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Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, all you sexy people looking for sexy times.
[00:00:03] Speaker B: Did you know that if you support Pork Fried Dice on KO Fi, you can get access to exclusive secret behind the scenes goodies and art?
[00:00:13] Speaker A: Just head over to tinyurl.com supportpfd plus.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: If you support us, Bathwhack will kiss you right on the lips.
[00:00:33] Speaker A: You're listening to the show about bbbl.
It's Pork Fried Dice.
I'm Eric and I'm the dungeon Master.
[00:00:44] Speaker C: I'm Abby and I play Rafina.
[00:00:47] Speaker D: I'm Alex and I play Batwack.
[00:00:50] Speaker B: I'm KT and I play Will.
[00:00:54] Speaker E: I'm Adam and I play Roscoe.
[00:00:59] Speaker A: Hold on to your haversacks. Let's roll.
[00:01:05] Speaker F: Good boy.
When's the last time you ate?
[00:01:13] Speaker B: It dies. It dies right now.
Starvation.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: Fuck.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: And Will's like, me too. And he dies too.
We both starve it.
[00:01:24] Speaker C: What a way for the show to end.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: The show ends because Will D.
[00:01:31] Speaker A: You.
[00:01:31] Speaker B: Guys can keep going.
That's very cute.
Okay, well.
[00:01:39] Speaker F: Okay, I think. I think Oscar understands and I think presume, assuming that I am able to perform my thing in. In the hut. Yeah, I could do it. I could do it at any moment. You just say the white.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: Let's do it. I mean, how much longer does this tiny hut last?
[00:02:01] Speaker A: It lasts eight hours.
[00:02:02] Speaker B: Oh, okay, good. Yeah, do it. Let's do it now.
[00:02:04] Speaker E: He pops you. So. Yeah, pops into a flea form, but you guys can't see him. It's so.
[00:02:11] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, did he just disappear? Oh, wait, he's a flea.
[00:02:16] Speaker C: I like those noises.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:02:20] Speaker B: And then I cast major image to make a Roscoe.
[00:02:25] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Does he have any mustard on him?
[00:02:27] Speaker B: He is just the right amount of mustard. He's just a copy of him.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: I understand.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: That's what I'm casting.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: I just wondered if you subconsciously couldn't help cleaning him up a little bit.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: No, then it wouldn't be believable.
[00:02:40] Speaker A: Okay, fine. You're dedicated to your craft. I get it.
All right, so Roscoe disappears from view.
[00:02:52] Speaker C: Except that there's the major image.
[00:02:54] Speaker A: Right. And appears into view.
[00:02:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Weird.
[00:02:57] Speaker C: Mm.
[00:03:00] Speaker A: And Oscar is just sitting there.
And then he gets up on all fours. He was just kind of sitting and. And trundles out of the tiny hut in almost exactly the opposite direction of the trooper's den.
[00:03:20] Speaker B: Okay, okay. I. I make Roscoe. I. Wait, wait, my. Oh, God. He can't get out of the. Oh, no, wait, wait, no, no. I cast my Roscoe out of the. That doesn't make sense. I wouldn't have cast it in the dome. The point of having Roscoe is so that he could be seen, is that. I'm sorry, I don't mean the metagame, but, like, the whole point of you casting the sword.
[00:03:38] Speaker E: The major image, Rosco, can leave the hut, right?
[00:03:41] Speaker B: Yeah, but you said it can't cross the barrier through.
[00:03:44] Speaker A: Oh, it's like.
[00:03:45] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: So I'll send my major image dispels magic. I'll send Roscoe out and try to get him to, like, wave. You know, I'm like. I'm. I. I just. I'm doing this in the hut. Like, Will is mimicking what the little major image. So he's, like, waving at the dog like this. Will doesn't know what dog.
[00:04:03] Speaker E: He's like, dog and the major image talk.
[00:04:07] Speaker B: Yes. It can make noise. Let me. Let me just make sure I know that it can make noise.
[00:04:13] Speaker A: That's one of the big differences between major and minor illusions.
[00:04:15] Speaker E: Is this just gonna be like a. Like a faulty clone of Roscoe.
[00:04:20] Speaker B: It seems completely.
[00:04:21] Speaker E: Just kind of walking like a big.
[00:04:23] Speaker B: Puppet, like you're a bunch of fleas in a Roscoe suit.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: I think.
I think the voice should be Will trying to mimic Roscoe.
[00:04:35] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: All right. I mean, it's. It says. It seems completely real, including sounds, smells, and temperature.
[00:04:40] Speaker A: Okay, but. But for.
[00:04:41] Speaker E: You should perform it to be.
[00:04:43] Speaker A: Yes, for me to allow it, you have to perform it.
[00:04:45] Speaker B: Okay, well, at first, he's just waving because he's, like. He's making it, like, trying to get the dog's attention, but the dog is not looking or anything. Or does the dog look at it?
[00:04:55] Speaker A: The dog stops and looks over its shoulder at Roscoe and then turns, and it's kind of headed over towards, like, the. The tree and the. The plinth with the sacrifice.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: Hey.
[00:05:06] Speaker F: Hey, boy.
[00:05:09] Speaker B: Oyster.
[00:05:15] Speaker A: Give me.
[00:05:16] Speaker B: Oh, my God. He's not even gonna.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: Animal handling check with disadvantage.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: Oh, why?
[00:05:22] Speaker A: Because you're doing it through a puppet. A magic puppet.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: But it's a spell.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: All right, then give me.
