just think it's, like, weird to. [00:29:54] Speaker D: Say, yeah, that's amazing. [00:29:56] Speaker B: I hope that the boat was weird. [00:29:58] Speaker A: Yep, that was weird. Good job. Well, I mean, I. I see you are somewhat of a man of the sea yourself. I mean, you would be certainly welcome aboard. Maybe you could help reel in a few catches for some of our. Our meals over the journey. [00:30:13] Speaker D: Hmm? [00:30:14] Speaker C: I would like that. [00:30:16] Speaker A: Good. [00:30:17] Speaker C: Did you know that hess Jing means water? [00:30:22] Speaker B: Hess Jing? [00:30:23] Speaker A: What's hes Jing? [00:30:26] Speaker C: Oh, never mind. [00:30:31] Speaker A: And Will and Chimi and Captain clockface catch up at this point. Okay, you're all still kind of outside on the dock leading up to the boat. The ship. [00:30:45] Speaker B: Oh, it's Valencia Bejeman. Has anyone told Valencia Bejemin the news? [00:30:53] Speaker D: Valencia is just, like. Like, looking around uncertainly. [00:30:57] Speaker A: Like, what news about the big fight. Some old man who was quite capable. [00:31:07] Speaker B: It's king of bath. [00:31:09] Speaker D: I can't say it anymore. [00:31:10] Speaker B: I've said it too many times. [00:31:11] Speaker D: Zorn. [00:31:13] Speaker B: He's dead. King Bathwax has fallen incinerated. [00:31:20] Speaker D: That can't be true. [00:31:23] Speaker E: Here, check the bones yourself. [00:31:26] Speaker A: Mo displays them out in the owl bear pelt. [00:31:33] Speaker C: You of all people, kick covers to. [00:31:37] Speaker E: Confirm that these are indeed the bones of King Bathwak. [00:31:45] Speaker D: And will, like, he's, like, looking. He's perform. Okay, I definitely should roll a performance, because I feel like that is what he's doing right now. [00:31:52] Speaker A: Okay, go for it. [00:31:53] Speaker D: He is just. Oh, man. I just. I've not been rolling great anyway. But he is. [00:31:59] Speaker E: Roscoe's being a good improv player partner. [00:32:02] Speaker D: And trying to help, so we should get it at advantage. [00:32:05] Speaker A: Advantage. Yeah, you should. [00:32:07] Speaker E: Yes. [00:32:08] Speaker D: Oh, I didn't click it. Wait, did I click advantage already? No, not that you needed to performance. I'll just click it twice. Is that okay? Okay, well, I got that shitty one out of the way. [00:32:18] Speaker A: 21. [00:32:19] Speaker D: 21. So, yeah, he. You know, he's like. At first, like, he doesn't even. [00:32:24] Speaker B: He's, like, scoffing. [00:32:25] Speaker D: He's like, this isn't even something that could happen. But then, like, everyone looks so somber, and he's like. And he goes over to look at the bones as if it's, like, still, like, oh, what is this? This is a prank. This must be some sort of prank. There's no way that King Bathwack was defeated by that old man that we saw. I mean, sure, he knocked down a building, but there's no way that King Bathwak is. And he just, like, sees the bones, and then he's, like, touching them, and he's like, oh, no. And he just devolves, I guess, into, like, there's no, no, no way. And he looks at Rafina like, presumably we are a group. We know each other because you guys know bath whack, and so do I. And he, like, reaches out to Rafina's hand, like, no, no, you're lying. [00:33:17] Speaker B: And she. Rafina pulls him into a huge hug. [00:33:23] Speaker D: There, there. [00:33:24] Speaker B: It's true. [00:33:24] Speaker D: There, there. [00:33:25] Speaker B: Just feel the pain. Just feel that it's real. [00:33:30] Speaker D: Oh. [00:33:32] Speaker A: Oh, no. And she me hugs will from behind. [00:33:35] Speaker D: Oh, no. And Will's like, oh, no. He's just like, no, no, no. [00:33:42] Speaker E: Roscoe joins the hug. Roscoe joins the hug. [00:33:46] Speaker D: No, no. Keening. [00:33:51] Speaker B: This went so much better than ruffina even dream. [00:33:54] Speaker E: That's. We got the best possible grief out. [00:33:57] Speaker D: Of Will just by hugging him. By hugging him. He's absolutely miserable. [00:34:04] Speaker A: Mo's gonna try to hug all of you and pick you all up. [00:34:11] Speaker D: Holy moly, I love. And the bones. [00:34:15] Speaker A: And the bones. No, he doesn't succeed. [00:34:17] Speaker D: Okay, who does he pick up? He must have picked. Picked somebody up who must have ripped somebody off the pile. She breaks someone's bones to get them out of the hug. [00:34:25] Speaker A: He has chibi's arm, the horn. [00:34:31] Speaker D: Yeah. Valencia is now like, no, what do we do? He has to. We have to take him to Gully's end. We have to take, like, he's. You know, he's emphasizing the same thing that's already been said. We must take him to Gully's end. [00:34:43] Speaker A: Yeah, they say we do the rights. [00:34:45] Speaker B: Rights. We must take his bones to the bone fields of his ancestors. [00:34:51] Speaker D: Oh, no. Yes, yes, yes, I know. Yes. But. Oh, no, I just can't even. I don't. This is horrible. I can't even process what's happening right now. There are so many rights. We need to. I need to do so many rights. Give me these bones. I clutch them. I try to, like, pull them away, and I clutch them in my chest. I'm his valet. I need these bones. Like, he's very dramatic. [00:35:15] Speaker A: All right, all right. Oh, wait, no, mo would say that. [00:35:18] Speaker D: Okay, okay, okay. [00:35:19] Speaker A: Here, you have the bones. [00:35:21] Speaker D: Yeesh. He's trying to squeeze out a few tears. Like, hopefully he's actually crying, and he's using the freaking owl bear pelt. There's, like, dander in his eyes, like he's having allergies. [00:35:35] Speaker A: He's allergic to owls. [00:35:36] Speaker D: Yeah, probably. [00:35:38] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:35:38] Speaker D: No, this can't be happening. Did I hear you say zorn before? Zorn? And, yeah, he's just clutching in, weeping into the. [00:35:53] Speaker A: It's all right, Valencia. Come on, let's get you on the ship. [00:35:57] Speaker D: I don't even believe where. This doesn't make sense. These are his bones, but I just don't. I don't believe it. On and on. He's very dramatic. [00:36:05] Speaker A: Wow. [00:36:06] Speaker D: Making a big scene. [00:36:08] Speaker A: Okay. [00:36:08] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:36:09] Speaker A: All right, so the captain leaves. [00:36:13] Speaker B: I'm so glad no one's. No one's rolling deception on us. It's very nice that no one has any reason to doubt us. [00:36:19] Speaker D: Yeah, I guess. No. [00:36:20] Speaker A: Yeah, maybe they are rolling it. Uh oh. [00:36:23] Speaker D: All of them. Everybody. [00:36:25] Speaker A: All of them. [00:36:25] Speaker D: I don't know. Who's there? Is it just the captain? [00:36:28] Speaker A: There's that. [00:36:29] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:36:29] Speaker E: Is there still a crowd? [00:36:31] Speaker A: Um, there were. There were some people that were following along at a respectful distance when they realize this is kind of like a new two funeral funereal processions in the span of just over 24 hours. Yeah, maybe even less. It's pretty, pretty remarkable. [00:36:47] Speaker D: Wow. [00:36:48] Speaker A: Both with the captain at the head also calling for some young boy to be found and lots of stuff going on. [00:36:57] Speaker D: Oh. [00:36:57] Speaker B: Call off the search. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Oh, that's Shimi. Oh, yes. Well, of course Shimi's here. Shimi has been found. [00:37:07] Speaker D: Shimi has been found. [00:37:12] Speaker A: It's like the signal fires across the mountain ranges of lord of the Rings. [00:37:16] Speaker D: Yes, yes. [00:37:20] Speaker A: So, yeah, the captain ushers you all on board. You head up the gang plank. You were promised a feast. You're not sure how quickly it's going to be presented to you, but as you board, the gangplank is actually raised behind you. The door closes, and you feel the ship immediately begin to move under your feet. [00:37:46] Speaker D: Oh, you know, something that was important, actually. You killed somebody, Rafina. We forgot that. It's been a while. [00:37:55] Speaker B: Oh, darn. [00:37:56] Speaker D: That might be something that we want to address. Because it was kind of a big deal and because it's been literally, like, a month. I'm sorry. Is that annoying? You're just looking at me like I'm annoying. [00:38:04] Speaker A: No, I'm just. [00:38:04] Speaker D: It was a big deal. [00:38:05] Speaker A: Would Rufina remember that before that happened? [00:38:08] Speaker D: Because that's a real tragedy, and this is. [00:38:10] Speaker A: I know Abby didn't remember, but that's different. [00:38:13] Speaker B: No, well, it's not that. I mean, it's just that we're very in the moment right now, because this has all just happened, like. Okay, so in terms of the timeline, the killing of this person, this innocent, happened, like, what, 15 minutes before bath, whack, pretend