Give me animal handling and an arcana. Check.
[00:05:32] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
Animal handling. Arcana.
Oh, wait, I did click it. Wait, I didn't think I clicked it. Okay, sorry.
[00:05:41] Speaker A: I'll just take the first one.
[00:05:41] Speaker B: Okay. Animal handling 12, arcana 11.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: All right.
Oscar doesn't even look back and goes over and puts its paws up on one of the plinths, and it looks like he's trying to bite whatever is up there. The remains of something.
It is a snake.
[00:06:07] Speaker B: Okay, I. I make Roscoe smell like steak.
Hey, free steak over here.
[00:06:18] Speaker F: Oscar.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: Oscar. I'm Roscoe lafor.
Come here, buddy. No, no. Snake.
Snakes.
[00:06:29] Speaker F: Not snakes.
[00:06:30] Speaker B: Snakes.
[00:06:31] Speaker E: This what I sound like?
[00:06:33] Speaker B: I don't know exactly.
[00:06:36] Speaker E: I'm playing offended. Like. Is that how you guys view Roscoe?
[00:06:43] Speaker A: Some kind of cartoon?
[00:06:44] Speaker C: Couldn't tell.
[00:06:44] Speaker B: It wasn't just some kind of joke.
[00:06:51] Speaker A: Oscar can't quite reach the snake, so it gives up and he circles around the. The back of the tree. You see him? He lifts his leg on one of the plinths.
[00:07:02] Speaker B: Rafina, go grab the dog. Go grab the freaking dog, somebody.
[00:07:06] Speaker C: We're not just waiting in here. Okay, all right, I'll go.
[00:07:08] Speaker B: Somebody.
[00:07:09] Speaker G: Yeah, we can just.
[00:07:09] Speaker B: Hey, leave, kick, chill, walk around, like. And then come back in. It's just, you know, this is just our little. If anyone's looking at us, we need to look normal. Just tell them normal.
[00:07:19] Speaker A: Just.
[00:07:19] Speaker B: Just tell him about the sex thing. What?
[00:07:21] Speaker E: Oscar.
[00:07:22] Speaker C: Oscar, look.
Fragrances.
[00:07:28] Speaker A: Look, Fragrances.
[00:07:31] Speaker E: Look, Fragrances.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: We none of us know what a dog is. We're like.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: And all she's doing is saying things.
[00:07:44] Speaker B: Grab the dog. Grab it.
I'm going.
[00:07:47] Speaker C: I'm trying.
[00:07:48] Speaker B: Rafina, can you help me with my dog?
I can't gets him.
[00:07:57] Speaker C: Rafina reaches Oscar.
Oscar offput.
[00:08:01] Speaker A: Are you trying to grab him?
[00:08:03] Speaker C: I'm putting out my hand for him to smell it.
[00:08:07] Speaker A: Okay.
He turns to you after peeing on one of the plinths and sniffs and licks your hand.
[00:08:16] Speaker C: Hi, sweetie pie. Okay, so.
[00:08:19] Speaker A: And he turns away from you.
[00:08:21] Speaker C: What the fuck? Roscoe didn't want this, but I'm gonna.
[00:08:24] Speaker A: Just starts running.
[00:08:27] Speaker C: He starts running.
Ah, crap.
All right, that's. That changes my plan.
[00:08:34] Speaker E: Why don't you try talking to it?
[00:08:36] Speaker C: That's what I was gonna do, but it's not listening. You mean, like with English?
[00:08:40] Speaker B: She should cast your talking spell, but then just say fragrances in dog language.
Fragrances.
[00:08:57] Speaker C: Is this gonna cancel my tiny hut? Oh, shoot.
[00:09:00] Speaker B: Yeah, it would be concentrate if it's a concentration. If they're both con. You can only do one spell that has concentration at a time.
[00:09:07] Speaker C: All right, hang on.
[00:09:09] Speaker B: Yeah, it's annoying.
I want to concentrate on a thousand things.
[00:09:14] Speaker A: Nope, it's not.
[00:09:16] Speaker C: Okay, good. Unfortunately, the knowledge and awareness is limited by his intelligence. It doesn't sound like he's very brain A, but I will. So Rafina, cast speak with animals.
Oscar. Oscar, let's go this way.
[00:09:33] Speaker A: So he was tearing around the back of the tree, and he loops around, and he is.
At this point, he's actually looking like he's kind of going towards the Dreamer Den. But then he stops and turns him back. Turns back to look at you.
[00:09:51] Speaker C: That's right.
You're on the right path. You're going over there, right?
[00:09:54] Speaker A: And he comes trotting over to you.
[00:09:56] Speaker G: What is this?
[00:09:57] Speaker B: The dumbest dog ever? Sorry, Roscoe.
[00:10:01] Speaker C: So, Oscar and, like, we're trying to be normal, right? I'm not saying we're trying to be normal.
[00:10:09] Speaker E: Always.
[00:10:10] Speaker A: Roscoe isn't there to teach you how.
[00:10:13] Speaker C: I know he is, but he's being strangely not normal himself.
Okay. Okay. So I'm sort of barking quietly at him because I don't want to draw any attention.
You're going over to the Dreamer's den, Remember?
You got this.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:10:34] Speaker C: Okay. All right. Go on over. This is an important mission, and when you are done, you will be richly rewarded in fragrances.
[00:10:42] Speaker A: What's Dreamers Den?
[00:10:44] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:10:45] Speaker A: Oh, man.
[00:10:46] Speaker C: Roscoe really was misplaced in his trust in you. But you can't hear me say that. No, I'm just talking to myself.
[00:10:55] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:10:58] Speaker C: It's the place over there with no doors. You see it through the woods. I'm not pointing. I want you to just turn 180 degrees away from me and the direction you were going before, and you're gonna go there.
[00:11:14] Speaker B: Can I hear that conversation at all?
[00:11:16] Speaker A: She's talking pretty. Barking, right? Yeah, she's softly barking.
[00:11:19] Speaker B: Maybe I just have Roscoe.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: Yeah, you don't understand.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: I have the Roscoe major image. Like, he's just doing, like, a. A Roscoe dance. Like.
[00:11:26] Speaker F: No, no, no, no.
[00:11:28] Speaker A: Describe it for the podcast.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: He's just.
Well, he. You know, he's like.
[00:11:33] Speaker G: I don't know what this is.
[00:11:34] Speaker B: I'm.
[00:11:35] Speaker A: Well, describe it.
[00:11:37] Speaker B: Like, finger point dance.
[00:11:39] Speaker E: Waddling back from foot to foot.
[00:11:41] Speaker F: Come on.
[00:11:42] Speaker B: Come here, boy.
Come on over here. Like, just. Just dancing in that.
[00:11:47] Speaker A: You're, like, dancing like you would make a action figure dance that only has one point of articulation in the shoulder.
Elbows constantly bent.
[00:11:59] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:12:00] Speaker A: Okay. Just wanted to paint a picture.
[00:12:04] Speaker C: Does Oscar.
Does he get on the right track now?
[00:12:10] Speaker A: Yeah. So he turns away and starts trotting over to the. To the Dreamer's Den.
Roscoe, you've been on Oscar this whole time.
They wanted to. You know, everybody was assuming. And you are. You're on. You're in his fur. You're holding on for dear life. It's very different.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: It's like, honey, I shrunk the kids. All right, tell us your experience on the giant dog hair that you're clinging to.
[00:12:37] Speaker E: Oh, my. Aren't my feet sticky?
[00:12:39] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know. How are they? Have little barbs on them or something. How do fleas. Yeah, I don't know. They're funky. Their legs are, like, backwards.
They're weird.
[00:12:47] Speaker C: Oh, I can tell Alex is on it.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:12:50] Speaker C: I'm gonna look this up.
[00:12:51] Speaker A: It's like I've. Oh, I get to pay attention.
[00:12:54] Speaker E: I would love to. If Rafina can talk to Oscar and KT can control major image Roscoe. I think Alex should play Flea Roscoe.
[00:13:05] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh.
[00:13:06] Speaker E: I'm happy to just kind of outsource everything.
[00:13:11] Speaker B: Tony, want to play the game?
[00:13:12] Speaker C: Love it.
Okay, Flea Roscoe, go.
[00:13:17] Speaker A: What do you see? Flea Roscoe.
And how sticky are your feet?
[00:13:23] Speaker C: You gotta speak in flea Roscoe's voice.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: Yeah, that's true.
Hey, it's not your turn.
[00:13:34] Speaker D: It feels wrong. It feels wrong to voice.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: Yeah, it does, doesn't it? But it feels so right at the same time.
[00:13:43] Speaker D: I can be Roscoe.
No, I can't do it. I'm not gonna do it.
[00:13:50] Speaker B: Oh, it's dark in here.
[00:13:54] Speaker A: Yeah, the vocal cords are different. The accent is. You can't do it. It doesn't happen.
[00:14:00] Speaker E: Yeah, it could be. It's a totally different voice.
He's not talking right. He's just thinking. It's just an inner monologue.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I like it's vocal. That's why it does sound different. Otherwise, it'd be the same.
[00:14:14] Speaker B: Who could hear it, though? Only other fleas. Can the dog hear it?
[00:14:17] Speaker A: There's lots of fleas on Oscar, as you find.
[00:14:20] Speaker B: Oh, no, by the way.
[00:14:22] Speaker E: Oh, there are other fleas around.
[00:14:23] Speaker A: Yeah. Everywhere.
[00:14:25] Speaker C: Oh, my.
[00:14:27] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:14:28] Speaker A: Roll for initiative.
[00:14:32] Speaker G: Oh, my God.
[00:14:37] Speaker B: That's amazing. Holy moly.
[00:14:40] Speaker A: I've not prepared this, and we won't go into it because it's just. It'd be a battle for battle's sake. But everybody picture, like a two episode. Two pork fried dice, episode long.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: Battle between Roscoe and these fleas just.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: With their little flea legs, like, kicking each other.
[00:14:58] Speaker E: Eventually, Roscoe would come to earn their respect and become their leader.
[00:15:05] Speaker B: We got a flea army now.
[00:15:07] Speaker D: No. After going on a pilgrimage to the. To the ear.
[00:15:12] Speaker E: I lead them to, like, a Lawrence of Arabia.
[00:15:15] Speaker A: Huh.
[00:15:17] Speaker B: Amazing.
Holy moly.
Roscoe has a whole fucking adventure.
[00:15:24] Speaker E: All I need to know from you, Alex, is do fleas have sticky feet?
[00:15:31] Speaker D: Yeah, sure.
[00:15:33] Speaker A: We were all assuming you were looking.
[00:15:34] Speaker D: It up, but I'll ask Google, too.
[00:15:36] Speaker E: Check Urban Dictionary.
[00:15:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:40] Speaker D: Oh, sometimes.