died? [00:38:28] Speaker A: Yeah, something like that. [00:38:30] Speaker B: So it's really all getting rolled up into one. [00:38:32] Speaker D: So the only reason you're not thinking of it is because it's been so much in real world time that it was a big. [00:38:38] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:38:39] Speaker D: You saying that you needed to go back and. [00:38:41] Speaker B: Yeah, and I did want to go to jail, but. [00:38:45] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, that's true, too. [00:38:48] Speaker B: The woman absolved me. Remember that? That's true. Which was confusing to me. But also, I think part of the reason why Rafina can be so zornful is that that is fueling her grief, for what it's worth. And I guess news of this innocent being killed hasn't reached the captain. [00:39:12] Speaker A: No, not at this point. I mean, if so, you don't know that it has. [00:39:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I would expect more townspeople to, like, come up to me and be irate or something if it were going to be a controversy in the town. But again, it only. It just happened, like, 15 minutes ago. [00:39:33] Speaker D: Yeah, it was kind of a big deal. I just. I was just trying to point it. [00:39:36] Speaker B: Out because I'm glad you did. [00:39:39] Speaker D: Well, I mean, Bathwalk also thought it. [00:39:41] Speaker A: Was a big, crazy thing just happened. [00:39:43] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:39:43] Speaker A: And then you guys are focused on. [00:39:46] Speaker D: Okay, I just. [00:39:47] Speaker A: So I'm sure Rafina will remember. [00:39:49] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that. Yeah, I don't think it's gonna disappear for. I'm glad you brought it up, though, because it's important to, like, keep that on the horizon, because it's gotta. It does have to be resolved. I don't think this is the, like, moment. [00:40:02] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:40:03] Speaker B: So he's with us. [00:40:05] Speaker D: Bye. [00:40:06] Speaker B: Right, well, exactly. Because we. For one thing, we gotta do this before suspicion mounts and before Rafina gets jailed for murder. But I don't know. [00:40:18] Speaker A: I don't know. All right? [00:40:20] Speaker B: Who knows what'll happen? [00:40:21] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:40:22] Speaker B: I don't. [00:40:23] Speaker A: Well, I mean, the. The ship is pulling away from the dock, and in terms of, you know, what's gonna happen, I think we're. We're gonna have to find out. Next time on pork fried dice. [00:40:37] Speaker B: And we have this fisherman guy on there, too. [00:40:41] Speaker A: Kick. [00:40:42] Speaker D: Kick. [00:40:43] Speaker C: I think. I think Kick is a shortened homophone for disembowel. [00:40:50] Speaker A: Disembowel. Ass. Ching. [00:40:53] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:40:55] Speaker C: What did you say it was? Ass. [00:40:57] Speaker A: What I heard. So that's what the captain heard. [00:41:03] Speaker D: I heard hasting. Hasting. [00:41:06] Speaker B: I thought it was hasting. [00:41:08] Speaker C: Hasting is close. Yeah. [00:41:10] Speaker B: Is it with a j? [00:41:11] Speaker C: It's with. It's. Yeah, it's Hess. [00:41:14] Speaker B: And it means water. [00:41:15] Speaker A: Yeah, hess. Jing. [00:41:18] Speaker D: Yeah, I got water in what? [00:41:22] Speaker C: Yeah, I think. I mean, I think so. It's. It's hard to get. [00:41:25] Speaker D: Or draconic, I guess. [00:41:26] Speaker C: Like a reliable dictionary for that. [00:41:28] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:41:29] Speaker A: Oh. [00:41:29] Speaker B: Like, according to actual dictionaries out there. [00:41:31] Speaker A: It'S also an IkEA desk. [00:41:33] Speaker D: That's what I was totally expecting. [00:41:37] Speaker B: And Kik is the desk accessory on top. [00:41:40] Speaker A: The little pencil holder. [00:41:42] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Let's go. [00:41:44] Speaker C: I really like kick ass ching, though. [00:41:49] Speaker B: I think he's gonna go with that from now on. [00:41:54] Speaker D: Hey, everyone, if you like what you hear, please consider leaving us a kind review wherever that sort of thing happens. Also, support us by sending us a tip on Ko fi. You can find all of our social media [email protected]. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next time.

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