[00:15:42] Speaker A: Sometimes if they're in jam.
[00:15:48] Speaker E: When they're in a jam, their sticky Feet can get them out of it.
[00:15:52] Speaker C: Maybe not sticky, but, like, suctiony. Did you mean suctiony?
[00:15:56] Speaker E: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I mean.
[00:15:58] Speaker A: He'll look that up. Meantime. Yeah, you. You battle these fleas. It's epic.
Eventually, yes, they all defer to you as their ersatz flea leader.
In so much as fleas have any kind of hierarchy at all. They're very.
[00:16:13] Speaker D: They're known on their legs.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: Anarchy spines.
And, yeah, you lead them on a pilgrimage up to the ear.
Around the time you get there, the timing is perfect. It's almost as if it was foretold. Yea, and the books therefore bestowed to us.
Oscar reaches the dreamer's den and starts peeing on some flowers. And his head is conveniently right next to the structure itself. And you need all.
[00:16:40] Speaker F: Oh, here. I. Oh. Oh. Oh.
[00:16:42] Speaker B: Ah.
[00:16:43] Speaker C: This is my stop.
[00:16:44] Speaker F: My. My people. My fleeple.
[00:16:47] Speaker G: My fleeple. Yeah.
[00:16:49] Speaker F: We have spent many a year together here in flea time.
It has been one of my greatest honors to save you and to learn your ways.
But the time has come for me to fulfill my final mission, which is I'm just. I have to go.
I'm gonna jump off into the area and, you know, just.
It'll be fine. I'm gonna.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: I.
[00:17:24] Speaker E: You know.
[00:17:25] Speaker F: Who wants to.
Bill, do you want to take over?
[00:17:30] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:17:30] Speaker F: You've been really great assistant.
You know how to do things.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: I don't wanna.
[00:17:38] Speaker F: Okay, well, that's someone saying that. Who thinks that Bill, in his humility and his reluctance to become the leader of the fleeple, would indeed be the best leader for you all.
[00:17:54] Speaker A: No, we don't like him very much. He's always kind of a brown noser.
[00:17:58] Speaker F: Oh. Oh.
[00:17:59] Speaker A: I don't think Bill's a good choice.
[00:18:02] Speaker F: Yeah, he was very over. He was very overzealous when I did that whole mad lib student teacher thing.
He was showing off. Bill, I told you you shouldn't have done that.
[00:18:16] Speaker A: That's okay. I don't want to be the leader. I like this.
[00:18:19] Speaker F: Okay, well, who does. Who does want to be? Who wants to take over?
[00:18:26] Speaker G: I don't know. I think.
[00:18:27] Speaker A: Oh, what?
[00:18:29] Speaker F: The two of you?
[00:18:30] Speaker A: Oh, damn it. I was trying to play this.
[00:18:36] Speaker B: Hey, you. George the cricket.
[00:18:38] Speaker F: Get out of here.
[00:18:40] Speaker A: I think I should be the leader.
[00:18:42] Speaker G: Oh, yes. Okay.
[00:18:43] Speaker B: George. Oh, no.
[00:18:44] Speaker F: It's Hopper from A Bug's Life.
[00:18:47] Speaker B: From a Bug's Life.
[00:18:48] Speaker F: Listen to that voice. That's. He's creepy. He's definitely been creepy with guys before.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: Yeah, that's right.
[00:18:58] Speaker E: Kevin Spacey.
[00:18:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:01] Speaker B: Wait, that was Kevin Spacey?
[00:19:03] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:19:04] Speaker A: What?
[00:19:05] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:19:06] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:19:08] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. Gosh.
[00:19:09] Speaker B: I think I confused that. In a bug's life hopper. They're grasshoppers and ants. Right? The bad grasshoppers.
[00:19:15] Speaker A: It's bug's life and they're ants.
[00:19:16] Speaker B: Oh, it is bug's life.
[00:19:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, ants is Woody Allen.
[00:19:20] Speaker C: Oh, I know it spelled with this.
[00:19:23] Speaker A: Creepy.
[00:19:23] Speaker B: I'm so confused. Yes, they both do. Okay. Sorry.
[00:19:27] Speaker F: All right.
[00:19:28] Speaker B: Anyway.
[00:19:28] Speaker F: Okay, you know what? I. I don't know how the time, like, corresponds. I don't know how many moments are passing in flea years. So I just. I'm gonna go, and you guys can just sort of handle it. There will be a vacuum of power.
[00:19:42] Speaker A: And I'll fill it.
[00:19:45] Speaker E: Well, good luck.
[00:19:47] Speaker F: Good luck, guys.
[00:19:50] Speaker G: Oh, no.
[00:19:52] Speaker A: You jump and all of the fleas jump after you.
[00:19:56] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:19:59] Speaker A: You can't go.
[00:20:00] Speaker G: Yeah, I can. Bye. We don't like you either, Bill. You can stay here. Go. I've got to go.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: I need to rule you.
[00:20:14] Speaker F: No, you cannot come with me. I'm on a mission.
Go back.
[00:20:18] Speaker A: Yeah. They're flying.
[00:20:19] Speaker C: I thought they had little guns.
[00:20:21] Speaker E: Are they just. Are they jumping to their deaths? Is that what happens to fleas when they jump off of dogs?
[00:20:27] Speaker B: I hope most of them don't live on the animal. Actually, most of them live in your. You know this. Most of the fleas and eggs and stuff are not actually on the animal. They live off of the animal. That's why you can get them outside and stuff. Like, they live in the grass and stuff. So they'll be okay. They'll be okay.
[00:20:44] Speaker C: They'll be okay.
[00:20:46] Speaker B: But you can picture them just all killing themselves.
[00:20:52] Speaker E: But they're not following me into the dreamer's den. Right?
[00:20:56] Speaker A: We haven't gone in there yet.
The rest of you, you see, this.
[00:21:00] Speaker D: Is how we're gonna wake the dreamer up.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:21:03] Speaker C: Bite him.
[00:21:05] Speaker E: I lead an army of fleece.
What the fuck is happening?
[00:21:12] Speaker A: You guys see?
You're watching. You just see a dog. All of you. You don't see any of this or hear any of this happening? Obviously, you may be here.
[00:21:20] Speaker C: We all abandoned the hut, by the way. Are we like.
[00:21:23] Speaker B: I think I'm still in the hut. And I was saying, like, yeah, Mo, go out, come back in. I'm gonna be in here. Because I'm. If I'm, like, puppeteering. I mean, I can do this without puppeteering, but I think if I'm doing a voice like, He's. He's a little nervous.
[00:21:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: Maybe he pokes out For a second when Roscoe's just, like, hanging out. Yeah.
[00:21:40] Speaker A: And I think kick's in there. I haven't heard otherwise.
[00:21:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:43] Speaker E: I think there needs to be a moment between major image Roscoe and. And will, where Major image Roscoe, like, gives you a weird look and you're like.
[00:21:52] Speaker B: I'm like, wait a second. This is my own creation.
[00:21:55] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:21:56] Speaker B: And I put. That's when I poke my head. That's when I come out of the. Yeah. Like when I come out of the thing that happens and then I just, like, back into it. Like.
[00:22:04] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:22:06] Speaker B: God, am I doing this to myself?
[00:22:12] Speaker A: But, yeah, you guys see just the dog go up and pee on some flowers. And then you see it, like, just. You didn't realize, but you feel like Roscoe or Oscar. Sorry. Looked, like, tense and now just looks more at ease.
[00:22:26] Speaker B: Aww.
[00:22:28] Speaker A: As he trots away from the dreamer's den to go sniff around out of character. He's been efficiently, effectively defleed.
[00:22:39] Speaker B: That's pretty awesome. Yeah.
[00:22:41] Speaker C: Oh, I get it. Okay.
[00:22:42] Speaker A: So, yeah, Roscoe, you fling yourself off of your faithful companion towards the dreamer's den, and, yeah, you land on the ground and this massive structure looming above you. Be almost existentially horrifying if you didn't know what it was and what your. Your situation was. Even so, it's. It's a little unsettling.
Are you going to look for a way to get in or all these fleas are bouncing down after you and sort of gathering up near you just waiting for your next move?
[00:23:24] Speaker E: Yeah, I'm looking for a way in.
[00:23:25] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:23:26] Speaker A: Yeah. At this size, it's pretty easy to see. It's a wood structure. You see a bunch of different cracks that you can easily fit through.
[00:23:34] Speaker E: Yeah, I'll fly.
[00:23:36] Speaker A: You don't fly in.
[00:23:37] Speaker E: I guess I flee in.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes.
[00:23:43] Speaker A: So, yeah, you hop on in there and you enter the dreamer's den.
Inside, it's. There's basically a small opening in the ceiling above, letting the only light in.
It's filtering down through the red, orange, and gold leaves above, dappling the entirety of the small room. It's a single room. You think it's. From where you can see you're down on the floor. So it's again, all kind of extended up above you.
You think it's.
You know, this one room takes up the entirety of what you appear. The structure appears to be from outside.
And give me a perception check.
[00:24:38] Speaker E: 15.
[00:24:39] Speaker A: Okay.
It's got a 15 perception. So the bulk of the interior of the room Is taken up by the center. In the center of the room, there is. Looks like a huge heaping of these. Like, the best way to put it would be like, green fronds, like long, thin leaves sort of piled up sort of in, like, a bed. And laying on top of this bed is.
It's hard to tell from down on the floor, but it looks like some sort of a. A figure, like a humanoid Laying atop these fronds on their back.
You don't see much else in the room itself, but you think that over in the corner to your left, There is an opening in the floor that looks like it leads down into the. The. So.
[00:25:40] Speaker C: Into the soil, like, underneath the.
[00:25:42] Speaker A: Like under the floor. Yeah. The floor is wood, but there's a hole in the floor.
[00:25:49] Speaker E: I guess Roscoe's going to.
I think he needs to transform back into Roscoe form.
[00:26:03] Speaker B: Right.
[00:26:04] Speaker E: He's not gonna be able to do anything or figure anything out in here.
I'll get closer before he makes any decisions. I guess he'll investigate.
[00:26:17] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, you could start to try to hop up on there if you want. As a flea.
[00:26:26] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:26:28] Speaker A: Or you can try to just change shape. Whatever you want to do.
Whatever Roscoe would do.
[00:26:37] Speaker E: I think. I think he's just gonna turn into Roscoe.
[00:26:43] Speaker A: Okay. Is that just, like, with an action or whatever, you can shape shift? Shape shift?
[00:26:52] Speaker E: Yeah, I think so.
[00:26:53] Speaker A: Okay. It doesn't work.
[00:26:56] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:26:59] Speaker E: Is he.
Is your dming broken? Do we have to fix it so he can do it?
[00:27:05] Speaker C: Do you try turning it off and turning it back on?
[00:27:09] Speaker A: Yeah, it's just like a weird. Like, it feels like you could almost get a headache if you try that. Like, just doesn't do anything.
[00:27:19] Speaker E: So magic doesn't work in here.
[00:27:24] Speaker A: Maybe.
[00:27:28] Speaker E: Huh. All right, then he'll, I guess, try to hop over and he's. And hop up and get a sense of who this figure is. And are they. Are they saying anything in their sleep?
Oscar's trying to gain information.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, sure. So, yeah, you hop up onto the franz and onto the figure.
You can sense their warmth. So you believe that they're not. It's not like a corpse. The figure, from what you can tell with your flea perception, Looks like to be a half orc who was laying on their back sort of in this very rigid. Their arms are straight down at their sides. Their legs are pointed straight out beneath them. They're flat on their back, facing directly up at the ceiling. And their eyes are closed.
They're breathing softly, but you don't hear any. Any Words.
[00:28:25] Speaker E: Did any of the other fleas follow me in?
[00:28:29] Speaker A: Yeah, they're hopping all around in here now.
[00:28:34] Speaker B: We really have infested this room. That's amazing.
[00:28:39] Speaker E: Well, now it's going to be a war of the fleas versus the. The bed bugs.
[00:28:42] Speaker G: Oh, no.
[00:28:43] Speaker B: What a horrible pugs in here.
[00:28:52] Speaker F: My.
[00:28:53] Speaker E: I feel bad because I wasn't doing the high pitched Roscoe voice earlier retroactively. Yeah, I want to retcon it.
[00:29:01] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:29:02] Speaker E: My people.
[00:29:05] Speaker F: I need your assistance one more time.
[00:29:09] Speaker A: Okay, you. You.
[00:29:11] Speaker G: You got our sword and our axe.
[00:29:18] Speaker F: We need to get on this poison's face and jump up and down the hell try to wake him up.
[00:29:27] Speaker A: Should we bite him?
[00:29:29] Speaker F: Yeah, sure.
[00:29:31] Speaker A: Okay.
You don't need to ask us twice.
[00:29:35] Speaker B: We're good at that.
[00:29:37] Speaker A: So.
[00:29:37] Speaker G: Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
[00:29:41] Speaker A: All these fleas hop up from all the different points in the room. They were all kind of exploring this new, new room.
And so they all gather onto the face of the half orc and start biting the fuck out of him.
[00:29:54] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: And the dreamer is sort of twitching a little bit at the bites and looks like they're in some form of discomfort, but they're not really moving much other than their face.
And you hear, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Bat thwack.
[00:30:23] Speaker B: Whoa.
[00:30:24] Speaker A: And the fleas keep biting. And then the dreamer just settles back and they're just biting his face and he's not doing anything.
[00:30:29] Speaker B: Oh, geez.
[00:30:31] Speaker E: Laska thinks to himself, ugh.
[00:30:34] Speaker F: All of this and will just mis. Hoyt it. This guy's talking about somebody else entirely named Blathwack.
What?
Us?
What a misadventure.
[00:30:52] Speaker B: Just decided join.
Yeah.
Gonna go live your life as a flea now.
[00:30:59] Speaker E: But you did is bathwack, not blathwack.
[00:31:02] Speaker A: Did I say Blathwack?
[00:31:03] Speaker B: I don't know.
[00:31:04] Speaker E: I didn't like it.
[00:31:07] Speaker A: Sensual bat thwack.
[00:31:09] Speaker E: Sensual bathwack.
Let's go.
Just gonna try to rack his little flea brain to remember what exactly Bill wanted him to do in here.
[00:31:29] Speaker B: I don't. I don't think I said anything specific. Was just to check it out.
[00:31:33] Speaker C: Yep, it was recommended.
[00:31:37] Speaker B: But I mean, you did see a door.
[00:31:40] Speaker E: I saw something going down into the ground.
[00:31:41] Speaker B: Huh. Yeah.
[00:31:44] Speaker E: Roscoe will investigate that.
[00:31:46] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, you can hop over there.
It looks like this just leads down into darkness. From the small amount of light let through the hole in the ceiling, you can see looks like a set of stairs heading down into the ground.
I don't know how. Well, fleas can see in the dark, I guess.
[00:32:16] Speaker E: Light sensors.
They can detect changes in light and dark, but can't see visual images.
[00:32:23] Speaker A: Oh, you didn't see any of this.
[00:32:28] Speaker C: Too bad you weren't a bull.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: Too bad you weren't a bull.
Oh, my God.
[00:32:37] Speaker A: But unfortunately, sexy voles, their eyelashes are too long. They can't see anything.
[00:32:41] Speaker B: That's true.
[00:32:42] Speaker E: Eyelashes are constantly getting in the way.
[00:32:46] Speaker C: Such a problem.
[00:32:47] Speaker E: Famously for sex.
[00:32:49] Speaker A: Yeah. Their eyes basically just function as light sensors.
[00:32:53] Speaker C: Yeah, it's a problem.
[00:32:54] Speaker A: Whatever.
[00:32:55] Speaker E: Your flea Roscoe has had many flea years to to train and develop his eyesight.
[00:33:03] Speaker A: This is true for sure.
[00:33:05] Speaker E: So Roscoe will tell the other fleas.
[00:33:09] Speaker F: Keep on doing that.
I'll be right back.
[00:33:13] Speaker B: Oh, how this poor person.
[00:33:18] Speaker E: And Roscoe heads down the stairs.
[00:33:21] Speaker A: Okay.
Yeah. You're soon plunged into darkness.
[00:33:27] Speaker E: He's feeling around. He's using his sense. He's trying to use his perception skills that aren't psyched to get information about where these stairs lead.
[00:33:39] Speaker A: Okay. Give me a perception roll with disadvantage.
[00:33:43] Speaker F: Why?
[00:33:44] Speaker A: Because you're in the dark.
[00:33:45] Speaker B: He keeps wanting to be disadvantagey today. What a jerk.
[00:33:50] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:33:50] Speaker E: I've had years to develop my other senses.
[00:33:55] Speaker C: Flea years.
[00:33:59] Speaker E: Flee disadvantage perception.
[00:34:07] Speaker A: Oh, two.
Yeah. You. You don't know. You think these stairs might go down for a while or maybe they. Maybe there aren't any more stairs. You're kind of like hopping and not even sure if you're going lower or just kind of staying at the same level at this point.
And. Yeah, there's a small square of light above you.
A dim square of light.
[00:34:28] Speaker E: Rascal will descend as far down as he can, and he's trying to find the. If there's a point at which he is able to transform back into Rasko.
[00:34:48] Speaker A: Got it.
[00:34:49] Speaker E: Is there a bottom? Is there a floor to this anti magic.
[00:34:54] Speaker A: So you keep hopping and what you hope is sort of away and down and eventually that he's just hopping into a wall.
[00:35:05] Speaker B: What's wrong with this place?
[00:35:08] Speaker A: The square of light, if you check back, disappears.
[00:35:11] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:35:12] Speaker A: And at that point, you still cannot transform into Roscoe.
[00:35:16] Speaker B: Oh, no.
[00:35:20] Speaker A: Does that. Do you want to keep going?
[00:35:26] Speaker B: I mean.
[00:35:30] Speaker E: Kind of.
[00:35:36] Speaker B: That was Will clearing his throat. I'm just kidding.
I'm really just kidding, Honestly. Like what? Like whatever.
[00:35:45] Speaker A: What's the worst gonna happen? Roscoe dies. Who cares?
[00:35:47] Speaker G: Oh, no.
[00:35:49] Speaker B: I'm saying we're telling a story. If Roscoe.
[00:35:52] Speaker A: I don't understand. That's why I'm asking.
[00:35:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:54] Speaker E: Roscoe pauses. He takes a few flea hops back in the opposite direction. Can he see the light again?
[00:36:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:03] Speaker E: And he looks back between the light behind him and the darkness ahead, and he thinks to himself.
[00:36:16] Speaker F: Well, Roscoe.
[00:36:22] Speaker E: I.
[00:36:22] Speaker F: Guess this is it.
If I really am just a dream being dreamed, then what else is there for me to do?
This is what my friends need from me.
And so it's what I guess I will be.
[00:36:47] Speaker E: And he forges ahead.
[00:36:51] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:36:52] Speaker E: Into the darkness.
[00:36:53] Speaker A: Cool. Wow.
All right.
Do we need a break?
[00:36:59] Speaker D: I may need to call it a night soon.
[00:37:04] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:37:04] Speaker E: Hired Alex.
[00:37:07] Speaker A: Well, then why don't we do this?
If we cut back to the tiny hut right now.
This has taken a while.
[00:37:15] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:37:16] Speaker A: What are you guys doing?
[00:37:18] Speaker B: God, I don't know how long any.
[00:37:19] Speaker E: It wasn't just. It wasn't just flea years.
[00:37:22] Speaker B: This was real years.
[00:37:23] Speaker E: Human years. Roscoe assumed that they weren't the same, but he has been gone now for four years. You have become full citizens of Burn Gate.
[00:37:37] Speaker B: I haven't eaten in four years.
[00:37:41] Speaker C: Rafita has opened several businesses.
[00:37:46] Speaker B: My spell only lasts for 10 minutes. So you're saying it's longer than 10 minutes? I'd make sure Roscoe comes back into the hut before he disappears from existence.
[00:37:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I think. I think it's probably been close to that at this point.
[00:37:59] Speaker C: Okay, Will, what do we do.
[00:38:06] Speaker A: If.
[00:38:06] Speaker C: Roscoe doesn't come back?
[00:38:10] Speaker B: Is Batwack there?
[00:38:12] Speaker A: Yeah, well, kick, but, yeah, kick there.
[00:38:15] Speaker D: Well, I know what I would do.
[00:38:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I know what you would do, too.
[00:38:22] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:38:23] Speaker B: I mean, either he's dead or he's talking to somebody and needs a little more time or a variety of things. Yeah. What are we waiting for? There's the weird sacrifice tonight.
And what. Why else are we here? You know what? Maybe walking again is a good idea. Okay. I guess we should save Roscoe first. If he's trapped, I. I'd say let's assume he's totally fine.
I would say let's assume he's just getting information.
And what time is it? It's after lunch.
[00:39:09] Speaker A: You look around, you're like, what time is it? You try to, like, look at the light. You realize where you are, and you see from the meeting hall, food place, mess hall, those two be flowered young youngins come out of the. The front door, each holding a tray with what looks like some of the food, like that you guys ate. And they scurry across the clearing over towards the main bunkhouse, the one next to the guest bunkhouse that you guys are staying in. And they go up the stairs in the front and into the door.
[00:39:48] Speaker C: So they're carrying the food.
[00:39:50] Speaker D: You said, do we know who's in there?
I mean, we were in the guest house, right?
[00:39:57] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:58] Speaker A: And it didn't seem like anybody else was in there.
[00:40:06] Speaker C: That's weird.
[00:40:06] Speaker D: I wonder who's in there.
[00:40:07] Speaker B: Where is Shimi? Shimi was supposed to be figuring out.
[00:40:11] Speaker A: Sent him into the hall.
[00:40:12] Speaker B: Oh, no. And he didn't come out. They came out.
[00:40:14] Speaker A: He hasn't come out yet? No.
[00:40:17] Speaker B: Will just walks over to the hall. Yeah. He leaves the circle or whatever and goes to see Shimmy.
[00:40:25] Speaker A: Okay, so you just go back into the place.
[00:40:29] Speaker B: All right, that's what I'm gonna do.
[00:40:32] Speaker D: I'll go with Will, but more than a few paces behind.
[00:40:37] Speaker B: As my husband should.
[00:40:44] Speaker D: Crawling behind on my knees.
[00:40:48] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:40:50] Speaker A: Okay.
Yeah. So you guys go back to the meeting hall to see my Shimmy still inside.
And you guys go in, and the hall is empty.
And we're gonna find out what happens. Next time on Pork Fried Dice.
[00:41:14] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:41:17] Speaker E: Oh, and Shimi was supposed to be in there.
[00:41:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:41:23] Speaker A: Sent him in to see what those kids were doing scurrying in afterwards if there was something weird or not.
[00:41:30] Speaker D: Oh, the final sacrifice.
[00:41:34] Speaker E: Oh, no.
[00:41:34] Speaker B: I'm gonna burn this whole forest down.
[00:41:37] Speaker E: Some temple of doom. Now.
[00:41:42] Speaker B: He'S just gone.
[00:41:44] Speaker A: Am I not allowed to say that?
[00:41:45] Speaker B: Are there other doors in this?
[00:41:49] Speaker A: There is a door between the legs of the.
The sculpture. The dragon.
Carved dragon sculpture.
[00:41:57] Speaker B: That's the only other door.
[00:41:59] Speaker A: Your hosts had gone through those doors and come back with the food when you guys were eating in there.
[00:42:05] Speaker C: Okay, got it.
[00:42:06] Speaker A: So, yeah, it's not like a locked room scenario with, I guess, without exploring through those doors first.
[00:42:14] Speaker B: Oh, well, maybe Shimi's just cooking or something.
[00:42:16] Speaker A: There's only one.
There's only one door to the outside, and that's the one you came through.
[00:42:23] Speaker B: Shimmy's God. Now I have to decide. Okay.
I want to keep playing. Okay.
Who do.
[00:42:30] Speaker E: Who do we save?
[00:42:31] Speaker D: I know you can only pick one.
[00:42:33] Speaker B: Of them, you know, but, like, I'm seeing, like, she. I know she. Me too. So, like, Will's immediate thought is like, what the. Like, maybe a little like, oh, no. But also, like, Shimi does this. Like, he. He has gone off and stolen things before in towns. Like, he does stuff. And I didn't specifically say go and only do this. I said, like, hey, you're a kid. Hang out and see what's going on.
[00:42:57] Speaker D: With those kids growing up. He's got to go have his own experiences to the main lodging room. He's got to become the main sacrifice. You know, it's all part of coming of age. Coming of age?
[00:43:10] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:43:11] Speaker D: Gotta have these experiences.
[00:43:13] Speaker E: You know, that's my favorite part of Catcher in the Rye. It's when Holden Caulfield becomes the final sacrifice of a cult.
And he's like, any. And he finally, when he is escaping, he's like, you're all a bunch of phonies.
[00:43:24] Speaker B: Yep. Yeah.
[00:43:25] Speaker C: After becoming a flea.
[00:43:32] Speaker E: What the did we do?
[00:43:33] Speaker B: I don't know.
That was so weird.
[00:43:36] Speaker C: I love that there was a flea army or battle.
[00:43:40] Speaker B: But see, what I got from that was that if Roscoe, like, apparently Roscoe can communicate with other animals that are similar to him as an animal and could potentially raise any kind of army as an animal if he wanted to.
[00:43:54] Speaker A: If he's got enough charisma, the precedent is set.
[00:43:58] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:43:59] Speaker A: You at least know he has enough charisma to win over fleas.
[00:44:02] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:44:05] Speaker D: So I think this whole campaign, you're just. You're gonna raise a bunch of different animal armies, and then they're gonna come.
[00:44:11] Speaker E: Together in the battle.
[00:44:12] Speaker A: They're all gonna form into one mega Man.
[00:44:18] Speaker C: Like a CGI going on here. Yeah.
[00:44:21] Speaker D: Giant, Giant flesh robot.
[00:44:23] Speaker E: That's amazing.
[00:44:24] Speaker A: Each part is different animals.
[00:44:27] Speaker C: I think you mean exoskeleton robot.
[00:44:30] Speaker A: He has a ferret leg.
His left pinky toenail is the fleas.
[00:44:36] Speaker E: This is horrific.
[00:44:38] Speaker B: Yeah, it's very scary.
[00:44:40] Speaker C: Good job, guys. High five.
[00:44:43] Speaker E: Hives all around.
[00:44:44] Speaker B: Yay.
[00:44:50] Speaker A: Hey, everyone, if you like what you hear, please leave us a kind review wherever you listen to us. Also, consider supporting us by subscribing to us on kofi at tinyurl. Com supportpfd where you can gain access to lots of exclusive treats and behind the scenes goodies. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time.
